Broken, Shattered Oblivion
Description
Jiyong was the type to change things until they were the way he wanted them to be. Shatter them. Patiently fix the broken pieces. Till they were the way he wanted them to be.
"Broken glass can never reflect pure light perfectly again, like before it was shattered. It's impossible to repair something broken. You can fix it but you'll always be able to see the cracks. Always."
I've always known that something was wrong. Something I couldn't figure out. No, that's wrong. Something I'd rather not admit to myself.
When did all of this start? He probably knew. No. He couldn't have. He didn't knew anything way back, I didn't even knew. But then again...
He wouldn't be the Kwon Jiyong I knew if he didn't.
Maybe... Maybe he really didn't know. Does it matter? No. The outcome would always be the same.
~~~
Foreword
The familiar look in his eyes, the way kept smiling while slowly walking towards me... It made me want to throw up. It also made my heart skip a beat.
Please stop this.
I should've run when he told me to leave first. When he sweetly told me he was really alright on his own, waving so cutely as he tried to look fine, I knew he was faking it.
He knew that I knew. I knew it, damn it. But it still made me stay, unable to move. How was I supposed to leave him? I couldn't walk, hell, I couldn't even remember how to breathe when he looked at me like that.
A sickeningly sweet smile on his lips made my heart flutter, it really shouldn't. He looked so innocent, so genuinely happy as he thanked me for staying with him. I blushed lightly, cursing softly because he affected me so much while I knew he faked all of it. I saw the twisted, dark look in his eyes. He wasn't even trying to hide it. Who was he trying to fool? Telling me it's alright to leave...
He knew I wouldn't. He ing knew I couldn't.
The sweet smile, the soft words of gratitude, the contradicting look in his eyes... it made me sick, I wanted to throw up so badly... I wanted him to stop. But I knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't stop doing what he loved to do; screwing with my head. He was a genius in it. Always giving the sweet illusion of having a choice, like I was being able to choose what I wanted to do, like I was able to make decisions on my own... don't screw with me. There are no options.
I could only do whatever he wanted me to do because he knew. He always knew what I would do. He always knew. Before I even knew myself.
I don't know how he does it. It freaks me out. It makes me go crazy. Like I'm not myself anymore. But it also makes me feel a little special. Knowing that he knows me so well... He knows me better than I do. It makes my sick heart skips a beat. It really shouldn't.
Thinking back, there's never been a time I had a choice when it involved him. It all just happened. Because he wanted it to happen that way. And I didn't go against him.
He always knew what to say and how to look to get under my skin. To get me to realize I wanted to choose the option he already choose for me. He enjoyed it. No. He simply loved it. That sickening little game he kept playing, adding unwritten rules as time passed... I still don't understand. I wish he stopped. No. That's not true. I don't know what I want. I never knew.
It was always him deciding things after all.
I hate myself during these moments of weakness. He absolutely loved them. I knew, I ing knew he was playing with me, I knew... but why was it so hard to resist? To say "No"? Why couldn't I just- Stop. Don't think about it. Because if you will... .. Things will change. And you won't be able to turn back.
After all, it's impossible to completely repair something broken. You can try to fix it but you'll always be able to see the cracks. Always.
I've always known that something was wrong. Something I couldn't figure out. No, that's wrong. Something I'd rather not admit to myself.
When did all of this start? He probably knew. No. He couldn't have. He didn't knew anything way back, I didn't even knew. But then again...
He wouldn't be the Kwon Jiyong I knew if he didn't.
Without noticing when or how he suddenly stood in front of me. Leaning in a little closer, stay away, no, don't come closer... He whispered the same words over and over again. "Ahh, my sweet little Seungri" I wanted him to stop. I didn't want to hear him say my name like that. It made my heart beat too fast, it drove me crazy. It sounded so wrong yet so good but I loved the way he pronounced my name. I wish he said my real name. I loved the way the syllables sounded, how his voice sounded when he said my name. Over and over again. It sent shivers down my spine. He knows that. He always knows...
I wanted to yell at him, scream that he should stop messing with my head. With me. But I couldn't.
I was mesmerized by his eyes, losing myself slowly in the dark brown orbs that kept staring at me. My heart fluttered everytime I heard his soft but slightly dangerous whispers and I was intoxicated the faint smell of his shampoo... Jiyong...
Only a few more inches and he would be too close, No, not close enough... His dark brown eyes kept me hypnotized, taking away all my thoughts. I should run. Everything in my mind screamed I should run. This was different from before. Another level of the game. I didn't knew the rules yet.
"Run, run before something breaks and it's too late" My mind, the still sane part screamed. But I couldn't. His demanding eyes kept me from doing anything. A small smile played on his lips. "Run".
My knees almost gave out when I saw his hand slowly moving to my face, almost hesitant. Like he was mocking me, wanting me to stop him before he could do something. Like I had the choice to do so. Like I could even move away from him.
My stomach almost turned around as I saw that look in his eyes again. Not again. Please.
When did I first notice that strange gaze?... When did things change? He used to look at me differently in the past. Maybe he didn't. Back then he seemed calmer, less focused on this sick, confusing game.
I don't know what happened. I wish I did. No. I wish I'll never find out. Maybe time changed him. Maybe I did...
I close my eyes, thinking back, thinking about when all of this could have started. I can't seem to remember. My mind has becoming hazier and hazier the past months. I should be worried. Right?... I should.
Maybe the change never really happened, maybe all this wasn't his fault... Maybe it's mine. But he's the one with the answers. No. You also know.
Maybe... Maybe he really didn't know. Does it matter? No. The outcome would always be the same.
Because Kwon Jiyong was the type to change things until they were the way he wanted them to be. Break them, smash, crush, shatter in thousand pieces. Without hesitation. Aiming at the weak spots before completely destroying. And then he would slowly, carefully, patiently fix them. Till they were the way he wanted them to be.
Thank you for reading my story, I hope you like it so far. Please share your thoughts with me, it helps and motivates me a lot :)
Also I'm not a fast updater so I apologize in advance.
For those who are curious; the pairing is Gri but there'll be some lightGDYB moments later in the story.
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