Quintet #4

Mistake
 

 

“You are so gaunt,” the boy remarked when they were a distance away, taking a glance at her bony hands which Jasmine instinctively tried to hide behind her back out of embarrassment, “Have you been taking your meals properly? That lady back then was your mother, if I'm not? She does not seem to act like one to me, so I've been a little baffled.... She treats you as if you were her personal factotum.”

 

Jasmine lowered her head.

 

What the stranger was saying was faultless. Her mother did treat her bitterly. Forcing her to do all the menial, hard labour throughout the day, physically smiting her with whatever she has in her possession; be it her fists or a stick when she commits a faux pas. Forbidding her to eat whenever she thinks Jasmine did a poor job, not giving her adequate rest and clothing – all these mere tips of the iceberg.

 

Yet the only thing Jasmine was certain was that her mother had not always been this way. When she was really young; of what felt like an eternity ago, she remembered her mother as a kind and doting parent, one that always looked after her and always ensured she got the best of both worlds. A time where Jasmine would crawl excitedly into bed every time night dawned as her mother approached to tell her fascinating fairytales till she fell sound asleep.

 

It was also a time where there was actually still a male presence in her life, but that hazy silhouette of a man in her memories faded to nothing suddenly one day, and with it, her mother's kindness, all gone, as if they never existed in the first place.

 

No more fairytales. No more smiles. No more freedom.

 

Jasmine was then forced to grow up at an age of five. When other children her age pranced about in the expansive green meadows playing catch, Jasmine learned to pluck out weeds and plant seeds. When wailing often brought children what they wanted, wailing brought Jasmine red marks across her skin.

 

However, Jasmine did not see the loss of her childhood as her biggest loss. She did not mind having to grow up earlier than the rest of the children, she did not mind the long, tiresome hours spent under the blazing sun working on the fields when she could have been like everyone else her age, playing in the prairie.

 

It was how she lost both her parents.

 

**

 

Realizing she had kept the stranger hanging, Jasmine quickly collected herself and went, “She just went through a lot... That's all. She's not as bad as you think.” For some unbeknownst reason, she saw a need to extenuate her mother's seemingly nasty acts against her, but her soft voice did not make her words sound convincing at all.

 

The stranger cast another glance in her way, almost contemplating something, but he seemed to discard his thought and went on to introduce himself,

 

“My name is Ralph. I'm sorry about the belated introduction. How can I address you then, Miss?”

 

Jasmine looked up briefly, but could not bear to meet his pair of piercing eyes. She felt uncanny, almost like she was being set on fire with his every look. She desperately wanted to act normal around Ralph, wanted to be herself, but apparently her heart begged to disagree.

 

“J-Jasmine.” It felt as though a lot of effort had to be put in just to enunciate the syllables of her name. “Nice... to meet you.” her voice was reduced to an inaudible whisper again.

 

Ralph laughed, his eyes twinkling in merriment. “Jasmine. That's a beautiful name taken after a beautiful flower. And so are you.”

 

B-Beautiful?

 

“No... I'm not...” Jasmine was at a loss for words. Nobody had ever said that of her before. Neither had Jasmine ever thought of herself that way. Even if he didn't truly meant what he said, a praise was something she rarely, if ever, received. It just sent all her emotions into a state of higgledy-piggledy. She was happy, angry and confused all at once.

 

Ralph laughed again, his wide smile always hanging on his lips. Jasmine was thankful he could not see into her and tell that she was a total mess inside.

 

“Look, we are here at the doctor's. Watch your step, Jasmine.” he said as they rounded at the corner of the road and ended up before a decently furnished shop house, its wooden shop sign hanging loosely by a blue wall, with a finely written welcome note pasted across the glass of the entrance doors. Ralph looked at Jasmine, and went on to offer her a hand.

 

Jasmine declined in a fluster and quickly stepped into the shop.

 

Thank goodness we are at the doctor's. Jasmine thought to herself as she inevitably led out a sigh of relief,

 

You would not believe what this boy is making of me.

