14th Friend
Anonymous Friend (친구) - Advice ColumnStressedDaughter: I sometimes feel like my parents don't even love me... It's like my father asks for one thing and my mom asks for another. My dad's all about sports and I'm the one he usually wants to be trained, except, I think it's getting to his head. He's been signing me up for things I didn't even agree to and he's just making me work way too hard when he forgets I have a life as well. Every time I lose a game, he goes up to me and says, "You . I didn't train you like this." My mother on the other hand is more on the side of responsibilities. Grades, chores, everything else. When in reality, I just want to become a dancer since I love to dance. I don't think my parents are going to accept it, but that's what I want to do. I'm afraid they're not going to be proud of me and that's all I want, but I want to do it while doing something I love.
Friend: Dear StressedDaughter,
Take a moment to pull yourself away from your usual hectic world and just breathe. It may seem like your parents don’t love you because they constantly push you, but it’s because they love you that they push you so hard. They want you to do your very best and only hope you stay on the right track. However, there should be a limit.
A lot of fathers are the sports majors, wanting a daughter/son that will become a star athlete. I think that, like you said so yourself, it’s gone to his head. Tell him when you don’t want to do something. Like I’ve said so many times before, no one is a mind reader, even parents. Don’t start complaining and whining, but calmly explain to him that you didn’t want this. He’s gotten so used to being a coach that I think he’s forgotten what it’s like to be your father. In the end, he needs to realize that you should have a say in the matter. You were born with a voice, use it when it needs to be used(:
No parent should ever put their child down by saying that they “.” StressedDaughter, I assure you that you don’t. I think you need to tell your father how his words are hurting you. He may not be able to see it himself because he is so blinded by his own dreams to a point where he doesn’t stop to listen to yours. A true parent never wishes to harm their child whether it’s physically or emotionally. If you show him how his feedback is doing more harm than good, he should be able to learn from that mistake and refrain from doing it again.
In the end, this is your life, not his. You want to go hang out with your friends? Go ahead and have fun! He shouldn’t force you into a life you don’t want.
Your mother on the other hand has a point. Many parents want their child to be responsible when it comes to chores and grades, she’s just doing her part as a parent to ensure that you grow up right(: Don’t be too hard on her. In the long run, you’ll thank her for putting you on the right track.
Like I said before, it’s your life and you get to choose how to live it. You want to be a dancer, go for it! The sky’s your limit and when you hit that, reach for the stars(: Try to explain to your parents how you want to pursue a dancing career. You may think that they will be disappointed or go against your wishes, but you never know until you try. In the end, I think your parents will want your happiness and come through if you convince them enough. Show your father how some of the things he makes you do isn’t something you want to do but only what he wants you to do. Show your mom how you’re more than capable of being a responsible daughter. If you open up to them, I’m sure they’d be more than willing to try and understand from your perspective(:
You say you love to dance and if you feel that strongly about it, you should definitely try to make that dream a reality. If you really try your absolute best, there’s no doubt you’ll be able to chase down that dream(:
Hope that your life goes uphill from here(:
~(Chingu) 친구
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