„Hyung, what are we doing here?“

We stood in front of the police office, and I had a bad feeling about it.

„Just come, I have to get something.“, he said and laid a hand onto my waist, to push me a little closer to the door. I didn’t wanted to enter the police station. That was a bad sign, I shook my head.

„Hyung, no. I don’t want to!“

He turned around, his face was so innocent, why was I feeling like that? But I couldn’t get over that feeling. I felt like a mouse sitting in a trap. I shook my head over and over again, till he sighed and ruffled his hair. I’m sorry hyung.

„What’s the matter?“, he asked and I heard that he was annoyed by my actions. I bowed my head and looked at the floor, reaching for his hand. I felt save when he was holding my hand. After a few seconds I could feel his palm into mine.

„I have some weird feeling into my stomach.“, I proposed and linked my fingers with his. The people around were staring at us, and Bang Yong Guk sended  them a glance, as if he tried to say that we’re just friends. Maybe he was uncomfortable with my age.

„I bet you’re hungry.“, he said and my head softly. A smirk appeared into his face when he did that, like always. I really wanted to look into his head, he was just a miracle for me.

„Let’s buy some food, we can come back after lunch.“, he said and I saw the relieved expression in his face, just for a second, but I have seen it. I held his hand stonger. Maybe he was right and I was just hungry, but why did I feel like I had to leave him?

„You’ll break my hand if you’re holding it like this.“, he said and I let his hand go in shock, I didn’t mean it.

„Mianhae...“, I muttered and bit my fingernails, „Hyung, can we leave this place now, please?“

He nodded and we took the next bus we could get, as if we were on a run away, he held my hand the whole time. I looked out of the window,  strange streets went past and I felt like an alien, who was stranded on a different planet. I doubted, that I was able to find my parents again. 

"What are you thinking about?", he was looking at me with a worried glance. 

"Nothing special.... it just feels so strange..... this city .. it's like I've never been here before.", I answered and tried to smile but I couldn't. I was scared to death to be honest, this city was freaking scaring me, I felt so little, so lost.

„I can understand you... there are some places I’ve never seen, too.“, he said and pulled my head onto his shoulder. I closed my eyes, the uncomfortable feeling was gone.

„Hyung, why do you want to go to the police? It’s because of me right?“

Was that my voice? Why did I ask that? I shook my head, but I could feel his body freezing. He didn’t give me an answer.

„Hyung...?“, I asked lifting my head.

„I ..... I ... we have to find your parents... you can’t stay by me for a long time.“, he stared out of the window and I suddenly hated myself for asking him. That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. It was the totally opposite.

„Why not?“, I raised my voice a bit to much. I felt betrayed, I wanted to stay with him. Why was he like this? I thought.... I thought he didn’t want to be alone. I searched desperately some eyecontact, but he was avoiding me. , that hurts, I pressed a fist against my chest.

„Because... your parents must be worried! I can’t keep you, as if you’re my pet!“

 I blinked a few times. What did he just say?

„Hyung...“, my voice broke away, „Please... I’ll help you, I'll clean up every day.... you won’t regret, that you took me at  home.“

He shook his head and I bit my nails again.

„No, I have to find your parents, it’s just selfish to sit around and wait for them to give up their hope. You have to go to school again.“

I rubbed my eyes, because they felt weird, I looked at my hand and saw that it was wet. I shook my head and more rain came down. Where was it coming from?

„Hyung.... you told me,... you didn’t want to be alone... I .... you told me.. that it was me, who filled the emptiness. It was me. You said, you were really thankful!!!“

„Yes, I told you so,.... but I thought about it the whole night, I couldn’t even sleep, it’s making me crazy!“, he ruffled his hair and looked at me, „A-are you.... crying? Wae, wae?“

Was I crying? I couldn’t see something, but I thought that was because I rubbed my eyes before.

„Hyung.... you told me ...-“, I suddenly started to sob and I hid my face into my sleeve. First, he just watched me crying, but then I felt his hand on my head.  He wasn’t smiling, his face was looking as if he was sorry.

„I know... I know...please don’t cry.“, he begged me and carressed my hair, „I won’t leave you, don’t worry.... let’s take some time, to think about it. I’m sorry, I was in a rush, because I felt guilty.“

„Why did you feel guilty?“, I asked.

„I dunno.... I felt like... I’ve kiddnaped you... as If I would take you away from your parents. You should have the oportunity to stay with your parents.“, he said and his voice was shaking, I didn’t like this sound.

„I have to bring you back home.“

„No Hyung“, I said and shook my head again, „I told you before, you’re my home, I don’t need parents, I just wanna stay with you. Please let me stay.“

„Ok,“, he sighed and stood up dragging me with him, „But just for a month. I can’t bear this feeling of guiltyness.“