Ch. 1: F ON D E R

"Mina wants to take a break from work," Park Jinyoung announced to the whole group. All of them are standing in the meeting room of the JYP building.

"She's suffering from intense anxiety," the CEO breathes in looking at the concern stares from the group, "and It's best if she rests for now. Her mother will take her in for a while."

It's an understatement when they say that twice cried in this news. It took them all by surprise. But Chaeyoung knew, Mina is suffering from extreme anxiety.

Whenever they got up on stage, she would hear Mina trying to recall their steps again and again. She saw how she couldn't sleep at night.

Chaeyoung knew. Because she had always been there in Mina's side whenever it happened. She remembers holding her hand before they got into the stage, or offering her something to drink in the middle of the night.

She doesn't know why, but she just always seemed to be there.

In their industry, there is a constant call for being perfect- all singing, dancing, and in appearance. As if they're not allowed to make mistakes. It was too much to take. Chaeyoung can't remember how many hate comments she had read about her, and a lot of times, about Twice as a group.

'Twice can't sing'

'overrated'

'Untalented'

That's just three of the things the haters describe twice. They work so hard that sometimes they almost collapse performing. Chaeyoung remembers the viral video of Sana and Momo almost falling asleep while performing Cheer up. They laugh about it- but behind it all, It was hard.

The Training was hard and they even needed to get through sixteen just to debut. They went through so much but the haters would always think that they don't deserve this 'fame' they have.

Sometimes this lifestyle takes a toll on Chaeyoung, but not as bad as it did to Mina.

"I'm being selfish, am I?" Chaeyoung heard Mina ask her. They're both sitting on the bed in Mina's room.

Mina felt guilty making others member cry. She always had this soft heart and it's always either her strength or at times like this, her weakness.

"Mina-unnie, you can be really stupid." Chaeyoung says. "Of course, you're not."

Mina looked down, "The members are crying,"

Chaeyoung rubbed the latter's back, "They're just surprised. Because they never knew that It's actually this much worst."

"Really?"

"Maybe it just hurt them," Chaeyoung says, "that we're together 24/7 but they never knew about your problem. and couldn't do anything about it."

Mina nodded. Chaeyoung always had a way to make her feel better.

"Will you wait for me?"

Chaeyoung looked at Mina's expression- worried. She held the older's hand, just like how she ever did before. blocking from the words she wants to say, she looked away.

"We will always be waiting for you. I will," Chaeyoung says softly.

and that was enough to make Mina feel reassured.

//

It started a couple of days after Mina took a break. Chaeyoung got up in the morning and got into the kitchen as usual to mix coffee. She yawns as she poured down hot coffee onto the cups.

"Son chaeyoung! Why are you mixing two coffees?" Jeongyeon asked her, raising her left eyebrow.

"Oh." Chaeyoung blinked, a bit surprised at the two cups in front of her. She didn't realize that she's been doing it. Unaware, It was just natural for her to mix two coffees in the morning- one for her, and one for the other member, Myoui Mina who is in her mother's home right now.

"That's so wasteful," Jeongyeon said. She's always been really the uptight one when it comes to their budget- like a mom, Chaeyoung thought.

"I.." Chaeyoung trails, "I'm mixing one for Nayeon-unnie!"

Jeongyeon's eye furrowed at her then she cleared and looked at the coffee, "You might want to add a little of milk in that, Nayeon likes sweet coffee.. Mina's the one who like bitter ones."

Chaeyoung bit her lip and did what she was asked. Jeongyeon believed her.

"Nabong, Chaeng did your coffee," Jeongyeon says gesturing.

Nayeon stopped and looked at her with suspecting eyes, "is this a prank?"

Chaeyoung chuckled, "you're so mean unnie,"

Nayeon smiled and took a sip, "oh, Just like how I like it. Sweet in the morning!"

Jeongyeon smiles proudly, "Told you she likes sweet, mina was the one who likes bitter coffee."

"Did Chaeyoung originally do bitter coffee?" Nayeon asked.

Jeongyeon nodded.

Nayeon must've known, chaeyoung realizes because it's the way Nayeon gave her that knowing look smirking as she nods.

It's the look she gave Momo when she knew her secret, And the look she gave when Jihyo went home from a date with Kang Daniel.

It's that look.

Chaeyoung looked away,

and Jeongyeon just sips on her coffee oblivious.

//

"Ya," Jeongyeon look over to the oldest, "Nabong."

