Chapter 1:

Mrs. Kim groggily entered Care Pharmacy; she scanned the female crew to look for the familiar person who always serves her.

When she saw the madam approaching she immediately greeted her with her perfect smile,

“Good morning Mrs. Kim!”

She just nod at her, she handed her the paper, her new prescription.

“Diazepam, again?” she asked a bit worried

“yes, hana dear I can’t sleep much this past days, I feel so tired, I never thought that I will depend again on that medicine, but I need it,” she confess

“But madam you should not practice yourself depending in this drugs, it will be dangerous if it’s too much,” Hana followed

She was touch by her voice, she’s the person that she least expect to worry about her health condition, she have three sons and yet none of them showed any sign of concerned about her condition, and for all she knows those three idiots are all rejoicing that she was not bothering them in their dorms or giving them a call after their big arguments two weeks ago.

Anger build inside her, she clenched her fist, all she wanted is to show them how she love and protect them, she even supported their decisions when one by one they join in this world of entertainment, even though that  also means that she will spent less time with them, because she knows that that’s her sons dream that why she just show her full support,

“But you support us too much, to the point that we feel so suffocated, we can’t breathe,” that was Jaejoong, her oldest

“I hate it every time you burged in our dorm do you know that you’re the only mother who do that, and overtime I’m with my friends, I can’t have my free time, you will ordered me to go home, do you know how often they tease me because of that, umma I’m 24 and I have my life too,” Mrs. Kim thought that he’s the only one who resent her, she’s not prepared that her myung soo will follow, her used to be shy and quite myung soo

“Because of you no one tried to befriend me in my school days, my classmates hated me, remember the time when I got hurt while I am playing with my few classmates back in my preschool days? It was an accident but you got angry and mad at them, they are all afraid of you that’s why they avoided me, do you have any idea how traumatize that was? they make few steps backwards when I just planning to make a single step, it was until I met my band mates, Umma I want my life, I want a free life away from your hold, I want to be confident, I want to make friends, and I am 22” myung soo said everything without a pause, afraid that if he did, those words that he kept inside him will not be said. This is the only time, this is the perfect timing

“How about you?” mrs.kim bewildered face transferred her gaze to her youngest, Jong in,

She saw him looking at his two hyung before he spoke,

“Umma, I also feel the same,  I don’t like the humiliation I received, like hyungs they also did that to me, Umma I want freedom and I can’t do it since you’re always around, I’m that old enough to know what’s right from wrong, I’m confident, trust me Umma, we can live life with you giving too much,”

She looks at them felt humiliated, angered build within her, her inside hurt, it never cross her mind that this crazy scene like this will come, that each of her son expressed how they hated her way of loving them,

“I’m just being the best mother,” the words finally escaped, eyeing each one of them, showing how she cared

“We never asked you to be the best, do you realized how hurt we felt when you said that you’re just doing your best?” Jaejoong asked her, trying not to be impolite but it’s still sound like it.

“We grew coward,” myung soo followed. She can’t believe that it was her myung soo, who will say such things

“Umma we want to know our selves more,” followed Jong in.

“We want our freedom,” they all said in unison,

She scanned their serious faces, her three sons that she always put above her, her three sons who equally own her heart, who she supported more over her kindhearted husband.

Never cross her mind that her precious three sons will become ungrateful thus so break her heart.

No wonder that Jaejoong and jong in, decided to come over myung soo place, because they are up to this, they all planned this against her, She tried not to cry, although her eye already shows how angry she felt.

She tried to fake a smile at them; she grabbed again the box of her homemade kimchis and box of cookies  supposedly for jong in,

“freedom?!” she said again giving each other her dangerous stare,” okay, if that’s what you wanted,” that’s the last thing they heard; they all felt the bitterness in her voice. She slammed the door real hard when she went out.

“Hyung did we do the right thing?” jong in asked Jaejoong

“We will know, we just let her know the things that bothers us all through out,” Jaejoong answer

“Do you think she will be okay,” jong in asked again feeling regretful.

Myung soo tapped his back,

“It will be okay, trust Umma, she’s stronger than you think,” myung soo encourage him.

****************************************************************************

“How many tablets?” hana asked

“I’ll take all five,” she answered, waking up from her daze, she was too depressed since that day, she’s not sleeping well, that’s why she needed  diazepam to drive her to sleep, she once again sees the clerk worried face.

“Don’t worry, I will only take ¼ of it, I know it will be dangerous if I took too much,”

“perhaps do you need someone to talk too?” ha na invite, she’s really concerned about her, Mrs. Kim was not just an ordinary costumer, she treats her more than that, she have no parents, she lives alone that’s why every time she sees her, she can’t stop herself but thinking how happy she will feel if she is her mother. She knows that she might felt odd about that thinking that’s why she chose not to say that, even though her talkative tongue begged her too.

“I have no classes and I will be out in a while, I just thought if you need a company,” she followed, after all Mrs. Kim is one of the nicest people that she ever met, even if her life status is way to different from her, Mrs. Kim never looked down on her, she’s totally different from her other rich costumers who’s obnoxious and proud.

Mrs. Kim smile affectionately at her, she was right; she needed someone to talk to.

“I saw a new café nearby; I will wait to you there,” that’s what she said after giving her medicine; she will try her best to cheer Mrs. Kim.

tobecon

sidenotes: i just want to add this, just in case, but you can't buy it without presciption

Diazepam ( /daɪˈæzɨpæm/), first marketed as Valium ( /ˈvæliəm/) by Hoffmann-La Roche, is a benzodiazepine drug. Diazepam is also marketed in Australia as Antenex. It is commonly used for treating anxiety, insomnia, seizures including status epilepticus, muscle spasms (such as in cases of tetanus), restless legs syndrome, alcohol withdrawal, benzodiazepine withdrawaland Ménière's disease. It may also be used before certain medical procedures (such asendoscopies) to reduce tension and anxiety, and in some surgical procedures to induceamnesia.^[1][2] It possesses anxiolytic, anticonvulsant, hypnotic, sedative, skeletal muscle relaxant, and amnestic properties.^[3] The pharmacological action of diazepam enhances the effect of the neurotransmitter GABA by binding to the benzodiazepine site on the GABA_Areceptor (via the constituent chlorine atom) leading to central nervous system depression.^[4]

Adverse effects of diazepam include anterograde amnesia (especially at higher doses) andsedation, as well as paradoxical effects such as excitement, rage or worsening of seizures in epileptics. Benzodiazepines also can cause or worsen depression. Long-term effects of benzodiazepines such as diazepam include tolerance, benzodiazepine dependence andbenzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome upon dose reduction; additionally, after cessation of benzodiazepines, cognitive deficits may persist for at least six months and may not fully return to normal; however, it was suggested that longer than six months may be needed for recovery from some deficits.^[4] Diazepam also has physical dependence potential and can cause serious problems of physical dependence with long term use. Compared to other benzodiazepines, though, physical withdrawal from diazepam following long term use is usually far more mild due to its long elimination half-life. Nevertheless, urgent action by national governments to improve prescribing practices has been recommended.^[5]

Advantages of diazepam are a rapid onset of action and high efficacy rates, which is important for managing acute seizures, anxiety attacks and panic attacks; benzodiazepines also have a relatively low toxicity in overdose.^[4] Diazepam is a core medicine in the World Health Organization's "Essential Drugs List", which is a list of minimum medical needs for a basic health care system.^[6] Diazepam was first synthesized by Leo Sternbach,^[7] is used to treat a wide range of conditions, and has been one of the most frequently prescribed medications in the world since its launch in 1963.