The ever so familiar vibrating of your phone against the bedside table was what caused you to wake up after your mid-day nap. So far you had a rather relaxing day which was spent in bed for the majority of it. Lately home didn’t feel like such a relaxing place anymore, and you forced yourself to find time to relax due to the constant feeling of paranoia. No matter where you went it felt like eyes were on you. Someone, somewhere out there, was judging and following your every move. It felt like you were a celebrity, but in the darkest of ways. Initially it had only been when you went out, namely at work. Work was where you felt it the most but then there was an actual sense of validity to your accusations. Customers watched you, your cohorts watched you and most importantly your boss watched you. Home was your sanctuary, but not anymore. Maybe it had been ever since your neighbour moved away a few months back. No one had ever moved in to replace him, but the apartment was actively being rented out. Just passing by the abandoned apartment had chills running up your spine. But the paranoia started to follow you home. Even though it was your house, and even though you could have looked through every nook and cranny to find another person you couldn’t seem to find that second set of eyes that was constantly on your back.

The sensation of this second person followed you to the bedroom. You became completely self-conscious about every little thing that you did. Not in order to avoid judgement, sadly this was a fact of life you could not avoid, but you were terrified for your safety! At night you’d do a second sweep of your apartment. Doors, windows, anything, everything had to be locked. You absolutely had to be alone before you felt comfortable enough to crawl into your sheets. At night you couldn’t sleep, you dreamt of the eyes. You tried to escape so desperately that you’d wake up in a cold sweat at three in the morning. Every day, it was becoming a routine. Albeit the times would change from night to night, the fear only got worse. The fact that you couldn’t shake this thing left you absolutely petrified. There was no such thing as ghosts. Sure, you told yourself that… but you weren’t sure you believed it anymore. What could terrify you to this point? What haunted you quite like this? There was nothing human to this situation, so you started to turn to the supernatural. Now there was no need to explain it, because there was no way to explain it. The supernatural was always going to be something out of our grasps. The moment we think we have a hold on it, like a ghost it will slip through our fingers. Like the air, we have no tangible hold on it which allows us to surrender ourselves to it and accept it as a sceptical reality. Like many others, you decided to let yourself believe, even if it was just to sooth your own rattled desires, that it was just a ghost, something incorporeal paying you an unwelcomed visit.

The lack of sleep you had had overnight had warranted the need for a nap. Sadly, you had a consistent inability to nap that had plagued you over your college years because classes were tiring and naps were most people’s saviours. Just as you were slipping into the peaceful land of sleep, your phone vibrated against your wooden night stand. No. You were going to ignore it. But then you realized the ring was short which could have made it either an easy notification or a text. Sighing, your arm flopped onto the bed side table and you blindly d around until you felt the cold metal of your phone press against your palm. Reluctantly you lifted your phone over your head, holding onto it extra tightly so that it wouldn’t slip between your fingers and crash on your face. Squinting against the harsh light of your phone in the dark room, it took a moment for your eyes to adjust to the screen. Kwon Ji Yong’s name popped up with a short text underneath.

Are you okay? I’m worried about you…

It was sweet, and having company might actually fix the problem. Sure, he had rubbed you the wrong way some times, but ever since that night at work a while back he hadn’t bothered you ever again. Maybe his puppy love moved onto another girl, and that was okay. Lately there had been rumours with Japanese model Kiko Mizuhara, and you were more than supportive of the idea because in your eyes they’d be awful cute together. Smiling to yourself, you decided that maybe instead of pushing people away that it was time to let them in and surround yourself by people who loved you most. Unlocking your phone and texting him a quick return text, you invited him for a little coffee break at your place. He promised to bring sweets too, what more could a girl ask for in a friend?

Changing into a pair of comfortable sweat pants and tying your hair up, you went and answered the door promptly as your guest arrived. Smiling as you let him in, you realized you were awkwardly underdressed for a casual friend hang out. Maybe you were not as close as you had originally perceived? He looked so clean cut, yet he smiled at you like baggy sweat pants and no makeup was totally okay. Letting himself in he took off his shoes as though he had been there so many times and let himself get comfortable. “You look cute! Were you asleep when I texted you? I’m sorry.”

Gulping you smiled and hid any anxieties you had. “No it’s all good; I’m going to get the coffee! How do you like yours?” You shuffled into the kitchen; trying to make sure you didn’t trip over your hem and cause a ruckus. The guy was still a celebrity and although you weren’t completely smitten you did still want to make a good impression. There was always an air of superiority to celebrities, even though they tried to seem down to earth. Their lives were so changed that there was no way that they could possibly act like a normal person.

