Sooyoung's POV

Cool breezes in the air, a cloudy sky and calm atmosphere… such nice weather wasn't it?

Then why was my heart hurt...

I wandered around the park in disguise. A hoody and a cap were enough to cover my SNSD's Choi Sooyoung identity.

The park was so nice. There were people, old people, children and couples. There were green trees, a lake and a grass area surrounding it. I stood on the grass, staring at the lake with my hands put in the pockets of my favorite jeans. At times like this I usually thank the Government silently for providing public goods, because I really couldn’t stay at home anymore.

People stole glances at me and shot weird looks. I bet some of them found me familiar but were still unsure. Whatever. I wasn’t in the mood of fan service.

I tried to remember what made me feel like this, but I couldn't really recall anything. I guess it was because I was good at controlling my thoughts. I tend to delete all the miserable things out of my mind and I got the skills. So I just stood there, bearing a 'blank heaviness' in my chest, if you understand what I mean, and staring at the lake.

I was surprise at how I could be so calm. Indeed I felt much hurt, but the more hurtful it gets, the calmer I become, that's one unique characteristic that I was proud of having.

Eventually, memories somehow came back. I remembered now. My cute little bunny, why did you do that...?

The horror snapshot popped up in my head. You were kissing her, Hyomin. It was so passionate... You two looked… great.

Anger blew up in my stomach. I automatically frowned and clenched my fists in the pockets. My head hurt, though not as much as my body.

Usually people would say, which I also just said, the heart is the part that is hurt, but as for me now, I couldn't even feel where my heart was. My whole chest was burnt and my upper body was deep in pain. I tried holding my breath but it didn’t help chasing the pain away.

I wished I could cry or scream this horrible feeling out loud, but I couldn’t. I had to respect public goods. Sorry scratch that. I just didn’t know what to do anymore.

My little bunny...

I'm sorry I stormed into your room without knocking. I just wanted to tell you there was food... I thought you and Hyomin would want some, but well, I could be a very bad detective at times.

Little bunny unnie. That's how I should accurately call you. You’re older. And you're not mine. I don’t have the right to be jealous. That's why I apologized and closed the door as gently as I could after telling you guys to 'continue what you were doing'.

What a wonderful world - Emi Fujita

I sighed. I knew a day like this would come, but I didn't think it'd be like this.

My love for you, little bunny, is genuinely huge. I don’t know since when, but I have fallen for you. Everything about you fascinated me. I had that protectiveness built up in my chest whenever you were near. Your shortness, cuteness, gestures, your nose, your lips, your skin... Oh dear how did you do that bunny? Where did you get that kind of charming power?

Your smile, aww I wanted to smile so much even in this depressing state.

I think I smirked.

Okay... That snapshot popped up again.

It hurts, bunny. You have no idea how hurt it is, loving you. I couldn’t blame you though. It was my entire fault.

I never told you about my feelings. I chose to keep them for myself. You know why?

I was not sure about myself and my feelings. I didn’t know if you liked me or not. That was one cliché, yeah. Then I didn’t know if I could make you happy. I didn’t know what I would do if we fight. I didn’t know what I would do if you hurt me. I didn’t know what I would do if it then turned out to be just a misunderstanding.

In other words, I was afraid of failure. You're not just someone, bunny. You're my fellow SNSD member. If we got into a relationship, it'd ruin our career when people found out. If we got into a relationship and break up, how awkward it would be being in the same group? We might end up hurting other members as well, you know?

It was all so complicated. I don’t think I can handle all those things, bunny. If we are just friends, we can be together forever, we can be SNSD forever. End of story. Plus a happy ending.

I took a deep breath and calmed down. Alright then. Let it be. This is what I chose. I can do this. Let me protect you from this crazy world. Eventually I will get used to it, and it will hurt no more. And you’re safe. We’re safe.

Right?

No one's POV

A short girl went looking around for someone. She blamed herself for her stupid plan which she thought was genius.

Flashback

"So, Sunny, have you told Sooyou-

"Shhhh Hyomin! She can hear you!"

