A_PRIL 19_TH

I sighed staring up at the ceiling. The walls were slowly caving on me as time passed. How long has it been? It seemed as if you just passed me by even though we’ve been together for a while. She was so beautiful; even if sometimes she gets in my head I still loved her. It didn’t bother me if she misses our dates, because I know that she would be out working. But this wasn’t the case; I understood you are everything…. You’re my everything. Why would you still not believe me? I didn’t do it. She forced me. She pulled me in. why can’t you hear me out? Is it because the time we spent together wasn’t enough? Or is it because you don’t trust me anymore? Heck. There's no way you’d forgive me after this, all I want for you is to hear me out.

            I stood up grabbing my bag and sliding it on my shoulder. The pain was unbearable. As I got out of the bake shop and into the busy street, I could hear my brain pumping loud. My heart, I think, wasn’t pumping anymore. I can no more think of a way to resolve this. I wore my glasses and look at her through the glass window. She was smiling as if nothing was wrong… Well it’s always that way. I gave her one last glance before going out of her life.  April 19^th.

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I walked up to her apartment door that afternoon. I looked at the lavender envelope that I had in my hands. I kissed the stamp and wrote down the date. ‘April 19^th 2010’ the day that we broke up. Today was also the day I was going to move out of town. I was thinking of heading to Busan. I placed it on her doormat and left.

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A year has passed… Everything’s changed. I became this singer that everyone just loved to hear from. I came back to my hometown, after our big debut; just too see what happened since then. It’s the 19^th again, such a dreadful tragedy. I walked past the bake shop, I caught of a glimpse of her and I just stopped. She wasn’t smiling anymore. I couldn’t understand why. I gathered all my courage and opened the door; the bell rang signaling my entrance. The regular crowd that was shuffling in line starred at me. I took my glasses off, and untied my scarf I sat down in a random seat and I thought of what to eat. I was starving; the journey to get here was exhausting. I looked at the whiteboard and picked ‘Chiffon cake’ it seemed nice so I just had to take it. I stood up leaving my bag and glasses then stood in line. Some of the folks here were still looking at me. I gave a small nod to the man in front of me. His head was turned to me and he gave a reassuring smile. I smiled back and waited as the people in front of us slowly started to decrease. And in just a while, it was just me. I placed my palm on the counter and started to state my order. “Can I have one coffee and one Chiffon cake please?” I stated tearing my eyes off the coffee sign.

“Would you like it with cream?” I looked up and met hazel eyes. My breathing caught in my throat. It was her. The woman I had been dreaming of for a year. The woman whom I loved for eternity, Alive was once again. “Sure” I responded after a minute of gawking. I straightened myself out and sighed. She gave me my order without a smile.

            “Thanks Minmin. Can you please smile?” I asked grabbing my tray and giving her a smug smile. She responded with a small smile. It was good enough. I went off and ate at my table. After what seemed like years I was full. Mind you, It was a FULL cake. Not just a slice. Don’t judge me. People do crazy things when they’re starving. I drank my coffee after adding some cream and sugar. I checked my phone and found that I still had 5 hours. I sighed and rested my head in my hands.

“Anything I can get you Sandeullie?” a familiar voice asked me. I raised my head a little and found those similar hazel eyes. I shook my head nicely and went back to my own world. I buried my head again and tried to relax but, yet again she interrupted me. “Mind if I sit here?” I didn’t want to look up. I was too lazy and tired to do so. “Sure” I sounded like I was being strangled. “So how you’ve been?” It wasn’t supposed to be like this. “Hold up. You read my mail to you a year ago right?” she meekly nodded and the pain hit me again. The mail contained every bit of my heart. I explained everything there, my plans, hers, my faults and her faults. “Do you understand now?” I asked looking deep in her eyes. She nodded and sighed. “I’m sorry… I should’ve listened. I just… couldn’t believe it.”

“It’s alright… It’s been a year let’s just let it be the past. It’s better if we make new ones.”I took a sip of my coffee and checked the clock. After a long pause she started again. “You’re really living the dream. I can’t believe it.” I gave her a reassuring smile and shrugged. “Hmm… I can’t do this” I looked at her straight in the eye. “Just being with you makes me conscious. It reminds me of the pain, the sadness. And even know you have a way to make my heart beat fast. I can’t do this. Don’t pretend anymore. Stop faking.”

She looked at me shocked and I sighed. Grabbing my glasses and putting them on. I grabbed my bag and slid it on my shoulders. I took out a bill from my pocket and placed it on the table. “Thanks for the cake” I stated and walked out the door. I couldn’t stand it. If I stayed one more minute in there, I swear things would be worse. I started to walk fast again. I passed by a book store and just stared at it.

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I stared at her door again. Like a fool I did this again. After hours of contemplating with myself I finally wrote something down. I placed it down on the doormat and left.

“Sandeullie!!” I heard her. I didn’t stop walking. ‘You’re just imaging things sandeul. Don’t be fooled.’ But then suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around my body and my heart started to beat again.

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My love…. It’s beginning again…. The time when we will be together... It’s here.

April 19^th.