Kyungsoo ‘s room was a mess. Crumpled paper and dirty laundry all over the place. He hasn’t gone out of his room for days, except for going to the bathroom and meal times.

        He hastily scribbled down dates listed in his journal. When he and Jongin’s first date was, the first time he entered Jongin’s apartment, their first kiss, and many others.

        Pain struck him as he scrawled each detail. He missed so much. Everything just happened to have just flown right through him. It’s such a waste, he thought to himself. All these days , all for nothing.

        “Don’t strain yourself, Kyungsoo.”

        He quickly looked up from his paper and found his umma to be standing in the doorway. She wore a simple house dress and an apron over it.

        “It’s none of your business.”, Kyungsoo muttered.

        “Yes, it is.” , she scowled.

        She stepped inside the room and sat at the foot of Kyungsoo’s bed. He was sitting in the coner of his room, still busy writing.

        “Kyungsoo, get over it. Move on. You can’t force yourself with him. Get someone new.”

        Kyungsoo looked up to his umma . His eyes were wide with huge eyebags under it and his lips were parted. His hair was a complete mess and his cheeks had begun to hollow.

        “I know what you mean, umma, but I can’t just leave him. I can’t just walk up to him and say ‘Hey I’m sorry I don’t remember you anymore. Maybe we should just start a new life and move on.’ Think about it, umma. What would he feel?”

        “He would understand. He just wants you to be happy.” , she said in a matter-of-factly.”Are you happy like this, Kyungsoo ? Forcing yourself to love someone for the sake of their own hapiness ?”

        Kyungsoo looked down at his paper. All those dates, he thought to himself again. He can’t just let it all go to waste. He has to make up for it. But it’s so hard.

        “You’re right.”, he says as he places all the papers on top of his table. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. “He’ll understand. He wants me to be happy. He’ll want me to move on.”, he nods to himself as he sinks in his umma’s words.

        Kyungsoo’s umma smiled and wrapped her arms around him. She gently patted his back and rested her cheek against his.

        “You don’t need Jongin.”, she whispered .

        Kyungsoo took a deep breath . “I don’t need Jongin” , he quietly repeated.

                      * * *

        Jongin smiled to himself as he lighlty flipped the pages of his photoalbum. He was looking at pictures of Kyungsoo and himself, back when they were still in their university until just a few weeks ago. It seemed just like yesterday, he thought . If only I could turn back time. Jongin shakes his head, thinking about such a ridiculous idea. 

        He shuts the book and puts i