Looking like an old castle, my new school was so different from the one I used to go. Being the new student was never an easy thing, but I wonder if this time it would be at least more pleasant than being bullied like in the past. I walked through the empty hallways, the high ceiling and cold walls surrounding me. It was only a big window at the end of the main hallway that gave light to the dark place even if it was only 8 am.

I finally found my classroom and knocked on the door. Nobody answered so I pushed it a bit and inside the scenery was completely different. It was full of life and my classmates were making noise and having fun as I noticed the teacher wasn’t there. I bowed not caring if they even looked at me and found an empty seat almost at the front.

They didn’t seem bothered by my presence and kept minding their own business without even saying ‘hi’. The noise was still there, the laughs, the jokes, but I heard a strange but subtle noise coming from the back of the class.

I tried to focus on reading the school map so I could find my other classrooms according to the schedule when I heard it again. It wasn’t exactly a noise; it was more like someone breathing hard. The breathing was so elaborated that without noticing I had stopped reading the map and with my hand on my chest felt my heartbeat had become more rapid and that I was also breathing hard. I looked both sides but everyone seemed normal like they didn’t hear anything at all.

The breathing coming from the back was hard and it was above all the noise and I felt like I needed to breathe even harder since the lack of oxygen was making me dizzy.
 

Gasping for some air I turned around trying to look for the source of the noise when in the back, in the last desk in the corner there was a guy looking at me with deep eyes. He was all dressed in black, just like the school uniform, but his black hair and his pale complexion gave him a weird and dark aura.

His gaze seemed to go across my body, so deep, so mysterious and the more I looked at him, the more I found it hard to breath, as the sound of my own breathing mingled with his. Yeah, it was him, breathing hard as if he was suffocating, but his chest was rising slowly, no signs of being in pain or panic. On the contrary I felt like dying…as if all the air had gone away…and as my eyes tried to avoid his I looked around, but everyone was still playing and laughing.

What was this? What was happening to me? I couldn’t control my heart from racing or my lungs from contracting. And when I thought I was going to faint from the lack of oxygen and being under the spot of his gaze the door opened and as if a spell had been broken he looked away and I gasped feeling my lungs fill with air making me cough.

I saw the teacher sitting on her desk as I turned to look at the front again, feeling agitated.

She did notice me and stood up. She called me to the front and I smiled at her nervously. I had to introduce myself to the class and I did it with my gaze focused on the front rows of the class, so afraid of looking to the back, to that desk, to that boy.

After my introduction I was about to return to my desk when the teacher told me that that was the seat of another student that hadn’t come to class and that my real place was at the back.

At the back.

I widened my eyes looking at her, almost pleading, and not really knowing why I was so afraid of being sent to the back of the class.

But I did know I was scared when the desk she assigned me was just beside his.

And even when the rest of the students didn’t pay attention I was trembling because with each step my breathing became harder. I couldn’t even hear the breathing sound of him anymore, but it was my own breathing, my own fear overwhelming me.

I gulped trying to calm down. I was known for having panic attacks so I guess I was just afraid of this new school and this all breathing thing was just paranoia and the guy sitting by my side was just like everyone else.  

And I was more convinced of my own paranoia as the class started and my breathing stabilized.

I opened my notebook and started taking notes when just like a whisper I heard my name being called and I looked to the side.

His hand was extended to my desk holding a small paper and he left it there opened and I could read the neat calligraphy that the black ink left on the paper.

“I’m Jaejoong” That was all it said and I looked at him smiling a bit, feeling confused.

He smirked as my eyes met his and just like before I felt his strong gaze but this time I couldn’t look away. I didn’t realize how much time passed but it was only the sound of the teacher’s voice saying the class was over that allowed me to look away with my chest rising up and down as if I had run a thousand kilometers.

I looked at him again with more confusion but he wasn’t looking back, only focused on how his black pen left traces on the paper of his notebook.

I stood up as soon as I achieved to calm down a bit and ran away from the class.

I was paranoid, that was all. I was sure of that.

I went to my next class following the wave of students that walked through the main hallway but couldn’t shrug off the same cold sensation.

