"What are you doing?" I ask grandma as soon as I see her in the kitchen, packing some food.

 

"Do you want to yawn or do you want to ask me a question?" She nags not bothering to look up. "Do one thing at a time, you rascal."

 

"That doesn't answer my question, you know."

 

"Since we couldn't celebrate together last night, I'm going with you to the company so the kids can eat something home-made."

 

Heh. So early in the morning and grandma's already this cute.

 

Wait. What?

 

"You're going to the company?"

 

"Did you not hear me? It's because you always blast that annoying music when you wear... when you... what's that thing you put in your ears?"

 

"Headphones?" I ask unintersetingly. "Are you sure  you want to be there?"

 

"Go get ready. We'll leave in half an hour."

---

"Grandma, let's just buy fruits from the entrance. I don't have any more fingers to carry another bag."

 

"Well, it's your fault you have a lot of friends."

 

Stopping my tracks, I stare at her bag before looking at the amount of plastic bag in my hands. This is harder than any training I've ever done.

 

"Oh, that does look good." Grandma sings, walking to one of the booths beside me. "Let's buy some spicy rice cake for the kids."

 

And there goes my arms for the day.

 

"Set that down for a minute and eat." She urges.

 

"What? No, I can't." I refused with my whole head. "I'm on a diet, grandma. I'll get scolded."

 

"Diet isn't only about starving yourself. Exercise the amount you've taken later and just eat. Eat."

 

Setting the bags down, I take the spot beside her and we ate for a while before someone approaches us.

 

"Good morning, I am a representative of YG Entertainment and I heard you sing two nights ago." He starts. 

 

Two nights ago? What did I sang two nights ago? Wasn't that the time when one of my older cousins came to Seoul to visit grandma? 

 

Ah. That's right. 

 

Yeah, I did sang with him that night.

 

"You have a wonderful voice." He continues. "That acoustic rendition of our artist's song is absolutely beautiful. We would like to have you in our company so give us a call when you're free."

 

What? 

 

YG?

 

YG is scouting me?!

 

"Excuse me." Grandma interrupts beside me. "But my grandchild is alrea-"

 

"Yes, sir. I'll definitely call as soon as I can." I cut grandma off before she can say anything further. "Thank you for taking interest in me but our family's waiting for us. Come on. Let's go, grandma. Thank you again and have a great day, sir."

 

Pocketing the card, I stand up hurriedly before taking the bags and pulling grandma with me out the market. We turn to a corner a couple of steps later and the company stands in front of us in all of its glory. I can hear her mumble something behind me but my head is already filled with that piece of paper hidden in my pocket.

 

Another company is interested in me. I can go somewhere after leaving JYP. 

 

I have somewhere to go.

 

I have somewhere to go, right?

 

"Oh! Is that grandma?" Someone shouts ahead of us. "Grandma!"

 

"Oh, Jimin. My beautiful Jimin." Grandma welcomes Jimin in her embrace. "How are you?"

 

"I'm great, grandma. How are you?"

 

"I'm well enough to walk from home to here. Look at me."

 

"Is no one going to acknowledge me?" I ask, trying to take their attention.

 

"Why'd you let grandma walk all the way here?" Jimin points at me.

 

"Ask her. She's the one who wanted to."

 

Smacking my arm, Jimin turns back to grandma to catch up as we enter the building. Finally putting the bags down, I slump on one of the chairs. I can finally rest. 

 

Chaeryoung comes in minutes later, giving grandma a hug. Grandma's always been fond of my friends but isn't this a little too much? Does she even remember that she has her own grandchild? One by one they swarmed her like moths on a flame, giving hugs and eating her food. Jimin got a good scolding about not letting her know what's happening in school. Ha! Serves the kid right.

 

"Chan-hyung! Come here and taste some of grandma's cooking." Hyunjin calls out with a mouthful of food and a roll of kimbap in each hand.

 

His face pops out from behind the others' and that awkwardness from the previous night came back. What should I do? He didn't acknowledge me and went straight to catching up with grandma. Even when they told him that it was for my celebration, he didn't look my way. I wince inside. I guess he did mean it when he told me to leave.

 

Jisung sits beside me, his cheeks puffed and sauce peeking at the corner of his lips. "How can you forget you placed third in your school? Are you crazy?"

 

"So what if I place third? It's not something special." I shrug.

 

"Hey, it is special. I don't think anyone can do it."

 

"What? Anyone can do it. Anyone can place third in school."

 

"Then shouldn't Jimin be somewhere at the top too if anyone can do it."

 

"I heard that." Jimin pouts across us. "Jisung's right, you know. I'm just going to bet that you didn't even looked at you report card and the student list, that's why you didn't know about it."

 

We talked for a while until the food was gone. Grandma insisted on going home alone but luckily Twice-sunbaes were on their way to an event and offered her a ride.

 

"Did you have fight with Chan?" Jimin asks, closing the locker. "You're both ignoring each other."

 

Was it too obvious? Did anyone else catch up?

 

"No." I shrug. "We didn't have a fight."

 

We walked together to the fifth floor where our small group will be practicing. Monthly evaluations are coming by the end of the week and some of us decided to form a group for a dance. Individual evaluations will be next week and I can worry about that by then.

 

"Both of you have been on edge since Chaeyeon left the company. Everyone's worry about you." Jimin continues, stretching.

 

I thought the topic's already dropped.

 

"Me? What did I do?"

 

"You know what I mean."

 

Of course. There are only a handful of senior trainees that stayed and one by one, they're leaving. Somi, Chaeryoung, Chan, and me. We're the only one remaining. Even then, I am also tempted to leave this place.

 

"Let's go. Let's start dancing."

 

We practiced the whole day and tomorrow came in faster than we thought. We stood in front of the heads clad in black and white. I've been doing this for years but the nerve is still as strong as ever. We danced like we usually do. What is there to evaluate but what we usually do, either way?

 

It wasn't enough appparently. We were told not to do something like that again. Boys and girls shouldn't form a group and decide to dance on their own like that. Telling us that as senior trainees, we should've known already.

 

We stand there with our heads low and our hands clasped in front of us as they point out the way we dance, the way we sing, and the way we make our decisions.

 

We then found ourselves sitting at the corners of the practice room, each in our own thought. Mine always comes back to that small business card in my locker. Will YG let me do whatever I want? Can I become like some of their artists who promote their own color? Just letting me make my own stuff will be enough, I don't care if I debut or not.

 

Sighing, I run my fingers through my hair before letting my head hang low. "I hate it here."

 

"Leave then."

 

Lifting my head, Chan comes into my view. He leans in the mirror as he picks the hem of his hoodie. There he goes again. Ever since that night, he'd tell me to leave every time I say something. How can I leave if our relationship is like this, you idiot?