I didn't enjoy the effortless lies. I may seem like the great Kwon leader, confident and encouraging, but deep inside only one person fully understood me. He shared the dark secret with me.

Seunghyun do you remember?

Back in middle school we used to be the best of friends composing to our liking without the pressure of critics and fans that we now take into consideration.

Back then nothing could separate us. We were one soul forced to live in two bodies. It was written in our lyrics, our actions, our love. It was.

Our dreams tore us apart.

I still remember the night I was sobbing inside the warmth of your cradle, you told me not to worry even though I was harshly rejected by various entertainment companies They told me that I should never. Ever. Sing again.

I proved them wrong, because every time I was rejected, I reminded myself of the happiness that overwhelmed me every time I composed for you, rapped for you, sung to you. I loved you.

For that reason I refused to see you after news of getting accepted into the YG family. My initial reaction was to call you straight away and share my excitement with you, but you were rapping for a bar. You told me specifically that I could not call you when you were there. I recall the taste of alcohol saturated in your mouth every time we kissed. You said it was just a few cups after your performance. But you didn't perform everyday. I broke up with you multiple times, playing out various excuses in my head, before having the courage to lie to you in your face. "I meet someone else."

My first few days as a trainee in YG family was torture, not because of the high expectations, but because I had permanently moved to the company's dorms. I had come to pursue my dreams, conveniently I also avoided seeing your questioning eyes that was filled with anger and hatred. I missed your raw chubby body to cuddle that night.

I never went back to that middle school after I broke up with, I abandoned you. Purposely.

Whenever I look back at these events my eyes will always start to swell up. Does yours, Hyun? I wouldn't expect you to. You never really accepted my apology.

Maybe it was fate, maybe it was just God trying to make my recurring nightmare come to life. I was going nowhere with my solo debut, not even a duo debut with my lable-mate, Taeyang. My manager said my only way to debut was to be a leader of a boy band. That was when I remembered the very existence that I was trying to forget for so many years. My manager actually mentioned you before I had the guts to offer your name. You were pretty well known back then, well compared to me anyway. Rumors say you actually applied for the position rather than me hauling you back into my life. Is that true Seung Hyun?

You could never have imaged the state of fear I was in to welcoming you to the family. My manager told me that you had lost a large amount of weight in a short amount of time in order to get into this boy band, or were you planing to get back into my life with the scars that I left you.

Although we had the most history, we had the least to talk about. In the dormitory we were assigned to stay in, whenever we were left alone I would always excuse myself to the toilet. The other band members would come back cueing for the toilet because I stayed inside over 5 hours. I was afraid. That's the honest truth.

Do you remember our first major single, lies? Guess what, it was composed for you. There was never anyone else. I'm still jealous by the MV till this very day, how could you touch her the way you touched me? How could you. I didn't speak to you for a month.

I remember this lie very vividly, you wrote a song for your ex-girlfriend. We both know that you didn't have an ex-girlfriend, you were singing to me. I hated how you had to pretend to dislike the makeshift awkward fake kiss in our coffee prince parody. At least you are a talented actor, for the first time in over 7 years I slept in your arms that night.

Back then I was in love again, were you? I don't recall you ever echoing back that phrase ever since I shattered your heart when we were little. I'm sorry Seunghyun, I'm sorry.

Everything that ever happened between our last 6 years was well and truly a lie. I don't know if you feel the same way when you turn a blind eye to our past. I don't know how many times to apologize for leaving you in middle school, because quantity or quality will not matter.

All I can say is I hope you forget this sorrow when you find me in my next life. I'm sorry.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you guys liked it. I somehow feel very sucidial after writing this story, anyways I'll probably be updating a lot since holidays are coming up. PLEASE subscribe, there's not enough VIP's in the world right now, we need to raise awareness XD..