Did it mean nothing to him? No. Did it mean nothing to me? I was too proud to admit that worry and anxiousness grew in my heart as days slowly passed.

I always felt like Jiyong acted a little... different.. around me. I don't know exactly why, it just felt that way. It's always been like that, ever since the beginning. But lately the feeling got stronger. A little worrying. Yet somehow a little comforting. But then again, I didn't know. Maybe I just wanted him to be different.

No, it can't be just my imagination. Something felt wrong, always worrying me unconsciously. It's been there for the past year, the slightly nauseous, alerting feeling whenever he came close. Too close. But that time had been different. It wasn't my imagination, I simply forgot how to move because fear had paralyzed my legs, spreading like poison through my body.

Those eyes.

The way he looked at me had me frozen on the spot, unable to even breath for a moment. I used to like seeing his eyes. His dark yet warm, soothing brown eyes always reflected a certain kind of kindness, something so gentle it made me feel like I could really trust him. I loved looking in his eyes, getting lost their soft reflection.

But everything I once saw in them was gone now. They seemed so strange, so wrong? Sickening. Almost disturbing.

It happened so fast, I just saw a flash of it, right before he walked away. But it was enough to notice. Just for a second I felt like I almost knew, knew what he had kept hidden all these years. Just a second longer and I might've found out. I felt my breath hitching. It was just a second... but the fear it caused took so much longer to fade.

When he finally left the room I mindlessly slumped to the wall, collapsing as my knees finally gave out. I just sat there, breathing, trying not to lose myself in the midst of this confusion. My painfully fast beating heart warned me. My subconsciousness whispered soft warnings which I didn't understood at the time 

"Escape..., run, don't let him come closer... run, before he catches up with you, before it's too late."

Why am I acting like this? My breath hitched again as I remember his cold expression. I act like I just escaped a life threatening situation. Why? This is crazy, what is going on? . I shouldn't act like this. It's just Jiyong, the beloved leader of BigBang. Just the Jiyong I've known for years. Just... Jiyong. 

But then again, Jiyong always seemed to be a little different from others. His behaviour has always been a little extreme, this shouldn't be anything new right? But why does this feel so wrong? Why am I feeling 

Fear and confusion finally caught up with me, slowly eating away parts of my sanity . It took all my self-control I had just to keep breathing. Stop. Don't think, don't remember anything. Just... breathe. I grabbed my hair in desperation and banged it against the wall, hard. Again, it's not enough, I can still remember... those memories..

A soft, familiar voice filled my head. A nauseating feeling shot through me as I heard the voice whisper those sickening words; "Ne, Seungri… what do you think? If something is br-"

Stop it! I shake my head violently, trying to deny the memory. Don't let those memories come back, never again. Let things from the past in the past, block out every bad memory till everything disappears... Too immersed in the confusion of hazy memories and incomprehension, it took me a full minute to finally realize there were tears falling down my cheek. W-why am I crying? What happened back then?.. Another fragment tries to invade my thoughts and without knowing why exactly, I mentally broke down.

I finally cracked under the pressure I didn't even know existed. Anxiousness and doubt filled my heart since that moment and a heavy feeling of betrayal casted a shadow on my mind. Something went horribly wrong in the past but I couldn't remember what exactly. Even so, I felt something inside of me cracked for good, on that forgotten day.

“Once broken, it can never go back to the way it was before. But then again, things don't brake that easily.
The cracks always come first, before something completely shatters.”

  ~       ~       ~      ~      ~

After that day I tried to keep myself together. I almost managed to convince myself that everything was alright. I was doing relatively well. I just had to force myself not to remember anything and everything was perfect. I could almost believe it. Almost.
Even though I somehow regained my smile, deep down I knew better. Something was wrong, so wrong... And that day I caught a short glimpse of it. Like a forebode. A warning. I was terrified to find out more. But I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He never did. And even though it shouldn't, the thought comforted me.

Keeping up the act was tougher than I expected. Whenever he looked in my direction my heart would clench. I couldn't sleep at night. I couldn't eat, feeling too stressed or tired. My mind couldn't keep up with my feelings. And when I thought I finally couldn't take it anymore, he approached me. Of course his timing was perfect, as always. A little too perfect....

I didn't even notice him entering at first, too engrossed with the difficult choreography I was rehearsing. Dancing was the only way to get through the day, it was my only way to escape the endless worryies and anxiousness for even a moment. I needed it, that safe heaven. At the time I wished I'd never had to stop dancing, wishing that I was able to stay in my own safe world forever.

But the flow of time wouldn't let me. The cruel reality always catches up with you.

I saw that strange look in his eyes again as he quietly locked the door behind him. The nagging voice in my head warned me for something I didn't understood. I knew I shouldn't be alone with him, not after what happened last time. But when I saw his trademark smile my heart started to beat a tad too fast, wishing for something I didn't understand.
It confused me. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Run away or stay here?

Not that it mattered what I wanted, it was already too late to turn back at this point. I was already too deep in.

Problem was that I didn't knew that myself at the time...

So this is it for the 1st chapter :) I hope you liked it and please look forward to the next one, I'm already working on it ^^

For those who are curious; Jiyong is the leader of the dance crew BigBang and the members are all there, not as idols but as dancers.
YG is still their boss and the main focus will be on Seungri, Jiyong and maybe later YoungBae,
though I might add TOP and Daesung to the story later on :)