In the hospital a few days after Kibum overdoses.

In all his years of parenting Heechul had never felt more like a failure than he did today. He hadn’t realized that he’d been walking on eggshells for several weeks now but he’d been so wrapped up in his business that he hadn’t taken the time to give each of the kids the special individual attention that they so desperately had been seeking. There were so many faces and personalities with different schedules that it had gotten difficult to keep track of all of them at once and so he’d go about his days trying to deal with whoever was tugging at his shirt for attention. That was his motto: if you want something then ask for it; he’d just forgotten that three of the boys had gone through traumatic experiences and not all of them were comfortable with speaking up when they needed him. They were all growing up, though, and it just felt like they were handling their issues on their own or at least going to each other for the little things. How was he supposed to know that they were keeping secrets from him?

Clearly he should have been paying more attention and he could not stop berating himself for exactly that. He’d gotten too comfortable with the way things had been going after everyone had settled in with Key joining the family some months prior. There had been no mishaps or meltdowns and so he’d gone with the flow in high hopes that maybe the family would finally get a break from drama. He didn’t question until later on why Kibum had stopped following him around everywhere; he thought for sure the seventeen year old had been studying late at the library every night and that was why he looked so ragged and worn out lately. And when Donghae started avoiding his gaze he had thought that the eighteen year old was only trying to hide the fact that he was secretly rekindling his relationship with his boyfriend and was embarrassed about it; it completely slipped his mind that Donghae could never look him in the eye when he was lying about something. It was all just one big mistake that had been made on his part, but Heechul knew that he wasn’t the only one to be blamed.

It felt so wrong to blame the boys but there was truth behind it and they had all done wrong. As Heechul sat on the worn-out chair next to the hospital bed, fretfully watching Kibum lie unconscious with a tube down his throat that was breathing for him, he could help but feel angry at his children. He did not understand what stupidity had possessed Donghae to keep something like this from him. He thought of the eighteen year old who refused to leave his room for the past two days, his eyes swollen and bloodshot from the endless amount of crying after he ruefully confessed everything to him. Heechul knew that the signs had been there all along that Kibum was getting high, but it was so easy for the symptoms to be passed off as lack of sleep and depression; Kibum had never had a healthy appearance anyway. The fault was honestly his own but Donghae was almost an adult and should have had the common sense to come forth and put Kibum’s well-being and state of health before their brotherly bond.

As far as bonding went, he was torn between what to do about Key. The eccentric blonde had promptly stood at Donghae’s side and swore that he was not alone holding the secret, that he too had known for almost two weeks what Kibum had been doing and had even gone so far as to produce the evidence from his desk drawer. Part of him thought it was sweet that Key was so selflessly putting himself into the aim of fire so that he could share the responsibility with Donghae but the other half of him was completely pissed that he too had kept this a secret. Key was the most mature of all the boys, he was extremely responsible and rational but whatever ignorance was in the air had infected him as well and he’d tossed all sense of rationality out the window. Personally Heechul thought that the fact that Key hated Kibum would have been enough for him to rat the latter out but clearly he still did not know Key well enough to make such assumptions and it was naïve of him to expect much.

When it came down