I receive a phone call on January 9. I pick up.

“Annyeong, it's Sungmin. Can you meet me at our park?” *click*

How many times have I dreamed of this moment? How many times had I played this scenario in my head? Sungmin comes running back to me apologizing with a thousand gifts, taking a hunger strike for me, doing something extreme.. Proving what I dreamed of hearing, it would be Sungmin admitting that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. But I didn’t need that anymore, he broke my heart but made me tougher. I ached for him, his presence, his smell, his everything but he would never know that. He turned me form this weak innocent girl into someone strong, or someone who could pretend they were strong. I threw my hair in a pony and put on my boots. I walked to the park. My thoughts were swirling in my mind.. When I saw him, he was really handsome and good-looking. Though, I had seen him very little at school, passing in the hallways, and once.. When I went to the grocery store with my parents, but I never looked anywhere but forward. I knew my heart couldn’t take it if I saw him again.

"Annyeong.." Sungmin said. I sat on the bench. A million thoughts filled my head.  How could you not fight for me? How could you let our relationship end like this? I gave you my everything! Why wasn’t those enough? Why hadn’t you called these past five months? What have you been doing? But I said nothing. I stared on the ground and he stared at me. Silence filled the air for a very long time until it all just exploded like vomit, word vomit. He said something about how his dad left when you he was three years old and at the night of the party, he called asking to go to lunch that weekend. He sobbed. He yelled something along the lines of  “How could a guy who was suppose to support, care, and protect me never show up to any games? When I was little, I tried my best to do something good like get a touchdown or a good tackle. Then, I would always look up in the crowds searching for him... I mean how could he never help my mom when she was struggling? How come he never showed an ounce of love toward my family? Then expect to go to lunch and catch up on like the old times... Like we were good lost friends or something! How could a DAD give up his own son like he was an old toy. He never felt the heavy disappointed feeling each and every day that I felt. It always filled my body. Until I trained myself to forget him completely. I learned how to live life without him in it.” He talked about how it was the worst feeling and how I had probably felt that with him and he was so sorry. He was also so sorry for he had screwed up so bad and how his vision became blurred.. How crazy that freakshow Yuri was.. (FINALLY!) And how she kissed him and how bad he felt. How each day he would dial my number then hang up. How sorry he was for not being there and protecting me like he should have. How seeing me every day and not being able to hold me was a living hell to him. He talked about how he thought alcohol could maybe fix him. He talked about a million other things.. Probably, he must have talked for at least an hour straight.

Then, I finally realized what he had been scared of.. It was letting me in. It meant trusting another person with his life.. Because he didn’t want to get hurt. Not investing anything meant not losing anything either.

And then, he finally finished. Not sure what to do, I stood and faced him.. And then I hugged him, so tight, forever.. When we finally let go, he was standing there smiling and suddenly everything felt okay.