Lights on stage, everyone is waiting now. Screams filled the stadium, as the fans all anticipated for the twelve of them to perform their hearts out. They're all standing faced away from the crowd. Waiting and anticipating for their latest song to consume the room. He hears people chanting their name. They're no longer known as individuals, but EXO. We are one. He feels alone more than ever. He feels broken, the heavy feeling wont dissolve now and certaintly wont leave when the show is over. Whatever money can buy, he probably has it but at the end of the day he still goes home to an empty hotel room. He wonders if they could hear his heartbeat. He looks at the other members for comfort but they all had their head down, each one of them preocuppied with their own concerns. He knows they're all thinking about how far they have made it. But they're all lonely in the inside. At this point they each yearn for someone to understand them and tell them it'll be okay.

     They were now international stars, known all around the world. As much as he tries to get used to people screaming his name: he can't. He'll never adjust to people following him and recording everything he does. He can't complain, he shouldn't. He's living his dream, they're all living their dream. But he knows it hasn't been easy for each one of them. They all had to leave something behind for an exchange of this lifestyle. The life of a star, no one ever said it was going to be easy. For him he had to let go of that one girl who knew him best. He had to abandoned any privacy he ever wished to have. They all have to give their whole soul to this industry. He has to put on a smile now, the show is about to start.

   The music drowned the fans chant. They all turned around to face the welcoming crowd. He can't identify any of these faces. They were all smiling back at him. But he doesn't find comfort from them. He tries to ignore his feelings and just show everyone what he was made to do. The bright light still blinded him. He's still not used to how bright it is up there on stage. He smiles for the crowd who goes insane for him. They'll never know how hurt he is. How hard it is to pretend that you are okay. He takes a deep breath as he anticipated for his turn. He has to abandon Kim Jong In now. He can't show that he is weak. They're all monitoring every actions he makes. He is Kai when he is on stage. Kai is the opposite of everything that made up Kim Jong In. The fans knew and loved Kai, not Kim Jong In. They don't know him. They'll never know him. He smirks for the crowd and they appear to go wilder. This is the person the fans loved. They loved Kai, not Kim Jong In. There was only one person whom he finds comfort from. One person that knew and loved Kim Jong In and she was no longer his. 

    The show has to go on even if his whole world was falling apart. He just wants to rush to her and apologize for every mistake he did. Take him back to the time when they were both happy. He hopes she wont give up on him, not now. He was scared and he didn't know how to deal with it. He knows he wont be fine without her. He hasn't been fine at all. He can't even sleep without dreaming of her. He knows that he messed up and caused a great deal of damaged and broke her heart. He regrets everything that he did. But he can't just let go of her. They spent two years of their lives in a relationship. She was his best friend. He had girlfriends in the past but she was his first big love. It's hard to forget all the memories they both shared. Everything reminded him of her. He just hopes they can start over and give love another try. 

    The cheers got louder and he is forced to snap away from his thoughts. The bright light still blinds him. He looks out at the crowd hoping to see her watch him from the sea of fans, just like how she always did. He walks out of the stage. His heart was bruised more than ever. He locks eyes with  Sehun for a quick second as he walks on stage. He can't even hate him. Sehun wasn't the type of person to steal other people's girlfriend. Sehun and him have been friends since high school. He knew Sehun enough. They've always had each other's back. He knew Sehun had always treated his past flings well. He was always a gentleman to them. He couldn't blame Sehun for falling for her. She was just everything you've ever wanted in a girl. She was beyond beautiful, intelligent and caring. She could make you feel like you could do anything. The only person he could blame was himself and he hated himself very much right now. Even though he's so damaged. He has to pick himself up and perform for the crowd. Even if he's whole world is falling down he has to pose for the cameras. He has to wear that smile. Lucky him.  

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    A/N

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