The day after his birthday, Jonghyun was sitting silently in his room, his eyes on the unopened stack of envelopes in his hands. There was another stack, already opened, on his bedside table. His name was written by a foreign hand on the front of the trembling paper packaging before his eyes, the appa's on the ones already set to the side.

Minho was sitting behind the elder, legs stretched out on either side of him. His arms wound around Jonghyun's torso, his chin resting on the shorter boys shoulder. Jonghyun leaned back against him with a heavy sigh.

"Should I open them?" He asked, his voice soft. Minho shrugged.

"It's up to you. Do you want to know what she said?" Minho asked. Jonghyun didn't respond, instead just tearing into the letters.

They sat for hours, reading through letter after letter. Admittedly, the stacks weren't that big, but it was a struggle for Jonghyun to see the words. He wasn't sure why, but something felt off about the whole thing. He kept pushing the letters away in favor of stuffing his face into Minho's chest, neck, and hair.

"If it's upsetting you so much, why don't you stop?" Minho asked as Jonghyun cuddled against him with a distressed expression. "You can come back to it later if you want."

"I just want to know what she wants." Jonghyun said.

"Well, so far it's a lot of 'I want to see you's' mixed in with explanations as to what she's been doing most of your life." Minho said. "I don't know what else you're looking for."

"I don't know, Minho." Jonghyun admitted. "Maybe just a reason for why I had to spend my whole life being told the phone was bad. Or why I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. Why I've got this temper I have to work so hard to control."

Jonghyun buried his face in Minho's shoulder, trying to hide the tears that were coming so easily. Minho didn't miss the way his voice was cracking, nor was he oblivious to the tears on his shirt, but he couldn't do much. He'd struggled enough with his own mommy issues to know nothing really helped.

Still, though, he held Jonghyun close and kissed his head as the smaller boy whimpered miserably in his arms. Jonghyun had quite the history of overpowering emotions that he couldn't seem to get out of his system. Minho was honestly amazed he hadn't snapped yet. He'd never even seen Jonghyun so much as swat a bug or break something. He could cry like nobody's business though.

"I keep having nightmares about a woman screaming at me. Hitting me. A guy, too sometimes, but mostly just the woman." Jonghyun swallowed hard. "I'm trying to get through all the in my head so I can try to be normal for once in my life. But it all comes back to her. Sangho? He wanted me to talk to her. She keeps trying to talk to me. I just want to know what she wants."

"Jjongie..." Minho said softly.

"Appa said he'd take me to see her." Jonghyun blurted out. Minho tensed.

"Y-you're going to see her?" Minho asked. Jonghyun sniffled.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do and no one's telling me what's best." Jonghyun said, tugging at Minho's shirt. The younger felt useless in that moment. "I fought so hard to prove I could make decisions on my own and now I've got to make one and I don't want the choice. What if I meet her and I hate her? What if I don't meet her and I would have loved her?"

"Go." Minho choked out. Jonghyun froze, then pulled back from him with huge eyes.

"G-go?" He stuttered. Why did Minho want him to leave? Was he being too selfish? He could feel himself starting to panic, and Minho suddenly pressed his lips to Jonghyun's forehead.

"Go see her." Minho clarified. "You'll regret it if you don't."

Jonghyun remained silent for a long time after that. Eventually, though, he nodded and leaned up to kiss Minho softly. The younger returned the affection with a heavy heart, and it wasn’t long before Jonghyun pulled away, looking nervous. He kissed Minho’s cheek, then slid out of the others embrace and stood up.

“I’ll be right back.” He said softly, then headed for the door.

Minho watched him go, and had to fight the urge to follow him, or call him back. He was always the nice guy, the one doing what was best for everyone else, and he always had a smile on his face. What was he supposed to do now, when he wanted to be selfish? When he wanted to cry? He didn’t know, and it was twisting his stomach into some impressive knots.

Jonghyun knocked on the appa’s door with shaking hands. He heard movement from within, and had to fight the urge to run back into his room. The door opened, and Jonghyun looked up at the appa with his puppy eyes. Jinki reached out, pulling Jonghyun into his room and hugging him softly.

“What’s the matter?” Jinki asked softly, and Jonghyun shrugged. “Your eyes are all red. were you crying?”