It's that familiar tone, lower than the latter often use. And Chaeyoung knows it will never be a good thing when Jeongyeon uses that tone on Nayeon.

All of twice got to rest earlier than usual.Their schedule is not so packed today. They all decided to order pizza and enjoy dinner at their apartment. For Chaeyoung this was more relaxing- well until, Jeongyeon starts to ramble.

"Who do you think will clean that up?" Jeongyeon said pointing on the crumbs of pizza & ketchup on the table near Nayeon's side.

To put it simply, The oldest is making a mess and Jeongyeon is damn irritated.

"I told you I will clean it," Nayeon says simply chewing on the pizza.

"When? Next year?" Jeongyeon scoffed.

"I'm you're favorite person to nag today huh," Nayeon clicked her tongue.

Before everything heats up, Jihyo (as the usual peacemaker and the leader) starts to talk, "Jeongyeon-unnie stop nagging let's think of the mess later and Nayeon-unnie, please eat more properly.."

Nayeon rolled her eyes. Jeongyeon glared at the oldest, "She's dumber than a pile of unscented soap."

"Hey!!" Nayeon exclaimed about to say something.

"What? You're not dumb?" Jeongyeon laughs.

"Unscented soaps are not dumb," Nayeon pouted.

Nayeon couldn't let this one slide off. She has this stare that says 'You're on'. Jihyo could only shook her head.

"Well, I think it's dumber to rearrange all our cups and plates when someone's bored than using unscented soaps, "Nayeon said raising her eyebrows.

Jeongyeon was fuming mad and all of twice was laughing on the inside. Not that they can let Jeongyeon see that.

"I think it's dumber to be secretly kissing IU sunbaenim's picture," Jeongyeon snickers.

Nayeon turned red but she's not defeated. She calmed herself and raise her eyebrows, "Careful Jeong, Calm your nerves or you'll end up vacuuming the whole apartment again."

Chaeyoung snorts remembering that one time Jeongyeon & Nayeon fought that Jeongyeon started vacuuming the whole apartment.

"I just wished to eat in peace," Tzuyu says groaning at the noise, "heck, I just want that two to rest in peace!"

"I know right," Jihyo sighs, " how should I stop them? should I shout again?"

"No." Tzuyu says shaking her head rubbing the older's shoulder.

Chaeyoung laughs, because the only thing worst than the noise of two bickering unnies is the noise of Godzilla.

"you two stop bickering," Sana says, "Because Momo is eating your part of the pizza!"

Two of them stopped when they saw the woman eating their part of the pizza. Momo looked at her chewing on her third one, oblivious of the bickering happening the latter still enjoyed her food.

And that was it. Everyone just laughed.

It was the usual bickering of the unnies. Momo pigging out. Jihyo's loud voice. Tzuyu's snide remarks at their unnie's stupid antics. Dahyun fooling around. Chaeyoung laughs and for a while, it felt like didn't change. Until she saw a bottle of Heinz ketchup on the top of the refrigerator-

'If Mina unnie is here, she would want that ketchup on her pizza'

Then it hit Chaeyoung. Something did change.

Amidst being surrounded by her beloved members,

Chaeyoung felt lonely.

//

Chaeyoung's sitting on backstage with their make-up artist fixing up her make-up.

She sighs. She wonders why it felt sadder and sadder each day. She knows maybe it's because Mina's away. She's always been her favourite unnie and somehow everything feels wrong without her here.

They are always together, even though they never know why, In every group picture and in every variety show they are almost always at each other's side.

"you must've been sad," the make-up artist commented, putting foundation on her cheeks.

Chaeyoung looked at her, "about mina-unnie?"

"yes.she took a break right?"

"Yes She did." Chaeyoung said, looking around.

The make up artist chuckled, "You're always there watching whenever I do her make-up.. and telling her how pretty she is,"

Chaeyoung's face turned beet red- She didn't realize it's been a routine she always do that even the staff takes note of it.

The make up artist chuckled, "No need to be ashamed, She's pretty afterall but.. she's a bit shy and I think you complimenting her makes her gain confidence."

Chaeyoung nodded- and thinking about Mina's smile on her head. It was the way mina turns her head , glances up to her and softly smiles, with her eyes all kind and shining.

"I couldn't help it, "Chaeyoung confesses, "She's really beautiful, afterall."

//

Sunday.

It's Chaeyoung's day off and getting to meet with her friends outside of twice always makes her feel happy, Somi, a former member of IOI now a solo artist and Yeri, the maknae of red velvet. These two are extroverts and somehow Chaeyoung always gets along with those type of people which left her to wonder how she gets along with Mina who is so much an introvert.

