It ends
The Song of Your Life
So clear silver moon
Wind moves through my room
Memories of Saturday
I sit on my balcony, staring at the stars. Though I don’t really look at them. My eyes are set on them but all I see is his face. I don’t want to. I want to forget this image. I want to forget him. But again, thinking about him, I realize that I love him so much.
However, I’ll never be able to show him again. The memories of that Saturday flashes through my mind. I know it did happen, yet it’s as if I can’t realize it. What did I do to be rejected like this? What did I do wrong? Why can’t it be me?
Slight turn of his head
Eyes down when he said
He’s going away, going away
I need to know this
Flashback
Mir entered his shared apartment with Joon. He saw his lover sitting on the couch. Smiling happily, the young man went behind the older one and wrapped his arms around his neck. He kissed Joon on his cheeks and started to caress his chest with his hands. But Mir quickly felt something was wrong. Usually, his lover would have reacted fast, immediately turning around and kissing him on his lips. Not this time.
‘’Joonie, what’s wrong?’’
The latter turned to face Mir. The younger saw sadness in his lover’s eyes which made him frown.
‘’I have something to tell you Mir…’’
The young man gulped before getting around the couch and sitting beside Joon.
‘’What is it Joonie?’’
The older’s expression suddenly became annoyed and he just blurted out what he had to say.
‘’Don’t call me Joonie again. Mir it’s over. I’ve met someone else.’’
End of flashback
Am I the fool, am I a victim
I’d rather know
You’d rather kiss him goodnight
Tonight I’m blinded
I tried, I tried
Is this the way, is this the way it ends
Why did he have to leave me like this? His eyes were so hateful. Have I done something wrong? I know I’ve been busy with work recently, but he also had a lot to do. So why? Why is it this person and not me? What does he have that I don’t?
The night became colder and colder, but I didn't care. I remember when we used to look at the stars together, hand in hand. Once, he had told me that he would stop loving me the day there was no more stars in the sky. Maybe this is what happened. Maybe one night, while he was out, he hadn’t seen a single star and he had fallen for someone else.
Or maybe I’m just worthless. It wouldn’t be the first time someone would lie to me anyway.
Dark echoes inside
Can’t sleep through the night
All the words I heard you say
Nobody’s out now. It’s 3 in the morning. Not a single car is passing in the street. There’s only me, sitting on my balcony, thinking about him. I must admit I’m starting to feel cold a bit. But I deserve to. I’m just a worthless piece of . Even my parents know that.
Maybe if I wasn’t so childish, he wouldn’t have left me. There must be something wrong with me.
I suddenly feel the urge to go into our room. Of course, he let me have the apartment. He wasn’t cruel enough to kick me out. But I don’t know if being here helps me or not.
I throw myself into our bed and I try to find his odor. But even that has left me.
Fade over the yard
Made under the stars
Stuck down in this place
Hands on my face
I need to know this
Flashback
Mir played happily into their new apartment.
‘’Omo, Joonie, this is so perfect! I can’t believe I’m finally going away from my family! To live with my best friend!’’
Joon smiled at the childish Mir he had in front of him. Like every time he would see Mir, his heart pounded faster and butterflies would attack his stomach. He had realized he was in love with the younger a while ago, but he had never told him so, afraid he would be rejected. But now he had decided it was time.
‘’Omo, Joon, look at the room! It’s really big! But there’s only one bed. What should we do?’’
Without saying anything, Joon had approached the younger, looking straight into his eyes.
‘’J-Joonie?’’
The latter stopped moving only when he was only an inch away from Mir’s face.
‘’Maybe we should just share it.’’
Joon pushed Mir onto the bed slowly, letting the younger clearly know what he was about to do. Yet, Mir didn’t escape. And so, Joon captured his best friend's lips into a passionate kiss.
End of flashback
Am I the fool, am I a victim
I’d rather know
You’d rather kiss him goodnight
Tonight I’m blinded
I tried, I tried
Is this the way, is this the way it ends
We could even stay best friends. He totally left my life. If I had known I would lose him when I started going out with him, I would have refrain my feelings. It would have been hard, but I would still have him now. He wouldn’t be I don’t know where, kissing somebody else.
Somebody who was probably really different from me. Because I wasn’t what he was looking for in a relationship. I was only a transition. Only a best friend…
Get up and chase the vision
Stand up and watch the world go by
You fulfill the reason
Black clouds are filling up my sky
Suddenly, I feel myself filled by anger. A rage I try to contain but I can’t. I throw his pillow across the room and I search the few things he left. I found one of his shirts. The one I always liked. He would always let me wear it the mornings after we made love, just because he knew I liked walking through our apartment just wearing it, to show what we had done.
I stared at it a few seconds before grabbing it and ripping it with all my strength. I threw the pieces into the room, not caring where they fell. A scream escaped my throat as I did so. The neighbors will probably complain, but I don’t give a damn. Who are they to complain about me, their lives are probably perfect and mine is just… destroyed.
Am I the fool, am I the victim
I’d rather know
You’d rather kiss him
I almost immediately regret my action. Because I destroyed the only thing I had left from him. And it was precious to me. I take the pieces into my hands. I look at it and I wonder if he does the same with his new boyfriend. I wonder if this man also has a favorite T-shirt from him and if he lets him wear it after they… I don’t even want to think about that. My heart wouldn’t be able to take it.
I look at the pieces into my hands and I realize this shirt is just like my heart. Broken. Irreparable.
Am I the fool, am I a victim
I’d rather know
You’d rather kiss him goodnight
Tonight I’m blinded
I tried, I tried
Is this the way, is this the way it ends (x2)
I didn’t only lose my boyfriend, I also lost my best friend. That is probably even worse. Because apart from him, I didn’t have anybody else. That is why he was my best friend in the first place. I always had been the rejected kid at school, the one who just wanted to be himself. And now I was the rejected guy, the one who just wanted to love and be loved.
For the first time in weeks, I finally let out a tear.
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Well, it's been forever since the last time I've updated this so I don't really expect any comment anymore, but if you feel like commenting it will be REALLy apreciated :) I was thinking about submitting this for a contest, but renonced because it wasn't original and the other participants are way better than me :/ oh well, as long as I still like it, I guess it's ok :)
p.s. it's based on ''it ends'' from Faber Drive :)
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