We we’re so in love. Looking forward on each and every day I can spend with you. Your innocent hazel orbs never failed to make me speechless. Your distinct orange scent attracts me like a magnet. The sweet smile that crept in your angelic face every time you caught me staring at you senseless makes me more dumbfounded. Your futile attempt of cooking always makes me giggle at your silly pout after cooking your specialty, the black monster. The way you wore my oversized clothes always looks so y to me. When you kiss and hug me before our slumber always gave me warmth and safety. Even the way you sing in the shower was unforgettable.

 

I chuckled, reminiscing your habits and the time we spent together. It was perfect. It was supposed to be perfect.

 

I tried to forget you. I really did. I tried to move on with my life. I did move on. But forgetting you is too much for me. I kept on saying that time would heal these wounds. But little do I know, the mark you made to me is rooted deep in my heart that even time couldn’t help.

 

I gave up. I gave on the hope of forgetting you. But I know what’s next to this. I will cry. I know I will. I already memorized the sequence. I would remember the past, be happy, even laugh, and then reality will struck me like unimaginable horrors that you’re not here with me anymore.

 

Just like that a tear escaped and I scolded myself for being weak. Cold wind brushed over my face while standing in the balcony of our apartment..my apartment. I shivered and I wiped my face with my sleeves. I slipped my hand in my pocket for my handkerchief but instead I found a tattered, almost shredded piece of paper that is folded in half.

 

That’s when memories flood back to me to our last days together.

 

I ran towards the kitchen and I let out a sigh of relief when I saw him safe. I examined the place and I must say he did a good job demolishing and annihilating the kitchen. I peeked at the frying pan, and well, it’s all black and out of recognition.

 

While suppressing my laughter, I heard him sobbing silently in the end of the counter and I sighed again.

 

I sat beside him on the floor, and he faced me and hugged me tightly.

 

“Chanyeol!” he exclaimed and cried louder.

 

“Shhh.. Shhh.. It’s okay.. Tell me what happened.” I hushed him caringly.

 

“ IwokeupreallyreallyreallyearlytomakebreakfastforyouButIovercookeditagai justalittlebit I’msuchaFAILUUUUUUURRRREEEEE!”

 

“Okay babe, I didn’t understand a thing, try to speak slowly.” 

 

“I-I woke up really really really early t-to make breakfast for you.. B-but I overcooked it again just a little bit.. I’m such a failure!” he cried even more.

 

‘Overcooked just a little bit’ is an understatement for this mess but since he made it for me I felt guilty for scrutinizing it.  Really, this little sweet guy will never change. A smile formed in my lips as I planned to make him feel better.

 

“Baekhyun-ah. You’re not a failure, actually I appreciated your attempt of cooking.”

 

He broke our hug and he looked at me with hopeful eyes. I nodded in return.

 

“Actually your cooking got better! The food’s not too black and it’s recognizable now! The fire alarm didn’t even set-off!” I exclaimed, trying to comfort him.

 

Okay I lied, the food is actually pitch black and I can’t even call it food and I’m wondering why the fire alarm didn’t set-off though. Well I shouldn’t be hard on him, he only wanted to prepare food.  For me. I should be happy. I am happy, beyond happy, because I have this little angel.

 

He laughed heartily. Finally, he’s happy.

 

“Really?! Then what food is it? Hmm?” he asked with wide eyes.

 

Uh-oh. I should have been honest with him, I can’t even tell whether this is a food or not! Heeeelp meeee!

 

“Black monster.” I whispered lowly.

 

“Wow! You’re right! It’s bacon and eggs. Let’s eat?” He asked happily.

 

“Uhhhh.. I think we shouldn’t eat that.” 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Umm.. Because.. There is a new restaurant opening across the street and I.. You know, wanna try it! Hahaha…haha..ha…ha” 

 

“So it’s better than my cooking?” He asked dangerously while crossing his brows.

 

“N-no! Of course not! You’re the best cook in whooooole universe!! It’s just that.. maybe it hasn’t manifested yet.. and besides I promised the owner of the restaurant that we’ll eat there on the opening day, which is today to support them! Right!” I explained well and pinched his cute little nose.

 

“Hmm.. Okay I guess..” He said in defeat.

 

“Now now, let’s try your cooking next time okay? Let’s take a bath now.” I said, successfully escaping the wrath of the black monster.

 

As I retreated back to the room I felt a weight on my back and it was Byun Baekhyun, riding at my back.

 

“Chanyeol-ah~ You know..” he paused as he whispered in my ear.

 

“ I love you so much.” He said shyly while burying his face in the crook of my neck.

 

It sent electric shocks to my veins, waking every part of my senses and making my heart beat so fast.

 

“R-really? Then show me how much you love me.” I asked teasingly.

