author: jwhong005 / pairing: 2min (side Jongkey) / written: April 20, 2012 / rated: PG-13 (beware of language & drugs)

[ L E E T A E M I N ]

I inhaled the scent, liking how it spread throughout my body so quickly, giving me a rush that I hadn't felt ever before. The stuff was good I had to give Jinki that. For such a bastard he was able to bring in the good stuff like nobody's business. But that's the thing, it is our business. He's the supplier and I'm the one who buys the with cash from who knows where it came from. I don't care, though. As long as I keep smoking all the pain will go away, all of it.

"Tastes a bit better than the last batch, doesn't it?" Jinki asked, sitting beside me on his battered up couch.

Lee Jinki, or Onew as he goes by on the streets, became my best friend and not just because of the serious crank he gives me. We just kind of hit it off at first. It was a bar we met at the first time. It would be a lie to say that I wasn't drunk. I was lucky if I could walk in a straight line that night. As hectic as it was in the place we were at, he managed to sober up enough by the time we both wanted to leave to drive us to some dinky hotel. The manager must've known we weren't right in the head at the time because I remember getting some pretty funky looks. But then again, I was hung over, what did I know?

"Yep," I nodded, exhaling through my nose to see the smoke come out of it like it would a bull's nose in a cartoon. I laughed, whacking my friend's arm so that he could take a look. "This is by far the best you've ever gotten. Who grew it?"

Onew just shrugged his broad shoulders, giving a goofy, shy grin like a little kid who just got caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "Who the cares, man? This is good so we might as well use it well."

"Who cares? All I gotta do is sell enough of this stuff and I'm golden. I'll have enough cash to give to my guy and keep a little bit on the side hush-hush." Jinki  lit his own rolled up dollar bill, placing it between his lips as he lit it, letting it go on fire for him to inhale the burn that would push all the senses away.

I just nodded in agreement like a bobble head, feeling as if my head was going to just pop off my shoulders instantly at the movement. "How much do I owe?"

The question lingered in the air for a bit before Jinki realized I was speaking to him. He dug through his pockets for a piece of paper, examining it with squinted eyes. "Uh ... I dunno man. Just give me what you got on you now."

Dazed, I nodded once again, patting my pockets to realize that my wallet wasn't on me. My eyes grazed the room, fuzzy colors all over the place like a collage gone wrong before I realized that I had put it in my jacket pocket which was at my place, the place also known as hell.

"Dude, I don't have any cash on me so we'll just meet up tomorrow around, like, eleven or something. We'll do an exchange." I said to him, running my fingers through my hair as I took one last hit of the good stuff. "Remember, alright? And if I'm not there, call me. I might forget by then."

```

It was around three am, maybe. It could've been earlier in the morning for all I really knew. My buzz was gone and man was I missing it. I liked the way it made my body go all numb and tingly all over the place. The witch of the house didn't think so, though. She tapped her foot on the hard tile in the kitchen as she stared me down, watching as I inhaled a bag of chips like they were the last meal I'd ever have. They would be if killing was legal in South Korea, that is.

"Lee Taemin," she said, putting emphasis on each syllable of my name, "where the hell have you been young man?"

I hiccuped from whatever that causes that annoying sound people emit. "I was out, duh. You know Jinki hyung and I chill together when we're both off."

She rolled her eyes, wrapping her hands around her forearms as she crossed them across her chest, doing her best not to lunge out at me. I knew it only because she had tried it once but appa had stopped her. That is, when he was able to. When he was still—

"I want you home earlier from now on. Do you hear me, Lee Taemin?"

No answer came from me.

"Do you hear me?" she repeated sternly, not loosing her footing in the conversation we were having.

"You didn't come home earlier when I asked you to," I shot back, catching her off guard. "You never came home earlier even when I begged on my knees, clutching onto your leg like some pathetic loser. All you did was cheat on Dad! All you ing did was go around sleeping with men with diseases and for a few bucks and a good ! Don't you pin everything on me. I'm like this because of you!"

"I'm your mother and I will be respected accordingly. Your father's death has nothing to do with me dating other men!" she reciprocated and that's when I really hated the .

I shook my head at her, pursing my lips to show my dissatisfaction. "You've got to be kidding me, right? Dating other men? I didn't know one night stands counted as dating nowadays. Tell me, umma, when did the terminology change so drastically, huh? You make me so ing sick I hope you know that!"

Her hand collided with my cheek with such a force that I realized something, I finally sensed it. It was a scent that I knew all too well. She had been drinking a bit. My eyes might've been red from all that stuff I had smoked but the woman reeked of alcohol. It was all around her and I was surprised after that that I hadn't noticed earlier that something was off. Now that she was so close to me, I could sense it pooling off of her and onto me. It was dragging me in. It was what had originally led me to the first shot I had at home, enjoying the burning sensation down my throat. It made me feel good. So I kept doing it. And drugs only really came after Jinki walked into my life.

Now alcohol, alcohol has been a part of it for as long as I can remember. The moment that appa died, I was ed by fate. All the walls that had been built to make me stronger were taken down instantly by the thing I'd like to call the monster, Me.

