Sometimes Minseok wonderes if Sehun is delusional. Well, he's not ‘hallucinating’ because Junmyeon is not being subtle himself; but he knows his lines and that's where Sehun starts with his delusions. And as the eldest member, he doesn't know when to step in and when to back off.

Junmyeon is okay, like Minseok knows that whatever happens he won't talk with their careers at stake. But Sehun is like on a whole different level. He's least bothered about his career, and he would do anything to go after what he loves first. In 2012, it was his career, but right now, it's their leader—Kim Junmyeon. Minseok is not that much of a fool to not notice Sehun's longer than needed glances, and his not too subtle selfish requests. With Sehun, Minseok could see clearly what he wants.

But with Junmyeon he could never tell. At first, Minseok thought it is just Junmyeon carrying out his leader duties. But then he catches up. Sehun asks to cuddle, right in front of everyone, and Junmyeon could deny but he doesn't. Junmyeon can't think of going out anywhere at the end of the week. He says he would probably die if he moves an inch. But then there's Sehun asking him to go out for a bubble tea evening and he never denies. To say that Minseok is confused would be an understatement.

------

It is the end of the week, and like always Junmyeon is no more than a walking-talking zombie with his hair all over the place. But this time, he's not walking alone because he's leaning on the youngest their way downstairs. Minseok sighs again.

"So you two are going out?" Jongdae asks for Minseok.

"Hyung promised me, we're going to the arcade." Sehun fills in. Junmyeon nods in agreement.

"But will he be okay?" Jongin mutters, motioning towards their spent leader.

"He promised." Sehun protests.

"And he didn't say that he won't go." Jongin says. "It's us. We're worried about him. Last night, he was searching for a painkiller." Jongin smiles apologetically. "He told me not to say."

"Oh." Sehun stops. Then he smiles at Junmyeon. "Let's take you upstairs, okay? Lean on me." And off they went. The others only wait till their steps fade away. 

"He's so whipped, I can't take it anymore." Baekhyun wails.

"You know?"

"Who doesn't hyung?" Jongin says, typing something on his phone. "Even Soo says that he's in love and he's not even here." Jongin looks like he’s just said something not needed to be said. He just hopes that no one paid any attention to it. 

"You're talking with Soo?" Jongdae smirks, peeking at his phone. Oh there he goes. 

Jongin–to everyone's surprise–turns bright red, and scrambles away. "As if you don't know. We talk everyday."

"Ooooh. So it's like that, huh." Jongdae winks suggestively.

"Shut up."

-----

"Look at you." Sehun mumbles. "You're an idiot, hyung."

Junmyeon grins, "You're calling your hyung an idiot?"

"Yes. Idiot." He pokes his tongue out.

The room turns quiet. It's just the sound of their breaths and Sehun tearing out a painkiller from it's plastic wrap. "You could've told me." Sehun starts, and Junmyeon looks at him from the bed. "I'm not a kid. Why is it that I have to know that you're sick from Jongin?" Sehun seems sour, and turns away from Junmyeon's confused eyes.

"Yeah I'm sorry.." and he stops. "Wait. Hold up a second." Junmyeon thinks, brows furrowing in more confusion. "Why do you seem bitter?"

Sehun scoffs. "Why do I seem to be bitter, he asks. Why are you so stupid hyung?" It is surprising but not totally unexpected—how Sehun almost rebuked him.

Junmyeon fears where this conversation is going. He gulps. "W-why?"

"Because I'll think that you trust him more than me. it, I am thinking that you trust him more. And it gets on my nerves." Sehun strikes and Junmyeon shuts up.

"And why do you care?" Junmyeon knows whatever he's doing right now should be the last thing on his list of the ‘leader duties’ that he should be doing but Sehun is feeling god knows what and basically he can't help it.

"I told you right?" Sehun laughs but Junmyeon could only feel the younger's hurt prying on his skin. "You'll be the last person to know."

"And why the ?" Junmyeon grits. He never swears. At least not in front of Sehun. But right now, more than being hurt, he is infuriated. No matter how close they get, each time Sehun pushes him away and he hates it so much. "I'm your hyung, I care for you. Am I not allowed to know if one of my members are struggling with something?"

"I didn't say that." Sehun bites back his anger.

"But you sure meant it. If you hate me so much why don't you switch rooms? You'd be better off without me." Junmyeon knows he crossed the line this time–he didn't mean to–but now that he did, he is only left with hurt.

Junmyeon hates how Sehun looked like he is about to cry. All too well, he knows the way Sehun is biting his lips hard enough to draw blood–he's trying to hold his tears. He knows how Sehun intentionally lets his hair fall over his face to hide his eyes. He knows the way Sehun is clenching his fists trying to hold on to something. And hates it more that he made him cry. Sehun is really better off without him. With him, they'll only get hurt more.

"F-fine." Sehun's voice quivered. "I'll ask Jongdae hyung to switch with me."

He stomps out of the room, banging the door shut. Junmyeon wanted to stop him, tell him to come back, but his voice is stuck in his throat. Junmyeon felt his own tears prickling his eyes, but somehow his tears never found their way down. Sehun always comes to him whenever he was feeling sad. Sehun didn't tell the reason of his outburst and Junmyeon never asked. Sehun only buried himself in the older's torso and cried to sleep. Junmyeon wonders if Sehun will come crying back to him. But he never comes. Junmyeon wonders if Sehun is crying over someone else's chest and he only feels hatred towards himself. How could he even think of Sehun coming back to him when he's the one to hurt him?

-----

Jongdae jumps in surprise as the youngest bursts through the door without any warning.

"Switch with me hyung." He throws, looking at Jongdae.

"What?" Minseok and Jongdae asks in unison.

"Please."

The two older boys exchanged glances and Jongdae nods. "Okay."

In a few minutes, Jongdae is going upstairs telling that he'll move his things tomorrow. And as soon as Jongdae is out of sight, Sehun locks the door and attacks Minseok with a hug. Minseok is surprised for few seconds then he's hugging back, patting the maknae's head.

Sehun cries, his tears soaking Minseok's pyjamas but the latter barely minds. He doesn't ask, and keeps on rubbing his back till Sehun was snoring on his chest, face smeared with drying tears and snot. Minseok takes up a towel, soaks it in warm water and wipes his face. Once he's done, he tucks them both under the sheets and closes his eyes. Whatever happened to Sehun, Minseok wonders, he hates it most when Sehun cries. Because Sehun doesn't cry when he's hurt, but he cries for the other person who he leaves behind. Sehun cries at himself because he hates what he did. And Minseok hates Sehun for hating himself.