02: New Purpose
You Are Living In MY World
Most people don't know what killing a person does to your soul.
Guilt was too consuming, fear followed her everywhere...as if death was knocking on her door, whispering a life for a life.
And the thing she feared the most was, it might not be her life...but Jiyong's.
Dara pushed the fear away. There'd always be residue. There'd be residue as long as she lived, but she wanted to live, she wanted to be a functional adult.
Functional.
That's the word.
But as she remained on Jiyong's bed even past noon, for most days, day after day, even after New Year had passed and school returned, Dara finally realized...this is not living.
She was not being functional. She's close to going insane.
Creak
Another weight on the bed, she didn't even notice when Jiyong entered the room with a tray of food. He placed the tray on the bedside table as he sat beside her on the bed.
His dark eyes studied her face as his hand gently caressed her face.
"Dara."
Even the way he called her name was so gentle, so soft like he was afraid she'd break anytime soon.
But it won't make sense, she's already broken.
Not only did she lose her dream and taint her soul by killing someone, but she also lost her purpose in life.
The words of her mother no longer exist, it was no longer her guidance.
She felt lost.
And after a month of staying only in this house, mostly in Jiyong's room, wallowing in grief and sorrow of losing her self, she finally realized today...that she needed a new sense to live.
Put a new meaning in her life. So she won't feel lost again.
And the answer to that is not difficult to find. She didn't have to look that far. She's already staring at him.
"Jiyong."
Her new purpose.
"I quit school today."
Jiyong looked up from his plate. He and Dara were having dinner together after a long time of her only staying in his room.
He stared at her, studying her face. She looked determined, the fire in her brown eyes coming back after spending weeks of only looking sad and void of life.
Something happened to her today. It's a good kind of change.
'My Dara is finally coming back.'
He clenched his fists.
But he needed to approach this change carefully as he didn't want to lose her again.
"Quitting school four months before graduation?" He asked her, meeting her gaze.
You've waited for this for so long. This is one of your dreams. Graduate, find a job, and a new place, right?
These were his thoughts but he didn't try to ask her further as he waited for Dara's answer.
Dara smiled bitterly as she drank her orange juice. "I've been missing school for a month," she looked down and played her food with the fork, "and I don't have the desire to go back. So, I let the registrar know am quitting and signed the documents sent via email by school today." She sighed. "Nothing matters anymore for me at that school."
He held his breath as if waiting for another shoe to drop. His grip on his fork tightened.
She looked up again and held his gaze. "I quit my two jobs too. I want to start anew." She bit her lips as she continued, "I wish to leave the town."
He dropped his fork as he looked at her, coldly. "You wish to leave the town." He repeated.
'I' not leave the town with you.
She meant to leave on her own.
She nodded. "I need a place to escape." She looked around his spacious apartment. "It felt nice living here but I need a place away from...everything."
Everything including his gangster life.
He didn't like the words he was hearing right now from her.
"For how long?" He asked, his voice the same.
"A month...maybe two. I don't know. I'll figure it out." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, she was nervous.
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