 

He hesitated at first but then he kissed me on the cheek. This guy always really hit me on the exact right spot.

 

“You only love me that much?” I asked childishly while shaking him off my back.

 

He went off my back and pouted. He walked and faced me. He grabbed my shirt on the chest roughly. My eyes widen in shock and he looks angry.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I was only-“ I tried to reason out but he smiled slyly kissed me on the lips.

 

It was hot and passionate but I had to stop it.

 

“No!” I said breaking the kiss.

 

“W-why?” He asked on verge of tears.

 

“Because I haven’t brushed yet, why don’t you show me how much you love in the bathroom eh?” I asked in a playful and lusty tone.

 

He raised his eyebrow and before he can protest I scoop him up and brought him to the showers with much love and laughter.

 

“I love you so much, Byun Baekhyun.”

 

He became silent and talked to me less. I asked what the problem is but he told me that he just wanted to change his lifestyle, so I shrugged it off too. But I felt it, he became cold to me.

 

Until one night, It’s our anniversary and I’m planning on asking him to marry me at last but what I saw shocked me..

 

“Baekhyun-ah! Where are you going? And why do you packed all your things?” I asked pathetically since it’s obvious that he wanted to leave. But why?

 

“I-I want to leave.” He said without looking at me and I became speechless.

 

He sighed deeply.

 

He faced me and he looked at me with those shaking eyes with tears threatening to fall.

 

“Chanyeol-ah.. I don’t love you anymore.” He said without stuttering, but I know he’s lying. He loves me so much, Byun Baekhyun loves me like how I love him. This can’t be true.

 

I can feel hot tears falling from my eyes. I know this is not true, because he told me that he’ll love me forever even we were world’s away he’ll love me.

 

“T-tell me this is a joke.. Because it hurts Baekhyun-ah..” I pleaded hopelessly.

 

“I’m not joking Chanyeol” He said mercilessly but tears fell from his eyes.

 

“I-I’m going”

 

He grabbed his bags and started to walk away. I ran towards him and I grabbed his wrist to stop him and he stopped.

 

“You said you’ll love me forever! You said even our parents, friends, or even time and distance can’t break us apart! You said you love me! Don’t leave me Baekhyun!”

 

He didn’t budge or even reacted. My tears became violent and I can’t control myself anymore. My heart is breaking into pieces and I can help it.

 

“I’ll change Baekhyun! Whatever you don’t want about me I’ll change! I promise! I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t leave me.. Please.. Please.. You.. You still love me right?”

 

I’m pathetic. But I just can’t accept this. Just yesterday we we’re happy and right he’s telling me that he doesn’t love me and leave me? No I won’t accept this.

 

He removed my grasp in his wrist harshly and looked at me with tears defiling his innocent face.

 

“I don’t love you anymore! Everything I told you are all LIES! Because of you my family left me! Because of you my friends hated me! Because of you I lost the chance of pursuing my dreams! Because of you I’m cramped in this little apartment with no development or achievement in life! Because of you I LOST EVERYTHING! Yes, I told you that I will love you and leave everything behind. But I regret that! I regret everything! I only wasted my time with you!” he shouted and his body his shaking fiercely.

 

Everything was too much for me to digest. I gave him my all but all along this was his feelings for me? I gave him everything but he only regretted being with me. My body became numb, I can’t feel anything anymore. This is too much.

 

“You’re lying.. You’re-”

 

“No I’m not! Chanyeol wake up! Even you gave me your all, it’s just not enough!” He cut me.

 

He grabbed his luggage and once again left. But this time I don’t have the force to stop him, it’s like I’m frozen and rooted to the ground. My tears just fell freely. I collapsed in my knees and I can’t do anything but scream.

 

“BAEEEEKHYUUUUUN!”

 

Days passed by and I became a living dead, I’ve been in my house for weeks and I’m already fired from my jobs because of my absences. I drank a lot of liquor and wasted my money for cigarettes. The day that I lost him, is the day that I lost my life. Because he is my life.

 

One day I woke up. I really wonder why I’m still waking up and why my heart is still beating. But this day is special. Like a jolt of lighting struck me that I should wake up and have my revenge against Byun Baekhyun.

 

I collected myself and took a bath. It’s been weeks since I last do so.

 

This time I’ll work my off and make Byun Baekhyun regret his decision of leaving me.

 

I cleaned the apartment and decided to open up a business of selling shoes.

 

I held our supposed wedding rings in my hand and kept it as motivation.

 

Years passed and I haven’t heard anything from him. But my name became the talk of the town for being Korea’s top shoe designer and was awarded internationally. I wore my proud smile because I know right now Byun Baekhyun is salivating just to have me again. Why? Because I’m filthy rich.

 

One day an unknown number called me. I’m hesitating to answer it because maybe it’s a prank call, but it may be Byun Baekhyun, so I answered it anyway.