"Opps." Hyomin put out her tongue. "So, have you?"

"No, I haven’t."

Sunny sigh. She and Hyomin were in her room, having a little talk. Hyomin came over after Invincible Youth filming and the girls decided to have a little party.

"Why haven’t you?"

"I don’t know what to start up with..."

"Silly, just say that you lo-"

"Shhhhhh!!"

"Opps."

"And what's the point? I don’t think she likes me anyway..." Sunny pouted sadly. It was rare that the energy pill of SNSD shows her worries and the sad face.

"Of course she likes you!"

"Aw come on, she likes me but not that way."

"You know what? We can test and see if she liked you that way or not." Hyomin winked.

"How?"

"We gotta make her jealous!"

"Seriously Hyomin you watched too much drama."

"Oh come on! Who knows? What if she does like you that way? Huh? Huh?"

Sunny bit her lips. Yeah. That actually sounded good. It doesn’t cost much anyway. Just a little test.

"So what do you have in mind Hyomin?"

"I'm not sure but..."

"Bunny!" 

The two girls were startled by the sudden call from outside. They could tell it was Sooyoung by the sound of her voice.

"It's her!"

"Act along now Soonkyu!!" Hyomin crashed her lips on Sunny's. Sunny was shocked but played along by snaking her arms around Hyomin's neck, she had no choice anyway. The door opened just half a second later.

"Hey guys do you want some... O-oh…"

Hyomin broke the pretend kiss and pretended to be surprised. "Oh Sooyoung..!"

"I-I...I'm sorry. You guys continue to... do... Sorry I interrupted." Sooyoung glued her eyes to the ground and reversed, closing the door quickly.

"Hyomin!!" Sunny looked at Hyomin in disbelief.

"What?? Did you see her face?" Hyomin whispered.

"No because she was behind me. But what kind of test was that??!"

"I don’t know ask the drama directors!" Hyomin laughed.

"Are you kidding me??"

"Yes. Hahaha sorry. Oh my god you have to see her face Soonkyu!! It was priceless! I really think Sooyoung really should have debuted as an actress already."

"Stop joking around! So what is the result? Tell me??!"

"Hmm... She looked... shocked. Then you heard her, she apologized and got out... I think she sounded sad, I'm not sure though. You should go check for more details."

"So that test failed?"

"I'm not sure. Go check."

"Aishhh Hyomin! I trusted you! How can look at her face now?? What would she think of me after seeing that?"

"That's the point! What she thinks after seeing that determines the way in which she likes you!"

Sunny bit her lips and hesitated. Her heart was beating rapidly because of nervousness and curiosity. After some thoughts, she made up her mind and went out of the room looking for Sooyoung.

"Good luck, Soonkyu!"

"If it doesn’t turn out right, I'mma kill you, Hyomin!"

Sunny shot a glare at the girl and closed the door.

----

"Where's Sooyoung?"

"She just went out for a walk."

Yoona answered Sunny's question without looking away from the TV. She and Seohyun were watching Keroro while the other unnies minus Jessica and Tiffany were preparing food for the little party.

"A walk? Isn’t it almost dinner time? Why did she go out for a walk at this time?"

"I don’t know, unnie. Why don’t you tell us? She was like, lost her mind or something after going to your room. What happened?" Yoona looked suspiciously into her unnie's eyes.

"Yeah... We had to ask her where she was going many times before she could hear us and answered. She looked pale. I was about to stop her but she just went straight ahead." Seohyun exchanged looks with Yoona worriedly. Sunny felt her heart sink. She felt guilty. Maybe she shouldn’t have tested anything. What if it hurt Sooyoung or something? What if Sooyoung didn’t like her that way and that test only show the tall girl that Sunny was… that kind of people.

"I'll go look for her." Sunny didn’t know what she was up to but she went out anyway.

End flashback.

Sunny went looking everywhere but there were no trace of Sooyoung. She went to places that have food like restaurants and coffee shops but it was hopeless. “Aishh Sooyoungie! Where are you!!” Sunny muttered in frustration.