The three are sitting in a café. All of their favourite sweets presented on the table. Both are glad that they break free from that diet.

Somi and Yeri seemed to have noticed the latter being lost in thoughts again. Chaeyoung's mind often wonders but not like this, she seemed not okay.

"Chaeyoung are you okay?" Somi ask. Chaeyoung looked at the latter and saw a hint of concern from her bestfriend's eyes. Somi has always been like a "best friend" for Chaeyoung and of course, Somi would notice.

"You seem so lost in thought," Yeri commented.

"care to share what's bothering you son chaeyoung?" Somi asked.

Chaeyoung looked at them and sighs. As if she's been holding her breath all this time, a sigh of exhaustion. She bit her lip and look down at her plate.

"I-I don't know," Chaeyoung confessed, "It just feels something felt different in the dorm- I don't feel comfortable, like there was heavy boulder on my chest, I don't know how to explain it-"

Somi nodded. Giving Chaeyoung time to recollect her thoughts.

"It started when I mixed two coffees in the morning, then I suddenly realized that Mina-unnie is not there to have that other cup of tea. Or when we eat pizza and none of them put Heinz on theirs. It feels so weird. Feels so different. Even my jacket that Mina-unnie usually borrows when she got cold or-" Chaeyoung bit her lip. She looked down, stopping trying to hold back the sharp when on her chest, "It felt like something heavy sitting on top of me that I can't breathe at those moments,"

She felt like it wasn't enough words to explain how different it feels. And how this heavy thing on her chest every time she looks on a familiar view and that girl with a gummy smile is not there to see.

Somi and Yeri both exchanged looks both unprepared by this sudden burst of feelings coming from Chaeyoung. Chaeyoung is an artist at expression feelings on paper- but never like this when she talks.

"well," Somi cleared , "I think that maybe you miss your closest unnie."

"you think?" Chaeyoung asked peeking a look at the other two's expression.

'I miss Mina-unnie?' Chaeyoung thought but the words didn't felt right with Chaeyoung. As if the words 'missing mina' is too shallow for the heavy feeling that deflates her chest right now. Too little of a word to describe how much she can't function properly or how this loneliness makes her feel on her bed unable to fall asleep.

"Yes you probably miss her," Yeri agreed giving Somi another look. They nod their head.

"what do you think I should do then?" Chaeyoung asked.

"Give her a call," Somi advised.

"you really think so?" Chaeyoung asked.

Chaeyoung stopped, she didn't consider it before. She didn't want to disturb mina's vacation but she can't do it anymore. She badly want to her voice.

"If you don't want to then send her letters instead,"Yeri said in sarcastic tone and it makes Chaeyoung finally smile and roll her eyes.

"so will you?" Yeri asked again, almost pleading her to.

"Maybe I will," she says smiling.

//

The dorm was quieter than usual, maybe because Jihyo's out on a night date and no voice will ever be loud as hers. Still, Sometimes, Chaeyoung appreciates this quiet moment in all their busy lives.

Chaeyoung is now laying on her bed with her other roommates sleeping already. She looks at her phone, her finger fiddling as she looks at Mina's number.

Her heart is hammering on her chest. She closed her eyes shut tightly and held her breath as she dialled.

'Yoboseyo?'

Chaeyoung's chest felt lighter, instantly, the moment she heard her voice. She hasn't heard it for only days but it felt like more.

"Mina unnie!" Chaeyoung says. Trying to keep down as the others in their room is sleeping.

'Chaeyoung? you finally called me.' Mina says in a cheery tone.

"I-I didn't want to disturb you unnie, I want you to concentrate on your anxie-I mean mental health," Chaeyoung asks stumbling with words, "How are you?"

'I'm doing okay a bit, the therapy helps. But I think hearing your voice helped me more now, I was waiting you know,'

When Chaeyoung heard that she felt like her heart stopped beating.

"I-I want to see you," Chaeyoung said without thinking. Like word vomit, it came out of . She shuts her eyes, internally wanting to slap herself.

There was silence for a second until Mina says, 'I want to see you too. Honestly It's been hard here- I was constantly fighting thoughts. But hearing you say that makes me feel relief- that there is someone waiting for me to return. '

"Of course, I told you I will be waiting, right?" Chaeyoung says.

'Thank you Chaeng chaeng, My favourite dongseng. Oh, No offense to tzuyu though,'

Chaeyoung bit her lip and laughs, "Don't worry, she doesn't even favour anyone so I think it's fair."

