January, 2006

                Seeing my unnie smiling whenever she brings me to fashion boutiques even though I’m not a fashion geek, really makes me happy, too. Eun Soo unnie smiles like an angel, she’s very charming and adorable. Am I having identity crisis? NO... of course not. I really love my sister so much and I know she loves me back the same way.

                Having a two – year – gap did not stop us from being so close, we’re often called twins for always being together, not only that, it’s our features, we also duplicate each other’s face.

                We have been together for years and shared so much laughter and tears.

                I remember those times when the other is reprimanded the other will be reprimanded as well, for the reason that we are always together in everything we do. It is as if we live to share every experience the other is experiencing. It is as if we are born to be with each other forever. It is as if the other will be gone the other will also expire.

                I can proudly say we are the best sisters, ever.

                My mother is a piano teacher so that made us obsessed to music.

                We were supposed to learn music on a music program but we were soon offered to do auditions at SM Entertainment, it is one of the biggest entertainment companies in South Korea. Because of my mother’s plea, we did audition and was casted as permanent trainees.

                I did not dream of becoming a celebrity.

                Seeing my father as a known lawyer made me want to become like him. I want to focus on my studies and become one of the famous lawyers in South Korea.

                But I do have the aphorism that what was started should be finished.

                 Since I started to become a trainee, I made up my mind to continue the road where it’s taking me.

                On the other hand, it is really Eun Soo unnie’s dream. She wants to be a famous celebrity which I know one day will be fulfilled.

Since both of us are inseparable, we did everything to balance our studies and our unending trainings.

                During vacant hours, unnie would always tag me to shopping malls and bring me to her favourite fashion boutique which is owned by the mother of our co – trainee, Jessica – unnie.

                In my vision I saw a palm waving in front of me.

                “Joo Hyun – ah, stop drifting already,” a girly voice woke me up from my trance.

                I looked at the owner of that voice and saw the bright face of Jessica unnie.

                “Unnie,” I stood up and kissed her on the cheeks. I was sitting on a modified chair, waiting for Eun Soo unnie to come out from the fitting room. The dresses might have eaten her because it took her so long. “Eun Soo unnie is at the fitting room.”

                “No she’s not,” she told me that made me confuse, making my eyebrows furrow. “She’s paying already for her dress.”

                Oh, I was dazing too much that I did not notice my sister coming out from the fitting room, which is actually right in front of me.

                “Hyun – ie, try this,” it was Eun Soo unnie coming towards us, bringing a pink dress.

                “Unnie, I don’t need that,” I mouthed.

                “Am I saying buy this? I’m saying try this. Go, try it, I think it fits you, right Jess?” she winked at Jessica unnie.

                Jessica unnie spoke, “Yeah, it sure will.” She then winked back at my sister.

                They are making me do this, aren’t they?

                Since I’m younger, I should follow my sunbaes, that’s what I thought.

                I went towards the fitting room and observed the dress.

                It is a pink, strapless mini dress, with ruffled flowers on the kilt part. I took off my clothes and wore the dress. I took a glance on my figure at the large mirror in front of me. I was on a diet prescribed by the company’s head, I did not notice lately that I’m becoming so thin like a paper. My skin was pinkish as always, thanks to the dance training that helps my body have proper blood circulation.

                “Joo Hyun, done?” I heard my sister’s voice outside.

                I took a glanced first at my figure while wearing the dress, leaving the sneakers on, I opened the door slowly and I saw the amazed looks at Eun Soo and Jessica.Both their eyes where scrutinizing. I want to laugh at their faces but I can’t, the guy beside Jessica unnie is disturbing me. He was like a stone, just staring at me with those tired but cold eyes he is having. He looks like a snob but he is indeed good – looking. I can’t even look at him straight – forwardly.

                “Done,” I said and turned around, closing the door behind me.

                “Yah, we’re not yet done looking,” Eun Soo unnie whined outside.

                I was embarrassed, it is the first time I wore a y dress in front of a guy.

                I know it wasn’t his fault, he was just there and I was the one who showed my figure.

                Who is he anyways?

                “Joo Hyun,” it was Jessica unnie, “We’re going, see you tomorrow at the training,”

                “De,” I answered back.

                She said ‘we’ so does is meant he’s with her?

                Jessica unnie has a boyfriend?

                Boyfriends... although dating is a ‘no – no’ in the industry that I am in, many of my co – trainees still are into it... secretly though.

                So, good for her.

                I changed back to my normal clothes, the oversized long sleeved polo shirt and jeans, and then went out. My sister took the dress from my hands and vanished. She returned with another paper bag in her hand.

                “It suits you, so I bought it for you,” she told me handing the paper bag.

