Hangeng had asked Mei to accompany him to the US where he was to record his album. She agreed to go with him, but she had her reservations. How well would he fare when his heart was still in shreds? But she kept this to herself, not wanting to trouble him.

There were days when Hangeng worked long hours, trying to erase all the pent up emotions by distracting himself with work and tiring himself out so that there was no time for him to think.

Big brother, this is not healthy for you, she had remarked. I know it hurts, but please, this is like suicide!

No, it wasn't. That was his conclusion. He wasn't trying to cut himself, nor was he trying to hang himself...

But I am allowing my heart to bleed. Just bleed...

Nothing. That was the word. There was nothing she could do about it. He had resigned himself to this 'fate'. He had, perhaps unconsciously, chosen the Fates over Heaven.

She cried, and cried her heart out in grief in a little corner where no one could see her nor hear her, begging Heaven to save him.

Heaven is kind, she thought, forcing her thoughts that way. Heaven redress the injustice they have inflicted upon my brother!

Keeping to herself, she watched all the goings on in the preparations with a hunter's attention. She didn't meddle in anything until Hangeng needed her.

I am a ghost, she thought. I have become a ghost. No, we have become ghosts.

Feeling helpless and tired from crying, her emotions became frayed; she had began to feel numb.

Worry.

Fear.

Resentment.

Hate.

Hate. She had begun to hate again. It bubbled, deep inside her heart. A familiar, vile feeling, but it also felt right for some reason. It felt like they deserved the hate.

Who were they? They were the ones who kept saying that they were hurt by his departure, saying they'd welcome him happily back into their arms if he came back.

But there was something wrong. For some reason, their words do not make sense. His words do not make sense.

She'd watched the interviews and listened well to his words. She'd even read the transcriptions, but to her, they all said the same thing.

He was not hurt. He was blaming him.

The finger was pointed to Hangeng, the blame, perhaps unconsciously, directed to him.

But the guilty is not among them, she forced herself to think. The guilty is behind the shadows, and Heaven will punish them.

But then they, too, are at fault. They should not blame him. What kind of brother does not ask why one cries? What kind of brother allows his brother to wallow in sorrows no matter how busy he is? No, those are not brothers! Those are actors...

They are wearing masks. All of them. Who knows what their hearts hold?

She sighed and laughed bitterly.

When Hangeng had informed her that he was leaving the group without the others' knowledge because he had to, for their sake, she felt the stab. It was like when she realized Kibum was missing.

But that was different. This was one close to home.

That was a surreal experience. This was a living nightmare.

How much more? How much farther?

The human heart can only endure so much. Even weeds will die when they don't receive sustenance.

I have realized, big brother, that I have done nothing for you, and I ask for your forgiveness. You have done so much for me, given me so much strength, but I am too weak to help you.

I am too weak to give you strength. My heart is still chained, imprisoned in the cage I have created for myself. My soul is wounded. I can only cry for you and plead to the Heavens that you will be given strength.

I ask the Heavens, every day, that you will be strong enough to stand back on your own feet, strong enough to look those people that have hurt you in the eye and show them that there is no longer hurt. That now, you are a star in your own right, and they cannot do anything to destroy you again.

The first chains are gone, big brother, and the journey has begun.

I fear that the chrysanthemum flower is but a symbol of death, unlike what you have once told me.

But the Heavens, whether or not it is the Master, the highest judge and epitome of justice and light, or it is but a place, I do not know for sure, and I can only hope it is the Master. But if it simply is a place, then it is a goal; the limitless limit!