"In that case, You could say I'm your favourite unnie," Mina teases her.

Chaeyoung smiles, "Well you are."

"Yep, I better be," Mina laughs softly.

She felt a familiar turn and twist on her stomach but intensified that she couldn't help but notice it anymore. She loves hearing Mina's laugh. Like a nostalgic melody you often hear.

"Sooo Chaengie, Thank you for calling, but my doctor advised me to sleep early, you know so I can get well,"Mina says and Chaeyoung can almost see the latter pouting.

Chaeyoung wanted to whine because she wants to hear mina's voice more but wants her to get better soon, "I understand unnie, Sleep well."

"Tell the other members I miss them," Mina continued, "see you soon."

"Arasso, Goodnight unnie," Chaeyoung put her phone down and in the darkness, she was glad she called her.

'Missing'

Chaeyoung wasn't missing Mina. As she closed her eyes and Mina's voice played into her mind. She playback Mina's gummy smile, her laugh, when she gently puts her head on her shoulder-

The right word is not 'missing'

'It was yearning' Chaeyoung whispers.

//

Today is the day Mina would return to their dorm. Chaeyoung feels happy but at the same time- nervous. Maybe it's excitement, she thought.

They're now patiently waiting in the living dorm. Some sitting on the couch and some on the floor. The floor was cleaned so much it sparkles.

"Ugh, My back hurts," Jeongyeon complained touching her back.

"Well, Unnie you cleaned so much yesterday like there's no tomorrow," Dahyun says chuckling.

"Momo, Sana and Nayeon made so much mess, I couldn't help it." Jeongyeon says earning a pout from the girls who couldn't even deny that.

"She's lying, she just wants to clean since Mina's returning, "Jihyo says.

"We can't help it, we miss her." Sana says smiling, "I even ordered her favourite spaghetti."

"and I ordered jokbal!" Momo grins.

"You ordered that for yourself though unnie," Tzuyu snickered.

"What about you Tzuyu what did you do for Mina?"Momo asked looking at the youngest, glaring.

"I'm giving her silence and peace of mind on this jungle," Tzuyu says proudly with a smug on her face.

"So in short, you did nothing," Chaeyoung snorted and it made them all laugh.

"If Tzuyu's giving peace of mind, and I'll be giving her the privilege of a beautiful view," Nayeon says with a snicker.

"what view?" Jihyo asked raising her eyebrows.

"This view! It's a blessing!" Nayeon laughs pointing on her face. The maknaes as usual laugh their unnie's antics but the other unnies just gave her that disgusted look.

"Ya, stop talking about those kinds of contributions as if ya'll are those 3 fairy godmothers in sleeping beauty movie." Dahyun commented laughing.

"If theirs are blessings," Momo says, "then I shall bestow a gift for the child'

Momo said imitating maleficent's voice which caused Jeongyeon to laugh so much she almost crawls on the floor.

"Dork," Sana laughs with that high pitched voice.

"so you're giving Mina-unnie a curse," Dahyun commented.

Momo nodded proudly which made them all crack up. All of twice are all freakin' weird but this just shows how much they all miss Mina and is excited to see them.

Chaeyoung looks down at her and smiles softly, thinking about that return gift she's giving to the latter.

Then everyone stopped when they heard a doorbell. Stumbling and running down excited to finally see the member. Jeongyeon got there first opening the doorknob to welcome Mina.

And she stood there smiling ear to ear. Her baggage on her side.

"I'm home!"

Chaeyoung can't help but mirror that smile on the woman's face. After a moment, Everyone came rushing to give the woman a tight hug that she's almost crushed.

"I can't breathe!" Mina chuckled.

Chaeyoung, on the other hand just stood there, frozen. She didn't know she felt this sudden 'worm' that twist and turns her stomach and her cheeks feeling hot. Her chest beating so fast it might explode. That feeling she noticed when she called mina,

An intensified one.

"You didn't miss me?" Mina smiles- her eyes, warmer than before. She opened her arms as she says again, "won't you give me a hug chaeng?"

And Chaeyoung just dive right into Mina's arms.

At that moment, Chaeyoung knew.

From when Mina went away and came back,

Everything has changed.

//

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

As the saying goes 'Absence makes the heart go fonder' and that's the concept of the first chapter. Thanks for reading the first chapter,

I hope you'll continue supporting this story! Let me know what you think on the comments!

love y'all!