Well, it’s been about a week that I haven’t done anything to try and get noticed by Jonghyun. I really don’t know exactly why, but I’m scared to do anything else. 

Especially after the phone incident.

What if I mess things up between us more?

And of course, my nagging friends were on my case about me stopping. 

As if they were there to experience the shame that I went through.

I still cringe every time I remember it.

Eww. I’m such an idiot I disgust myself.

I’m rambling, the point is, however, that I am deathly afraid of going along with the friendship plan.

And being the kind, helpful, amazing, wonderful friends Lil and Karu are sometimes, they made up a step that barely involves me.

Day 2: Get Jonghyun’s honest opinion of you through others, and if the “opinion” was less than desirable, make it better.

What? How is this possible, you ask? 

I mean, I was wondering that too, because I can’t get my friend to just all of a sudden walk up to Jonghyun and bluntly ask him what he thinks of me.  For the first time, however, my friends agreed that doing so would be lucrative in ways, and made another convoluted plan to get his opinion that made them seem much more “normal” then the freaks they really are.

My friend, Lil, is somewhat close to Jonghyun. She carpooled with him everyday during elementary, and is, basically, as close as you would be to a next door neighbor that you’ve lived next to for 10 years.  Her somewhat of a friendship with him was key to this plan.

During lunch, Lillian would casually, ever so casually, go up to Jonghyun and ask if they could carpool.

If yes, then the plan would proceed.

She would then ask Jonghyun if I could carpool with them.

If yes, then the plan would proceed.

She would then ask him again, for reassurance.

If yes, then the plan would proceed,

and on and on until she gets him to confess what he thinks of me.

I watched behind the school condiments counter as Lil spoke with Jonghyun.

“Are you sure its fine with you, Jjong? She lives kinda far, you know, I’m sure she can just hail a taxi or something.”

“Lil, its totally fine, I’m not heading straight home anyway.  And  it would just be rude for me to leave her like that, don’t you think?” Jonghyun casually replied.

Oh Jonghyun, if only you know how much each act of niceness you commit makes my heart melt.

“Well, yeah. But I just don’t want you to feel pressured. She gets kind of annoying too, don’t you think?”  I bit my lip immediately after this comment, in heavy anticipation of what Jonghyun would answer next.

“Annoying? Well, she does talk a lot, but when we’re partnered up, she’s kinda, just...solemn...She intrigues me, actually.  Some girls throw themselves at me.  Some girls completely ignore me.  But not once, have I seen a girl so loud around people, except for me.  Its like she’s...scared of me. And it irks me, because I never, not once want to come off as intimidating.”

Intimidating? Boy, you’re more than that. You make me go crazy.  

But, I’m not annoying, so I guess that’s a plus.

Deep in thought about how I would appear as “not scared” to Jonghyun, I suddenly felt two gentle taps on my shoulder.

“Um, Hana.”

. Try to act not-scared, Hana. Try.

“J-Jonghyun.”

Nice try. =P

“Yeah, Lillian told me that you needed a ride? After school today? Yeah, I’m totally fine with that, do you know what my last period is?”

“Yeah, home ec- I mean, no...”

Way to ruin your non-stalker image, too.

“Actually, yeah, it is home economics. So, come to gate 1B, and I’ll meet you there after school, alright?”

“Sure.” Jonghyun smiled at me one more time and walked away, probably still wondering why I was acting like I had just talked to my dead grandpa. I need to save my image. Need to.

“Oh, and, thank you Jonghyun!” I yelled to him from across the cafeteria.

“Anytime.”

Jonghyun’s words played and played inside my head the whole day.  Scared of him. Scared. Scared. Scared. Scared. Scared.

I’m not scared, silly dinosaur, I’m just too, too, too in love.

Why would I be scared? I’m not scared at all.

My mission now, is to make you realize that.

I walked to gate 1B full of fake confidence and that annoyingly annoying walk that models use.  Models didn’t look scared of anything, so maybe, that would rub off on me too.  I saw him getting out of the classroom with his signature eye smile brighter than ever, jaw line gleaming in the sunlight, and his biceps showing nicely while carrying his books. I squirmed a little bit, just by looking at him. Beauty like this should be in museums.

Snap out of it, Hana. Be cool.

I saw Lil coming from the other side of the campus towards Jonghyun’s direction, and took this as a cue to approach him too.

I took careful steps towards him, as to avoid falling stupidly all over again, and casually  waved hi.

“Oh, hi Hana! We just need to get Lil, and we’re set, okay?” Jonghyun said.

“N-no problem.”

Dang, I have GOT to fix this stuttering of mine.

“Jonghyun, Hana, hi! Let’s go!” Lil said in here usual peppy voice.

