DAY 16

Chaewon asked Hyewon to meet up with both of her and Yena, hoping to knock some senses into their friend. Yena agreed with Chaewon’s suggestion because as Hyewon’s best friend, she doesn’t want the other girl to regret everything. She knows Hyewon would never say anything, but Yena knows that the introvert girl is hurting.

That’s how Hyewon came to be sitting in front of her two friends, inside Yena’s apartment, who are both looking at her intensely. She could not pinpoint out if there is an awkward atmosphere going through between them or it is simply just an intense atmosphere.

Clearing , she started the conversation. “So, why the sudden meet up?”

Yena and Chaewon looked at each other talking with their eyes, and Hyewon could not understand what is going on in their minds. She was about to speak again when Chaewon suddenly turned to her.

“How’s the deal with Minju?”

Hyewon raised her eyebrow, surprised with the sudden topic. “Why the sudden curiosity?”

“How’s the deal with Minju?” Yena repeated the question, causing Hyewon to roll her eyes. She grabbed some kimbap that was prepared by Yena, and stuffed .

Shrugging her shoulders as an answer. “Good.”

Yena and Chaewon knows that the deal is not doing good. It would never be good since their idiot friend proposed the deal.

“Let me rephrase that.” Yena said. “How are you with the deal?”

Hyewon was about to get another kimbap when she heard the question. It made her stop and look at her friends. She could see the worry in their eyes, turning her head to avoid their eyes she answered.

“I’m doing fine.” She’s not.

“Hyewon,” Chaewon sighed. “You’re already hurting, why are you still going with it?”

“Why should I not?”

Not believing what her best friend just said, Yena groaned out of frustration. “Look at yourself!” She exclaimed.

“You’re not yourself anymore!” She said louder than the last time, hoping for Hyewon to understand her. to just hear them out. Yena was about to speak more when she felt Chaewon holding her down, and shaking her head as if saying to calm down.

“Yena is right, you know?” Chaewon said quietly. “You’ve been different.”

“Did Minju tell you to convince me to stop the deal?” Hyewon asked bitterly, look at the two girls in front of her. She was waiting for anyone of them to answer, but hearing none, she could only just laugh.

“Don’t worry,” She uttered. “I know what mess I entered.”

“Do you really?” Yena retorted. “Cause it seems like you’re not prepared for it.”

Hyewon knows, she genuinely knows what mess she has entered. The day she proposed the deal, she knows she’s doomed to fail. She knows she would be hurt; she would be broken. She was prepared for it, but what she wasn’t prepare for was the amount of hurt she would experience.

“Just drop it,” She said quietly, not looking into Yena’s eyes. “Please?”

But Chaewon could not just drop it, she could see how it is hurting her friend. It is slowly eating Hyewon alive, and she could bear to just watch in the sidelines.

“How can we just drop it?” She questioned, trying to control her voice. “How do you even expect to move on after your deal, when you’re going to see each other every day?”

Chaewon could not help her emotions, seeing both of her friends hurting. Especially the girl in front of her, she could not just stand and do nothing.

Hyewon flinched after hearing what Chaewon said. She knows that both of her friends are just looking out for her, and she feels like a burden for making them worry.

Grabbing a kimbap, she muttered under her breath, “I doubt that.”

“What?” Chaewon asked.

“What do you mean?” Yena followed, both completely curious and could not understand what the other girl is talking about.

Hyewon sat up and looked at the two girls in front of her, who was sporting a certain look. Worry? Curiosity? Pity? She doesn’t know, but still, she’s grateful for them. Always grateful.

“Mother messaged me.” She simply stated, shrugging her shoulders she took the glass of juice in front of her and took a sip.

Chaewon and Yena froze in their seat, not knowing what to say. They were expecting a proper answer from the girl, but they were not expecting that. Hyewon just dropped a bomb at the two of them, and they are hoping that their friend is thinking properly.

“Hyewon, what are you planning?” Chaewon asked worriedly.

“What did Aunty say?” Yena followed.

“Just,” Hyewon closed her eyes tightly, not having the strength to look at Yena and Chaewon. “Just drop it, please?”

Chaewon was about to retort when Yena held her wrist, looking at the latter, who was shaking her head.

“Promise me you won’t be hurt?”