 

**

 

The six boys settled on the couch, eyeing the six pieces of white paper laid out in a single straight file on what should have been an untidy desk of their manager's. The papers appeared to have been flipped over, leaving whatever was on the other side to their imaginations. They have been at their manager's office for several minutes now, but him not divulging anything about whatever was happening in the room seemed to be his erse way of making them die from curiosity.

 

“So, like you all have guessed, the fans selection event has concluded yesterday, and the results of the fans being chosen to participate in the making of the variety show have all been finalized and published on the net.” Their manager finally went, breaking the lengthy silence that had nearly stifled them all. “Right now I'm going to break you up into your pairings. Only four of you would be paired up with a fan, as you all know. The remaining two members would be paired with each other. This is due to certain limitations on our side.”

 

He gestured to the six papers laid out across the table.

 

“Over here we have four sheets of papers with information the fan herself has submitted in the survey, as well as photographs that the production crew of the variety show had managed to obtain in just one night. Don't ask me how they did it, even I am rather impressed by their efficacy.” The manager gave a smile. “However, two of the papers would be completely empty. Whoever chooses the blank pieces would make the all-members pair.”

 

The manager interlaced his fingers and reclined backwards against his office chair. “Go on, pick out of the six.” he beckoned.

 

Kai looked behind at the rest of his group mates. “How are we going to do this? Who's going to go first?”

 

“Scissors, paper, stone!” The enthused Chanyeol sprang his hand up as he made the suggestion. From the side Sehun was the first to laugh, and Baekhyun grinned away as he nodded and assented to Chanyeol's somewhat silly but efficient method. Suho too, was grinning as he moved forward and confirmed, “So, scissors, paper, stone?”

 

“Yeah, so the room mates go against each other and the winners from each pair will then go against each other, until the final winner is decided. And then it goes on from there.”

 

The other members concurred and then moved to find their respective room mates.

 

**

 

“Scissors, paper... Stone!” Suho was chanting as he threw out his fist and revealed his choice amongst the three. However, to his surprise and partial amusement, Sehun had waited till a fraction of a second after Suho's hand went out before he sneakily declared his – obviously a gesture that would have made him triumphant between the two.

 

Suho laughed but tried to sound furious as he wrapped one arm around Sehun's neck and brought him closer to him. “Hey! You! Don't try to cheat!”

 

Sehun broke into a laughter and the rest of the members looked over, joining in the chortling.

 

The manager smiled from the side and shook his head. “All of you! Hurry up!”

 

Sehun, despite his initial cheating attempt, was the first to go up, followed by Kai, then Chanyeol and D.O. Out of the four, D.O was the first to pick a blank piece of paper. Baekhyun then challenged the leader, Suho, who has been on an endless losing streak ever since he started in the game, and, well, Suho's bad luck did not end with Baekhyun.

 

“Jun Ma Hao's not in luck~” Sehun called out teasingly. Suho gave a little pout as he retreated to the side and teased back, “I lost on purpose so all of you can go first. I'm the leader after all.”

 

(I notice there are many nicknames for Suho, but I just followed the one published on f-yeah! Exo facts on tumblr.)

 

Baekhyun looked from side to side, teetering between the two. Then, in a flash, his hand moved and he slipped one off the table, flipped it around and then laughed.

 

“D.O!” he shouted with a grin, revealing his blank pages. “I'm with you.”

 

The manager sighed. “Finally.” he placed a hand on the last piece of paper and glided it to a corner, just within Suho's reach. “Here's yours.”

 

Suho ambled over calmly. He lifted the piece of paper and flipped it to the other side, to find himself gaping at a teenaged girl, bespectacled with raven black hair neatly parted in the middle. The girl paraded a mega-watt smile, flashing two sets of gleaming teeth, her eyes fine thin lines behind her atramentous frames.

 

“Yeo...” Suho attempted to read her real name, but skipped to the next column underneath that stated her nickname,

 

“Yuna.”

 

**

 

I remember restraining a gasp.

 

Yew Pei Yun.

 

That was the name featured on the list.

