I'm sorry it took so long to update, I haven't felt like writing at all lately so it's a little difficult.
I'm sorry for those who like the story. Please bear with me a little longer, I hope I'll get my inspiration back soon.
 

~ [Flashback Seungri has while he's unconscious] ~

I always knew Jiyong was different from me, from others. He always has been like that. Carefully planning everything, making sure everything was to his wishes. Sometimes he would look absentmindedly in the distance, mumbling soft words I couldn't understand.

Whenever I saw him like that I would silently walk away, not sure what would happen if I were to disturb him. The way he looked worried me a little, wondering me what he was thinking about.

He always would act like that before something big would happen.

Perhaps one could see it as talent. Being driven by a goal and never giving up, never comprising, never giving up. Always fighting to reach his goal, no matter what. Not hesitant to crush, shatter or hurt things in the process, if necessary. It didn't matter what it took to obtain what he wanted, as long as he would get it in the end.

Usually he used that drive for the best. Like when we weren't seriously practicing and an important show was coming closer. He would scold us harshly, telling we should just get the hell out of here if we weren't planning on working. That he wouldn't mind replacing us because 'clearly we didn't care'. He would question our motive to be here, question if we really shared the same dream.

Moments like that were rare. It almost never happened. Because all of us knew when we pushed him too far. We could see it in his eyes, in the way he moved. All of us would suddenly fall silent if we felt we touched the boundaries. All of us would obediently follow his instructions and stay silent. Because no one could deal with Jiyong once he snapped.

When he snapped he completely changed. Almost as if he became an other person. The way he would look at us made us wince. Dark eyes filled with loathing. Disappointment. Anger. Disgust. Incomprehension. Sadness. Regret. It made us feel like we weren't worthy of him, we felt like he regretted choosing us for his dance crew.

On days like that no one dared to talk to him. Something warned us we shouldn't. Warned us something bad would happen if we did.

He was different from others. From us. Me. He didn't feel pity when he broke or crushed something. Someone. Guilt or regret were rare emotions for him, I discovered that quickly. It was something he wasn't very familiar with. He lived and acted the way he wanted, not caring about others. Except for us, sometimes.

But still, he would get his way, no matter what. Breaking something in order to get closer to that goal wasn't necessarily bad in his eyes. While most people wouldn't feel that way, he did.

His drive to succeed, to strive after his dreams and ideals were so strong it felt almost inhuman. Sometimes I wondered how he could think the way he did. Even though that mindset helped us countless times it also worried me. It wasn't normal, wasn't right to think and act that way.

I knew I was more sensitive to it than the others, perhaps being the maknae was partly to blame for that. But I knew I wasn't the only one who felt like that.

I once overheard a conversation between Top and Daesung, murmuring words of regret and worry when earlier that day Jiyong snapped at us during practice. I couldn't hear everything but I heard sadness, guilt but mostly worry about Jiyongs reactions. I wasn't the only one who was worried. Who noticed the extreme change.

Even though we feared that side of him so much, we had nothing but respect for our leader Jiyong. Perhaps that's why we accepted his harsh scolding, even though his cruel, harsh words stabbed us in the hearts and the way he looked at us made us wince, we couldn't go against him. Because deep down we knew he was right. He always was.

When we slacked off or didn't perform perfectly he was the one who would suffer from the harsh criticism. He was the one who had to bow down and apologize in our name. YG would get mad at him, blame him for not being able to handle, control and support us as a real leader.

Somewhere along the way he took all the burdens on himself. We couldn't help him even if we tried, it was the burden a leader has to bear. We all knew he suffered way more from it than he showed. The way he looked sometimes broke our hearts, guilt and regret spreading in our hearts., because we knew we were the cause of it. We knew we were the ones who caused our leader all the pain yet we couldn't help him. So the least we could do was nod regretfully when he screamed at us, yelling with tears in his eyes that we were worthless, cursing at out incompetence, at our mistakes.

Because he loved dancing and our crew more than any of us, it could also hurt him more than it could any of us.

We all knew no one worked harder or with more passion for our crew than he did. And we all deeply respected that side of him. So we just tried to shrug moments like that off, trying harder not to screw up so there wouldn't be a next time.

But something inside of me couldn't handle the way he acted. I always felt like there was more to him than we saw. Lately I've started to wonder what would happen if one day our gentle and hard working leader wouldn't come back after a rage fit. Sometimes I was scared he wouldn't come back. What if he stayed that way?
I felt crazy thinking like that, questioning my sanity, but something inside of me couldn't let go of the idea, what if the crazy, almost obsessively driven Jiyong we saw those rare moments would take over one day?

I tried to shrug the idea off but it always burned in the back of my head. The idea felt silly and unlikely but it also scared me at the same time. As time passed I caught myself thinking like that oftener, whenever he snapped at us I inwardly cringed, praying silently it would be over soon. Because the Jiyong at those moments scared me more than anything else.

~      ~      ~       ~       ~       ~

“Ne Seungri... What do you think? If something is broken by someone, is that person the one to blame?”

How does he even come up with questions like that? Without looking up from breakfast I answer honestly “I think it's the fault of the person breaking that 'something' of course. If he or she wouldn't have been there it wouldn't have broken in the first place. So yeah, the person who breaks it is to blame... don't you agree?”

Silence.

A soft scowl fills the silent room. I knew he wasn't satisfied with my answer. It was simple, something to be expected, too normal. I looked up from breakfast when I felt a burning stare and saw him looking at me intently. His eyes were slightly squinted and a hint of disapproval and irritation could be heard in the following sigh. He kept staring at me even after I stopped paying him attention.

I shrugged it off as Jiyong being Jiyong.

“Hyung? I take that as no?.. Why don't agree with me?” I asked hesitantly, a little afraid of the answer.

“I think it's mainly the fault of the thing breaking, if it would've been stronger it wouldn't have broken in the first place, no matter if that person was there or not. That someone seems more like just a final factor for actually breaking it, but not guilty of the fact that it broke. Because who says it wouldn't have broken anyway? I think something that weak deserves to be broken, it would eventually do so, so why would it matter if one only fastened the process? Is that wrong? If something is destined to break anyway, why would the one who breaks it be the sinner?... Do you see my point, Seungri?” his calm voice sounded so wrong, misplaced, nauseating.

Without looking at him I mumbled something about having to get changed and got up, quickly walking away, wanting to get away from him as soon as possible.

His words echoed in my head, and slowly their meaning dawned on me. I felt my stomach turning around as my heart was beating like crazy. I had to run towards the bathroom, barely reaching it in in time before my stomach couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't think, couldn't breath, his words sickening me to the point I couldn't ignore them anymore.

Fighting for air I coughed, rasping my throat in the process. I felt my body turning cold on the bathroom floor but I couldn't care less. Shaking and with tears streaming down my face I finally realized what he really meant. Another sickeningly wave of realization ran through me as I felt fear creeping closer, finally fully understanding his words.

He wasn't talking about objects anymore.

Thank you for reading the 3rd chapter, I hope you liked it. I hope to be able to upload the next chapter sooner but I can't promise anytyhing.
I'm thinking of wirting the next chapter from Jiyong's or Youngbae's point of view, do you have a preference?
Let me know and I'll take it in consideration :)