It was getting dark. Sunny needed to sit down as her legs protested. She went to the park and found a bench so sit on. In front of her was a lake. There were a lot of children playing on the grass ground around the lake. The wind blew. The sun was about to set. Where the hell was Choi Sooyoung? 

Then Sunny spotted a figure standing on the other side of the lake. The person was wearing a hoody and a cap. Sunny could immediately recognize the height of that Choi Sooyoung. She got up from the bench and held her arms high, waving. No response from Sooyoung. Sunny tried waving more intensely but it seemed like Sooyoung was just staring blankly at a point somewhere near the trees, oblivious of her presence. Sunny then walked around the lake towards Sooyoung, her eyes never left the tall figure.

Man, what a huge lake! Sunny thought to herself and sped up. Sooyoung had not been moving a bit. Her hands were put in the pockets, the cap hung low covering her eyes. And she just stood like that for the whole time of Sunny’s journey. Finally, Sunny got to the other side where Sooyoung was. She was panting and sweating, extremely tired. Sooyoung was in front of her, still didn’t know she was there. She decided to walk to the bench behind the tall girl and sit down to catch some breath.

What should I do now? Sunny wiped the sweat with the back of her hand. She watched Sooyoung from behind thinking of a way to approach her. That girl still stood there unmoving like she was a sculpture or something. Sunny wondered what that standing thing was for. Why was there a frozen Sooyoung in the park? Suddenly Sooyoung leaned backwards. Sunny abruptly stood up and was about to catch the tall girl but too late she fell down on the grass. Her body hit the ground and her arms stretched to the sides. She didn’t seem to hurt, instead she yelled.

“RABBIT!!”

Rabbit?? Sunny widened her eyes, dumbfounded.

“RABBITS ARE STUPID!!”

What??

“SORRY I WAS JUST KIDDNG. RABBITS ARE CUTE.”

Is she talking to herself?? Sunny looked around. People and children were looking at Sooyoung as if she was an alien. Some of them even giggled.

“ADORABLE!”

Sunny was startled again. She slowly walked towards the lying Sooyoung who was looking at the sky.

“I thought rabbit wanted some food…” Sooyoung said with a low voice.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Sooyoung sat up immediately and saw Sunny. “Wha- what are you doing here ?”

“What about you?”

“Did you hear anything?”

“No. You yelled too softly I couldn’t hear anything.” Sunny raised a brow and sarcastically emphasized.

Sooyoung blushed. She stood up and fixed her clothes, avoiding Sunny’s stare. “Let’s go home.”

“O-okay.”

The way home was complete silence. Both of them used their caps to hide their faces and thoughts from each other. Sooyoung made up her mind already and was quite calm. While in contrast, Sunny was deep in thoughts about what she should do to her feelings and this tall Choi. They arrived home in the welcome of the girls. Sunny immediately pulled Sooyoung to her room and locked the door.

“What’s wrong?” Sooyoung asked.

Sunny breathed in, gathered courage and spoke hesitantly. “About earlier…”

“Oh. Don’t worry I won’t tell anybody.” Sooyoung forced a smile.

Sunny was about to say something but no words escaped . All the courage disappeared. What Sooyoung just said somehow broke her heart. It sounded like she didn’t care. It sounded like the scene didn’t bother her one bit.

“Is… that it?” Finally the short girl found her language again.

“Is what it?”

“Is that all what you want to say?” Sunny looked up into Sooyoung’s eyes. She hoped she could find a sign that her dongsaeng was lying.

“Don’t mind it.” Sooyoung pinched Sunny’s cheek playfully. “Why so serious? Let’s go eat now I’m starving.”

 “Tell me!” Sunny demanded and shook Sooyoung’s arm.

“Forget about it okay?” Sooyoung used her tone of seriousness. Suddenly she was mad again. Anger came again. She was fighting hard to win over the pain and now Sunny just brought them all back. The horror scene replayed in her head continuously. She gritted her teeth and looked away.

It was all confusing to Sunny. What was that supposed to mean?