 

It was comical now to think about it, how for a fleeting moment I had my heart in my mouth to see what I thought was my name. It was only one alphabet out of nine that did not match. One out of nine. And it made all the difference. Maybe I just thought it was too much of a shame.

 

Charmaine was screaming at my ear after seeing the list, telling me I was so close – so close, but how close?

 

If I could join, what kind of person would I portray before the television screen?

 

Will I be the vapid self that I am right now? Quiet, always detached from the conversations?

 

Or will I be the unhinged self that I let loose in my own house, in my own room, behind closed doors?

 

I pictured myself, wild and bizarre, jumping all over the place, as if I had a bottle too much of ecstasy. Around me the EXO members would be staring at me in awe, some perhaps a little spooked by the insanity, others perhaps infected and feeling a need to join in the madness. I pictured myself, forever being optimistic, bubbly, always trying to make others smile. I pictured all the fun I would have, if I partook in the variety show production.

 

I then visualized Chanyeol's beaming face. For the first time, I did wish to see him in person, to just be that closer in distance with him. I did wish to be there with him, and probably the rest of EXO, playing games and getting to know them behind the glaring spotlights and clicking cameras.

 

If you want your wish to have a chance at being realized, you would have to give something in return as an equal trade. A familiar phrase from my dearest mother rang in my head. It was probably the voice of logic.

 

Well, what do you want? Me to eat a fried cockroach or something? I thought to myself.

 

I blinked.

 

Wait, the hell did I just think?

 

The thought sent cold shudders down my spine, but I was instantly relieved to know it would never happen anyway.

 

What's the point?

 

Me and my over-imaginative brain. Perhaps it was my last plea that something would change, but to whom am I making this plea to? It was ridiculous. I was just another one of those pathetic but desperate fangirls, needing some magic in their dull lives.

 

Whatever.

 

I should try to get over this soon, because, anyway, I doubt my presence would make all the difference to the production, too. I should accept things the way they are and see the brighter side to everything, even if it's an act of pitiful consolance. I have more time to focus on my work! I have more time to work towards my future goals! I can avoid throwing my face in front of EXO! I can avoid having to be known on the TV! I can not be judged for the person I am! I have no need to try and model myself to be perfect to gain everybody's acceptance! I would not need to be scrutinized for every little thing I did!

 

The more I thought about it, it seemed I was indeed, not chosen for a reason.

 

I did feel better, if not ephemerally -

 

“PEI YUN. PEI YUN.”

 

Out of nowhere, I caught someone calling my name, with a voice entwined with gagged disbelief and solemness. I turned, a little frightened to be called amidst lessons. The voice was undeniably loud, and it had already disrupted the lesson. The teacher had turned to look at my caller, a girl who was now staring at me with two huge round eyes, her face stoic and bereft of color - an intimidating white, almost like she was ready to pass out. Her eyes were dazed and distant. She looked as if she saw an apparition and was trying to warn its existence next to me.

 

Charmaine?

 

What was wrong with her?

 

I was about to spring up on my seat, thinking she was suffering another one of her asthma attacks, but I saw her close her eyes then screamed,

 

“IT'S YOU! IT'S FREAKING YOU!”

 

I stared blankly at her, unable to piece together what she was blabbing on about. Did she just recognize me in some ancient photo? Did she find some random photo taken of me in the process of doing something really awkward and she's currently freaking out? Charmaine is known to make a big fuss out of trivial things.

 

“What about me?”

 

“IT WAS YOU ON THAT LIST ALL ALONG! THEY FREAKING MADE A BLOODY TYPING MISTAKE BUT NOW THEY UPDATED THAT LIST AND EVERYTHING, COMPLETE WITH THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE PARTIAL NUMBERS AND IT'S FREAKING YOU! OH MY GOD!”

 

“DO YOU GET IT? YOU ARE ON. THE. SHOW. With EXO. K, to be exact.” Charmaine caught her breath and fell behind, in a terrible shock.

 

What the?

 

Someone wants me to eat fried cockroaches. And he wants to see it real bad.

 

**