It was a cold December morning when the young man stepped off of the car in his black suit with a bouquet of twenty two white roses in hand and the smell of burning incense filling the lungs. The air was chilly- it was a few days before the Eve of Christmas, but this man knew there would not be any laughs or smiles this time this year. The coldness made him think of Seoul, but the dark musky grey skies reminded Sehun that he wasn't anywhere near his beloved hometown. This was Beijing- the Northern Capital and Luhan's hometown.

 

Last night, all of his friends had offered to stay and accompany him for his journey here. Sehun had kindly declined any and every offer- he wanted time to think things through alone. It was still very hard to grasp what had happened just a week ago. One second he was riding shotgun next to his best friend, laughing and cracking jokes like regular 18 and 21 year old men. The next second, Luhan was gone.

 

It seemed like it was a horrible prank Luhan and their friends were playing on him and that Luhan would pop up any moment saying with his cute little voice, “Ha ha, fooled you didn’t I, Sehunnie?” The sight of dozens and dozens of swollen red eyes in the sea of black standing before him reminded Sehun that it was not a dream. The reality was that he was attending Luhan’s funeral.

 

Sehun took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before letting the incense filled air out through a long sigh. It was his first time attending a funeral- his parents had called him last night reminding Sehun to bring extra packages of tissues not only for himself, but also his friends. No matter what, they told him, Sehun must stay strong when he bids his best friend goodbye. He noticed Kris, Chanyeol, and Tao, all three in black suits as well, towering above the crowd. Indeed it was Sehun who took Luhan’s death the worst at first, but by now Sehun’s tears have dried up- his face white without expression, while Tao’s cheeks were stained red from the tears that could not stop coming down during the past week.

 

“Sehun, come over here,” Kris instructed when he saw Sehun staring at the three from a bit of a distance. The leader of EXO-M appeared as if he had not slept in days- dark black circles surrounded his eyes, his skin was dried, and like Tao, there were red rashes on his cheeks.

 

Sehun nodded in response to Kris and walked over to his group mates. When he got closer, he noticed that each of the three towers also had a bouquet of twenty two white roses in their hands. Sehun gave a small smile.

 

“So,” Sehun said while staring at the bouquet of roses in Kris’ hands, “it seems like we all had the same thing in mind.”

“Yeah,” Chanyeol replied quietly in a manner unlike that of the usual response from EXO-K’s Happy Virus. Usually no matter what the situation was, Chanyeol was always loud and happy. Now though, instead of being the roaring lion he was, Chanyeol whispered his words like a shy mouse. His cheeks appeared the healthiest between him, Kris, and Tao, but Chanyeol's lips were chapped, eyes red, puffy, and emotionless.

 

“Everyone else brought them too, but they had already walked inside to help out a bit,” Kris explained. “Suho and Lay are with Luhan’s mom. She had a mental breakdown about ten minutes ago.”

 

“I see,” Sehun replied as he took a deep breath again, closing his eyes. He had met Mrs. Lu once before- Luhan got his looks after her. The image of her breaking down sent sharp pains into his heart. “Let’s go inside," he whispered, "maybe we could help her."

 

Kris, Chanyeol, Tao, and Sehun walked inside of the funeral house in Beijing's Haidian District. Sehun had promised himself that he would never forget everything he felt today, but his sight was shrouded by blankness that he could neither describe nor overcome. It, along with images of Mrs. Lu crying and screaming, prevented Sehun to see and feel the setting around him. It was like he was walking through absolute blankness. Once in a while though, he would notice a few things- some of their label mates among the sea of black including Yunho, a senior Luhan had respected a lot, and Amber, the first person who greeted Luhan when he first arrived to the SM building a few years ago. His seniors noticed him and his friends walk by- both parties simply gave each other a nod in acknowledgement of the other’s presence. Formalities were extremely important, but the seniors knew that the boys’ hearts were shaken up at the moment, their minds were torn apart.

 

Sehun could not recall how long and when exactly they reached near the entrance of the large hall with seated guests who already had viewed the casket. Along with the sudden scent of the mixing of incense and roses, Kris’ tapping of Sehun’s shoulders brought attention to the guestbook that lay on the table near the entrance before this large hall.

 

“You have to sign this,” Kris instructed as he held the pen out to Sehun. “Just your name is fine and you can write it in Korean if you want.”

 

Sehun took the pen from Kris and stared down at the guestbook. Kris, Chanyeol, and Tao had all signed it already with their real names- Kris and Tao in Chinese, and Chanyeol in Korean. He scanned up the list of names- the other EXO members were present along with Kwon Boa, Go Ara, Seo Joo Hyun, Song Qian, Choi Jin Ri, Henry Lau, Choi Si Won and so forth.