The next class was still big and full of students making noise but as I looked around I felt more at peace than in the previous one. He wasn’t in this class and only that thought made me calm down.

I didn’t get to talk to anyone, or more like no one wanted to talk to me, but I was fine taking notes. And that was how another class passed by, and the next one and the next one, but then I noticed I had to return to the first classroom I had been in the day and I felt nervous again.

What was that weird feeling of not being able to breathe?

I only felt something similar when I was near one of my crushes, but I didn’t even knew Jaejoong…and felt like that even before looking at him….even when I had to admit he was good looking and that mysterious aura was really attractive, the feeling was so extreme that it scared me.

I walked slowly, the other students pushing their way through but my feet felt heavy and with short steps I arrived to the class only to regret the idea of walking slowly. The only desk available was at the back, next to him. 

His eyes seemed to mock me as I walked to my desk but as I looked at my lap I saw something over my desk.

I looked at it and it was his notebook with a drawing. It was a drawing of me sitting on my desk. The black ink creating the perfect shadows and I looked at him amused at his talent.

He looked back and I rapidly looked down. I wasn’t going to let myself feel sick again.

During the whole class I looked to the front and did not even turn when I had to give him his notebook back.

Did I really like him? If not, why did I feel so agitated when he looked at me? We barely knew each other, but then why did he look at me like that?

I continued looking at the front trying not to think about it, but as much as I avoided his gaze, I couldn’t shut up the noise of his hard breathing and how oxygen seemed scarcer with every second.

Seconds continued passing and I was sure I was going to faint this time.

I did not even notice when I turned to look at him, I just felt his eyes that pierced my soul.

But the class ended again as lunch time arrived and I packed all my things before running out of my seat.  

The big hallway looked endless and even when the rest of the students appeared I felt so lost and scared.

I had no one to talk about this, but at the same time nobody seemed to notice anything. Nobody turned around at the sound of his breathing and nobody seemed to talk to him either.

My legs stopped moving when I reached the end of the way, the big window letting the sun rays cover me and I felt safe from the dark atmosphere in the school.

But it was there again. The breathing.

And I turned around slowly and scared, only to face him. He was taller than me and his pale face absorbed the light making him glow.

“Jaejoong…” I whispered. “Why…” I didn’t know what I was supposed to ask. ‘Why do I feel like drowning when I’m next to you?’ Was that even reasonable to ask?

“BoA, you are beautiful.” He said in a monotone but melodic tone putting the drawing on my hand.

I couldn’t help but smile. Well…as frightening as this situation was for me, I was still a girl and he a boy and he had praised me, so I gave him a shy smile, but I doubted my decision when he smirked again and his gaze went through my soul like a punch.

It was like time had stopped and all I could see were the dust particles moving in the air as I started trembling because of the lack of air.

Everything was so confusing until he held my hand making me feel as if all the oxygen was back in my lungs.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said in a calm tone as if knowing what I was panicking about and guided my hand to his chest.

I could hear his heart beating steadily and I sighed, feeling relieved.

I was being paranoid…maybe that was the feeling of what people called ‘love at first sight’. That was it, right? right?

Tears appeared in my eyes, making me feel more vulnerable than I already was. It was only my first day in this school and I already felt as if part of my soul had gone away. I looked at the empty hallway. Everyone should be at the cafeteria and I was still standing beside him, near the window, a mix of light and shadows and I felt like fainting.

I opened my eyes and I was at my room, my mother watching me worriedly.

I looked at her in confusion and she told me I had fainted at school. She patted my head saying I should take some medicine to calm my anxiousness and avoid these panic attacks.

And I smiled at her hugging her tightly. Yes, everything was part of my imagination. I wonder if I scared Jaejoong. He was just trying to be friendly with me and I was acting like crazy and fainting.

So I decided to go to school and act normal. He was the only person that tried to talk to me. And he had called me beautiful. And had made a drawing of me.

I couldn’t deny he was mysterious, but that was the interesting thing, right?

The next morning was better since I arrived to class early ready to face the day, but he was already there with his black pen writing.

“Umm…Hi Jaejoong.” I said nervously.

He looked up to me and nodded.