Hyewon could only smile. Because at this moment, a smile is the only thing she could offer the two. She knows that if she tried to speak, she would breakdown in front of them. And that is the last thing she wants to happen. She then excused herself to take her leave, leaving Yena and Chaewon.

Minju hates how she could feel the awkward atmosphere in their dorm, she would have never imagined that she would feel awkward with Hyewon. She’s been stealing glances at the older girl sitting on the floor, who was busy reading a book.

She could barely focus on the drama when she knows that Hyewon is just there sitting at the foot of the couch, not uttering any word to annoy her. Why can’t she read inside her room?!?

She hoped to talk to the older girl yesterday, but to no avail, Hyewon was out the whole day. She didn’t know if it’s because Hyewon really has plans, or just the older girl’s way to avoid her. Stealing another glance, her roommate was still amazingly focused on the book she’s reading. Would she just talk? I might die from awkwardness here!

Looking at the television again, Minju’s hoping to focus on the drama playing. But Hyewon’s face would always pop out in her mind, the words the older girl said the day before. The younger girl could not help but to think of a plan to get rid of this awkwardness. She’s about to steal another glance when she heard a groan from her roommate, surprising her.

Groaning out of frustration, and perhaps awkwardness, Hyewon shut her book close and put it down leaning her head on the couch.

“God Minju!” The older girl exclaimed. “Stop thinking so loudly!”

Minju tried to hide her blush, is she really that obvious? She then retorted back. “That’s just your imagination.”

“I could feel you stealing glances.” Hyewon deadpanned, still not looking at the girl.

“Stop being so full of yourself.” The younger girl forced out, hoping that Hyewon did not actually see that she’s been stealing glances.

Hearing the wavering in the younger girl’s voice, Hyewon chuckled and sat up, completely turning her body to properly look at Minju who was on the couch.

“Yeah? So, you don’t feel awkward?”

“No..” Minju muttered not looking straight at Hyewon.

“So, you won’t feel awkward when I kiss you?”

Minju turned her head so quickly that she almost felt like she snapped her head. With wide eyes, she saw Hyewon approaching where she is sitting. She could see that the older girl is smirking at her, and how Minju loves to slap that smirk away. I don’t know if I’d prefer this or the awkwardness.

“Don’t think about it.” She said, closing her eyes tightly when she felt her voice wavered. Again.

Scoffing, Hyewon did not stop and continued to approach the younger girl. Minju still has her eyes close, she then decided to lean in.

“I won’t,” The older girl whispered. “Cause I’m going to do it.”

She then closed the distance between them, holding the younger girl by her nape, she pulled Minju closer. Hyewon then put her knees on both sides of her roommate, making her sit on Minju’s lap, straddling the latter.

Honestly, she doesn’t know what came to her. She obviously felt the awkwardness surrounding their apartment the moment she woke up. But she decided to ignore it, since she thought it would pass by. But boy was she wrong. Minju could not have been more obvious when she continuously steals glances at her.

She could literally feel the younger girl boring holes at her head from time to time. Hyewon was busy reading a rather good book, and with Minju doing and thinking God knows what, she couldn’t appreciate the book.

And now, here she is straddling the younger girl, and kissing her. she planned it to be just a peck but she could not help herself with how adorable Minju looks. She felt Minju clenching her first as she was holding her shirt, and it made Hyewon go crazy. Stop. Control yourself.

She then pulled away from the kiss, leaving some space between their faces. Breathing hard trying to catch both of their breaths, Hyewon buried her face on to the younger girl’s neck. Surprising the latter, but Minju just hugged Hyewon’s waist to not let the older girl fall.

“Don’t be awkward.” She heard her whisper. “It’s annoying.”

“Bu – “

“We’re still friends, okay?” Hyewon said, hoping to assure the younger girl.

Minju just nodded not wanting to protest. Hyewon feeling the latter nod, hugged Minju tightly, not wanting to let go at any moment. Minju chuckled seeing how childish Hyewon is being right now.

“But friends don’t kiss each other.” She tried to joke, making the older girl chuckle.

“Special friends then.” Hyewon said and pulled away, looking at the younger girl who was looking up at her. The older girl smiled warmly, and how Minju missed that smile. She hopes that she could always see that smile, that her relationship with the older girl would not be tarnished with what is happening between them.

