Himchan decided that today, he shall be brave. He knew he had to face up to reality sooner or later and he decided there was no better time than today, when the rain was pouring incessantly outside their dorm and Yongguk was nowhere to be seen. He had been gone since after dinner and Himchan was sick of coming up with excuses to comfort himself.

Whatever. Just... Whatever.

Currently, that was Himchan's favourite word. It was a convenient little word, one that he used to stop whatever train of rambling thoughts that was going through his already wearied mind.

Whatever, Bang Yongguk. You win.

Himchan sighed as he penned the last of his letter. He tried as hard as possible to convince himself that he was dismissive and indifferent about this whole issue, but what he was feeling was the exact opposite. He made sure the edges of the letters were straight, such that they properly framed his neat handwriting. He was prissy like that. Yongguk often laughed at how particular he was of the smallest of things.

He knew it was cowardly of him to be confronting his boyfriend through a letter. He knew couples were supposed to sit down and talk things out face to face, but right now talking wasn't much of an option with Yongguk missing half the time. Himchan groaned. Must Yongguk make every single aspect of their relationship unconventional? Even arguing had to be done through writing. He placed the letter carefully on Yongguk's pillow after fluffing it up. He always makes sure to fluff up Yongguk's pillow, because the older man always forgets, which would result in neck aches the next morning. With that, he grabbed his own blanket and pillow and headed towards the maknae-line's shared room.

"WAIT! Himchan hyung! Where are you going? Haha. Isn't your room that way?" Youngjae and daehyun practically leapt up from where they were sitting on the couch and tailed after Himchan nervously. It was their watch and Himchan's additional movement out of his room was not part of the plan. "Oh... I was just going to bunk with the maknaes tonight... Just for tonight..." Himchan wondered why his dongsaengs were increasingly concerned with every single movement he made in the dorm. He couldn't even visit the bathroom without at least two voices asking him where he was going.

"Ah hyung where are you going?"

"Hyung are you ok? You seem to be moving around a lot today..."

"Hyung why are you standing near the front door? Don't..."

Hyung. Hyung. Hyung. Hyung.

Himchan was certain he wasn't pregnant, so why were they all acting like he was close to his 3rd trimester. "Ok but hyung I don't think you should go to the maknaes' room now I-" Youngjae said hurriedly, but not quick enough. Himchan had already opened the door to Jongup and Zelo's room. Himchan choked as he stared wide-eyed at the sight before him. The pair untangled their limbs from each other and snapped back. Zelo pulled the covers over his head, tucking every part of his body in with him. "H-hyung! I- We... Uhm..." Jongup looked scared. Like he had just got caught cheating during a major examination. "Oh god... My babies... I... No no... It's hyungs fault. I'm so sorry... I'll just... Leave..." Himchan turned around awkwardly and headed towards the couch. He sat on the couch and tried to set his pillow right. He rubbed his eyes vigorously, refusing to believe what he had just seen. He walked in on the maknaes making out. Great. Was there anything else he didn't know? Maybe Youngjae was pregnant or something along that twisted line?

"Jongup! Junhong! What the hell?"

"But hyungs! It's your watch! And why does no one ever knock on our door before they enter?"

"Because we thought you two would never... Urgh nevermind! We thought all you two did was watch Pororo!"

"We can't be watching Pororo all the time!"

Himchan tried to shut the arguing out. He wanted them to know that it didn't matter. Didn't matter that the maknaes were being intimate. Didn't matter that that meant that he had to sleep on the couch. He didn't want them to feel guilty over nothing. Himchan knew it wasn't their fault and he wanted so much for them to know that it was alright if their relationships were successful, even if his was a failure. He listened as the arguing subsided.

"Goodnight himchan hyung... We're sorry..." All four of them stood awkwardly by the couch as Zelo opened his mouth to apologize. "No Zelo please... You didn't do anything wrong! It's okay... Go to bed alright? It's getting late..." Himchan gave them the most convincing smile he could and his dongsaengs nodded slightly.

"Night hyung..." With that, the door to daehyun and  youngjae's room clicked shut. Himchan was alone. The silence crept into his ears and seeped painfully into his system. This was the sound he hated the most. The faint buzzing by his ears when there was complete silence. And this time there was nothing to fill the void with. Not even the comforting rhythm of Yongguk's breathing. Himchan sighed. He was drained, and it didn't take much for him to drift off to a disturbed sleep. One that was plagued with concerns regarding that letter on a certain man's pillow.