I cleared my throat and sat in silence. I didn’t know what I was expecting…

Maybe waiting for him to ask me if I was ok…or something like that…

I opened my notebook when another paper appeared on top of it.

The message written with the black ink made me smile.

“You look better than yesterday.”

It wasn’t exactly a question but I was glad he had noticed that I wasn’t panicking anymore.

But our moment didn’t last much when the other students entered the classroom and also the teacher.

Everything was pretty normal until I heard it again.

Why was he breathing so hard? Was he sick?

I turned to look at him questioningly.

He looked back at me and opened his mouth breathing in, and I felt like he had stolen all the air I was breathing at the moment.

I started breathing hard but my heart was calm. This time it wasn’t racing. It was going slowly.

And as his eyes stayed focused on me I let myself melt by his gaze and I couldn’t stop looking at him.

And I knew I was right by thinking he was the one for me.

Because no guy had ever made me feel like that.

That mix of feelings, of fear and excitement. How my thoughts were clouded when he looked at me. How I could only focus on my breathing and his eyes.

How time seemed to stop each time I looked at him and the pang I felt in my soul with each one of his gazes.

And during the next days I never went to the cafeteria. Every lunch staying with him near the window.

The beautiful garden outside and the sun rays over us.

It was just his hand in mine, his silence, his cold lips on my forehead and the slow heartbeat. Each time slower and my lungs barely receiving oxygen.

It was intoxicating. It was mystical. I hadn’t dared to ask about his condition or why his breathing was so elaborated. But that didn’t seem relevant anymore. Not when I had him by my side.

So when I arrived home I was so tired that I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t even eat.

My mom looked worried but I was always smiling.

Those little notes. Those simple words.

But I felt myself becoming weaker. It was no more holding my hand, but holding my body as I could barely stand up.

He accompanied me back home but it was always before the sundown.

Months passed like that. I had no idea what school was all about since all the time I was there I spend it with him. He was like a shadow beside me and let out a tired laugh when I heard some girls gossiping about me.

“Jae…” I called him standing next to him while he looked through the window.

“I heard some girls saying that I was looking sicker and sicker each day. That my face was as if I had seen a ghost and that I was pale as if a vampire had my blood. Silly them, right?” I asked smiling but with my eyes almost closing.

He put his arms around me keeping me in place and for the first time he gave me a true smile. His deep eyes punching my soul once more and I coughed feeling my almost nonexistent heartbeat. But when he put my head on his chest and I could hear his clearly.

It was calm even when his breathing was still hard and I let myself fall into a light sleep.

Winter arrived and the coldness was almost killing me. The lack of food in my body wasn’t helping and I avoided my mother as she continued nagging that I looked sick.

I just wanted to be with him. He was like food to me. More than food. It was peace, it was life…

And standing once more beside the window, this time on the winter sunset he tried to kiss me on the lips. And for the first time in months my nerves seemed to wake up and I stepped back almost falling.

His red lips so near my own accelerated my heart. Something I had stopped feeling and I felt scared because it hurt me. My body wasn’t prepared for such an impact but his disappointed look made me cry.

It was true that we never agreed on being a couple but after months of being only the two of us, being only with me when I cried and in all my panic attacks, he was all I wanted in a guy.

So as I watched his figure disappearing in the hallway just like the rays of the sun I promised myself to not reject him a second time. It was a simple kiss. Even when with every heartbeat my body shook harshly, I was going to accept his kiss.

And night arrived, after making my way home I almost collapsed from exhaustion, but it was as if his breathing accompanied me.

The next day I arrived late, almost crawling to my seat. Because my body didn’t seem to handle this anymore, but my desire to see him was more powerful than that.

So I looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Jaejoong, I’m sorry. I won’t step back anymore. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t turn to me in the entire class. I could only hear his elaborated breathing that was like music to my ears and I just closed my eyes letting myself fall into that beautiful state in which my breathing matched his.

The class ended and I had to go, but he didn’t say a thing as I picked up my things and I left the class with a heavy sigh tripping on my way as I hadn’t any more energy left.

So when I entered the same room some hours later every step was like a step to continue living. I felt so tired and barely opened my eyes, but I wanted to see him once more.

