She his face gently. They were in it together all the way. She wouldn’t let him go even if her life depended on it. His eyes always seemed to have a glow to it, whether he was on a date with her, or here in the hospital. Her hand savoured the texture of his angel soft hair that by some miracle didn’t roughen after he had bleached it blonde. Miracles, he was good at making them she just hoped that he would be able to make one when it was most important.

Their friends looked at them with a hint of envy but couldn’t help but smile. They all wanted the best for him – for them. Everything would go fine, just as planned. He would come out of surgery and they would all celebrate with everyone they knew. He had been hospitalized again for what seemed like years, which in reality were only a few short months.

He would do anything to live actively again, to take her out like they did in high school. He was willing to risk everything for her and she knew it. Their house, their home, a sanctuary created by both of them was waiting for him. How he missed the woodsy scent of the reed diffuser that they fought about – neither could agree on a scent – and the excessive amount of pillows that lay everywhere. The tiny twin sized hospital bed was nothing compared to the king sized bed the two of them shared, it got awfully lonely at night without feeling the comfort of her relaxed body against him.

Her brother looked tugged on the sleeve of the eldest in the group. He didn’t need to say anything, the older male could already tell that he was worried. The chances of surviving the surgery were slim to none but it was a risk that the ill male was willing to take. There could be no complications during this surgery, he’d just have to trust the surgeons – all of them would have to trust them.

The surgery would take hours, grueling hours that she’d have to wait so that he could come out of the operation room alive. It’d be hours that she’d have to wait until he would wake up and greet her with his smile, the only smile she felt like she needed.

He grabbed her hand gently and sent her off to the boys so that he could call one of them over. He brought the younger boy’s head close to his by the green collar of his shirt so he could whisper something to him. It was barely audible but he heard clearly and nodded with his signature smile.

The doctor knocked on the door and entered – his surgical mask already on. They all stepped aside and let the doctors do their thing. They rolled his bed out, she followed closely, jogging with the doctors while she held his much larger hand in her small one.

Once they reached the door, she asked them to stop. She bent over and gave him a kiss on his lips, one of the many kisses she’d give after he came out of the operation safe and sound.

“I love you.” They whispered to each other.

She smiled brightly at him and he did the same, reassuring each other that he’d return home soon enough. Everything was waiting for him after all. Her brother walked over to her, his blonde curls bouncing in the process, and wrapped a steady arm around her. He wanted his Hyung to get out of there safely just as much as she did. They had been close friends for a long time, he was how the two of them met.

She sat in an empty chair and waited. She wasn’t going home, she showered before coming and she was all prepared. She brought food, drinks, a pillow and a blanket – their quilt. The quilt looked disastrous – the two of them weren’t exactly tailors – but they used it nonetheless. It might not have been pretty but it was warm, perfect for the cold weather that had recently hit the city. She felt her stomach turn and quickly buried her face in the quilt. She didn’t want any bad thoughts at a time like this. She breathed in the patch, remembering that he accidentally spilled his cologne on the patch where they stitched in a pink heart – the only decent looking part of the old thing.

Six or so hours had passed, and she was starting to feel tired. A cold metal object was placed on her cheek, waking her up with a jolt. She looked at the attacker who gave her a smile – or what she assumed to be a smile since half of his face was covered by a black mask. She took the can and drank it quickly. It hadn’t even occurred to her that she was thirsty – she even felt her stomach rumble.

Just as she got up to get a granola bar, the lights flickered and she sat back down feeling her heartbeat accelerate hoping they just needed to change the fluorescent tubes. And then it happened again, the room growing dimmer. She felt herself scream. If it was a power outage, what would happen to him?

Steady arms held her but she was still screaming his name, screaming that he couldn’t die, that he couldn’t leave her alone in the world. She could hear the soothing whispers of her brainy friend trying to calm her but she wouldn’t have it.

It went black.

She was sure she hadn’t passed out since she felt her holder begin to shake, she felt his tears slide off of his cheeks onto her own. She could hear the eldest of them all start to yell for the lights, his raspy voice very distinct over everyone else’s. Nurses holding flashlights tried to stop his commotion but he didn’t stop. She did though, she felt strain.

The lights went back on, how long had they been off, she didn’t pay attention. All that seemed to go through her mind was whether or not he was still going through surgery – whether or not he could be saved.

She looked up at her friend and wiped away his tears with her sleeves. It was her turn to whisper reassuring words. But then there was yelling, the faint voices of unfamiliar and familiar voices came from the large green doors of the operation room. The words stopped coming out, her senses went numb and she fell limp, slipping out of his grip. The five boys crowded her, shaking her telling her to snap out of it.