“Appa, can we go see her?” He blurted out. Jinki blinked a few times, then nodded.

“Yeah.” He said. “I’ll call tomorrow to see when she’s allowed visitors.”

“Ok.” Jonghyun said, his voice shaky.

Jonghyun rubbed at his eyes as he made his way down the stairs, the fingers on his left hand braided with the ones on Minho’s right. It had been a long night for both of them - neither able to fall asleep, and neither willing to admit they knew the other was awake. Minho had been trying to come to terms with the idea that Jonghyun would be going to visit his biological mother, and trying to understand why it upset him so badly. Jonghyun had been doing just the same.

Jinki smiled as they walked into the kitchen, pretending not to notice the exhaustion in both of their eyes as they sat at the table. He simply put some of the food he had just finished making onto two plates and set them in front of each boy. Finally, they let go of each other and began eating, though they both seemed a little reluctant.

“Jjongie.” Jinki said, and Jonghyun looked up at him with a slightly disinterested expression. “I called the jail. If you want to visit, we have to head out tomorrow. She’s only allowed visitors on Wednesdays, and it’s a bit of a travel, so I figured we could stay in a hotel for a couple of nights.”

Jonghyun stayed quiet as he processed the information. The next day was Tuesday, meaning the appa was going to be out of work for three days if they went. It also meant Jonghyun would be away from Minho for close to three days. He didn’t like the idea, at all, but he nodded anyway.

“Alright.” He said softly, stabbing into his food again. Minho remained silent beside him, looking more than a little upset, but trying to hide it.

“I’ll talk to my boss when I go in today.” Jinki said softly, seeing how affected both boys were by his words. Jonghyun nodded silently, and Jinki bit his lip, looking around before his eyes halted on the envelopes the counter. “Your test results finally came in. Both of you.”

He was met with two wide eyed stares. There was an obvious amount of anxiety on both boys faces, and before he could say anything Jonghyun was up and running. Minho looked like he was going to have a panic attack, and Jinki wondered why they were so nervous about the results.

“I...I can’t...” Minho got up suddenly, then bolted up the stairs behind Jonghyun. Jinki was left alone in the kitchen, unsure of what to do even as Luna came in.

“Jonghyun and Minho are on a mission.” She commented. Jinki sighed, looking back at the two envelopes. She raised a brow as Taemin and Key came in.

“All I did was tell them their test results came in. They freaked out.” Jinki said, running a hand through his hair. He glanced up in time to see Taemin staring at him.

“What?” He asked. Taemin sighed.

“What was going on the entire time Jonghyun was taking those tests?” Taemin asked. Jinki stared at him for a moment before realization dawned.

“Oh.” The appa said softly.

“What about Minho? He was testing Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.” Key said. Jinki bit his lip.

“I’m an idiot.” He said, shaking his head.

He grabbed the envelopes and headed up the stairs to the boys room. He didn’t bother to knock, instead just heading into the room. Jonghyun and Minho were sitting across from each other, staring at each other with intensely emotional eyes. Jonghyun slowly looked up at the appa, and upon seeing the envelopes in his hand, he reached out.

Jinki handed them over, watching as Jonghyun read the names on the envelope, then handed his own to Minho, holding onto the others. Minho’s eyes flickered over Jonghyun’s name, and he his lips and nodded. They tore into the envelopes simultaneously, each reaching in and pulling out the papers hidden within.

Jinki watched as their eyes flew over the pages before them, and worry took over the longer they sat, silently reading. Then Minho reached out, grabbing Jonghyun’s arm and pulling him closer. Jonghyun looked up at him in surprise, but Minho pointed to something on the page as Jonghyun leaned his back against Minho’s chest. Jonghyun’s eyes grew slightly wider, and he pointed to something on the page in his hand. Minho looked it over quickly, and nodded before kissing the side of Jonghyun’s head.

“You did it, Jjongie.” Minho whispered, his arms going around the elder, crushing the papers slightly. “You did it.”

“You did, too.” Jonghyun said softly. Minho smiled, pressing his head against Jonghyun’s, and the papers fell onto the bed as soft laughter filled the room. Jonghyun looked over at the appa, who looked slightly teary-eyed. “We did it.”

“I know.” Jinki said, smiling. “I knew you would.”