Getting off from the younger girl, Hyewon turned around to get the forgotten book from the ground and put it on the table. She didn’t see the flash of disappointment on the younger girl when she stood up, but Minju quickly shook her head. Why did I feel disappointed?

“Now, let’s watch your sappy drama for the nth time.” Hyewon teased, sitting beside the younger girl smirking.

Hearing the insult, Minju smacked the older girl and pouted, crossing her arms. This sight made the older girl laugh out loud, seeing this, Minju then tackled Hyewon for a hug. Grateful for the couch to have been there to support the both of them, Hyewon hugged the younger girl back.

It was exceptionally hot that day, and Hyewon was sweating a lot when she arrived at their dorm. Finishing her class for that day, Hyewon was cussing the heat of the sun, muttering how beneficial it would be to buy a car.

Slipping off her shoes not bothering to put it on the rack, Hyewon quickly went in front of their aircon. The older girl could not handle the heat anymore, or she would die. She then heard a snicker behind her, only to see Minju watching her from the couch.

“You look like a mess.”

“Shut up.” Hyewon answered back, turning her attention from the aircon. Having enough of it, she then went to sit beside Minju who was already watching a variety show on the television. Seeing that it is not some sappy drama, Hyewon decided to watch it with the younger girl.

“Let’s go buy some ice cream.” Minju said out of nowhere, making Hyewon look at her.

“Excuse me?” Hyewon frowned. “Did you even see how sweaty I was?”

“I want ice cream.”

“Go buy it yourself.”

“Please!” Minju begged the older girl who was about to give in.

“We can just make one like before.” Hyewon tried to reason out.

“I already looked; we don’t have enough ingredients.” Minju pouted.

Groaning, Hyewon stood up from the couch. Minju smiled at the older girl because she knows that she just won the argument. This made Hyewon roll her eyes and walked out.

“ Minju, I’m going to die.” Hyewon whined as she tried to shield herself from the sun.

“Why did you even wear a jacket?” Minju laughed at the older girl’s weird choice of clothes.

“So that the sun won’t directly hit my skin!” Hyewon reasoned out, putting her hand inside her jacket’s pocket. “I don’t want to get a sunburn.”

The two girls were walking for only about 10 minutes, but Hyewon has been whining ever since they stepped foot out of their dorm. Minju could only laugh at how irritated the older girl was, but is still accompanying her to buy some ice cream.

It’s only been 10 minutes, but Hyewon feels like they’ve been walking for an hour already. alright, she may be exaggerating, but goodness. She would have a heat any moment now. Looking around, she could see other people walking. She then thought how they could endure the heat at the moment.

She then looked at the younger girl beside her, who is obviously excited to get her ice cream. Looking down, she sees Minju’s hand swaying with excitement. Oddly, it looks tempting to hold. Would she kill me? But her hands look so soft.

Without noticing it, she’s been staring at Minju’s hand for too long already. The younger girl saw that Hyewon is looking down, and following her line of sight, she notices that the older girl I staring at her hand.

Pulling out form her thoughts, Hyewon immediately looked ahead to continue walking. Not seeing Minju’s look at her. Minju smiled softly, and matched the older girl’s pace. Well, I did force her out to ice cream.

As Hyewon was walking, she felt someone holding her right hand. Looking beside her, she saw Minju walking ahead as if not doing anything unusual. This made Hyewon’s heart skipped a beat.

“Don’t want you dying from the heat now.” Minju said and looked away from the grinning girl beside her.

Hyewon grinned she could feel her cheeks hurting, but she doesn’t care. She squeezed Minju’s hand that was holding her own and tugged the younger girl closer. but she noticed how Minju is looing around as if uncomfortable. She decided to do the girl a favor, and put both of her hands inside her jacket’s pocket. Surprising the younger girl.

“Don’t want you dying from embarrassment.” Hyewon joked and squeezed Minju’s hand again. They walked like that for around five minutes, joking with each other. Hyewon not forgetting to whine about the heat, asking Minju to treat her.

Arriving at the ice cream parlour, the both of them were hit with cold air and sweet scent. Hyewon was thankful since she didn’t know how long she could last the heat, but to her disappointment Minju released her hand and went straight to the available ice creams.

