Tour’s almost through. Thank god!!! Things were getting a bit more bearable. But today that all went out the window….I’m so confused/a bit scared. What does Ruki want with me? I was beginning to think he was finally done with me. It has been like 2 weeks since the incident with him making me cry. I hadn’t done his hair or makeup and he actually hadn’t bothered me or glared at me or anything. I was glad but I couldn’t help but feel like it was the calm before the storm. I was still feeling nervous about him somehow and today my fears were confirmed. I just don’t know what to do.
     They were doing a radio appearance today so I was hanging out in the hotel restaurant just reading e-mails from home and relaxing. We had a free day, their next show isn’t till tomorrow night. Well I knew the guys were staying in the same hotel but I figured because they’d be so busy with interviews and all that I wouldn’t see them. Much to my surprise though they actually did have some down time and when I was relaxing and enjoying the peace and quiet of being alone, none other than Ruki walks into the restaurant. I’d just gotten my food so it would’ve been foolish of me to just walk out so I stayed and acted as if I didn’t notice he was there. He walked past my table and I kept my eyes glued to my ipad. I pushed the food around on my plate, him being there made me loose my appetite. I was so nervous. He sat two tables over from me. At first I thought that maybe he didn’t see me after all.  But then when I got brave enough to glance over at him he was looking dead at me. I averted my eyes quickly and pretended to be looking for the waiter. But he knew I was checking him out. He smirked at me and relaxed in his chair puffing on his cigarette casually. His look reminded me of the look he gave me that day when he blew the smoke in my face. I went back to busying myself on my ipad and soon his food arrived and he seemed to forget about me. By now I was hungry again so I finished my food nervousness and all. Ruki didn’t appear to be eating much and he was lighting up another smoke.
    When I was standing to leave I heard him call for his check. Even more nervous now I hurried to get to the hotel lobby so I could duck into the bathroom and avoid contact with him leaving the restaurant and heading back to his room. I quickly ran inside and waited about 5 minutes before heading up to my room. I peeked out of the bathroom door to be sure he wasn’t lurking about then I quickly made my way to the elevator. I rushed inside, pressed the button for my floor and closed my eyes. I felt a wave of relief come over me as I leaned back on the elevator wall. But just before the doors closed someone slid inside. My eyes popped open as I heard the doors “ding” and re-open. My fear was confirmed. It was Ruki. My heart started to pound in my chest. I swear he could hear it. It beat so fast and hard that I felt my body shake slightly with each pound. He leaned on the wall across from me looked me up and down. Tears started to fill my eyes. I was terrified. He reached over to the emergency stop button and pushed it. The elevator jerked to a halt. My palms were sweaty and I tightened my fist. I looked up at the elevator ceiling and closed my eyes. The tears rolled down my cheeks.
    “Please.” I said sobbing slightly “what do you want from me?” I pleaded. Ruki approached me slowly and put his hand on my throat gently. He moved his hand to my cheek and wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumb. He was so close to me I could smell him. His cologne, mild and mixed with hints of cigarette smoke. I felt his breath on my neck and ear as he whispered to me in Japanese. I didn’t know exactly what he said but I did catch one word “Utsukushii” Beautiful. He moved his hand to my throat again, and I looked at him from the corner of my eye. I was starting to relax just a bit, although I was afraid, his touch was gentle and calming. He looked at me for the first time like I was human. His eyes traced my face slowly as if he were studying me. Then he removed his hand and retreated back to the other side of the elevator. He looked me over again and we stood there silent for a moment. He pushed the emergency stop and the elevator began moving again. He turned from me to face the door and I slid slowly to the back of the elevator. His floor was first and as the door opened to let him off he paused, his back still facing me and said
    “You are beautiful when you cry.” Without another word he stepped off the elevator and I rode up to my floor. I ran to my room and when I got inside I lost it. I sat on the floor by the entrance crying. What does he want? Why is he torturing me this way. I have to admit though that before today I hadn’t thought of him in that sort of way. I mean he’s attractive but I wasn’t attracted to him. But now, even though he scares me, I feel this weird attraction toward him. Like he’s drawing me in slowly. He’s the predator and I’m his prey. But why? Why me? And why like this?