Images flashed through my mind as I slowly began falling asleep. I hated this mid-point between the waking world and the dream world because it was when my mind would open the thoughts I had so desperately attempted to push away when I was awake. The images and thoughts were all of you, obviously. Only these images were worse because I had stopped seeing you four months ago. I didn't know if you were doing well or if you were suffering. I didn't know if you were eating or playing or smiling. I didn't know anything.

In the grogginess of my mind I heard the sounds of my screams from that night. I heard myself calling out your name over and over again. Then a flash of your face came across my brain like a meteor in the sky. You looked so livid with anger, but that face was one I would keep in my heart for the rest of my life. It was because you were there to save me, to protect me, just as you had promised. Then I saw five silhouettes lunging at you. You fought off three of them as I lay uselessly on the floor, my dress barely clinging onto my body. You tried to pick me up to take me home. Your face as it looked at me looked worried and scared. I flinched out of unconsciousness when I heard the sound of metal crushing against bone. It was the pipe that bastard swung into your skull. It was that moment when I saw you fall beside me as blood trickled all along your face and hair that would change the two of us.

I gasped out as my fingers twisted themselves into fists in my hair as if that would remove the images from my mind. My eyes darted around and I realized that I had opted to sleep on the couch again. I couldn't bear to sleep on the bed you and I once shared after I left you. There wasn't any way I deserved that sort of luxury.

There wasn't any sense of time when I sat up. I didn't know whether it was day or night when I looked out the window. It was nearly impossible with the thick gray clouds looming overhead of the city. It had been raining a lot lately. Thunder and lightning accompanied the tears that the sky shed on us. Every time the two escorted each other I would be reminded of the many times you and I would just lie in bed and count how many times the world outside would growl after the bolts of lightning until it was all over. Were you still counting or was it just me?

A brilliant shock of light shot across the skies as I tugged the silk curtains to the side. Then the thunder rang throughout the world as if Zeus himself had smashed his fist into the Earth.

‘Twenty.’ I mouthed to myself as I looked down at the soaking wet street below my balcony. I hoped that you weren't going out to the grass lately. You would catch a cold.

A nervous laugh slipped through my lips as a knock at the door startled me. It just seemed a bit hysterical to me knowing that I had no problem with the thunder, but how a small knock could send my heart into a marathon mode.

I opened the door and there stood your mother before me shaking her umbrella dry and grumbling something about how the world was going to end at this point. She stepped into the house and followed me into the living room after removing her shoes and setting her umbrella and jacket in the coat closet.

She observed me as I sat across from her. She commented on my appearance. She said that I was doing no better than you were as she reached over and traced the purple circles under my eyes. I asked her what she meant about that and she sighed.

“Why did you just leave him that night?” she asked me in a torn voice, as if she didn't know whether or not to be angry with me quite yet.

I asked myself that very same question every single day.

Before I could answer she continued on. She wasn’t looking for excuses, she wanted a solution.

“He’s stopped trying to learn how to speak again. Gyu won’t eat and when he tries to sleep he wakes up crying. He cried that day you left him, you know that?” she looked at me, piercing straight through my soul it seemed.

That wailing noise as I left you behind—the noise I thought that I produced—that was your cry. That was my precious boyfriend’s cry. I felt as if I was suffocating now. I should have turned back. I should have comfort you even if you pushed me away again. I should have stayed.

“The nurses tell me that he’s been waiting for you on the grass every single day from dusk until dawn. He stares at the gates and just sits there, waiting, and waiting, and waiting. They tell me that he cries a lot now. He cries and the only thing that he says is your name. Sung-Gyu misses you.” I couldn’t help but see your sadness reflected in your mother’s eyes.

Her eyes had been embedded into your face and so it was almost as if you were looking at me, pleading me. She sighed my name and walked over to my spot on the loveseat. As soon as her arms wrapped around me I broke down. Tears oozed from my eyes and I clutched onto the back of your mother’s blouse as I wept into her shoulder.

“We all knew that this was going to be difficult,” she told me, my hair softly. “We all knew that Sung-Gyu’s healing process would take so much patience. Please, go back to him. All Sung-Gyu wants is you back at his side. He doesn’t speak to you because he wants to hear your voice. He doesn’t smile because he feels that it’s his fault that you cry. He doesn’t allow you to touch him because he’s afraid that he’ll hurt you more. Understand that man loves you. Even if his memories have been erased, even if he’s afraid, even if all he offers is silence, my boy still loves you even if he doesn’t remember the entire reason why. Please, go and heal my son.”

I sniffled, feeling pieces of my heart beating a little better than before. Somehow, having this person that was so close to you made my heart stop aching, like a painkiller.

“What if he hates me?” I asked, uneasiness painting my tone.

Your mother chuckled at me as if that idea was absurd. Gently, she pried my fingers from her blouse and combed her fingers through my hair, trying to make me look presentable as I found out later when we were in the car. She handed me her makeup kit and told me to spruce myself up a bit so I didn’t show you that I had been crying. I agreed with her. The last thing you needed now that this horrible woman left you was to make you feel terrible with her tears.

Thunder boomed all around us as your father, who had been waiting patiently in the car the entire time, drove at the appropriate speed. I stared out the raindrop stained window and traced the shape of the lightning bolts in the sky. Somehow we were always fascinated with natural disasters and occurrences.

“In the midst of chaos, there lies beauty.”

You always whispered that saying in my ear in this sort of weather. Even in the car it was as if you were there holding me against your chest and resting your head against my shoulder with your lips pressing soft kisses along my neck. I honestly would have given everything up just so I could have those moments back, so I could have you back.

