Ohohoho. Day 3.

Day. Friggen. 3. 

Do I need another day?

I'm freaking Kim Hana. I mess things up, its proven.  And since everything’s been going in the least bit kind of well,  I just KNOW something bad is going to happen soon. 

Maybe I should ditch this whole thing. Yeah.  And just. Live. 

..............

No. Okay.

Day 3: He has a life outside of school.  Be a part of it, in any way you can.

“Lil, okay there’s like one major problem with this.  I don’t have a life outside of school.  Which means if I don't have a life out of school, my non-existent life can’t be a part of his life, because well.  It doesn’t exist.  I mean, he probably goes out there and goes to clubs and everything and all I do is go on facebook. And tumblr. And twitter. And Asianfanfics.net. How do you expect me to leave the computer for more than 2 hours? And actually do something?”

Scary thoughts, man. //shivers

“Hana. You silly . He’s not a club type, trust me.  We’re neighbors, remember? And I know for a fact he doesn’t go out clubbing.  He actually stays indoors a lot, if he’s not out for tennis, soccer, football, or bowling practice, he’s usually at home too.”

f-f-f-four sports?

“Oh, and sometimes he has basketball practice too, but the team’s season is later on in the year.”

“Anything else?”

“He volunteers too, a little beach cleanup, and tutoring now and then.”

“Well he’s not busy.”

“Hahaha, Hana. Maybe you should add him up on facebook.  You know, have a little chat? That would start something.”

“Not a bad idea, Lil. Thanks, love you, bye!” I said while running off to my computer.

I threw my laptop open and let my fingers touch the ever so familiar keys on the keyboard that brought me to the oh-so-beautiful blue and white page that is facebook. My fingers instantly typed in my email login and my password. It was like an instinct, now.  A reflex.  I could type my logins in my sleep, closing my eyes, with my feet, even with my ear if I really had to try. My right index finger glided smoothly to the search area and I typed in his beautiful name, Kim Jonghyun. 

I clicked on his profile and stared at his profile pic for a good minute before clicking on the add friend button.

And then comes the waiting.

One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. Four minutes. Five minutes. Six minutes. Seven minutes. Eight minutes. Nine minutes. Ten minutes...One hour and 6 minutes.

I sent a quick text to Lil.

To: Lil

Fr: Hana

LILLIAN HE’S NOT ACCEPTING. DOES HE HATE ME? WHAT IF I ANNOYED HIM. OMG. MAYBE HE’S SICK OF ME. LIL. LIL. LIL. WAEE. WAEEE DOES THE EARTH HAVE TO BE THIS CRUEEEEL?

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To: Hana

Fr: Lil

Hana, calm yourself, dear. Haha, he left his house about 30 minutes ago, maybe he hasn’t seen it yet.

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To: Lil

Fr:Hana

BUT I SENT IT AN HOUR AND 8 MINUTES AGO NOW. HE COULD’VE SEEN IT. HE JUST DIDNT WANT TO ADD ME. IM NOT HIS FRIEND.

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To: Hana

Fr: Lil

So? Doesn’t mean he went on Facebook.  Maybe he was in the shower or something.

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A shower, now? Hehe. Jonghyun. Taking a shower. ;)

Okay, I’m done now.

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To: Lil

Fr: Hana

OHMYGOSH HE HATES ME.  Just kill me now.

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To: Hana

Fr: Lil

Well, I was just about planning to. 

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To: Lil

Fr: Hana

-.-

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If Jonghyun never adds me, it means he never thought of me as a friend.  It means I’m not good enough to be on that friend list. It means this whole thing is a mess. It means these days have been worthless.  It means that I’ll never be married to him, never going to be picking out cribs and clothes for our future children, which means I’m never going to have pregnancy cravings, which means I don’t get my TTUKKBOKKI!

I-I want my ttukkbokki. 

I ran to my freezer, a solemn place of happiness, of which the universe is chill and holds my favorite flavor of ice cream.  I dug around and finally found the small bucket of heaven with the words Rocky Road stamped across the lid, took a spoon, ran to my desk, tore off that lid and started tearing away at the cold sugary treat.