 

“You were loved by many,” Sehun quietly said to himself as he signed his own name down under Chanyeol’s. Oh Se Hun.

He placed the pen back down on the table and thanked the lady sitting on the desk. The four walked into the hall.

 

Looking around, Sehun saw faces to match the names on the guestbook in the great halls, jam packed with Luhan’s friends, family, and acquaintances. The Jung sisters sat near the middle rows towards the right- both with red eyes swollen from hours of crying, tissues in their hands. A few rows behind them sat Yoona, Jonghyun and Key, the first hanging her head back while staring at the ceiling while the two later leaning their upper bodies towards their laps. As like many others, Jonghyun and Key had their hands covering their faces- their backs emitting an aura heavy with sorrow that contributed to the shared suffocation in the hall’s atmosphere.

 

“It’s strange to see our seniors not together by groups,” Sehun said abruptly while pulling the faces from the crowd. Hyoyeon, Yuri, and Sooyoung sat towards the back left side, Onew, Minho, and Luna were sitting on the chairs leaning against the walls, and so forth.

 

“Yixing told me it was because there was so much traffic while coming into the hall itself, the large groups had to be separated so that everything would be on time,” Kris replied. “Our seats are near the front to the right but first we need to greet Luhan and his family.”

 

Sehun closed his eyes after he heard “Luhan and his family.” If there is a pain greater than the pain of losing one’s best friend, it is the pain of those who lost their child. No parent should ever have to attend his child’s funeral. To make things worse, how would Sehun be able to face the family of the man who threw his own body in front of Sehun’s during that split moment before the final collision that shattered their worlds?

 

Tao noticed Sehun’s emotions through the later's facial expression. Anxiety. Regret. Guilt. He grabbed Sehun’s hand.

 

“I’m here for you,” Tao said firmly as he squeezed his friend’s hands. “We’ll get through this together.”

 

Sehun, a bit taken back by Tao’s action let out a breath. Out of all of his friends, he did not expect this from Tao whom everyone believed wouldn’t even be able to say a word on this day. Tao was still upset- pain and sorrow were engraved underneath the skin of his face, but he knew he had to be strong to support the one who was most broken inside.

 

“Thanks,” Sehun whispered as the four walked over to the front of the hall where a large white casket sat, opened.

 

They were stopped by a man who instructed that they were to view the body one by one, bowing three times as a sign of respect before bowing to the immediate family of the deceased. Their flowers could be placed on the table to the right side of the hall where dozens and dozens of white rose bouquets lay in bundles of twenty two. The four walked over to the table to leave their bouquets with the many already there, then hurried to return back to the front and center of the hall. Kris walked first to pay his respect to Luhan and his family, followed by Tao, then finally Chanyeol. Now, it was Sehun’s turn.

 

He walked slowly up to the white casket. In his eyes came the view of a pale young boy with light brown hair in a bed of white roses. He wore a light blue gown and had hands folded on his chest. His usual rosy red lips were a pale tan color, his glittering eyes were closed. Sehun felt the tears start rolling down from his eyes to his cheeks.

 

“Luhan,” he coughed out as he stared down at the body of his friend resting peacefully but without life. Trying his best to keep the balance of his legs that kept him standing up, Sehun bent over for the first bow without collapsing to the ground. It was 90 degrees and held for at least thirty seconds before he stood back up straight, his eyes with more tears than prior to the bow. Two more to go.

 

“Sehun,” Chanyeol whispered quietly from the side as he stood in tears while waiting with Kris and Tao for his friend. They- along with everyone else in the room witnessing this scene, all wanted to rush over to help him out, but they all knew Sehun had to do this to himself. He had to bid Luhan goodbye alone.

 

Sehun bowed again, holding this one a bit longer than his first bow. He knew that after his final bow, it would be the last time he could see his best friend before Luhan was cremated. He wanted to hold off that moment for as long as he could, but his moment was interrupted by a sudden tug from the back of the bottom of his suit's coat.

 

He held his bowing position, but turned his head towards his back. The sight, though, caused him to immediately stand back up straight as he turned around to properly face the convict who tugged on his clothing.

 

“Older brother, who are you?”

 

This question, though asked in Chinese, Sehun understood. It wasn't difficult to understand at all considering the amount of time he spent learning Luhan’s language because of Sehun's desire to communicate better with his best friend. The little angelic voice which asked this question came from a young girl who while on her two feet, had a height that only reached to near the area of Sehun’s waist. It was the face of the girl, however, that shocked him, causing his eyes to widen to the size of that of Jupiter.

 

“Luhan?”