Title: Always Keep the Faith

Author: kpop4evafanatic

Reviewer: Stephanie (Whytheglumface)

Let me start of this review by introducing myself. I’m Whytheglumface, or you can call me Steph. *^^* I’m here to just offer you friendly advice for your story which you’ve humbly requested for me to review. Please do not take any criticisms as an insult, but as an opportunity to improve your story. I apologize in advance if I have offended you in any way.

Title: [5/10]

Right off the bat, I have perceived capitalization errors. Correction = Always Keep the Faith. A general rule for capitalization in titles is that three-lettered words or less such as, ‘on’, ‘the’ and so forth should never, and I repeat, NEVER be capitalized (Up is an exception). Readers who are casually browsing for stories to read will be, I assume, turned off with the careless capitalization error. I, for one, wouldn’t really have a too good of a first impression on your story. I shouldn’t have to elaborate extensively on this, but I found it to be quite necessary. I deducted marks as well for the not-so eye-catching title you’ve crafted. An attractive, defined title is A MUST for your story to shine at its best, and this title just didn’t do it for me. However, I’ve rewarded you points for the relevancy your title portrayed. Consider changing the title, if you will.

Poster/Background [9/10]

The simplicity of the poster does wonders to this extremely emotional, angst-filled story. The background greatly complimented the genre of the story. To be quite frank, I only base the marks awarded in this category based on whether or not I like it. I’m not an expert when it comes to graphics, but I do have quite a taste to art, since that’ll be my major soon. I shall cut out the unnecessary background story. Well done in this category!

Foreword/Description [8/20]

Unfortunately, I cannot bring myself to compliment you to the degree I have in the previous category. This description, hands down, is in need of major construction. Not only is it boring, but it’s somewhat suitable to a one-shot, rather than a chaptered fan-fiction. The plot is overly simple, only having to deal with the coping emotions the 5 of the members are persevering through. I would like you to tweak the description. A suggestion would be to include an excerpt of one or more of the members’ feelings, so that way, the readers would be given the opportunity to sympathize with their feelings. That would also be a clever way of introducing your story line to your readers. Including an author’s note at the end of the description is very messy. Please, please include those notes in the foreword instead. Not only will it be organized, but it will also be a less of an eye sore for your readers. There are also some punctuation errors, which I will pin-point over at the grammar/spelling/language category. All in all, it truly needs a ton of work, and is not an accurate reflection of your English capability as a whole. (Your upcoming chapters were very detailed, so it was a whomping disappointment for me to review your foreword).

Plot [12/30]

Your writing was very beautiful, incorporating a vast range of vocabulary. There were minimal grammar misusage. So why would I award you with a low score after bombarding you with comments? Truth is, there really wasn’t a story line. It was just a bunch of emotions clashed together. The characterization of the characters was done very poorly; no differences in their attitudes whatsoever, and that is boring. I’m sorry for being stern, but I can’t really put this in any other way. It’s somewhat like a journal of the five, not a story. A story needs to have the following: Character introduction, rising action, , falling action and ending. Your story, however, only included a character introduction; nothing more, nothing less. You are a fantastic writer vocabulary-wise, but plot-wise... not so much. My suggestion to you is to include some kind of accidental meeting to spice things up, instead of going through this great length of over-narrating their troubled, pain-penetrating feelings. Maybe even some involvement in the courthouse themselves? Now that would be an interesting turn of events. To summarize, here is the list of the following writing aspects you are lacking: characterization and plot. I can’t emphasize this enough, but for you to be lacking the following will take a great toll on you if you don’t correct this sooner or later. If you insist on keeping them, including some background music would be nice.  Also, it was very unprofessional of you to include an author’s note in the middle of the story. It’s a messy way of organizing things. Delete them immediately.

Grammar/Spelling/Language [23/30]                    

Description/Foreword:

Is this what they want?

“Hey members! Our U-know, our Micky, our Xiah, our Choi Kang! I love you guys so much! By the way, why aren’t we flying? Let’s really fly this time! To be honest, I’m actually afraid of flying. That we will be far away from our Cassiopeia.Well we can still get through this right? Since our hearts are together.” – Jaejoong

Also, erase the separation between the dash and the names. EX: -Jaejoong

I shall have no comments regarding your first chapter since that is your author’s note. It’s not my responsibility correcting your notes.

Chapter 1:

It’d be nice if you can erase the indications of the chapter. EX: Snow

Oh that’s right. He’s standing in the snow with just a pair of jeans and a shirt, not even wearing shoes, barefooted.

Chapter 2:

“Hyung...” Three ‘...’ is plenty enough.

“It’s fine, Changmin.”

I will not go through the great length of pointing out every single punctuation error. But, fortunately, they were very well-hidden and would not distract the flow of the story greatly. I suggest you re-reading your story, and correcting these careless mistakes here and there. If you insist on me pointing out the mistakes, please say so in the comments!

Overall Enjoyment [6/10]

It was alright, overall. But my pet peeves can’t help but alert me to the striking aspects the story lacked.

Bonus [3/5]

Since I like your poster very much, I don’t see why I can’t reward you with bonus points.

Total:  [66/105] or 63%

Reviewer’s Note: Since this is the first time someone requested a review for the shop, I was pumped due to the fact that finally, FINALLY, my shop was getting some recognition. So thank you very much for requesting. Don’t forget to link back to the review in your foreword, and credit me and the shop as well. Thank you and have a superb day! -Stephanie