“Let’s.” Jonghyun replied as he led us to his car.  He opened the car doors for both of us, Lil in the front, and me in the passenger seat, and adjusted his mirror so that he could see me.

“Ma’am, where to?” He said in a cheesy Boston taxi driver accent.

I let out a small chuckle before dictating my address.

The car ride went smooth, with Jonghyun paying little attention to me, and more on driving itself, leaving Lil and I to tiny side conversations. 

After 20 minutes, we reached Lillian’s house, leaving Lil there, and me and Jonghyun alone.

My house was about another 20 minutes drive away, and I was absolutely stuck on what to say.

“So, how about Summers’ test? It was pretty confusing, I think.” Jonghyun said to break the awkward silence.

“Yeah, hehe.. Poetry analysis can go die.”

19 more minutes. 

“I hated vocabulary. Poetry’s pretty nice. Poets are amazing song writers.” Jonghyun said.

18 minutes and 30 seconds more.

“Music. I have a love/hate relationship with music.  It’s like. Oh. Here’s a beautiful song, can you sing like this? Can you sound like this? HA. You wish you were famous and can sing like this. But, I still get hooked on the song, and I watch the music videos, and then I get even more jealous. Everybody’s just so perfect, and living this fairytale life, and the girl always gets the guy of his dreams, and its so frustrating how they get everything they want, and the one thing I want I never get!  GAH. Why  can’t I ever get you?!?, um. I mean, Yunho from DBSK.” my rambling escaped out of my mouth just a tad bit to early,  good thing I had a save.

Your rambling will kill you someday.

“Um. Hehe...Rambling problem, I’m sorry.”

“That’s fine, considering we’ve hit traffic.  I mean, seriously? Traffic? It’s not even rush hour. We’re not even in California!!!” Jonghyun exploded while honking the horn several times.

Aish, man. Its congested. This can take hours!

“Sorry for the outburst, traffic is my biggest pet peeve. Anyway, aww. I’m actually sad that music makes you feel that way. I’m sure you’re not that bad at singing, and someday, you’ll find the one. Even if he’s not from DBSK.”

Keep your cool.

“Oh I am horrible at singing. Autotune can’t help me, its that bad. I only wish for my dream guy. But I bet you. My voice will scare him away.”

“I seriously bet you’re not bad. Everyone can sing.  I used to not be able to, but it’s my passion, and I’ve been working at it for a while now.”

Suddenly, Jonghyun started singing a cover of Nothing Better by Jung Yub. With the last note, my mouth was in a definite ‘o’ shape, and my jaw was dropped a good 5 or so inches from where it should be. His voice was so tender, the high notes seemingly effortless, carrying you to a place where problems never existed.  Hell, if he looked like a male version of Jung Joori and sang to me, I would’ve still fallen in love.

“Jonghyun, that was amazing. Why are you not signed yet? You’re voice is grammy-worthy.”

You're doing great so far....

“I’ve been thinking of auditioning. I’m just not sure that I can handle the pressure. In time, we’ll see. Thank you, though. It helps me pass the time. If you really want to sing, just go for it. I’ll give you some tips, if you want.”

“Oh, oh no. I don’t want to give you more problems.”

Just a little bit longer, Hana.

“Its fine, whenever you have free time, call me up, and we’ll work. Anyway, this traffic is KILLING me. It seems like its going to take another hour. Hmm. Hana. Do you wanna play a game? To get to know each other better?

“Um. What game?” I replied, nervously.

“Truth or truth. Basically, just where you shoot questions back and forth to each other.”

“Um....Okay. You start.”

“Okay, so Hana, what’s your favorite color?

“Ahaha, pink. What’s yours?”

A little bit more and you can spazz...

And so the game of truth or truth went, pointless questions that did its job, I must say, of passing the time.  Before I knew it, I was home.  

HOME!

While I was getting out of the car, my phone rang.

“Hana, dear. Are you home?

“Yes, mom, just getting out of the car.”

“Car? I thought you were walking home today.”

“Oh. Well. Lil found a carpool for me.

“Well, your car is still under repair, and I still can’t pick you up tomorrow, so maybe you want to ask your carpool if he can drop you off again tomorrow?”

“Mom, its embarassing. Its too much of a favor to ask him to drop me off two consecutive days.”

“Well, Hana, then I guess you’ll have to walk tomorrow.”

“Guess so, I’m heading to the door now.”

“Okay, hon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I shut the car door and walked over to the house.  I waved goodbye to Jonghyun, and proceeded to go in, until I heard him yell.

“Hana! Heard your convo, hehe. Just meet me at 1B again tomorrow, Ill drop you off!”

Day 2: Complete and utter success. :D