“Are you mad?” Sunny slid her hand and intertwined her fingers with Sooyoung’s.Sooyoung still looked away. She liked the feel of her bunny’s soft hand so much but at the same time she felt like the hand was stabbed with needles.

“Sooyoungie…” Sunny hugged the tall girl. She brushed her cheek on Sooyoung’s sweater and felt the warmth.

“What are you doing?”

Sunny froze. Sooyoung sounded so cold, so uninterested. She backed away and tears were formed in her eyes. “Soo- Sooyoungie…”

Sooyoung looked down at Sunny with an indescribable expression. “I won’t tell anybody. You can trust me.”

“No. It’s not like that!” Tears rolled down on Sunny’s cheeks. Sooyoung frowned and wiped them away with her fingers.

"Don’t cry. I hate your tears.” The tall girl's face looked really annoyed. But her hands and her voice were gentle. Sunny loved the touch so much. Her heart groaned in pain as she couldn’t hold her feelings in anymore. She reached for Sooyoung's face and pulled it close.

Their lips touching sent electric shock all over their bodies. They breathed in each other's skin and parted their lips in sync. Their hearts fluttered upon the sweet first taste of each other. It hurt Sooyoung that she was not the only one who got to taste Sunny while Sunny was all painfully frustrated. It was a heart breaking kiss but neither of them wanted to let go. Sunny put her hands around Sooyoung's neck and kissed passionately. However, Sooyoung stopped kissing back and tears rolled down on her cheeks.

Sunny broke the kiss as the sensed the tears of the tall girl. She panicked when she saw the tears and the anguish in Sooyoung’s eyes.

“What’s wrong…?” Sunny wiped the latter’s tears with her thumb.

“Are you… comparing or something?” Sooyoung scoffed.

“Nooo! Oh my God listen!” Sunny cupped Sooyoung’s face and fixed their gaze. “What you saw, it was all Hyomin’s plan. It was just at test…”

“A test to see what?” Sooyoung raised her brows.

“To see… if you…” Sunny took her hands back and started fidgeting. She took a deep breath. “To see if you were jealous. Because I wasn’t sure if I should tell you…”

Sooyoung’s heart pounded so loudly she thought everyone could have heard it beating. After all she wasn’t that dumb to not understand what Sunny was trying to say.

"Okay. Listen kid. I like you. I really really like you. Not in a friendly way... I mean..."

"An unfriendly way you mean?"

"Yah!" Sunny hit Sooyoung's arm. The tall girl smirked inside. She hugged Sunny and again felt all protective towards the older girl. Sunny hugged back tighter.

"You know what, bunny? I was dead jealous." Sooyoung whispered. "You have no idea how long I've been like this. I've fallen for you since forever."

Sunny felt the heat of her cheeks blushing. She grinned widely while her heart recovered in just one second.

"Will you be my girlfriend, kid? That is if you don't want to die due to jealousy."

“No, I can’t.”

“Why??”

Sooyoung turned away and walked to the bed. She sat down on the edge of the bed and frowned.

“We can’t be in that kind of relationship, bunny. What if people find out? We have responsibilities for SNSD, for the fans, we can’t disappoint them.” The tall girl bit her lower lip and shook her head lightly. Sunny walked closer and patted Sooyoung’s head. “Is that why you didn’t tell me about your feelings?”

Sooyoung looked at Sunny. She had to look up because she was sitting and Sunny was standing, being taller. “Yes. And I don’t know if I can make you happy.”

Sunny smiled. She Sooyoung’s hair and spoke softly. "Being with you is enough for me to be happy for the rest of the day. I can't promise you things will turn out fine, but we don’t sacrifice the good things because of the bad things right? No matter what happens, you got me by your side. I'll protect us.” Sunny winked both her eyes and pinched Sooyoung’s nose. For the first time since she realized her feelings, Sooyoung felt happy. She hugged the standing girl by the waist while the latter patted her head. Her heart let go of all the uncertainties and she knew this could be a happier ending.

“Be mine?”

“Alright then.” With that Sooyoung showed a shy smile.

A/N: Happy birthday, Choi Sooyoung <3

Feb 10, 2012.