Chapter 46: Fate's game

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdoRtqZwQZM

"That would never happen"

Wang Zi gazed at me with a puzzled face "What are you saying?"

"We were never together" I simply said.

A moment of silence took over the atmosphere. I regretted admitting it. We were both at a state of shock, with different reasons of course. Though unexpectedly, he just began to laugh at the matter "Well, you two shared the same feelings, that's too bad"

"Oh no no. no. He doesn't like me back"

"Well has he ever told you anything?" he raised his eyebrow.

"No, which is a sign that he does NOT have any certain feelings for me"

"The way I see it, he just hasn't told you yet"

I sighed "I really don't want to get my hopes up"

He brushed his hair with his hands and huffed rather roughly. He faced me and beamed a smile filled with assurance "Okay. Let's say, he doesn't love-- I mean.. like you back, wouldn't it be better if you told him how you feel towards him at least?"

I didn't answer.

"I mean, if you think about it, it's better if he knew"

"Yeah" I said, quite unsure.

I never came back to the set after. Well-- actually, I said my goodbye first and returned all of their stuff. However those people didn't seem to care about me when I bidded my farewell.

As I was about to leave, Wang Zi suddenly offered to walk me home, of course I declined because I don't want to hear any more of his romance lectures, I've had enough.

Because I get it - I get what he's trying to say. I'm a muffled, uninteresting person who doesn't initiate any conversations.

That's the problem.

I wish I was a whole different person. Maybe if I was smart it would've been great, because we can relate to each other.  Maybe if I was prettier, it may had given me more confidence to talk to him. Maybe if I wasn't younger and we were the same age, I would've been able to understand him better.

After all, I liked him because he had a beautiful face, but doesn't it always start that way?

You first look at the appearance of this person but eventually you begin to see the person beyond their exterior. To be honest, I was quite frightened by his personality at first, because I've never met anyone like that and as time passed, my feelings were slowly fading away., but when he revealed little sides of him, I fell for him.

again.

and again.. And again. 

I felt as if I fell off of the highest cliff; not yet landing on the surface of the earth. 

Though I really needed someone to guide me to initiate a conversation. It's pathetic. I've been talking to this person for almost 6 months and I still can't manage to talk to him properly. 

Everyday at school, I am  always filled with anxiety, just thinking of a way how to approach him somehow. The target is not even that hard to find, I always bump into him as if I was subconsiously looking for him.

I didn't have any particular plan to approach him.

That's why whenever school ends I would just feel even more worse for not accomplishing anything. 

One night, After school, I spent 3 hours at Hana's coffee shop just helping around a bit. Then soon after I was told to go home then. It was quite dark by the time I was walking, no cars were passing by, no sights of living figures, including dogs. It was getting scarier knowing that I getting farther and farther away from Hana's Coffee Shop.

I was used to walking home late at night, however, the thought of me being jumped on isn't very exciting for me (obviously.) 

I kept on looking behind me, just to check whether someone was behind me or  a car was coming. I just keep scaring myself more. 

As I reached my house, the streets had finally brightened. 

And in my surprise, Fate decided to commence another bad situation.

Lu Han came out of their house, wearing his casual apparel. He had his hood on, just wearing red sneakers and had a harrypotter-type of glasses. He was smiling like those smiles that he had shown me then 

This was it. 

Fate has done it; this was my chance.

Breathing heavily and holding my tears back, I dragged myself towards him. He suddenly turned my way as soon as he heard my footsteps. Then, his face changed.

"Hi" I said rather quietly.

He just stared. 

My heart rose that I even felt myself being sick. 

"So....How are you?" I just couldn't think of anything to say. God damnit. 

"Good. What do you want" 

Just say it. Just Fricken say it!!

I huffed. "I want to tell you something that..... has been on my mind for a while"

He squinted "kay" 

"It may surprise you or possibly anger you" I laughed to cover my nervousness. I took in the last air before I released everything.

Although I knew I was going to regret this later on, somehow I didn't care. I'm already here, there's no way out of it. 

"I like you. And I clearly am aware that you don't like me but I like you. I don't expect anything from you...it's just... I want to tell you how much you mean to me. Before we started our fake relationship, I was already attracted to you. But soon after I learned more about you, I just liked you even more. And it's weird that we don't have that much in common but I still ended up liking you" I laughed. "I know that I'm still younger than you and you may think that I'm a child. If you're disgusted, it's fine, you can just ignore all of this and act as if it never happened." 

He stared with his eyebrows furrowed, looking as if he was unable to comprehend. Or maybe he was disturbed by the fact that I just came out and said things out of no where.  

I wiped my tears away and sighed "That's all I have to say" I smiled one last time. 

"I didn't know that you felt that way" 

I nodded.

"Listen, I-"

"I know what you're going to say. I'm a kid, I'm not pretty enough. It's fine. really. I'm already aware of this" I backed away and ran home as quick as I could.

Although I expected this kind of reaction from him, I just can't help but feel oppressed.

I knew what he was going to say. I just didn't want to hear those words face to face.

-----

K guise I permit you to murder me because I was gone for almost 6 months.