The next morning, I woke up without Jiyong next to me. I then went down stairs and found Jiyong passed out on the couch. He was still in yesterday’s clothes and he still had his shoes on. I then walked over to him where he laid. I then slowly started to take off his shoes trying not to wake him. I was successful and placed his shoes on the floor. I then got up and walked passed him as he then grabbed a hold of my arm.

“Where’d you go yesterday?” he asked.

“Nowhere, I just came home.” I replied trying not to upset him.

“Good. Now come here.” He then pulled me down to lay next to him.

I then pushed away, “Jiyong, Stop it! You still smell like alcohol and cigarettes. Go wash up for breakfast.” I then got up and walked to the kitchen. While starting to prepare breakfast, he went upstairs to take a quick shower.

While making some eggs, Jiyong came down stairs shirtless with his boxers on and his towel around his neck; he came behind me and held me. He then started to tell me how great the food smelled. He then kissed the side of my neck and then he started to set the table.

We then began to eat as I just stared at him eating. I remember just staring at him thinking to myself of how great this moment felt; but I knew this feeling wasn’t going to last long. This was a routine that I knew too well. Right now he’s just kissing for what he did yesterday. He’s well aware of what he did but he’s trying to avoid the conversation. And it’s sad because I don’t bring up the subject myself because I want this great feeling to last as long as it can.

“So what are you doing today?” He asked me.

“I don’t know. Probably just stay home the way I do every day,” I replied. “What about you?”

“Ummm… not much. I have to head out to work in a bit to finish up on a project.” He replied.

I then quickly looked up at him, “Again? When are you coming home?” I asked.

“I don’t know might be late. Gosh, I have to get bills paid around here.” He answered defensively again.

Not trying to start a fight, I agreed. “Ok. Just come home as soon as you can.”

“Yeah, I’ll try. But don’t wait up for me.” He said.

He then finished his breakfast and ran upstairs to change. Once again, I was left at the kitchen table alone. I then got up and started to clear the table. I started washing dishes as he came back down stairs dressed for work. He walked up to me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek and rushed out the door.

I finished washing the dishes as I went out to my front yard and began to water my flowers. I was watering my flowers and was lost in the moment that I didn’t hear Taeyang walking behind me.

He poked me. I then jumped and turned around and saw him. I then quickly took the water hose and watered him.

“Stop creeping up on me” I joked.

“Not my fault. You shouldn’t be day dreaming and not know how long a person has been standing here waiting for you to notice him.” He replied.

I just smiled and finished up watering my flowers.

We both then went inside my house as I got him a glass of water.

“So, what brings you by?” I asked while handing him his water.

“Nothing; I was just in the neighborhood. Thought I’d drop by to see how you’re doing. That’s all.” He said.

“Oh, I’m good. Just chillin’.” I replied while looking away.

(click on link before continuing) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YCJW3twAZU

“Well, why don’t we do something today? Let’s go to the carnival in town. Say you’ll go?” he begged.

“You know what, that sounds like an awesome idea. Let’s go.” I agreed.

We both then got in our own cars and drove off as I followed him.

We finally reached the carnival and started to walk around. We played games and rode on rides; acting like children. It was such a freeing feeling to be able to go out and let loose.

Noon came around as we were getting tired.

“Did you want to grab some lunch?” Taeyang asked while fixing my hair placing it behind my ear.

Feeling a bit awkward, I replied, “Ummm… its ok. I should be heading back home now.”

“Okay. I respect that.” He said while walking me back to my car. He then stood by me until I got in my car.

“I’ll see you around.” He said as I just smiled and drove off.

 I finally got home, changed into my PJ’s and put in a movie to watch to keep myself company. I got a little hungry so I got up and walked to my kitchen to make me a snack; to be specific, I poured myself a bowl of cereal. I then walked back to the couch and sat down. Right when I scooped a big spoonful of cereal in my mouth, there was knocking at my door. With my mouth full and quickly chewing, I walked over to my door and opened it. There he stood.

(click on link before continuing) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ID8nzrH-f0

Choking, I said, “Taeyang. What are you doing here?”

He started to laugh and replied, “Apparently, to save you from choking. Are you ok?” We both then laughed.

“Seriously, what’s up?” I asked again.

He then pulled out a bag and with the biggest most adorable smile, he said, “Since you wouldn’t go to lunch with me, I’m bringing you dinner.” He invited himself into my house and sets the food on the coffee table where my bowl of cereal sat. I just smiled and closed the door behind him.

“Looks like I came at the right time. I can see you were getting hungry yourself.” He said pointing at my bowl of cereal.

Embarrassed, I just smiled and sat down on the couch across from him with the coffee table between us. He then began to take the food out of the bags as I just, once again, stared at him watching his every move. He then walked over to my kitchen and yelled out,

“I hope you like Chinese food… Where do you keep your plates and forks?”

Amazed, I replied, “On the top cupboard.”

“I can’t find them.” He says.

