It’s now 4am and I just got back to my room. I suppose I should be sleeping but my heart and mind are racing right now. Really racing. I feel like I’ve just had 40 cups of coffee. Oh Ruki, what you do to me….
    At 11:00 I met up with him. I went straight to the hotel lobby where he’d been earlier. It was a bit dark there now so I sat where there was a bit of light so that Ruki would see me when he came down. I glanced around nervously and looked down at my watch. 11:00 pm exactly. Then from behind me in the darkness, I heard his voice call out to me. It was the first time I’d ever heard him call me by name. I wasn’t sure till now that he even knew my name. He was seated comfortably in a dim lit corner casually smoking a cigarette. The man smokes like a chimney! I took a seat across from him in a chair and we sat for a  moment in silence. Ruki was smoking calmly as if I wasn’t even there. He didn’t even look at me. I was getting more and more nervous. Finally after what seemed like forever, he spoke abruptly.
    “Why do you cherish it?” he said still looking away from me, as if I were invisible. My face felt hot, I knew I must have been blushing. I felt so timid when he spoke to me.
    “It’s the song, its special to me” I said with a slightly hesitant voice. I looked straight at the floor. I was too nervous to look at him.
    “Somewhere” He said. “I know that tune also” He said as he leaned forward to snuff his cigarette in the ashtray. He leaned back into his chair and looked up toward the ceiling as if our conversation was boring him.
    “Thank…” I started out then realized It would probably be better to thank him in Japanese. “Arigatou gozai mas” I said in a small voice.  I saw a slight smirk grace his lips briefly. Finally after sitting in silence for a moment longer he stood and walked toward the front door. I followed him out of the hotel and into the night air. We walked quietly down the street for a moment. Then he looked up at the sky and asked,
    “What’s your star sign?” he said as he kept walking. His head tilted and looking to the stars.
    “Aquarius” I said a bit puzzled by his seemingly pointless questioning.
    “You know, they say Aquarians are good for each other.” He said with a smirk. I laughed slightly. I’d heard that too.
    “So they say” I said. “They can be difficult to get along with so they tend to understand each other best” I said feeling a bit at ease now.
    “How old are you?” he asked. He was still walking. His gaze fixed straight ahead.
    “26” I said. He nodded then for the first time since we met in the lobby he looked at me.
    “I’m your senior by 4 years” He said. That I was not expecting. I thought for sure he was the same age as me. We walked a little ways farther and there was a path leading to a park. He turned down the path and I followed. The park was barely lit and a bit creepy looking. I was nervous that perhaps we’d be into some sort of trouble if someone found us walking about there. He stopped by a bench and leaned on the lamp post beside it. I sat down on the bench and waited. What was the meaning of all of this? Now we were completely alone. No one around, and it was dark. Only the dim light from the lamp we were under lit the space around us. Ruki said nothing, just kicked at the dirt beneath his feet.
    “Ruki-san?” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure he heard me. But then he walked around the post and took a seat beside me.
    “You know that’s not my real name” he said. Looking off into the distance. I was surprised by this. I didn’t know that Ruki wasn’t his real name. I looked at him inquisitively and he sighed heavily. “Takanori” he said.
    “Takanori” I said quietly. Then I looked at Ruki who was now looking at me.
    “Or Taka for short” he said. He looked at me and waited a bit as if waiting for me to repeat it.
    “Taka” I said. A bit more loudly than before. “Taka” I repeated. “That’s lovely, why go by Ruki?” I asked. He shrugged.
    “We all use names different from our real life names” He said looking into the darkness again. As I sat there looking at his profile I noticed how handsome he is. I wanted to pull myself closer to him. I wanted to rest my head on his chest as we sat there in the darkness but I am still a bit fearful of him. “But you can call me Taka.” He said I froze and in my head I asked why? And as if he could hear me he answered. “ If you would like to, If you feel you would like to call me by a personal name” he said. I looked at the ground again. I was really nervous as to where this conversation was going and what was going to happen tonight on that bench. Now my urge to touch him or be close to him was becoming overwhelming. But before I could act on it he grabbed my arm. I didn’t now how to react to this. So I froze. He held my wrist in his hand then examined my hand gently. Finally he placed my hand in my lap and as he was about to stand I reached up and grabbed hold of his arm. I tried to stop myself but before I knew it my hand was holding onto his jacket sleeve. He sat back down on the bench. Now he was really close to me. He looked at me as I looked at the ground. I was so embarrassed about having grabbed onto him like that.
    “Say something” I said still looking at the ground. He looked at me intensely. “Please” I said. He took me by the hand and we stood and walked back toward the hotel. As we approached the entrance of the park, he pulled me gently to follow him as he walked off the path under a trio of trees. He leaned against a tree still holding my hand and looked at me silently. I looked at the ground and tried to free my hand from his. He held it tighter.
    “You torture me” He said. “everyday I look at you it’s like a cruel torture.” He had that sort of angry look on his face. The one he’d had so many times before. When he was mistreating me. That condescending snarl that I had come to dread seeing. “ I want you”  he said squeezing my hand tighter. “I want you so bad, but I shouldn’t have you. And its torture” He said. He let go of my hand and stood from the tree to walk away. I watched as he walked. I wanted to scream at him and tell him that I wanted him too. That I wished I could spend this entire night here alone with him in the quiet of this park. I waited for a moment then I followed after him.