Meeting
Epidemic Heartbreak
“Oh. Daehyunnie-ah! You finally called!” The gentle, familiar voice said through the speaker.
Oh? That wasn’t an expected answer. Still, I kept myself from being too sensitive about this. “Yes, I called. I-I missed you so much…”
“I m-“
“Mummy look at this drawing!” an unknown child’s voice in the background cut the sentence I was longing to hear so much. But the question is… who was that? Mummy? I don’t have siblings…
“Woah it’s pretty! Good job, Junhong!” She took the phone away from her face and said to the child. “Mummy is on the phone, you draw more pictures for me okay? Good boy.”
I recognised this tone. It was the exact tone mum used to talk to me in. That tone full of parental, unconditional love and care… It belonged to me, and only me. I didn’t want to hate on the child, but my immature self kept filling my head with jealousy and hatred towards the child.
“Where were we again?” Mum replied. “Have you been well all these days?”
“Y-yes, I’ve been well. I’m appointed to complete a mission up here… so…”
“Ah, you must have been brilliant trainee down there! I bet this is an important mission, right? Mummy is proud of you!” she said and I can feel her smiling.
“Mummy mummy! I drew our family! Look! This is daddy, this is you, and this is me!” the boy I assumed called ‘Junhong’ interrupted again, and this time my rage started bubbling. Yet, I managed to keep calm because I had been a while since I last talked to mum. Still, I couldn’t help but ask that one question.
“Mum, who was that?”
I waited for an answer, but it only came after 30 seconds.
“It’s a long story…”
“Neverm-“
“Do you want to come over f-“
“Yes. Mum, yes.”
We hung up after deciding the time and I put the phone as far as my arms could reach from the couch. My heart was crushed by anxiety, jealousy, curiosity, worry and fear; I was dying to know what had happened at my home. My home, not anyone else’s’, not Junhong’s… Mine.
To my discontentment, my headache attacked again and I uncurled myself from my foetal position. Decided to go out for grocery shopping, I scribbled a list of items I need and got myself changed. 1) Painkiller 2) Sleeping pills 3) Diary notebook 4) Cheesecake ingredients A slice of cheesecake. With a slightly brightened mood, I headed out.
The afternoon sun was warm and cosy since autumn was coming. The weather was amazing and the sky was so blue. I took a deep breath of the fresh outdoor air and shoved my hands into my pocket. Passing by a café, I was tempted to buy a cup of coffee, but I reminded myself that I shouldn’t because it would worsen my pain. I strolled down the streets to the nearest pharmacy I could find and bought two out of four of my items, then picked up a little brown leatherback notebook at a bookstore. Walking towards the cashier, I bumped into a petite girl in school uniform.
“S-sorry…” I bowed slightly and murmured with my tired voice while she apologised as well. “Please go first…” I signalled with my hand.
She nodded shyly and I lowered my head, not wanting to make eye contact nor showcase my horrible, sick face. I even covered my face with my hoodie and turned away. Before she stepped out of the shop after paying, she waved to me. “Bye!”
Hearing that, I quickly turned my head to look at her, and froze. ‘This kind of people still exists in Seoul? Wow.’ Realising the scary glare I was giving her, I tried to fake a polite smile and bowed again before proceeding to the cashier for my turn.
On the way back to the apartment, I stopped by the café and bought a slice of cheesecake as I wished.
“Excuse me.” I leaned on the counter and said, waiting for somebody to serve me. A girl put down the things in her hands and wiped her hands.
“Yes sir! What would you like?” She said casually while turning to me.
“A slice of New Y-“ I stuttered. “Oh it’s you again?” I was shocked to see the girl from the bookstore.
The girl smiled awkwardly, “I’m pretty sure you’re referring to my twin, I’ve been here all day! A slice of New York cheesecake, anything else?” She chuckled and pointed behind me.
“Y-yes please.” I replied and turned around.
“Hi…” the girl from the bookstore waved at me.
“Haha…” I tried to laugh. “So you and your twin own this shop?”
“Family business.” She answered with a grin as she lifted up the wooden board of the counter and went inside. “3000 won, sir.” She said after pressing a few buttons. I drew a few notes and handed them to her, receiving my slice of cake with the other hand. “Come again!”
“Of course.” I replied and walk away after waving. I arrived home in 5 minutes and unpacked my stuff.
The next minute I was sitting in front of my desk with the first page of my diary wide open in front of me. I spun my pen skilfully with my fingers, thinking about what to write.