```

The clock seemed to have stopped moving but I had to shake the thought off, knowing very well that it had to have been just my mind acting up on me. It was just a small aftermath of the drugs and booze on top of it since I drank the night away with my dear mother after we duked it out for a bit, shouting like ... like, there was nothing else to do with our poor lives. My father would've never let us shout at each other with such vulgar words, screaming until our vocal cords were strained and they felt like they were on fire.

My father ... He was such a loving man and that's why I've found it so hard to let him go. It seems that every single year when that date comes for his anniversary, I just feel like giving up on the world. He was my rock and without it, I'm nothing. Lee Taemin became a broken teenager when his father passed away and everyone around me was more than willing to spread the word. It might've been because I've been gay my whole life. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on Choi Minho across the room in our classroom. I was put a grade ahead because I had made such progress at a young age. They, my school, knew I would have a great future and so it happened. Room 1D became my home.

They often say that you're attracted to the person that reminds you of the parent that is the opposite of yourself. Seeing as how I'm gay, I'm assuming that means I'd be more drawn to someone like my father and not the woman that happens to share the same blood as me. Yes, Minho was everything I needed. He was such a bright face to look forward to seeing. Especially when I hit my middle school years and puberty hit. I didn't grow as much but the beautifully handsome, frog eyed male did. It only made me pine for him even more.

"Here's the cash," I said, handing it off to someone Jinki often worked with in a chain so that he wouldn't get caught by the police. 

Kim Jonghyun is his name. He's two years older than me and looks like a human-puppy-dinosaur hybrid. I swear I don't know what bred the guy but who cares as long as he can pass the money along so I don't get my kicked by JInki's boss? But whatever. Jonghyun took the envelope from my hands, shoving it in his pocket as quickly as possible before our waitress at the cafe could come back. 

"All of it is in here, right?" he inquired, probably scared for himself as well since his body was shaking. Either that or he was high during our exchange.

"I wouldn't risk not putting everything in there." I replied.

"Good, good," Jonghyun gave a small smile, nodding, making his whole body move in sync.

My eyebrows raised, noticing how odd he was acting. He definitely had to be high on something. I could practically smell some of the smoke from the crank just being near that jacket he was wearing. Knowing him, he probably hadn't washed it in months. 

"So how're things going with you?" I asked casually, rubbing my hands together, crossing my legs as we sat underneath the fan at our table.

"Well, for starters, I got myself a boyfriend but he's as annoying as hell. He's as clean as and it kind of bothers me. He won't let me smoke anything in his apartment since I had to move into his after my landlord kicked me out. I don't know if I can last rooming with him much longer." Jonghyun confessed, rubbing his dino face.

To pretend to be completely interested (since the idea of him having a boyfriend caught my attention), I gave a small nod of encouragement to have him continue on with his story. Since he didn't, I decided to drop some of my own on the table to even things out. "I'm getting pretty tired of my mom. She's always poking her damn nose into places that it doesn't belong when I know for a fact that she's messing around with that shouldn't be touched, too. The only good thing about living with her still is that I don't have to pay for my own place as long as she's around nightly for a few bills to be stuffed down her bra here and there."

Jonghyun held up his glass once it came, giving a crooked grin. "To parents: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."

"Well said my friend, well said," my high friend. A smirk appeared on my lips as I clanked our glasses together rather loudly, taking a long drink from it afterwards, my throat parched. "How 'bout once we're done here, we go to your place and take a hit of the stuff I bought off hyung? I got a small bit of it stuffed in my boot."

"Ew," he said, making a face. "You put drugs in your boot. I don't wanna smoke something that was near your foot. That's nasty."

I rolled my eyes. "It's in a plastic bag you ing moron."

[ C H O I M I N H O ]

The ball came at me with full force, causing me to jump out of the way so that I didn't get hit. I had avoided it just in time because it missed and got into the goal that I was supposed to be guarding. My teammates gave me a frown but didn't say anything in particular. They knew what would happen if I got another injury on the field: my parents would stop me from playing another season at Seoul University. Since I had been playing for them since I was a freshman, being that I'm a senior now, it'd be too late to turn back and stop playing. I was there on scholarship after all so I needed to keep on going no matter the cost. It just so happened that that one goal was it.