                “Unnie, you don’t have to. I don’t need this,” I whimpered.

                “You might need this someday, so wait,” she told me meaningfully.

                “Thanks,” I mouthed.

                Nothing can stop my sister from doing whatever she wants. What Eun Soo wants, she’ll surely do everything to have it.

                We were walking by the sidewalks when I saw a sweet potato vendor.

                “Goguma,” I mouthed.

                “You and your lover,” Eun Soo unnie teased me.

                I smiled back at her.

                We bought a pack of it and we went home directly.

----------------------------------------------------

                Dad was sitting on the living room’s sofa while watching news on our flat screen television.

                “We’re home,” Eun Soo unnie and I spoke.

                My sister went to reached dad and kissed him on the cheeks, I also followed.

                I am a father’s girl, while Eun Soo unnie is a mother’s girl.

                Maybe it’s because I’m more like dad and she’s more like mom.

                Dad is a silent man who would read during his vacant times, I am like him. Since I was young, my sister would play with her dolls while I’ll read story books.

                Mom is a bright woman. She’s strong and positive. My sister got that trait from her. She likes new things and does whatever she wants.

                People would always mistake me as the unnie instead of the maknae, but I don’t care at all.

                Even though we have different traits, my sister and I will always be sisters. Sealed to be sisters and will do everything to help each other.

                “Dinner’s ready,” mom shouted from the kitchen.

                We went towards the kitchen.

                “Mom, I bought gogumas,” I informed her.

                “Okay, let me prepare those while you wash your hands,” Mom offered.

                After doing the proper hygiene, all of us went to sit on our permanent seat and say our graces as we eat our delightful dinner.

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His Chronicle

January 2006

Oh My Goddess,

                How weird of me to be writing my journal to you, or I might say... a letter to you.

                Maybe it’s because I can’t stop thinking about you.

                I want to know you just as I want you to know about me, but I know I can’t tell you everything about me.

                I’m different, not in a mutant way or immortal way, I mean, I live in a different way.

                My family and I are doing a secret business, but I promise you, we are not the bad guys. We’ve been moving to different places from time to time to cover up this said job. Changing facades once in a while so past acquaintance will forget about us.

                Actually I’m not allowed to do journals, but my mind can’t stop thinking and wondering about you. Imagining how would it be to be able to talk to you and get to know you.

                Goddess, how dull of me, but it is indeed true.

                You’re like a goddess, in a modern way.

                I first saw you late this afternoon.

                You were inside my Aunt’s fashion boutique. A fashion boutique may be one of the cover – ups I’m saying.

                Rattling too much about our secrets.

                My cousin was getting her allowance from her mom when I saw you outside from that crystal clear window, the beauty sitting on the modified settee fronting the fitting room. You were staring at infinity that made me thought, what’s actually inside your mind?

                You’re long black hair was slacking down beside your doll – like face, solemn eyes wandering at nowhere, nose that were exactly pointed that complements your face, and those tiny pink lips that were slightly parted were so appealing.

                It was like you’re a goddess that has fallen to earth to seduce every man that’ll look at you.

                Or was it just me?

                You overpower me, my goddess.

                It made me want to ask you, am I really looking at a goddess?

                My brother called me that made me stop those stolen gazes I’m doing to you.

                I returned with frustration, you were not at the seat anymore.

                I went inside to look for you.

                I saw you talking to my cousin. I know there were changes, from the polo blouse and skinny jeans you were wearing when I first saw you were now changed into a sunny short – sleeved dress.

                Eun Soo, that’s what my cousin introduced you to me.

                I know there is something strange in the situation.

                I never thought that the peaceful aura circulating you when you were sitting at the settee earlier suddenly change to cheerfulness. You were bubbling too much.

                Then the fitting room door opened.

                Am I inside an optical illusion?

                I was confused.

                I see you wearing a pink mini dress that suits your pinkish skin, but you look so thin without those loose sleeves you were wearing formerly.

                I never wanted to stir up my cousin’s mind so I did not ask about both of you.

                Like I’ve told you, I am different.

                I can access everything through my family’s job.

                Your name is Seo Joo Hyun, 15 years old, was born on June 28, 1991. Currently studying as a senior at Seoul Middle School, and you are a trainee at SM Entertainment, according to the progress report, you’ll debut next year with an idol group of 11.

                Your sister Seo Eun Soo is 17 years old. Both of you trained for almost five years by now.             

                You two do look the same, but your presence is way too different, you really stir me up, it’s really different from any other girl I’ve seen.

                I think I’ll see more of you soon, that’s what my gut feeling is saying.

                I want to know more about you, my goddess Joo Hyun.

                                                                                                                                                                Clandestine Chap