DAY/NIGHT 1: The first day here was nice. I met Jongup, an adorable boy around my age who lives in the apartment opposite to mine. He has a complicated family background. It may sound odd but I love his smile.
‘Wait that’s weird.’ I said to myself, but decided not to cross it out. ‘This is my diary, no one will read it anyway… I should be honest to myself.’
Apparently he told me I mean a lot to him. It was nice to hear that. Actually I like his company. He’s happy and bright. It feels comfortable to be with him. We had a housewarming party at his place and watched Saw. I swear I’m not going to watch anything from that series again.
I ended the entry for the first day here with a line.
Heartbreaking things: nil
After completing the first entry, I started a new one for today.
DAY 2: I woke up on the couch at noon and called mum. I planned to go over for dinner tonight. Went out for grocery shopping for the first time and got familiar with the places within 3 blocks. I met a pair of twins owning the café nearby and they seem nice to befriend.
I spent hours reading papers and information and got ready to leave for my parents’ place. I kept quite calm and I’m proud of myself because of that, because when I was travelling back home later, the overwhelming surge of feeling caused me to sob unmanly in public.
I arrived early and stood in front of the old gate. It used to feel so tall and impossible to climb over, but now, I could easily look over it without doing anything. Hesitantly, I reached for the bell on the side. Buzz. I startled, and pulled away my fingers, surprised by the sharp sound.
“Daehyunnie-ah, the gate is opened! Come in!” Mum called me from a distance. My mouth opened in realisation and stepped backward to do what she told me to. As I pulled open the gate, it squeaked and goosebumps spread all over my body. ‘When did everything started to deteriorate so quickly?’ I thought. Including relationships, someone whispered at the back of my head.
I walked pass the mini garden of our semi-traditional home. As soon as I entered the house, I took off my shoes and hurried to the kitchen.
“Mum, let me help you.”
“Ah Daehyunnie!” she smiled. “How I missed you, come and let me give you a hug.” I walked into her arms and lowered my head to sniffle her hair. “You’ve grown. And you’re much paler… Is it dark underground?” She pointed out as she pulled me away and patted both my shoulders. I couldn’t help but smile with her. People told me that whenever I smile, I look like mum. I don’t think so, but that was certainly a nice thing to hear.
“We have lights down there, no worries! But it’s good to be paler, my skin was so dark.”
I helped mum to marinate the meat we were going to cook and told her a lot of my training underground. She listened to me patiently as always and laughed at even my lamest jokes and sarcasm. That was until the reason why I came popped up in my head.
“Mummy I’m back with daddy!” the little boy spoke with a big grin on his face when he peeked into the kitchen. “W-wait… Good evening…” He changed his facial expression immediately and bowed a little when he spotted me. He’s a little boy studying in primary school apparently. He had pretty eyes and milky white skin like a girl.
“Junhong-ah, this is the hyung dad and I talked to you about this morning. Say hi!” Mum explained.
“Ah, hi hyung! My name is Junhong! You’re good looking!” He excitedly waved at me.
“Hi Junhong!” I tried to look excited. “Was school tiring? Hurry up, go shower and dinner will be ready soon!” He nodded enthusiastically and sprinted away when dad dodged just in time to avoid bumping into the little one. “Hey dad.”
“Hey son.” He said warmly with a daddy smile. “Welcome back, although temporarily.” I nodded with a grin.
“AHHHHHHHH!” a high-pitched scream cut into our conversation. Mum and dad told me to continue cooking when they hurried out to see what happened to Junhong. My heart dropped but I did what they told me to. Mum came back in 5 minutes.
“What happened?”
“Junhongie scraped his knee while walking up the stairs. He was too excited to see you perhaps?” She shrugged and let out a bitter smile. “He’s like you, so clumsy.”
‘Junhong is nothing like me. We’re not even related!’ I shouted in my heart. “I’m not clumsy! Look at how well I’m doing all these. My fingers are still here, all 10 of them.” I chuckled and showed her my hands. “By the way, you haven’t told me about him yet.” I brought up the topic casually, but in reality my heart was thumping so hard that my chest was pounding. Mum started to tell me the story at last…
Junhong was an orphan and they adopted him when he was 1 after I left for university 3, 4 years ago. They felt really bad for ‘selling’ their child, aka me, to an ‘evil’ organisation so that they could sustain life. Although money from me was transferred to their bank account every month and their quality of life was dramatically increased, they felt lonely. They debated for a long time whether or not to adopt a child so as to replace me. No, not replace, but I saw it that way. Apparently, they decided at last and chose a happy child, Junhong, to create a brighter atmosphere at home instead of being constantly worried about me and whether I was dead or alive. From the tone mum spoke in, I could sense her love for Junhong. Jealousy bubbled in my heart. I knew they treated me in the same way when I was little but it just didn’t feel good having my parents loving an unknown child as much as they love me. It felt so bad. It felt like .
