She snapped from her own complex mind. No one can ever understand her complex mind, not see even herself,but she don't bother. She turning off the alarm that she don't even has a memory setting one. Looking at her right, her friend still lazily sleeping on the bed. Showing her that she's not gonna awake anytime soon.

 

Right.

 

​​​​​​She currently living her life.

 

After working like a slave for 5 years, she left the company to become a useless jobless bum for over a year.  It was less than two years since she start work in a foreign country after her friend secretly sending her resume to one of the biggest company in that country. To her surprised, she was even accepted without an interview and the most crazy thing was her didn't even question her silly friend for doing things behind her. In the end, here she is, working under one of country pride company as an executive.

Better working condition 

Better pay, 

Better work life balance.

 

 

as if she has one.

 

........... 

 

"Next month let's go to Kashmir"

"Call!" 

She sigh. Only to earn a stare from her friends.

"Don't sigh. We doing this for your own good"

She sigh even louder than before.

"It's not like I don't wanna go, but I have so many things to do. I can't keep taking leaves!"

"Hey silly, do you know why boss always approve your leave without any question? It's because even boss can see how you force  yourself to keep working! She know that your are trying to drown yourself into the world that nobody should be inside it!"

"She's right, you should've seen boss face when she know that you overwork yourself. Work is important, I know that. But life is important too"

 

 

Work life balance.

 

She can't even say anything. For her, what she has been doing is not even wrong at all. Working hard was never something wrong to do. So why would her friend keep telling her to stop for a while when she actually enjoy working hard without thinking about anything​​​​​​. 

 

........... 

 

 

She was laughing so hard till her tears come out from her eyes. 

"that was the most stupid thing to do i ever heard!" 

She said then laugh again with the others.

 

 

......... 

 

 

"look a me while I'm talking to you, can you?" 

She raised her head upon the words that she hated the most. She hated making eye contact with people, unless she have too. She tend to look away or look at the other way when talking to someone, because she's not used having an eye contact with people. But right now, her boss even tried to pry into her so called life. 

 

 

When did she ever had one? 

 

 

"i couldn't see it. Where did you hide it?" 

"i don't understand what you say" 

"i seriously can't find it" Her boss said again with unreadable tone and expression plastered on her face. 

"what are you saying boss?" 

"where did you hide your determination to live? I couldn't see it in your eyes. It's.... E-empty" 

She could hear a crack in the older woman voice. She can even hear a small crack inside the older, as she keep her silence for the time being. suddenly being sealed with something. 

Something thay she don't know how to describe it. 

"you know.... I'm willing to do help you-as long you let me know wha-" 

"boss, i have to go. I thought you want to see me to talk about work but i guess, I-i - Excuse me". 

 

......... 

 

She pacing and worth in her room. Having no idea what should she do. When the others busy planning what they should do in their only  one day off, she don't even have anything to do for having 3 days leave. 

After having a battle between her mind that kept telling her to go out and her heart that want her to just lie down on the bed, she grab her car keys drive to wherever the wheels bring her. 

After 30 minutes driving, she found herself standing infront of the peaceful beach that everyone kept talking about. It was a bit late in the evening and it's not that crowded compared from what her friend describe it before. She look around her, there's only few couple not far from her admiring the sun that gonna set anytime soon. 

She smile to herself upon the scene that she thought familiar. 

 

"It's not even funny at this moment. How come the world keep turning around me, despite me who countless mocking it in my entire youth"

 

"What does these world want me to do then?" 

 

Slight sigh escape as her eyes looking at the beautiful scene infront of her. Her eyes never let go of the scene where the sun saying its hello and kiss to the night. It was a beautiful yet sad moment where she couldn't deny. That was indeed beautiful. 

Without her realization, few tears fall from her eyes. Suddenly her heart felt so heavy but her mind holding on to it. Assuring that it was all just a faint feeling and memories that bound to left anytime soon. 

But still, her eyes betray her. 

 

"Eyes doesn't lie. It really show what you felt,so stop denying and open up" 

 

"I-i'm okay. Y-You gonna be okay. Breathe. Slowly inhale & exhale. You gonna be okay"

She carefully sit on the white sand, letting herself enjoying the scenery a bit more.

To be honest it is so beautiful that make her can't help at it and admiring silently. 

"T-th-"

She bit her lips softly. Trying to prevent the words that she wanna say coming out from . She knows what she wanna say, she definitely know. But she couldn't bring herself to say it. Her mind was ready but.......

 

 

"Th-the sunset is beautiful,isn't?" 

She finally let the words come out, after battling with her own heart. She can no longer listen to what her heart want. She can never give chance to her heart again.

Never. Because this time, she will take control of herself. It should be enough, she has been giving her heart million chances, but no more. It should be no more. Not anymore.

 

"I'm sorry, I should've say those words long time ago, I shouldn't felt that anymore towards you. I'm sorry for always holding you down in my memories. This time, I will let you go. I'm sorry for keep holding onto you. I'm sorry for lingering around those memories again and again no matter how much I tried myself to stop"

 

It is hurt. 

 

But just like what she's determine to do, she's not gonna listen to what her heart wanna say again. No matter how loud her heart screaming her name, she's not gonna listen to it again. It's her life, it's her right to live the way she want. So it's her choice, not anyone else , not even anybody,not even her heart can stop it.

 

"The sunset is undeniably beautiful..from this moment......I will let y-you go. I will be okay, so you should go now. I have my own life now, and I believe you too. So let's live without each other. I'm sorry I am late for letting you go, I wasn't ready. I-i just--"

 

She has no words to say. Seems like something block to even say anything. She can feel a big lump start swelling on , making her start breathing heavily. The cold breeze also didn't help her situation, slapping her face softly but with the coldest breeze she ever felt. 

And just like that, her tears start falling slowly again.

 

 

After a few minutes in silent tears,

 

"Please let me try please.I-i also want to live again. Please stop holding me down"

She say. Bargaining with her own heart,

Her own heart that doesn't want her to let go. 

Her own heart that want her suffer for a little bit longer.

 

 

 

 

 

Her mind was ready but.......

 

 

 

Her heart doesn't.

It

will

never.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time for reveal the character in the next chapter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

​