It’s been a year now since you’ve been like this. A year since I’ve left you. I don’t even know why you blame yourself so much; it wasn’t your fault at all. You were there, but you had nothing to do with anything that happened. We just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

Yoona and Seohyun were walking home together at a very late hour from a date they just had. Seohyun was clinging onto Yoona’s arm tightly, her head resting on the older girl’s shoulder. Suddenly, she let go as she passed by a convenience store.

“Yoona, is it alright if we buy some instant noodles? I feel like having some when we get home.”

“Sure thing, Seohyun-ah.”

The moment they entered the store, the two had frozen in place. Inside was a hooded figure, pointing a handgun at the store’s clerk who was frantically giving the bandit the money in the cash register.

 

“What’s going on?”

 

Before Seohyun could even continue, the sound of three gunshots echoed throughout the store.

 

“S-Seohyun!” Yoona shrieked as her girlfriend collapsed into her arms. The culprit was staring at the crime he had just committed with wide guilty eyes, his lip quivering in shock.

 

“You bastard!” Yoona screamed at him loudly, tears flowing down her cheeks. She clutched Seohyun tight, crying hard.

 

The hooded figure grabbed the money, shoving it deep into his pockets and ran past the two girls. His eyes met with Yoona’s momentarily, and her hurt filled eyes bore deep into his. He felt his heart ache as he quickly turn away, bringing his focus back to fleeing from the scene.

 

The store clerk quickly grabbed the nearest phone and called for help, his voice shaking as he stared at the two strangers who had entered his store.

 

“Seohyun! Please, you need to hold on!”

 

“Yoona? I don’t want to go…”

 

“I don’t want you to go either, Seohyun! You’re gonna stay here with me!” Yoona bawled harder as blood stained through the younger girl’s shirt, dripping down slowly onto the floor. She started running her hands through Seohyun’s hair, cupping the dying girl’s cheeks and giving her soft kisses.

 

“I don’t want to go-“

 

“You’re not going anywhere! Help is gonna come and everything’s gonna be alright.”

 

“I love you, Yoona.”

 

“Seohyun, I love you too. Stay awake okay?”

 

Yoona’s heart started racing faster Seohyun’s blood kept on flowing, staining her own clothes. Then Seohyun’s eyes started fluttering close, her face was now pale white and her heartbeat was slowing.

When her eyes closed completely, Yoona felt her chest ache.

 

“Oh God, no! Seohyun, wake up! Please don’t do this! Please just stay awake!” She gave Seohyun’s cheeks light taps, smearing some of the crimson blood on her face.

 

“Wake up!”

 

I’ve been watching you all this time, Yoona. Ever since the moment I left. I watched as you clutched my lifeless body against yourself. I watched as your cried with me in your arms, screaming at everyone for help. I watched as you shed a tear at my burial. I watched you cry even more while you’re all alone, holding onto my favorite sweater tightly. I know you’re lonely. I’m lonely up here, too. It’s hardly even heaven to me.

 

And now I’m watching you as you continue hurting yourself. It hurts me to see you like this. I’ve never known you as an alcoholic. I’ve never known you as a user of sleeping pills either. I always thought you were better than this.

 

I wish I could be there for you, wrap my arms around you and tell you everything’s okay. But that’s not the way death goes, is it? At least our friends have been trying. They’ve been trying to reach you and help you, but I wish you’d listen a little more.

 

“Yoona, you need to stop this. It isn’t healthy what you’re doing.”

 

“Who says I wanna be healthy anyway? I don’t even wanna be alive.”

 

“Look Yoona, just give me the bottles and the pills-“

 

“Stop, Yuri. You’ve done this before and doing it again isn’t going to make a difference.”

 

“I’m just trying to look out for you, alright? You need to stop before you really hurt yourself.”

 

“I can take care of myself on my own.”

 

“Yeah, you’ve obviously been doing that right. Look at yourself. You’re drowning yourself in alcohol, drugs, and sadness. It’s been a year, Yoona. You need to move on.”

 

Yoona whipped her head towards Yuri, her expression furious.

 

“You don’t know anything.”

 

“I know what you’re doing isn’t right. It’s probably hurting her, seeing you like this.”

 

“Shut up and get out.”

 

“You need to stop-“

 

“Get out.”

 

Now you’re alone again. How much more are you going to push them away, Yoona? Do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life? I’m not sure if you're even going to have a long one if you keep going on like this.

 

You look so pale and fragile. I feel like if anyone even touches you, you’d just shatter completely. You’ve always been a little lean, but now you look like you’re skin and bones. It’s like your life was just out of you and I’m scared that you’re giving up soon.

 

Please don’t give up.

 

Yoona got up from the floor and quickly ran to her apartment’s bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet and throwing up for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. When she finally stopped, she sat down and leaned against the sink exhaustedly. She sighed as she felt burn and her head feel light.

 

“I’m so tired, Seohyun-ah. My body’s on fire, but I feel so cold.”

 

Oh Yoona…

 

“I miss you so much, it hurts.”

 

I miss you too.

 

“Maybe I should just end this. I can’t live like this anymore.”

 

So change, Yoona. Change! Don’t end it, just get better.