"Good game," I was congratulated by my father afterwards by a pat on the back and comforting words.

I beamed at him, shaking his hand firmly, my muscles flexing for the wandering female eyes around me. "Thanks Dad, that means a lot. I just hope that I can go pro after this June."

He just shook his head at me in a joking manner. "You're already thinking about going pro? Next thing you know it, you'll be imagining what it's like to running down the field in the Olympics."

My mother slipped her hand into my dad's free one, intertwining their fingers sweetly. "Hun, go shower up and we'll wait in the car for you."

Nodding, I did as I was told and ran off to catch up with the team to go into the locker room. They weren't waiting for me but a few gave small pats on my back as I passed them by. I was peeling off the sweat covered shirt when my friend came up to me in all of his diva glory, his hands on his hips while a towel hung around his neck, a loose fitted pair of sweatpants on.

"Hey Kibum hyung," I smiled down at him, amused by our height difference. He looked a bit downer than usual. "What's wrong?" I asked him, wiping my face with the dirty jersey just to get the drops of salty water away from my eyes. 

He sat down on the bench, dejected, holding his head with his hands. "Boyfriend problems," he said loud enough so that only I could hear.

Before a couple months ago, I hadn't really talked to Kibum. He was the diva of the campus, the one that people went to for fashion advice. Now, my perspective is a bit different image-wise but his personality has stayed stationary. I would've pegged him for being gay but never an athlete. Apparently, or according to Coach So, Kibum had always been a soccer player—just not for the University.

"You have a boyfriend?" I said in return, puzzled. "Since when?"

"Since, like, two weeks ago. That's why I came late to practice yesterday. He was running a bit late and I promised I'd wait for him at the park to show up. He was high when I came ... I know it. Something in my gut just tells me so." KIbum sighed, looking at me for advice.

Dating was never my strongest point. For the longest time I could never get a girl to go out on a second date with me. Occasionally, I'd see one that was desperate enough to shoot for two but that was only when the blue moon shone throughout the night of our date. And blue moons don't exist if you see where I'm going with this.

"Have you tried talking to him?" I sat down as well, postponing the shower for now. 

He shook his head. "I haven't had the chance! Every time I talk to him he's rambling on about two guys ... Lee Taemin and Lee Jinki or Onew, something like that."

Lee Taemin ... Why did that name sound so familiar? "Y-You don't say? Well, hyung, I'll tell you what, I'll go take a shower, get to my folks so that we can get home and tonight I'll call you to work things out with this boyfriend of yours. No guy can hurt my hyung, got it? Choi Minho has your back."

"Thanks Minho. For a frog eyed guy, you aren't too bad."

"T-Thanks for the compliment ... I think,"

```

Most people have a line that can't be crossed but I, I don't have one. Not yet at least because after what Kibum made me do, I had to draw one. It was a pain enough to drag myself out of bed to come to his aid at midnight but to meet up with his pothead boyfriend? He's just lucky he's my best friend and he's worth a few less hours of sleep.

"I'm surprised this place is still open." I yawned, stretching my arms out as he sat in the small booth in McDonald's. "Could he have picked a classier place to meet up or what?"

Kibum scowled. "This isn't something to joke about Minho. This is about me and Jonghyun's relationship and frankly, it's slowly being flushed down the drain."

I didn't have much of a reply so I stayed silent, waiting for the moment for the bastard who hurt my hyung emotionally to come through the door like a drunken fool. When twenty minutes of sitting there to see that nobody was coming, I was surprised when a car came to a slow stop, doing a lousy parking job. My eyes closed for a brief moment, not catching how many people had climbed out of the car. When they were reopened, it was Kibum who had caused it. His hand whacking my arm hard so I wouldn't doze off.

And I don't think I could've. It seemed like the most beautiful creature on Earth had walked into the place. His blonde hair shining in the stupid lights of the McDonald's, the small yawn he gave was just adorable and priceless to watch. His steps stopped, making me think that he wasn't aiming to come over to us. Even if he was, that would mean that he would be Kibum's boyfriend, someone I could never imagine having to call my own. I had considered myself gay or biual a few times before but now, the questionable feelings about the thing called my uality came back to my thoughts in a rush that couldn't be contained.

The stunning boy turned away, heading back out the door, returning with a shoulder slung around his shoulders, giggles coming out from between his two pink lips. The other male seemed to be a bit shorter than him since he was leaning down to keep his feet on the ground to walk properly to our table. Roughly, he tossed the male into the opposite bench in the booth Kibum and I were sitting in and plopped down once the deed was done.

"Taemin ... Jonghyun," Kibum said icily, not even bothering to look at the male who looked half asleep (even more than me) on the table.

"Nice to see you, too, hyung. Still bothering Jjong hyung about the booze and ?" Taemin, I was left to assume, asked, his voice ringing like bells in my ears.

Kibum took in a deep breath, his hands clenching together on the table, showing a fake smile. "Of course I am, I'm his boyfriend and I have a right to be concerned."

Taemin raised a brow. "It's not as bad once you try it and believe me, once you try crack you'll never go back!" he joked, slamming his hand onto the table as he laughed, trying to get either one of us to go along with it. When we didn't he added, "Always a party pooper I see."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that until Kibum began to speak directly to me. "You remember Lee Taemin don't you? He was in your class at that one elementary school you went to and he was at your high school as well."

"Really?" I leaned forward as I gave my dumbfounded answer. So that's why the name had seemed familiar. It rang a bell for sure but I would've noticed someone as captivating as Taemin if we were ever in the same grade.

"Yep, he's changed a lot though. His hair used to be brown, his natural color mind you, and he didn't have the attitude he was now either. But his face, his face has stayed the same pretty much. Taemin's gotten taller, too. He used to dance but I guess when you start to do drugs and drink, your body can't handle the activity anymore." Kibum droned on about facts that were all new news to me. 

When he was finished Taemin only gave a small grin, obviously fake but he tried it on for size anyway. "That's me, Lee Taemin. I have my mother to thank for that."