I then got up and walked over to where he was and I opened the top cupboard as I started reaching up to grab plates. While reaching, he pokes my stomach. I then jumped and looked at him. He then holds up two plates and two forks and said,

“I knew where they were. I just wanted to do that.” He then walks back to the couch.

Knowing that whatever was happening right now was not right, I followed him back to the couch. I had to stay away from him. I couldn’t be close to him. I couldn’t sit next to him. This just wasn’t feeling right…

We then began to eat. We ate and talked the whole night. While he was talking to me, all I remember doing while looking at him talk was thinking about Jiyong and myself. I haven’t sat down and had a meaningful conversation with Jiyong for the longest time and once again, this feeling was so good. I missed this. I forgot how good this feeling could be.

“… so what do you think? Cris?...” Taeyang asked. “You seem lost. What’s bothering you? Sorry if I kept talking…”

“Oh, no it’s nothing. Just thinking, that’s all.” I replied while looking at my food and began picking at it.’

“Are you sure? I bet I can guess what’s bothering you?” He replied. I just looked up at him and smiled a little smile waiting for his guess.

“Hmmm… let’s see… you’re thinking about your boyfriend. And you don’t think what we’re doing here now is right…” he said.

I just stared at him.

“So, am I right?” he questioned.

“Half. I am thinking about Jiyong, but not about that. I’m thinking about how we haven’t sat down and did this in the longest time. I can’t even remember the last time we even did this.” I said. “Sorry, I don’t know why I even told you.” I then began to clean the mess on the table as Taeyang then grabbed my hand and said, “Cris. It’s ok. I’m pretty sure you guys are busy and it is very hard to find time for times like these.” He explained, “Plus, even though we just met, I feel close to you. I feel like we’ve known each other for a long time. I’m comfortable around you… Well, would it be better if told you a little about my life too?” I then looked up at him as he let go of my hand and walked over to sit next to me.

“Remember the day we first met?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course.” I replied.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve been curious as to why I was out in the rain like that.” The room then got quiet. So quiet you can hear a pin drop.

“Well,” he continued. “I’m in love, well, was in love. That day would’ve been my girlfriend and I’s fifth year anniversary of being together. But she passed away. And every year since then during this time, it’s really hard for me to grasp the concept of not having her in my life. I’m sure that she wants me to be happy. And that day… that day… I made a decision of ending my life. I told myself earlier that morning that I will take a walk and wherever and whenever I wanted to end it, I would. And if love was on my side and if I found a reason to love again, I will take that chance of fate and I will not let it go.” He then looked straight into my eyes. “I don’t want to take love for granted.” He continued to stare. “Remember what I was telling you about love? Love hurt me involuntarily.”

Not knowing where to look, I just put my head down and looked at my fingers.

“Cris, I don’t want to scare you away but I really want you to know that I want you.

(click on link before continuing) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfEs_OS0Uhc

We met for a reason. You saved my life. I was walking in the rain for more than six hours and not one person approached me or even offered me an umbrella for goodness sakes.” He explained.

“Taeyang… I don’t know how to respond to that. I have a boyfriend and we love each other very much. No one knows me and understands me the way he does. He’s been there for me and we’ve been through a lot. Maybe I was meant to save your life so that you can find someone in the future.” I tried to explain.

“Cris. Do you really believe what you’re saying? I see the way you look when you talk about him. He’s never here for you. Have you ever thought that maybe he’s not ‘your one’.” He replied.

Deep inside, I knew Taeyang was right. I loved Jiyong, but I knew our love was fading away. But I didn’t want to believe it. I especially did not want to express it to Taeyang, not at this very moment. I’ve had these thoughts in my head of wondering if Jiyong is ‘the one’ for me. He’s been treating me so bad. He says things to me that I never dreamt he would ever say to me. This is not love. I held on to Jiyong because he was all I knew. Or maybe Jiyong really does love me and Taeyang is just here to confuse me and my feelings.

“I’m right, right? Just one chance. That’s all I’m asking of you. I will offer you the world if you were mine.” He continued as I just sat in silence. “I know why you were crying the other night when I found you on the street. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what was going on. I know he hurt you. I may not know what he did and it doesn’t matter, but I’m smart enough to know that he hurt you. Jiyong hurt you voluntarily; that’s something I will never do. Cris---“ he continued as I stopped him.

Softly I began to cry, “Stop Youngbae. Just stop. I’m so confused. I don’t want a broken heart at the end of all of this.”

“Your heart is already breaking staying with Jiyong,” he then took a breath and continued, “We will never know how our love story will end if we don’t give it a chance. Don’t settle for less. You’re a great woman and you deserve to be treated like a queen.”

“I love him Youngbae.” I cried.

“I never doubted that you loved him. I know you will love him. He’s your boyfriend for a few years now,” he said. “Look Cris, all I’m saying here is that I will love you and treat you with the up most respect. I’ll leave the decision for you to make. You know where to find me.” He then leaned over and kissed me on my forehead. He got up and walked to my door and left.

Alone, I sat in my home thinking about all that just happened. I’m so confused. I just sat there on my couch and cried myself to sleep.