 

Yoona stood up and opened the medicine cabinet set above her bathroom sink. She let out a big breath as she eyed the razor in front of her. Her hand was shaking as she took it, thinking hard about what she was about to do.

 

Oh no.

 

“I’m sorry, Seohyun. But I give up.”

 

Yoona, don’t!

 

It was too late.

 

Moments later, Seohyun watched as Yoona’s spirit rose from her body. She ran for the gates of heaven, trying to reach her lover. As she reached them, the gates remained unmovable. They were locked shut tight in between the two girls.

 

“Yoona!” Seohyun shouted, her hands gripping the bars tightly.

 

“S-Seohyun?”

 

“Yoona, why did you do that?! Why did you take your own life?”

 

“I’m sorry, Seohyun-ah. I couldn’t bare a life without you, anymore.” Yoona went towards her but felt that her feet weren’t moving. She pulled harder, determined to reach the love of her life. Her legs felt like they were tied down by weights, but she continued and walked slowly. She finally reached the gate, slipping her arms in between the bars and wrapping them around Seohyun.

 

“Seohyun, I’ve missed you so much. I can’t believe you’re here with me.” Yoona smiled, tears of joy running down her cheeks. Seohyun hugged her back, wrapping her arms around the older girl’s waist.

 

“I’ve missed you too, Yoona.”

 

Suddenly, everything but the golden gates started getting darker around the two of them. Yoona was busy enjoying her lover’s warmth to notice the change, but Seohyun gasped at what was behind them.

 

A large portal had ripped out of nowhere, two dark figures climbing out of it. The sounds of millions of agonizing shrieks came from it, making Seohyun shake in fear. Yoona finally turned around, her eyes widening.

 

“What is that?!”

 

“I don’t know!”

 

The two figures then walked towards Yoona and grabbed her by her arms. Their grips felt like fire on her skin and she shrieked in pain. Their dark clawed hands tightened around her forearms, forcefully prying her away from Seohyun’s grasp.

 

“Yoona!”

 

Seohyun watched painfully as Yoona struggled against them, her body thrashing violently. Her struggles were futile as their hands remained where they were, and Seohyun could’ve sworn that there was a faint smoke coming from in between the two figure’s fingertips.

 

“Seohyun, help me!”

 

Seohyun shook the gates violently, screaming in frustration as they stayed closed.

 

“I can’t!”

 

“Their hands are burning me! It hurts!”

 

“Why are you doing this?!” Seohyun yelled at them.

 

One of the figures let go of Yoona’s arm, revealing the severe burn marks on her skin. Her skin was scorched, most of it burnt off. It pointed at Yoona before motioning towards the hole from which they came. Seohyun’s eyes widened as she understood what was going on.

 

“No! She doesn’t belong there! Yoona is a good person!”

 

The dark figure lifted Yoona’s wrist, showing Seohyun the visible cut on it.

 

“Suicide is unforgivable.” It muttered.

 

“Please! Have mercy!” Yoona was in tears now, from the pain in her arms and from knowing what was about to happen to her.

 

Seohyun cried as the two figures continued dragging Yoona away and closer to the portal, slowly losing sight of them.

 

“Seohyun!” Yoona cried out for the final time before she was pulled into the portal. It closed immediately, leaving Seohyun alone on the inside of the golden gates.

 

“I’m so sorry, Yoona.”

 

-

 

One afternoon, within the yard of a school elementary in Seoul was a young short haired girl. She was walking around with her lunch box clutched tightly to her chest.

 

“Hey loser! What do you have for lunch today?”

 

Seohyun whimpered as a bunch of bullies approached her. She clutched her lunchbox tighter to her chest, avoiding eye contact with any of them.

 

One of the boys grabbed her lunch box, laughing as he opened it and started searching through it.

 

“Your lunch is lame-“

 

“Hey, you punks! Leave that girl alone.” Came a voice from another girl who seemed to have come from nowhere.

 

“Stay out of this, Im!” The bully bit back.

 

Yoona swung her leg back as she glared at the boys, kicking hard at the dirt beneath them, causing a cloud of dust to fly into their faces.

 

The three boys groaned in pain as dirt came into their sight, rubbing at their eyes furiously. They ran away in a hurry, dropping Seohyun’s lunchbox in the process.

 

Yoona picked up the dropped lunchbox, picking everything up and handing it back to the quivering girl in front of her.

 

“Here, this is yours.” Yoona said with a grin.

 

Seohyun warily took the lunchbox and looked up, suddenly eyeing the other girl’s arms. They had strange red markings on them, spread all over her forearms.

 

“Oh, you’re looking at my birthmarks right? I think they look like handprints.” Yoona chuckled.

 

“Do they hurt?” Seohyun asked softly.

 

“Nope. You can touch them if you want.”

 

Seohyun caressed the birthmarks gently, amazed by the way they looked and felt. Yoona laughed a little at the curious girl, amused at how she was in awe over simple birthmarks.

 

“You’re silly. I like you.” Yoona stated. Seohyun’s eyes widened, her hands jerking away from Yoona’s arms. Yoona laughed again, ruffling Seohyun’s hair.

 

“Let’s be friends from now on, okay?”

 

“Okay.”