This is what girls do when they face rejection, right?

Well, maybe not rejection of friend requests, but it's the same thing.

I started scrolling along my tumblr dashboard, laughing at the mindless memes, cringing at the love quotes, until I saw a beautiful notification pop up on the facebook tab. 

Facebook (1)

And there, in front of my eyes, was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Kim Jonghyun has accepted your friend request.

I jumped straight out of my chair and started squealing and jumping up and down and around in utter excitement.  At the top of my lungs I started chanting, no, singing, “HE ACCEPTED MY FRIEND REQUEST,” in that obnoxious tune everybody uses when they get happy. 

Except I was more than happy -- more than ecstatic, more than exultant, more than delighted, more than every other synonym you could use to describe the feeling of happiness.

He accepted my friend request. NA-NA-NA-NA-NA.

I returned back to the computer, and started doing what I do best, facebook stalking. His profile pictures, tagged pictures, friend lists, status updates, everything, could not escape from the eyes of this professional.

Amidst my leisurely scrolling, a chat message from Mr. G himself popped up.

Could my day get any better?

Kim Jonghyun: Hey Hana! Didn’t know you had a facebook. Finally friends on here. :D

Me: Oh, yeah. :DD I wouldn’t have known you had a facebook either if Lil hadn’t told me you had one.

Kim Jonghyun: Oh, so you were looking for me, now? ;)

Oh my god, winky face. What. Does he know I’m in adoration with him? What if I’ve been found out?

Me: Um..ITS NOT WHAT YOU THINK. I.. Um. Lost my phone. and. wanted to talk to you about carpooling. 

Nice lies, there, Hana.

Kim Jonghyun: Woah there tiger, I was just kidding about the winky face. It's a bummer you lost your phone, I hope you find it. What about carpooling?

Me: You know. I just wanted to know.

What side you wanted me to sit on next time.

In case I was getting in the way of your rear view sight.

Or something.

Kim Jonghyun: Hana, I swear, I’ve never met a girl like you haha.  Not in a bad way, of course. No need to worry about things like that, silly.  Anywhere you sit is fine, and even if you do block my way, don’t worry, it’s blocked by something one of a kind.

Oh hey, I g2g. Time for football:) ttyl~

Me: Bye!:D^^

Do I even need to indicate that I’m fangirling right now? Or do you guys still not know me that well after all this time being together?

But yes, I am fangirling right now.

I’m one of a kind. Kim Jonghyun said I’m one of a kind. And that he’s never met a girl like me, in a good way. That’s good, right? But. It could still be all a facade.  Am I important to him now? Am I finally more than just an acquaintance? But that simply can’t be.  I can’t even come CLOSE to actually being close with him. I mean. He’s him. And I’m me.  Am I actually getting somewhere?

But, oh my gosh what if I am actually getting somewhere? Then again, what if I’m not.

What if I'm still not a friend. He knows me better than before. But I'm still not a friend. But.  What am I to him? What is the definition of a friend? Is the plan failing? Is the plan succeeding? Before exploding into a thousand million pieces, I quickly called Lil.

“Lil.”

“Yes, dear?”

“I am currently going crazy and is on the verge of hanging onto the steepest, highest mental cliff ever.”

“As usual.”

“But Lil, I’m serious.”

“What?”

“I need to know noooooow. I need to know what Jonghyun thinks of me. What I really am to Jonghyun. What if I’m still nothing to him? What if I’m making a fool out of myself? What if all I’m really doing is annoying him through this friendship plan? What if-?”

“But we already tried this, remember? You intrigue him.”

“But what AM I to him? Please Lil!” I argued back while making my signature big-eyed puppy pout, as if my actions would somehow transfer my desperateness through the phone.

“I know how much this matters to ya, girly. Don’t worry. My ninja ways will get this all figured out for your fangirl self in no time.”

Turns out, her ninja ways lead to the start of the next step;

Day 4: Find out what you mean to him. 

And thank you thank you thank you to ms. yekyuminhae. <3 for beta-ing me.