After that, the four of us had dinner and I didn’t talk much to my parents. They were too busy laughing at Junhong’s cute jokes from kindergarten. When we were finished, the three of them sat in front of the TV with me sitting awkwardly behind them.
“Hyung.” Junhong turned around and looked at me. “Are you sad?”
I stared into the air to think of an answer, and simply shook my head after a few seconds.
“Why are you so quiet? And do smile more! You’re handsome when you’re smiling, Hyunnie hyung!”
No, only Jongup can call me that. Only Jongup.
“Haha… Alright.” I said, in an annoyed tone. “Can we change the channel by the way? This is quite… boring.” I suggested, bored from the children programs they were watching and laughing about. Junhong fell silent. I stared into his eyes and he avoided my gaze, lowering his head.
“Aigoo Daehyun, tolerate a little will you. We watched all these with you when you were little!” Mum and dad nagged.
“But I’m your son.” I absentmindedly murmured and stood up, heading to the fridge for some drinks. As expected, they were having fun when I went back to join them in the living room.
“Come to daddy!” Dad whined in a cheesy tone and Junhong ran into his arms.
Next thing I knew was slumping down against the wall of the elevator in the building I live in, drunk and senseless. My head hurt, a lot. I didn’t press any buttons on the panel and curled into a ball on the floor that was rougher than I expected.
“Mister, are you…” the security pressed open the door and checked what was happening to me. I ignored him though. I was too painful to answer him.
“Uh… I know him… I’ll take care of him, thank you!” As expected, Jongup to the rescue. I smiled in my heart. He held my upper arm and dragged me up so that I could steady myself by holding onto his strong biceps. A giggle escaped my uncontrollable mouth and I could hear Jongup sighing.
“Never mind me, Moon Jongup.” I grinned like a retarded man.
“Hyunnie hyung, did something bother you? Why are you so drunk…” He nagged as he pressed the button to our level.
“Ha… Haha… My family. They’re not… not my family any… anymore. Hahaha.” I slapped my thigh with my limb right hand.
He continued dragging me around and forced me to enter the password to my apartment. I did as he told. He leaned open the door and pulled me into the apartment, dumping me onto the couch. I relaxed and laughed at myself, pressing the back of my hand onto my forehead, panting.
Jongup came back with a towel soaked with warm water and replaced my hand on my forehead with that. I hated the feeling of water flowing down, wetting my temple and even my hair. All I could hear was Jongup’s sighing.
“Hyunnie hyung…” He got a painkiller from my shopping bag on the coffee table and placed one into my mouth before handing me a cup of lukewarm water.
“Ugh?” I groaned as I force myself to sit up so as to swallow the tablet, and returned the cup to the younger boy, lying back down.
“What’s the matter? What did they do to you…?”
Though drunk, I told him everything, and woke up in the midnight with him resting his head on my tummy while sitting on the floor. I ran my tired fingers in the younger boy’s soft, silky hair and smiled. He woke up as I wished, and I made him sleep on the couch with the blankets I took out from my unused bedroom.
“But hyung…”
“Shh.” I placed my index finger gently on his lips to shut him up and walked into the working room.
From the first drawer, I drew out the leatherback notebook and started recording every single thing happened this evening. Afterwards, I sealed the first few pages containing yesterday and today’s (though it’s past midnight) entry with tape, attempting to hide all these memories. I still recorded updated the list of heartbreaking things though.
1. When you are replaced by someone else. When you are no longer cherished by a person you love.
‘Jongup is here, everything will be fine.’ I comforted myself and peeked out of the room to look at the sleeping beauty on the couch.
... I'm sorry but I have to start the author's note with "sorry" again. I feel so bad for the slow update Q____Q but here are you, a 2,600 words update!
I struggled a lot through this chapter and I know I might have made tons of mistakes... but please tolerate T___T
btw, has anyone of you watched resident evil? THE NEW MOVIE WAS SOOOOOO GOOD OK.
how was this chapter though... do you like it? ><
COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE! <3
once again... guys... tell me whether you want short (~ 800 words) + frequent updates or long but slow updates! :)
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