 

I was half right and half wrong. It was Baekhyun’s  mom who called, asking if we could meet-up to talk. Of course I said yes, this is my first step of my revenge, to crush his family. I wonder why his mom wanted to talk to me, his mom hated me like hell when Baekhyun said he love me. Hmm…

 

I went to the café his mom told me to meet-up. She was already there when I came, I removed my sunglasses and greeted her politely.

 

“Good morning Mrs. Byun. What’s the matter that you wanted to talk to me?”

 

“I’ll go straight to the point since that’s what I really came to.. C-can you visit Baekhyun sometime?” Mrs. Byun said without looking at me in the eyes.

 

So, this was his plan, to ask his mother to plead me to love him again, so pathetic. But this is just right for my revenge, everything is going right.

 

“Uhh.. That’s weird, but sure I’ll visit him. Where can I find him?” The thought of seeing him is making me feel excited. Excited for my revenge.

 

“In America, in Edward Hopkins Hospital” she said lowly.

 

“H-hospital? Wh-Why is he there?!” I stood up and slammed the table, everyone is looking at us and Mrs. Byun asked me to keep calm. The word hospital sent shocks to my poor heart.

 

I sat back down. “Why is he t-there?” I asked lowly but with much urgency.

 

“He’s been diagnosed with cancer.. It was the rare type.. It slowly kills every organ of your body.. No one yet can help him here that’s why he asked our help for his medication overseas.. We sent him in Edward Hopkins Hospital but there is still no cure for it there either but there is an experiment for it and Baekhyun accepted to take the experiment because he wants to live and go back to you again b-but..” She sobbed violently and she started to cry.

 

“..His disease became more active.. a-and he is dying.. Help my son please.. Make him happy.. Please..”

 

It just took me seconds to digest everything and before I knew it, I ran towards my car and drove as fast as possible to my house to get my passport, money, and our rings. I drove faster towards the airport and bought a ticket going to America.

 

I sat down in the waiting area for my flight.

 

Everything I worked hard.. Everything.. Is just for nothing.. Baekhyun.. That stupid Baekhyun.. Why would he think that it would be better if he leave me?!! He just made it harder for me.. I.. I want to spend more time with him.. I want to hug him.. hold him.. kiss him.. but now it’s just too late.. I focused on making revenge, I should have looked for him.. I should have never give up.. I’m so stupid.. He never stopped loving me.. I’m an idiot.. How dare him decide for the two of us?!!

 

“Flight 1107. Flight 1107, please line-up”

 

My train of thought have been interrupted by the announcer and I haven’t realized that I am already crying..

 

Wait for me Baekhyun.. I’m coming for you.. My love..

 

It was night time when I arrived.

 

The time in the plane was excruciating.  But once I stepped on the soil of America, I am once again, in frenzy. I rode the taxi and asked him to go faster. As I stepped down, It was raining badly so I ran towards the hospital and I asked in the nurse in the lobby for the room.

 

“Byun.. *huff* *huff* Byun Baekhyun.. *huff* Where is the room of Byun Baekhyun?” I asked urgently.

 

“Just wait sir.” The nurse said and he looked for it in the computer.

 

“Found it. What is your relationship with Mr. Byun Baekhyun, Sir?” He asked.

 

I looked down.. Our relationship huh?

 

“I. I’m his husband.”

The eyes of the nurse widened but the smiled.

 

“His room is in 5^th floor, Room 516, Take a right from here and you’ll see the elevator. Then-“

 

I dashed off before he even finished his sentence.

 

I huffed in front of his room. Room 516 it reads.

 

I slowly opened the door and I saw the most beautiful angel I’ve ever seen. Byun Baekhyun. He is donned with white hospital clothes, and tubes are everywhere. He is very thin and has hollow eyes. He looks very weak and.. dying. My angel should not experience this.. He should be in my arms, and in my mansion, and be healthy there..

 

He looked at me. And shock is evident in his eyes. A tear fell from his eye.

 

“Chanyeol.”

 

It was like music in my ears nothing sounds so perfect like him. Every angst I felt towards him disappeared but my longing went back. Longing for his love.

 

“Baekhyun-ah.. I.. I missed you.” I said as I went beside him.

I hugged him gently, scared that his frail body can’t take it. I miss this.. I miss his warmth against my body. I miss his orange scent. I missed him.

 

“Baekhyun-ah.. Why did you left me? Why? We promised to share our pain together. But what did you do.. You carried it by yourself..” I can’t take it anymore, I cried.

 

“I.. thought.. it.. was.. for.. the.. best.. I’m.. sorry..”

 

I can hear that he takes a lot of energy just by speaking. He breathes heavily between his words. He coughed violently too, spilling some blood.

 

I wiped the blood from his face and kissed him lightly.