“Please…” was all she could utter. Her lips felt chapped as they parted in an attempt to say something more. The salty taste of her own tears touched her tongue.

Her eyes were glazed over with tears, the only thing she could hear was the faint cries of her brother, the only thing she could feel was the clenching of her heart. Her body slid to the floor and her back against the chair as she was forcefully let go. Something pink appeared before her eyes. She blinked away the tears and saw a pink plush bunny branded with a small black cross on its forehead placed before her. Wrapped around half of its face was a black mask with six hot pink dots at the front aligned vertically two by three. Her arms shot out to take it from the green shirted shy boy.

She held it close to her. It was his gift to her, the one he had kept a secret earlier. The loud footsteps of the nurses rushing into the operation room snapped her out of her comfort. She got up, ready to charge into the doors but was held back by her brother – though he was only younger than her by a year, he was a lot taller than her, the tallest of all six boys in fact. Six, she thought. There’d still be six of them after the surgery, it’d be successful and they wouldn’t have to worry.

The doors opened catching everyone off guard, giving her a chance to escape. She tore away from her brother’s clutches and pushed passed the solemn faced doctor. He called after her and ran after her but it was too late.

The operation room was dark, and the only light source – a very bright one at that – shone on the table where they operated. The doctors and nurses cleared the way slowly, unsure of what to do, some even teary eyed. The doctor from earlier ran in and grabbed her arm, but she shook it off and ran to the operation station. The bunny still clutched tightly in her arms as she looked down at his peaceful face.

Everything went silent and the room lit up, well in her world it did. It was as if no one was there anymore, it was just her and him. He opened his eyes and smiled at her with the same toothy grin he had given to her before he entered this dreaded room. His forehead glistened with sweat but he looked almost too clean.

“I love you.” He said hoarsely, his tears falling. She could only smile.

“Don’t cry…” she muttered, brushing off some sweat. It was sticky and much too thick to be sweat. And everything registered into her head. The endless beep of the heart monitor, the doors of the room slamming open, the loud stomps of the intruders, it all registered into her brain.

“Hyung!” she heard the usually quiet masked boy yell. They all ran but stopped just behind her only to find her still smiling and whispering to him as if he was talking back to her. She didn’t want to leave the little world she was caught up in. She could hear everything come to her but she tried her best to push it all out.

A nurse laid her hand on her shoulder and pulled her lightly to look at her. She swatted the nurse’s hand away, furious that she was taken away from her dream. A doctor stepped in, pulling his mask off.

“I’m sorry for your lo –” he started.

“NO!” she yelled, refusing to hear it. The so-called strong leader of the group sobbed and held her tightly as the surgeons brought the blanket over his face.

The final image of him in her mind stung her mind. His angel blonde hair was sticky, stained with the same red substance that dried on her hands from touching him, his complexion was dull and stained with blood, his fox like eyes closed, never to open for her again.

“Himchan!” she yelled, it all hit her so fast. She clung to the bunny that was held so tightly to her that she felt something hard press against her chest. She reached into the mask and pulled out two rings, studded with diamonds. Her hands shook and even the boys’ eyes widened looking at the rings in her quivering hands.

“Don’t you dare leave me, Himchan!” she continued to scream, but the doctors just asked them to leave. “Let me go, or I’ll hate you forever, Bang Yongguk!”

“We can’t help it anymore.”

“Shut up, I don’t want to hear that from you, Youngjae!” she snapped. “I said, let me go!” she beat at Yongguk’s steal hard forearms with her tiny fists clutching the rings. “Someone, Daehyun, help me!”

The masked boy looked at her with sad eyes and shook his head.

“Nuna, that’s enough!” her brother scolded through tears.

“Junhong-ah, leave her be.” Croaked the green shirted boy. He had his left arm held over his eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.

They dragged her out, managing to get her out kicking and screaming. Her sobs escaped her uncontrollably and they didn’t blame her. Once they all got out, they huddled together and cried for their departed Commander Kim Himchan.

Her bloodstained hand was pressed to her cheek with the rings in it. She felt her world collapse around her, and she couldn’t breathe. As the world around her span and darkened, she let the good memories slip and realized the worst of the whole situation.

He wouldn’t be coming home. They wouldn’t throw him a party. He would never smile at her again. She would never hear him tell her ‘I love you’ anymore. He wouldn’t be giving her the rings. He wouldn’t be the one to marry her. She would never live the life that she wanted to live with him. All that was left of him was the seemingly distant memories.