“Black.”

Like a man. You couldn’t help but think that but although he wasn’t the buffest guy around, Kwon Jiyong exuded an aura of manliness that no one else in a room could compete with, that you noticed at least. Sure he had that bashful smile and boyish smile, but when he was quiet and pensive he was so manly in his own way. Captivating was the only sufficient way to describe it.

Taking a seat next to him, something felt completely displaced. The juxtaposition between normalcy and celebrity power was just too great in a moment like this. But it was your house and for once you didn’t feel that anyone was watching or judging you. Relaxation washed over you like a tidal wave and you couldn’t help but just sink into the comfort of the plush sofa as the idol turned to face you. He clicked his tongue softly as he cupped a cheek with his hand, running his slender thumbs down your eye bags. “What’s going on Olivia? You look like you haven’t gotten proper sleep in months.” There were little wrinkles in between his coiffed eyebrows as he showed his concern for you. The man didn’t even pay attention to his coffee! You had been so wrong for ever doubting him, you were quite sure of it; especially since you were feeling so relaxed around him.

“Just a lot of personal , it’s nothing important.” You said with a soft smile, resting your head in his hand slightly before sitting up. “What about you? How have you been? You’re in gossip columns quite a bit lately.” You teased as you nudged him slightly with your leg. Jiyong’s reaction had been so cute, nothing like the confident performer he seemed. He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down to the side bashfully, before picking up his cup and mumbling out that he was fine. The laughter that ensued was too hard not to contain. Your heart had been calmed, and you felt more relaxed than you had in months. This had been exactly what you needed. Human interaction. It was pivotal and you had forgotten that from your embarrassment of being so paranoid. Paranoia, which was oddly taboo although it was just a by-product of anxiety and fear, was treated like a mental sickness and usually rejected as some sort of craziness that is self-induced. No one needed to know what was going on in your head.

“But seriously Olivia, you really look like you’ve been sick, have you been okay? Is there anything I can do for you? I’m worried about you… If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.”

The sincerity hurt and you could only realize what your closer friends thought. You had pushed so many people away out of fear that someone would find you strange for what you were thinking. “You know Jiyong-ss…” He glared at you and immediately you corrected yourself, “oppa.” Obviously much better. “I feel a lot better having you here.” You admitted with a soft smile, pulling your knees up and hugging your legs. A soft, appreciative and genuine smile twitched your tired muscles into a smile, no matter how tired you were this was the truth and you weren’t going to change that now. “Thanks a lot for coming over Jiyong, you really don’t know what that means to me.”

He smiled and leaned over, ruffling your hair. “How about we watch a movie or something to pass the time? You look tired. Maybe you can sleep.” Smiling sleepily, you got up to put a DVD but you were stopped and he took care of it for you. He picked something that, if ultimately you fell asleep, he’d still be fine to continue watching: Oldboy. What a classic, despite the creepy plot twists but that’s why it was so good. It wasn’t long before you were asleep, your head on his shoulder and his arm draped around you. Your coffee had been completely discarded and untouched on the counter, much like his. The coffee had only really been a reason to hang out, but everything that needed to be said had been said so now you let yourself get away with taking a nap in his presence. He wouldn’t notice, he’d be too distracted by the movie…

When you woke up you were back in your bed, much more rested than you had felt in quite some time. Honestly, you didn’t feel tired anymore. It felt as though everything were taking a turn for the better. Getting up, you went to lock the door of the apartment, Jiyong must have left a while ago and although you trusted Seoul to be safe you were taught to always lock your doors. But by the time you got to the door you realized it was already locked. Weird. The only way he would have been able to lock it is if he had a key, but you must have gone to see him out before falling asleep. You didn’t have much memory of what happened after the opening of the movie so it was highly plausible. Besides, he wouldn’t have had a key to your apartment. The only people to have a key to the place were you and the landlord. Going back, the movie was in its casing and the cups had not only been washed and put away. Weird. You definitely wouldn’t have done any of that out of exhaustion, and he should have known that he didn’t need to do any of that because you’d do it when you woke up. Going back to the living room there was a note left behind.

Rest well, let’s talk again soon.

Love and forever yours,

Jiyong.

Hey! Wow sorry I haven't updated this in forever!

I was living in Taipei for two months and now I'm back and writing again. Originally I had no plans to put in such a sweet chapter between these two but I think it's a good thing don't you? Hope you like it! 

~ Alice