 

“It’s okay now I’m here already.. You’re not alone..” I hushed him.

 

“I.. missed.. you Chanyeol..” he said and he tried to smile his signature smile.

 

“Shhh.. Don’t talk.. Focus on breathing..”

 

He nodded and hugged me weakly.

 

“Uhh.. Wait..”

 

I broke our hug and I fumble through my coat’s pocket to find the rings. I gave him the larger one and I held on the smaller one. I grabbed his hand gently and said my line.

 

“I, Park Chanyeol, take you, Byun Baekhyun, to be my lawful wedded husband, to love and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, ‘till death do us part.”I laughed at the cliché. I said it with much conviction anyway.

 

“Would you accept me my love?” I asked him and he nodded happily.

 

I inserted the ring in his fourth finger but it didn’t fit. It’s much larger.

 

“Uhh.. sorry about that, I didn’t know you lost much weight.” I said and he giggled weakly. He coughed loudly and breathed even more irregularly.

 

“Are you okay Baekhyun?!”

 

He nodded and grabbed my hand weakly and inserted the ring to my finger. He grabbed a piece of folded paper in his table and also gave it to me.

 

“Open that.. When.. you.. got.. home..”

 

He smiled and the ECG machine is acting violently, its reading is so irregular that I know something is not right. I stood up and about to call a doctor but Baekhyun held my wrist to stop me.

 

“Stay.. with.. me.. please..” He said with much burden.

 

I burst into tears and hugged him closer. I know what it means. I know it clearly. He gave up on living. He’s too tired.

I looked at his face and he smiled at me coughing in between. I kissed him lightly and I closed my eyes, savoring this moment. His body started to shake violently.

 

“Shhh.. Shhh… It’s going to be okay..” I comforted him.

 

I know he is in much pain but I can’t do anything. I’m helpless. I cried silently and said words of encouragement that I know that is only futile. The rain become wilder and thunder could be heard loudly. It’s like it’s weeping with me. He looks at my eyes happily and I absorb every part of him, picturing everything.

 

I can feel his body being colder, life slowly leaving him and no words could explain what I’m feeling now. He cupped my face and I can feel his fingertips, it’s so cold. I held his hand attempting to make it warm with my own even I know that it’s not effective.

                              

“Chanyeol..  You know..” he paused as he whispered in my ear.

 

“ I love you so much.”

It’s the same.. But his words we’re trembling this time.. I cried louder..

 

“Baekhyun-ah.. I love you too!”

 

My voice was overpowered by the loud thunderclaps. I’m so scared that he didn’t hear me so I repeated it again and again.

 

“I love you so much! Can you hear me Baekhyun? I love so much, I love you more than you can imagine!” I said louder. But I got no response.

 

Instead his body felt colder than ever and the rain got much louder. By then, I know.. I know that he left me already. I cried louder, my heart shredded into million pieces, and my body trembling. I can’t accept this.. This is so unfair.. It’s not even a day we’re together!! What I wouldn’t exchange for a little more time with him.. I love him too much..

 

Life is unfair. I would attack you in your most vulnerable state and crush you into pieces. Yes it’s true.

 

I closed his eyes and I kissed his cold lips one last time.

 

I stood up and I told the nurse in the lobby that Baekhyun needs the doctor.

 

I walked in the rain mindlessly, letting the rain wash my tears away and hopefully my pain away.

 

I knew it.. This is our final distance..

 

Before I knew it I’m crying violently while looking at the tattered piece of paper. I sat down at the chair on our balcony. I slowly opened the paper. The writing is definitely from Baekhyun.. It’s his writing..I cried even more, tracing through the letters. The words that were written are the things that he wanted to do after he is cured from his sickness.. But he was never cured.. He.. He was hoping to be with me again so badly..

 

 

 

 

I held on the frame of the coffee table in front of me. It’s all coming back to me now. All the feelings, all the love.

 

“Baekhyun-ah! Why are you so selfish?!! How can you do this to me huh?!! I will do this things. But I'll never do this with anyone but you. We did the last thing right? So I’ll do five more! I miss you and I love you so much! Hear that? I love you!” I screamed.

 

I breathed out. And I grabbed my phone and dialed a number. “Jesse, free my schedule tomorrow and buy me a ticket to Egypt. Okay? Bye.”

 

“Baekhyun-ah! I’ll go first! I’ll make kites for tomorrow’s activity.”

 

I looked at the night sky one last time and walked to our bed.

 

I slept with smile on my face because I know he is always beside me.

 

Love. It’s a strong emotion that binds two person together. It’s not measured by a paper, a ring, or promises. It’s measured by your selflessness towards the person you love. Giving without asking for something in return.

 

True love is an eternal feeling that can never be broken by family ties, friendship, time or even the final distance.