We stopped outside my apartment and I looked nervously at him. He was still holding his umbrella over me and he was already completely soaked through. I felt warmness in my heart and it frightened me. I hadn’t felt anything like that since Luhan died two years ago. When he died, it felt like a part of me had died too.

I asked softly “Do you want to go inside and dry up?”

He smiled and nodded. “Sure.”

I unlocked the door and we both entered the apartment. Once we were in, his eyes were drawn to the many photographs of Luhan and I and he appeared amazed. He walked over to the photographs and picked one up.

“He looks exactly like me.” He said slowly, his eyes still widened in amazement.

I nodded, feeling bitter. I gave him a towel and some of Luhan’s old clothes. “Here, go shower and wear these. I’m pretty sure you can fit them.” He took them and said “Do these clothes belong to him?” I looked at this reincarnation of Luhan and nodded.

He went off to shower and I stared at a photograph of me and Luhan. It depicted the two of us running around the shooting fountains of a shopping mall in Seoul. We were happily running around, letting the jets of water completely soak us through. The two of us had caught colds after that, but we stayed together in our bedroom the entire day, drinking cups of hot tea and sneezing into tissues. Even that way, we were happy.

I painfully closed my eyes and my fist trembled. If only I could go back to those times... 

Just then, he stepped out of the shower and I widened my eyes. He was dressed in Luhan’s favourite black shirt and blue sweatpants. They fit him perfectly and as he walked out, the familiar scent of Luhan drifted through the room. I had to struggle with my mind, which was already bursting with familiarity.

He caught the pained look in my eyes and said softly “I look even more alike now, huh?” I couldn’t even bring myself to answer. He walked past me and sat down on the couch. He looked up at him, his eyes full of curiosity “Can you tell me more about this other Luhan? I would love to know more about him.”

I smiled weakly and sat down beside him. “What do you want to know?”

“You can tell me anything.”

“As you know, he looked exactly like you, and he even had the same name. He loved all kinds of sports, except volleyball and golf. He loved listening to indie bands. He loved lying on the grass, gazing at the stars. He used to star gaze with his telescope all the time. He especially loved swimming, and how alive he always felt every time he was in water. He’s hopeless in cooking, but he never stops trying. He loved chocolate cake. His favourite flowers were fresh lilies. His favourite cartoon character is Donald Duck. He liked going to the Han River to watch the fireworks. He… got diagnosed with stage III cancer two years ago and now he’s…. dead.”

I started crying like a lost little girl. Reminiscing about him always brought me so much pain.

I didn’t even realize when the reincarnation of Luhan put his arms around me, burying my head into his shoulder. I cried helplessly as he slowly patted my shoulder, calming me down. Eventually I calmed down and pulled away from him.

“I think you should call me something else.”

I looked up at him and said “What?”

“I don’t think you should call me Luhan. Luhan’s obviously a special name to you and it’s his name, so I feel like I’d be intruding. You can call me… Han.” He smiled at me.

I nodded. He held out his hand “Annyeonghaseyo, Park Jiyoung. Han imnida.”

I shook his hand. His grasp was warm and familiar. “Annyeonghaseyo, Han. Park Jiyoung imnida.”

Both of us broke out into smiles and I finally felt a fluttering in my chest that had been absent for two long lonely years.