Following the younger girl, she saw that there are various flavors available. She’s grateful that there is no line at that time, went to the counter with Minju. It seems like the younger girl already knows what to order.

They were greeted by a guy, who was oddly, irritatingly, smiling too sweetly for her liking at Minju. But the younger girl did not notice it as she was still busy looking at the ice cream flavors. But oh boy, Hyewon saw how the server – Eunwoo, the name tag says, is staring at her roommate. Hyewon squinted her eyes, waiting for the guy to notice her. But he was obviously too mesmerized by Minju’s beauty. Not going to blame him, but he is still annoying.

“Can I have a scoop of choco-mint?” Minju asked. Eunwoo beamed at the younger girl, showing his pretty boy smile. How Hyewon wants to punch the guy is not something to be encouraged.

“One choco-mint coming right up for this Princess.” Eunwoo said and winked at Minju who only looked at him awkwardly.

“And an extra scoop because of her beauty, and also perhaps my number. My name is – “ He was cut off when someone slammed their palms on the counter, clearing their throat. Hyewon pushed Minju at the side, and glared at the guy.

“Listen here pretty boy. This princess is my Princess. Yes, you heard it right. My Princess. And My Princess is only getting a scoop of her chosen ice cream flavor. No way in hell is she going to get a note with random numbers on it. Got me?” Hyewon stared the guy down, despite him being taller.

Eunwoo gulped seeing how angry the girl is in front of her. “Y-yes, ma’am!”

“Now go get some ice cream and stop flirting!” Rolling her eyes, Hyewon looked at the guy who was scrambling to get some ice cream.

“Woah! Kwangbae, so possessive!” Surprised, Hyewon turned around only to see – Oh for the love of God, seriously. Yujin and Wonyoung behind them, who obviously saw what happened. She then turned to see Minju also staring at the two, surprised in her face.

“How long you’ve been there?”

“Long enough to see your jealousy!” Yujin teased the older girl, making the latter groan.

Never in Minju’s entire existence did she ever thought on spending time with Yujin, especially not with the younger girl’s girlfriend, Wonyoung. If someone told her that she would be spending time with the both of them, she would laugh at their face because that would be absurd.

But here she is now, standing beside Yujin while Hyewon and Wonyoung are playing God knows what. For someone whining about the heat, Hyewon was exceptionally happy playing with the younger girl. Minju doesn’t know if the silence surrounding her and Yujin is a comfortable one, but she thinks it is as they were both busy eating their ice cream.

The four of them are currently at a park near the ice cream parlour, since Hyewon obviously does not want to stay inside the shop. She might and Minju quotes ‘Shove up all the ice cream into Eunwoo’s eyes and serve them in halloween’, hence, they all decided to go here wasting time.

Seeing Hyewon playing with Wonyoung who is obviously full of energy, while the older girl is slowly struggling keeping up, Minju could only snicker at herself. Why is she even playing when she’s tired?

She stared at the two girls playing, even thought Minju could not understand what they are laughing about. She didn’t notice that she was spacing out until Yujin asked her something that caught her attention.

“Unnie, are you guys together?” This caused Minju to cough rather loudly, feeling an ice cream was suddenly stuck in . She immediately shook her head and stuttered.

“Wh-what? Me and her? No!” She strongly denied. “Th-that’s just absurd!”

Yujin laughed at the reaction of the older girl beside her, spooning some ice cream she grinned.

“Don’t be so disgusted Unnie!” Yujin laughed. “Hyewon-unnie is not that bad.”

Minju can only scoff not knowing how to answer Yujin, she turned away to see the other two still busy playing. You should be the last person I’m talking about with this topic.

Minju averted her gaze to Yujin who was busy staring at Hyewon and Wonyoung, who are alarmingly head locking each other, Minju smiled and decided that the silence between her and Yujin is a comfortable one. Never saw that this day would come.

‘Trust me, you’ll see how it would make you a stronger person as time goes by.’

“Yujin-ah,” Suddenly remembering what Hyewon said before, Minju called softly the younger girl’s attention who only just hummed in response. “How did you know that you love Wonyoung?”

Yujin stopped playing with her almost melted ice cream, surprised with the sudden weird question from the older girl. She looked up to see her girlfriend laughing with her Hyewon-unnie who was obviously annoyed. Yujin could not help but smile.