```

After the night at McDonald's, I couldn't help but think of Taemin. Where is he now? What's he doing? What's his phone number? Does he have a boyfriend or girlfriend? What did he mean when he talked about his mom? They all rang through my skull over and over like a record that was scratched so that the only thing it could do was skip. I would've talked to Kibum about it but problems with Jonghyun just kept on going.

It must've been coincidence or fate that had brought us together but I had finally found Taemin again. It was two weeks later and instead of some slimy fast food place, I spotted him at the park on the grass with his legs propped up as he looked up at the dark blue sky. He was giggling constantly, rubbing his eyes as if there was something in them. Slowly, I walked over to him, trying to think how fast I would have to make the conversation before rain would begin to fall.

"Hey," I said, kicking his shoe lightly. 

Both his legs fell down so that he could look up at me. "Hey," he answered, sighing as he twirled a small white stick in his hand. "Wanna smoke?" he asked, offering the pack of Camels to me.

I declined nicely, sitting down beside him. "What're you doing out here?" I asked him.

"Just sitting around," Taemin vaguely replied. "You?"

"I came from the rec center a few minutes ago when I saw you over here alone." I explained, hearing a satisfactory grunt in reply. "You probably don't know this but I'm a soccer player."

"I didn't but I do now." Taemin stated in a small voice, much different from the one that he used around Kibum.

It made me a bit surprised but I had to figure that a snotty tone and pretty eyes wasn't all that was to Taemin. He seemed a bit calmer now, a bit more relatable now that he wasn't on anything that showed through so obviously. It even led me to ask one of the stupidest questions ever, "Would you ever consider quitting what you're doing?"

"Depends ... What're you referring to? The drinking or the smoking?" he breathed out deeply, another deep breath in. 

"Mostly the smoking. I'll admit to going out for drinks every once and a while. It's alright in moderation but smoking is a different story for me. I wouldn't be able to run as much in soccer games if I smoked." I couldn't imagine what life would be without the sport.

"Do you think I could do it?" 

That made me think. Someone who is addicted, it's hard for them to break it. I looked into his eyes, his dark brown orbs staring back at mine and I knew that answer immediately. "Yes,"

"What makes you think that? What if I don't have it in me? I have been doing this kind of for as long as I can remember. It's just too bad that I don't retain things from too far back." Taemin chortled at his own joke, releasing a sigh at the end.

"Call it intuition but if you really tried, I'm sure you could break the habit." I answered cheesily. I knew it was a bit weird to say to someone that you didn't know all too well but the words just came out.

Taemin looked over at me, biting on his bottom lip adorably. "I'm surprised." 

"About what?" I sat up, finding that the grass was uncomfortable for me to put my back up against.

"You," he followed in suit. "I'm surprised that you acted differently than how Kibum acted. You surprised me that night to be honest. I normally get this weird look from people when they see what I am. But you didn't. You just looked, that's all."

"How do you know I wasn't looking at you the same as everyone else?" I laughed.

He didn't laugh along with me. Instead he just kept the same serious expression on his lovely face. "Call it intuition," As the words hit my ears I was sure that I saw him smile before the rain fell and blurred my vision, giving just enough time for Taemin to slip away.