                                                                                                                             ☛pagebreak

Yongguk gently unlocked the door and tiptoed gingerly across the hall. Yongguk hated the whole idea of tiptoeing. It wasn't manly at all. He was stunned, however, to see his boyfriend asleep on the couch, stirring slightly from the slight squeaks that Yongguk's feet were making. Yongguk smiled, revelling at how beautiful Himchan looked when he slept. He looked peaceful. Yongguk was confused though. Why was Himchan sleeping on the couch? Maybe he saw a moth in their room. Himchan absolutely hated moths. Yongguk sighed. That was highly unlikely. He knew what the real reason was.

He made his way to their room with much difficulty only to find a folded piece of paper on his pillow. He unfolded it, held his breath and began to read-

Dear Yongguk,

I'm sorry I have to do this through writing. It's just that I don't have you by my side as much as I'd like. Haha! I sound like a teenage girl writing on her stupid blog. I'm so sorry for that, but I really need to know what's going on because I just don't know anymore... Yongguk, I know I'm not perfect for you. In fact I'm far from perfect, I'm everything you're not looking for in a boyfriend. I'm stupid, embarrassing, I make too much noise and I sometimes forget that Jongup and Junhong aren't my real children. I'm an idiot. I never really got why you picked me out of everyone else. Why you picked the one that was far from ideal. Yongguk, I'm not ideal, definitely not for you and I'm afraid I'll never be. But I do love you, and I'll do everything I can to make you understand that. I'll try to be good enough for you. Please help me understand what's going on. And go to bed after you read this. I'm sorry.

Himchan.

Yongguk felt his heart give a squeeze. It got increasingly painful with every additional word. On one hand he was slightly delighted that Himchan was clueless about the plan and on the other, he was angry that he had never noticed something so blatantly obvious- Himchan's insecurities. Yongguk sighed and tucked the letter in his pocket.

Tomorrow. Everything will be fine tomorrow...

I haven't been updating in a while huh... Ok I won't come out with a new chaptered fic until I finish this one! I hope this is going fine! It's ending soon btw ;_; I'm starting to feel a strange attachment to this fic...

Comment replies-

@LKyellow: Here's an update! Hope you liked it!

@JojoKim: HAHA! Yes T.T I wanted to squish Himchan so bad when I was writing this... God I'm an idiot... Himchan feels are always the strongest between 10pm and 2am.

@untinnu: Don't worry ;) Yongguk's grand plan is coming reeaaaaal soon ;) And yes! Pororo is love<3

@tatshimato: Paranoid, yes... But he's just feeling insecure I guess... ^^

@ally-chan: Updated~ Sorry this took a little longer than planned...

@Kacichan: LOL! I look forward to the point in every chapter where I can write about the maknaes!

@Mikkichan: OMFG IKR!!! That is flawless and he knows it! OH GOD ;_; <3

@newbie23: You'll know soon ;) YEAH OMFG... I just realized this fic has so little banghim moments damn myself! I shall make up for it!

@forever_alone_lol: OMG that sounds like a great idea I should do that too damn... ALthough idk what that word is but... sounds like a great idea!

@hanako190696: YES THEY ARE! Awww my squishy maknaes<3 Don't worry! It'll be resolved! /I'm an idiot for always spoling my own fics... Sigh... Awww thanks so much love ;_; I appreciate it!<3 And no! Your english is fine!

@haely13: YES HE DOES! /omg why am I telling everyone... god... And yeah that's true... Ops... But they made out in this chapter! Please don't kill me!!!

@haefany4eva: Yes, that's not very manly, is it... HAHAHA!

@fluffcloud: HAHAHAHAHA YES INDEED! STICKING FLOWERS IN HIS OWN HAIR AND FROLICKING IN THE PETALS AND SKIPPING WITH THAT STUPID SMILE ON HIS FACE! /having too much fun with this... OMG YES T.T THEY CAN'T BREAK UP! OR ELSE JONGUP AND ZELO WOULD BE ORPHANED!!! And look at the bb maknaes! How can anyone bear to do that to them T.T Oh god i want them as my parents too! Oh... Daehyun can't help it... Being around Youngjae just activates that part of his brain you nam sayin? ;) YES OMFG! Yongguk looked scared during the bangup. LIke he knew he was gonna get it from Himchan after it ended.

@Lin-Dah: Oh no don't cry T.T Here, have a tissue *gives tissue* And thanks for the comment<3 ^///^ You make me very happy, very happy indeed! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks again<3 *glomps*