Surprisingly, Somi took Daehwi's withdrawal quite well. She shrugged it off asking him to promise her to see each other on stage as soon as possible. We all went to see them off that afternoon. We left Chan to himself again after that.

 

On my way home from my talk with Daehwi, I couldn't help but understand everything. Why would Woojin want to leave. Why Chan reacted that way when I told him the same words. I couldn't help but wish to be as brave as them. If I did, will be writing songs now instead of sweating in front of a mirror, bent over some phone? I don't know what to do then as I feel my heart become heavier.

 

Universe, if you could be so kind. Can you tell me where I'll be in the future? It would be nice to know if I am putting my energy and effort in the right place.

 

"Hey! Are you listening?" Jimin nudges my side.

 

"Sorry?"

 

"Doyeon here wants to audition in JYP."

 

"Why?"

 

"Why?" Jimin echoes with a laugh. 

 

"Did you somehow forget that JYP is one of the big three?" Doyeon asks me with a pointed look. "It's a dream to be a trainee there. You know, for someone who wants to be an idol."

 

"Are you sure you want to be a trainee there?" I ask not noticing the tone of my voice.

 

"Why not?"

 

Well, there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn't but I don't really have the heart to discourage you. Besides, I'm one of their trainees. Who knows what'll happen if someone hears me talk bad about my company.

 

The question was left unaswered as our teacher enters the classroom. Shaking some unnecessary thoughts away, I fought the urge to look out of the window and let the sun burn my eyeballs off.

 

"As you know, final exams are coming in less than a month." The professor starts. "You are also aware that you are graduating after that, right? Have you decided what you're going to do once you're out of this hellhole? No matter what it is, I want you to remember the things that you have learned here. Not just the formulas or the events that happened in the past. I want you to carry your beautiful work ethics everywhere you go. I want you to remember the importance of finishing your work on time or how long it takes for you to work on a problem. Bring them all with you with grace, humility, and respect."

 

"Are you going to miss us, professor?" One of the student asks with a crack in his voice, filling the whole room with laughter.

 

"Oh! I won't even remember most of you once you leave the school. What makes you think I'll miss you?"

 

"See, I told you we're not that special."

 

"Another thing I would like to address is the current ranking of one of our students." He looks toward me, my classmates following in sync. "You did an amazing job, kiddo. You don't have to be pressured to maintain or surpass your standing - of course it is always nice if you could but - I'd ratheer have you enjoy learning our remaining topics. You see my students, that where a lot of your kind fail. You never get contented and you try to strive for something greater with the wrong reasons all the while sacrificing the important matters. Learning is never about passing or not. I used to think that way but if you do things just for the love of it - just for the love of learning, great things are bound to come."

 

Discussion soon followed my teacher's flowery words. I tried concentrating but his question eched in my head like a broken cassette.

 

What do I want after graduating?

---

"What do you think?"

 

"You mae that in two days?" My eyes widen in disbelief after hearing the new song Chan and Jisung came up with.

 

"You guys make your own songs now?" Changbin asks with the same tone.

 

"Does it sounds good or not?" Jisung bounces.

 

Are you kidding? They started asking me how to make a song two weeks ago and now they're making new ones left and right. How can they absorb everything like that? This has to be a joke.

 

"It sounds amazing." I concluded, earning a howl from the two.

 

"Alrught! Fourth song approved." Chan smiles. "Great job, Jisung."

 

"Since when did you start making songs?" Changbinn asks, still in disbelief.

 

"Just a couple of weeks ago. When someone couldn't sing their song properly. Thought we'd show them."

 

That was me, okay. I know it's me. They've been rubbing it in my face for the longest time. Will they stop?

 

"I have a name, thank you very much." I rolled my eyes at them. "Still, how are yo doing this?"

 

"What can I say?" Jisung leans back and crosses his legs. "I'm a born genius."

 

Taking the pillow beside me, I throw it against him, making him fall off his chair. Serves him right. Smug little rascal. I let myself drown in their little banter as Jisung and Changbin complain about two different things.

 

"What's with that smile? Are you perhaps..." Jisung starts as he climbs his way to sit beside me. "Falling for me?"

 

"Like I would."

 

"No need to feel ashamed. No one has successfully rejected my charm."

 

"No wonder Hyunjin is so fond of you." I mumbled, rolling my eyes at him. It was only recently that I found the two of them at each other's throats. Ir turn towards the two; Changbin now sits on the chair Jisung once sat as he whines about being left out. He sharply turns to me and lifts an accusing finger.

 

"You're no good too, you know."

 

"Me?" What did I do?

 

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

 

"Oh, hyung. Can you shut up?" Jisung laughs.

 

"This rascal." Changbin bites his lips, looking at the ceiling as he tries to control his anger, earning a giggle from Chan.

 

We spend the remainder of the night experimenting with new beats and shouting at whatever Chan was pressing in his laptop becuase it keeps on deleting what we made. We let Changbin take the spotlight while Jisung complains at how slow he was at coming up with lyrics.

 

"Hyung. Just stop thinking and write whatever comes to your head first."

 

"Yeah? I'm not going with that advice because all I'm going to write is how to shut you up."

 

Some time later, Ryujin's head pops from the door. "My dad's here. If anyone needs a ride, there's still space."

 

We wave our goodbyes to Chan and follow Ryujin towards the lobby.

 

"You're graduating soon, aren't you?" She nudges my side.

 

"Yeah, why?"

 

"What do you plan to do next? Are you going to renew your contract with the company?"

 

There it is again.

 

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I'll just worry about it after I graduate."

 

What is it that I want to do after? Logically, I can just sign a new contract. Whether it's this company or another, I'm going to do music. But, how long does grandma have to pay for my dreams? I have to have a good paying job after I graduate so it lifts some burden off her shoulders. If I continue this path, there's no guarantee that it'll bring food to our plates. There's no guarantee that my music will be appreciated and accepted by everyoone and if I do poorly, we're just going to end up in debt. Then, shouldn't I continue my formal education? As some sort of back up?

 

I don't know.

 

I'll just cross the bridge when I get there.