And this time his big eyes punched my soul harder than ever and I gasped for air feeling alive again. And I smiled at him knowing he had forgiven me.

At the end of this class the school day would be over and we would be able to spend some time by the window. Just the two of us.

It was another piece of paper falling in front of me that made me open my eyes that I had closed due to exhaustion.

The class was about to end but my spirit felt like a new day by reading it.

“BoA, you are the air I breathe.”

And I smiled like never before coughing a bit as my lungs constricted again.  I had already got used to the feeling and as I was about to touch his face for the first time the teacher called me.

I glared at her but still walked to her desk as Jaejoong left the class surely going to the window.

“BoA, are you ok? You seem pretty sick and you are sleeping in all the classes. You are so thin and pale now.”

“I’m perfectly fine. I feel so alive and happy.” I said with conviction.

She looked at me worriedly just like my mother everyday.

She sighed before continuing. “Ok then…but if there is anything wrong you can tell me. Maybe the back seat is not good for you.” She said calmly.

But I felt fury grow inside me. ‘Shut up! You don’t know what you are talking about.’

That was all I wanted to shout at her, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have enough strength. So I just nodded and walked outside with Jaejoong’s lovely note still in my hand.

And there he was. Near the window.

“Jae…” I called him and smiled. He held me in his arms as we started watching the winter scenery.

The sun was going down he stood in front of me and the nervous feeling appeared again.

This time I was ready to receive his kiss. My heart pounding in my chest just like bullets.

So he caressed my face and my hair and as his lips approached mine I felt lost. The air was not enough this time and I could barely stand up. This wasn’t what I expected to feel. Not the peaceful aura around him. Not the silent understanding.

The way his expression changed. Again that smirk. That dark aura that I had long forgotten and replaced by the sound of his heartbeats. The way he held me was with care, but now it was hurting me.

He wasn’t the same Jaejoong anymore. In a matter of a second he was not the same guy I wanted to see everyday. 

‘No Jae, wait.’ I wanted to say, but those lips claimed mines and I felt my heart stop beating and my lungs stopped working.

My hands grabbed his wrists tightly. I felt so much fear, but at the same time I was asking him for compassion. It was just like the first time I met him. I was scared and vulnerable. I didn’t know what to do. I felt lost. He wasn’t the guy I wanted to see anymore.

A monster. That was what he was.

His red eyes looked at me. And his red lips all the remaining air from me.

And my dead body was still pressed against his as my frozen hands felt to my sides. No more blood running, no more movement. Just a single tear rolling down my face as my wide eyes kept looking at him.

He just opened the same window we had always stood by looking at the garden together, this time letting the wind enter and as the shadow of the night covered the hallway completely he let my body fall outside of it.

My eyes never closing as my body felt outside with my last image of him. His emotionless face and this time his calm breathing.

No more me.  The girl that believed in love. The girl that believed in him. The girl who used to loved him. The girl who gave her life to him.

The girl who he had fooled.

Now it was only him. Only him and his breathing…

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(A/N) THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS!

*madz67: Hi!^^ Finally I found time to update….really late, no? XD….but yeah, just like you I want them to be always together!....hehe….but what I didn’t understand from your comment was “Derek+Canada= JB?!” O.o….what were you trying to say?…I didn’t get it…hehe sorry, but thank anyways…..and well…I’m really anxious to know what you will say about this new one shot since it is so different from the previous ones….

*jhen414kpopaddict: Hi! Thanks for the comment in the previous one shot…and yeah, I wish they could see each other and talk in real life too….sorry for being so late in updating…but I hope you like this one shot too…I’m expecting your honest critic.

*meeeyi: Thanks for the comment! I’m glad you felt the emotions in the previous one shot! And yeah…it would be nice for them to meet again….and ohh…well, I am also a late Bojoong fan…I loved them separately but then I realized they were good friends and then I saw that there were fics about them and then realized how well they match hehe…but yeah, they were really close but they didn’t show it like BoA and Heechul since I guess Jae is more reserve in order to avoid scandals…but yeah, it sad how they are separated now…I hope you enjoyed this one shot too even if it is completely different from the other ones…an honest comment would be the best even if you didn’t like that much…XD