Byun Baekhyun had become a regular guest at my flat. I liked it but I didn’t like it.

I mean, it’s hard knowing that you will possibly never meet your Oppas (in the case of most fans), but it’s even more excruciating when Oppa is right there and you’re not sure what they think about you.

Byun Baekhyun thinks you’re a retard.

Why must you return, stupid brain?

Every hour I stare at his face.

Sometimes in person, sometimes in amongst the sea of amateur video I find on Youtube or those stalker shots people take on the streets of Seoul that have been uploaded with crack/derp/basicallymylifestory/no,really comments underneath on Tumblr.

I’m surprised he still puts up with you, I mean you can’t be much conversation with your mouth hanging open with your brain splattered on the floor.

“SHUT UP BRAIN!”

It is then that I realise yet again I have shouted at my brain in the presence of the ual pouty lips of Byun Baekhyun.

--

“Chanyeol, you need to stop spacing out!” Sehun grunts at me in the hallway. Baekhyun and Kai are due over in approximately half an hour and I am still wearing my pyjama pants and an old SNSD t-shirt.


Everyone must know my ual orientation is slightly questionable by now.

No Sherlock, you’re living with a queer.

I giggle uncontrollably. Sehun and eyebrow. I attempt to explain.

“My brain just called you queer.”

He gives me a questioning look but within seconds decides to leave this remark go. Like everything else he’s gotten used to over the years, it seems my general awkwardness is now the usual.

“What game are we playing today?” I ask.

“Dunno, up to you and Baekhyun.”

What. What. WHAT?

“What?” I finally verbalise.

“Kai and I are double dating. You know that Chen guy that’s friends with my boyfriend Luhan?”

I nod.

“Yeah. I’m setting Kai up with him. You’re going to keep Baekhyun company. Well, try not to creep him out too badly.”

I make a sound crossed between a dying cow and a strangled cat, flapping my arms like a spastic pigeon to try and express how I DO NOT want to spend the evening making a fool of myself in front of Oppa.

It is not long before Sehun is gone and Baekhyun is sitting awkwardly on our couch staring at a blue blank screen as I sift through all of our Wii games.

“How about Mario Kart?” he offers, placing a hand on my shoulder. I flinch at the touch.

“Uh, um, uh. UEjghfjbjskvdkms?”

Smooth Chanyeol. Real smooth.

“Smooth like Baekhyun’s mighty fine !” I express pompously.

You’re a retard, Chanyeol.

Byun Baekhyun ignores my strange antics and decides to stick in Wii Sports instead.

“Let’s play bowling.”

I nod, not trusting myself for words.

The first few rounds go smoothly enough. Neither of us has said a word; Baekhyun because he knows that there is no way I could possibly respond to him without cocking up my use of the Korean language, I because I know that if I talk I pretty much will up my use of the Korean language.

Such is life.

It is on round five, when I start to get into the game, that my life becomes a living hell.

Why can’t I just have never met him? Why can’t I just have stayed one of those creepy stalker randoms online that he would rather not mix with?

Why?

WHY? WHY AM I LIKE THIS?

I get into the game and accidentally fling my remote into the TV, smashing the screen.
I then proceed to flounder at my stupidity, trip over my own feet and get tangled in Baekhyun’s limbs, my bracelet stuck to his shirt, my belt caught in his hair, my body completely on top of his.

I realise that, from a distance, Byun Baekhyun and I appear to be in the 69 ual position.

Now you’ve done it.

It seems I act more like a drunk when I’m sober than most people do when they’re actually drunk.

“Chanyeol, get off me.” I hear a grunt from underneath me. I attempt to pull myself off the idol but end up rolling over, still caught on him, but this time me on the bottom and him on the top.

Oh my God. Our TV.

Sehun’s going to be very angry.

As if on cue, my worst nightmare occurs. Keys are twisted in the front door and a very red faced Sehun runs at me like a lion stalking its prey.

“Chanyeol, what the is going on?”

You look like you’re Byun Baekhyun.

Thanks for your input, brain. No really, I needed that.

After about an hour of shouting Sehun finally calms down and makes everyone some tea.

I swear Sehun was British in a past life. Every time he drinks leafy water he somehow feels better.

“I suppose it should be expected of Chanyeol.” Sehun remarks, taking a sip of the boiling brew. “I mean he is a little on the not-so-normal side of life.”

Baekhyun completely waves off the fact that Sehun, Luhan, Kai and Chen had to untangle my stupid body from his and gives everyone a wave as he happily disembarks from our apartment’s front door, off into the escalator.

“Oh, and Chanyeol. You should invite me around again, just the two of us. Although maybe next time you should remember to put the wrist strap on...”

His eyes have a cheeky glint in them.

Maybe he means a different kind of wrist strap, if you know what I mean. Saucy.