Taeyeon woke up to find Tiffany gone. No texts, no note, her side of the bed unmade. She called out Tiffany's name a few times, louder and louder until she feared she had damaged her voice. It was a large house after all. Giving up, she removed the needle at the back of her hand, wanting to leave the emptiness that screamed betrayal. Though she found herself paralysed where she lay, not knowing where she would go; this was the closest she would be to home.

It was Jessica who showed up a few minutes later.

“Have you given up on singing? You should know better than to yell like that.” Jessica took a seat next to her on the bed, carefully holding a bowl of hot liquid.

“I made you breakfast.” She blew on the spoon and placed it in front of Taeyeon’s lips.

Taeyeon took a sip, burning her tongue in the process.

“It’s from a can.”

“So?” Jessica never cooks.

“Thank you.” She took another mouthful, swallowing quickly, and allowed herself to be fed till the bowl was empty. Her teeth had hit metal painfully a couple of times in the process.

“Glad your appetite’s back.”

“It’s not.”

“How was the soup?”

“Diluted.”

“I feel like you’re about to throw a tantrum.”

“I’m not.”

“Isn’t this whole trip about you throwing a tantrum?”

“Get out.”

This was how they treated each other sometimes. It would make her hate herself later.

“I’m sorry.”

“Out of all the things you should be sorry for, this ranks further than a thousand,” Jessica laughed, “You want to talk about it?”

She had lost count of the apologies they owed one another. That ballpark figure seemed almost an underestimation.

“No.”

That’s how it always starts. The non-talking. The buildup of stress and helplessness is expressed in rough kisses and discarded clothes.

This time, they didn’t get too far before she caught herself and pulled away.

“Not feeling well?” Jessica combed through her hair with her fingers, as if they were seventeen again.

She nodded.

“Do you want me to call my doctor friend?”

“It’s not that kind of unwell.”

“Oh.” Jessica looked down, seemingly distracted by the carpet. “Is it Tiffany?”

“We’re not fighting if that’s what you’re asking.” To be honest, she wasn’t completely sure.

“Taeyeon, I know about the kiss.”

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know why she was apologising, but it felt like it meant more than all the other times.

“That’s what she said too.” Jessica shrugged. “I want to pretend to be cool about it, but it’s… complicated.” The words made Taeyeon feel a sense of deja vu, like they shared similar sentiments when they were dating and both had parts of themselves that they felt the other couldn’t understand, so they never bothered explaining.

“Help me understand.” Maybe she would be able to this time.

“Our fans were obsessed with the idea of you and Tiffany being together. Fany really knew how to play the crowd, and rile them up with the fan service. It made me upset but I could never say it out loud… I couldn’t tell either of you because it felt so selfish. The band came first, that’s what we signed up for. You belonged to the world, and to the world you belonged to Tiffany, and I allowed that jealousy to slowly poison our relationship.”

Taeyeon’s heart sank with the realisation. There it was - the reason for their breakup all those years ago. Taeyeon could barely remember the details of that day. It had all been erased the moment Jessica had said they were over. She remembered crying, begging, and apologising over mistakes she never knew she had made. But it didn’t matter to her then - she was so in love that she would have admitted to any fault, taken any punishment, done anything to reverse the breakup. Jessica was distant, then she was gone. And Taeyeon had hated her ever since.

She wanted to scream, to untangle all of the roots that grew out of her pain from that day. But it could only be expressed in the tears that rolled down her face - embarrassingly and uncontrollably.

Jessica was crying too. It was such a peculiar situation, both so deeply affected by events that happened more than a decade ago that time seems to have stood still.

She couldn’t tell how much time had passed before Tiffany walked in.

They made eye contact first, before Tiffany’s eyes shifted back and forth between her