When we finally arrived at the center I didn’t wait up for your mother or your father. I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head and ran into the building. I was just too desperate to see you.

The nurse at the reception desk beamed at me when I finally pulled my drenched hood from my head. Immediately she stood up from her seat and guided me to your room near the verandah where your plants were. She chatted to me about how much he had been missing me and how me being here would make him happy. I just smiled at her and nodded at everything she told me as my shoes squeaked on the freshly waxed floors.

Finally we got to your room, my heart beat furiously against my chest. You were on the other side of this wooden door and I didn’t have any sort of clue as to whether you would really be happy to see me or if everything was just a lie.

“Sung-Gyu?” the nurse’s sugary sweet voice cooed as she opened the door.

My expression dropped when I heard the soft sound of your crying. I pushed past the nurse and in the dark I could see your body curled up into a ball on the bed as the thunder roared. I asked the nurse to leave the two of us alone and she agreed, shutting the door behind her.

I removed my soaking jacket and placed it on the chair near the door. I called out your name and your crying stopped as you turned to face me. The look in your eyes was one I couldn’t quite decipher, but I sighed in relief. At least you weren’t blankly looking at me any longer.

Carefully, I made my way towards you with my arms spread open. You didn’t flinch away when I finally held you in my arms. You didn’t push me away or cry. You didn’t reject me. Instead, you huddled further into my hold and buried your tear stained face into my neck. I told myself that I wouldn’t cry, even though my crying would have been out of joy. Joy because this was actually happening, this was actually you accepting me. This was you allowing me to comfort you.

Another roar ripped through the sky and you whimpered in fright, wrapping your arms around my waist so I could protect you. I rested my head against yours and lightly your spine the way you used to when I was upset. A smile touched on my face when I felt your body relax against me. I pulled the white sheets on your bed over your body and I leaned my back against the headboard.

“Do you know how I stopped being afraid of the thunder?” I asked you.

You lifted your head up, your hamster eyes looking straight into mine in curiosity.

“I made a story about it. Do you want to hear it?” I asked, tilting my head to the side in question.

In the dimmed light I could see your mouth moving, making shapes to speak, but no sound would come out. You squeezed your eyes shut as if that would help you produce a sound, but no words resonated. I touched your cheek and told you that it was okay, that I would tell you the story anyway. You nodded, and I could see the red tinting on your cheeks. My heart couldn’t help but flutter at that.

“The thunder and lightning are soul-mates, you see?  Every time lightning strikes against the Earth the thunder follows behind her. Lightning runs away from her lover to see just how far he would go for her, just how much he loves her. Even though she runs, she wants Thunder to follow her and find her so she shines across the stormy skies so he can chase after her. Thunder, he is a loyal being, always booming after her, shouting out his love for her… The louder his booms are the stronger his love is—“As if on cue a strong growl shook the building, but you didn’t mind it. You were too focused on the story as you stared straight at me. “—and the softer the booms are the more he doubts himself. But when the booms are soft, so is the lightning’s light because she too doubts her actions. But when the booms are loud she is strong and shoots across the skies because she knows that their love is strong. Thunder and lightning have gone through so many centuries playing this game, but no matter what their love is eternal. They’ll always be meant for each other.”

I smiled at nothing in particular after I finished talking, but in a way I thought of that as the two of us. That no matter what, you and I would always be meant for each other just like thunder and lightning.

“Count the times that the thunder booms, Gyu,” I told you. “It helps the storm go by faster.”

You nodded and listened for the booms, your eyes still staying on mine. The way you looked at me sent chills all along my skin. The intensity of your stare was almost as if lightning struck me, it was absolutely stunning. The storm continued to rage outside, and you would silently count as the night continued on. Your parents had checked up on us, but they left just as soon as they arrived when they realized that we weren’t paying any mind to the world around us. It was only you and I, just as it used to be, just as it should have.

My head tilted against your hand as you cupped one side of my face. I closed my eyes and I allowed myself to feel all of the emotions running around in my heart. Joy was prominent, then there was bliss, then nostalgia held onto me for a bit, sadness filled my eyes as guilt began to eat me up…And then I felt the softness of your lips against mine and I felt my heart swell up to the point where I felt that it would explode. I moved my hands from your back and wrapped one of my arms around your neck while my free hand traced down your chest until I pressed it against your heart. One of your hands gently gripped my wrist and held my hand there so I could feel the beating of your heart running in sync with mine.

The hand that was on my face brushed away the tears the fell from my face as you kissed along my features. In the madness of the storm I heard you whisper my name. My hand felt the pounding of your heart against your chest and I continued to cry silently. You finally said it, you finally spoke to me. You finally let me hear your voice after so long.

“I-I lo-love you,” you told me, kissing my lips once again. “Don-Don’t lea…leave m-me.”

My arm unwound from your neck and that hand caressed your face as I leaned over and kissed you. Your lips moved so smoothly against mine. You took my breath away.

“I won’t leave you,” I panted softly as I leaned my forehead against yours. My thumb passed over your chubby cheek and you smiled at me. You actually smiled at me! “I promise you that I won’t ever leave you again. I love you too much.”

And we stayed like that for a little while counting the many times the thunder roared out loud until we fell asleep in each other’s arms. I didn’t know if you would ever remember our past together, but I knew that some piece of the old Sung-Gyu was still in you. Even if that piece didn’t exist, though, I realized that I wouldn’t have minded simply because you and I would create new memories from now on. I had your life in my hands now, and despite the pressure that placed on me, I would make sure to take care of you even better than before. You and I would be like thunder and lightning, loyal and in love until the end.