“Weird question there, Minju-unnie.” Yujin chuckled and spooned another mouthful of ice cream. Minju blushed and was about to dismissed her own weird question when the younger girl cut her off.

“But to answer your question,” Yujin trailed off, smiling at her ice cream, seeming to remember certain memories only she and Wonyoung knows. “One day, I just looked at her and thought, I can’t live without this person.”

Looking from her ice cream to the girl beside her, Minju was sporting a frown obviously not understanding what Yujin said. This look made the latter laugh out loud.

“How, like how,” Minju stuttered not knowing what to properly ask. “How do you just look at a person and decide that you could not live without them despite being able to before?”

Yujin slowly stopped laughing, looking – really looking at the older girl beside her, who was seriously asking her. The younger girl sighed and looked briefly at her girlfriend from a distance.

“Minju-unnie, seriously speaking, I don’t know.” Yujin chuckled and looked at her feet. “But I just looked at Wonyoung one normal day, and something clicked.” She then looked up to glance at Minju waiting for her to continue.

“I cannot suddenly see myself without her. Not being able to hear her laugh, see her smile, not being able to be there to wipe her tears.” Yujin smiled softly. “Sometimes you need to imagine, can you see that person everyday loving another person and the possibility of not having that person in the future?”

“Because in my case, I can’t see myself not having my future with Wonyoung.” Minju could not answer with how Yujin answered her question. Hearing no reply, Yujin continued.

“I may have started my life without Wonyoung,” Yujin looked up and smiled when she heard Wonyoung’s laugh from a distance, averting her gaze to the older girl beside her. “But I can’t see a future now that I’ve met her.” She finished.

Minju nodded her head, staring at the younger girl who was finishing her ice cream. She then looked at her own, melted. She’s too busy in her ow thoughts to remember her own ice cream.

“I see.” She whispered, mostly to herself but was heard nonetheless.

“You do know that Kwangbae-unnie would always be there for you right?”

Surprised at the sudden mention of her roommate, she looked at Yujin who was grinning at her.

“What are you talking about?” Minju sputtered, avoiding the younger girl’s stare.

“Stop being shy unnie,” Yujin teased the older girl. “It’s just obvious with the both of you.”

“What?” Minju asked, surprised at the statement.

“I mean seriously Minju-unnie,” The younger girl rolled her eyes and finished her last spoon of ice cream. “Hyewon-unnie stares at you like..” Yujin trailed off, trying to think of the right words.

“Like everything starts and ends with you.” Yujin smiled widely, nodding her head, seemingly satisfied with her wordings. Minju stared at the younger girl, surprised for the nth time.

Minju personally knows that Hyewon often stares at her, sometimes it made her uncomfortable. But most of the times, her roommate’s stares make her feel weird. But she never knows how Hyewon stares at her, and hearing it from someone’s perspective, Minju started to remember all of the time she caught the older girl staring. Like everything starts and ends with you.

She didn’t notice that she was spacing not until she felt someone pulling her wirst, only to see Yujin standing up above her.

“Come on,” Yujin exclaimed pulling the older girl out from her seat. “They’re having fun without us.”

Minju was pulled up, looking at her cup, she tossed it inside the nearest trash bin. Letting the younger girl pull her to the other two girls still playing.

“You’re having fun without us!” Yujin pouted at the two. Wonyoung immediately went to pinch her girlfriend’s cheeks while Hyewon rolled her eyes. Hyewon immediately looked at Minju and raised her eyebrows.

Feeling her roommate’s stare, Minju looked and meet the older girl’s stare. She could see the concern and worried look in Hyewon’s eyes, this made her feel warm inside. She smiled reassuringly to the older girl, as if saying that everything’s alright.

“Hey!” Yujin shouted to get their attention. “Stop staring at each other! Let’s play!” She pulled the two older girls, forgetting that they’re not in the age to play at the playground. But who cares? They’re all still kids at heart.

Arriving at their dorm, obviously exhausted, both Hyewon and Minju flopped down on the couch of their living room. Hyewon changed her position, laying down on to the younger girl’s lap as if it was the most normal thing to do. Minju just ignored the older girl and continued to flip the channel to look for something entertaining.

While flipping through the channels, Minju could feel Hyewon staring at her. She wanted to ignore it but she couldn’t get out from her mind what Yujin said to her earlier.

‘Like everything starts and ends with you.’

She stopped her search and looked down to see the older girl, who was indeed staring at her with a soft smile on her face.

“Had fun?” Hyewon asked.

Minju scoffed at the question. “Exhausted.” She complained. “Yujin and Wonyoung have so much energy I can’t even keep up with them.”

Hyewon chuckled at the complain and adjusted her postion. “Tell me about it.”

“You know, we’re always in this couch lounging.” Minju randomly said.

Hyewon laughed and glanced at the television which caused her to roll her eyes. “Yeah,” She agreed. “With you watching your dramas, and me complaining about them.”

This caused the younger girl to laugh, flicking Hyewon’s forehead lightly.

“Because you don’t appreciate it.”

“No, because it’s too cringey.”

“Maybe,” Minju trailed off, but Hyewon just stared at her with her usual warm eyes. Always patiently waiting for her finish. “Maybe this could be our thing.” She quietly said.

The older girl was surprised with what her roommate said, she smiled at Minju who was embarrassed. “Hey, can I kiss you?”

Minju looked at the older girl and rolled her eyes. “And if I said no?”

“I’ll still kiss you.”

“Obviously.”

Chuckling, Hyewon sat up leveling with the younger girl. She softly caressed Minju’s cheeks, who was oddly staring back at her. She traced the younger girl’s face with her eyes, hoping to instill it in her mind. Slowly leaning in, she met Minju’s eyes briefly and then closed her own, capturing the younger girl’s lips.

The kiss was soft, peacefulness engulfing both of them. The kiss is so like the older girl – soft, quiet, a hint of intensity, yet still exudes a certain amount of gentleness. It was so like Hyewon that she could not help but to kiss back.

With the television background behind them, Minju and Hyewon was in their own world. The dorm being their own safe space, and the presence of one another being each other’s pillar of strength.

Pulling away, Minju and Hyewon stared at each other as the latter leaned her forehead against the younger girl. She closed her eyes as she smiled softly to herself, seemingly content. Minju watches the older girl in front of her smiling, and could feel her own heart beating wildly.

Hyewon completely pulled away from the younger girl and stood up out of Minju’s disappointment. The older girl smiled widely, and pinched the younger girl’s cheeks. Who only swatted away her hand, afraid that Hyewon could feel how warm her cheeks are.

“Don’t stay up too late, Minju-ah.” Hyewon reminded the younger girl.

“You going to bed now?” Minju asked which earned her a nod from the older girl.

“Need to do some revising.” Hyewon smiled. Leaning closer to the younger girl she whispered. “I love you Minju-ah.” And kissed the other girl’s forehead softly. I’ll miss this.

Pulling away, she sees Minju just staring at her making her chuckle. She ruffled the younger girl’s hair and entered her room locking it with a click.

But what she didn’t know, Minju can only stare because she couldn’t seem to move. Emotions are flooding her, and she’s certain of it. She could only stare, because realizations are hitting her all at once.

‘Those kisses would all be worth it because it’s with you.’

‘We both know you can’t live without her.’ Chaewon answered.

‘I’ll be here as long as you need me.’

‘She cares for you too much to even care for herself.’

‘I love you Minju-ah’

‘Live everything starts and ends with you.’

All of these thoughts are flashing through Minju’s mind, remembering what her friends are always saying about the older girl. It made her giddy, happy? Ecstatic? She doesn’t know why, but she feels secured. She feels at peace.

On the other side, Hyewon was staring out of space reading the most recent message from her mother. She couldn’t help tears falling from her eyes. She doesn’t know if she’s doing the right thing.

I’ve already booked it. Thank you, Hyewon-ah.

• Mother

She cried silently as she hugged herself, hoping everything would be alright.

‘Maybe this could be our thing.’

“I’m sorry Minju-ah.” Hyewon whispered, brokenly. “I’m sorry.”

Because at that moment, that dorm is filled with noises coming from the television. With one girl crying her heart out for the expected pain that is slowly coming, while the other one is filled with strong emotions that she didn’t noticed earlier.

One is breaking. One is realizing.

One is giving up. One is falling.

One is crying for help, hoping, praying for someone to save her.

One is looking for a sign. Strength? Courage? And we could only hope that she would not be too late.