TALK
UNTOUCHABLE (KRYBER)Katrien felt sleepy after dinner. Amber, Yuri, Tiffany, and Taeyeon took is as a sign that the party's over. However, Katrien had a slight tantrum attack and wouldn't allow Amber to go home yet. In the end, Yuri, Tiffany, and Taeyeon decided to wait outside while Amber waits for the kid to fall asleep in her arms.
"I'm sorry for bothering you so much tonight," said Krystal's mom, helping Amber tuck Katrien to bed.
"It's alright ma'am. I want to spend more time with her too. I don't know when I'll be able to see her again."
The older lady sighed. "It's gonna be hard for us tomorrow to explain why you won't be able to visit here for a while."
"It'll just take a few days. I'm sure she'll forget me eventually." That thought made Amber sad. She stood up from the bed. "I guess this is it. I should be going now, ma'am. Thank you for the nice dinner. Please extend my gratitude to Krystal as well."
"Uh, Amber?"
"Yes?"
"I know you never expect me to say this… but could you please say goodbye to Krystal too before you go?"
Amber noticed that the older lady looked serious. "M-ma'am..."
"It's just that she hasn't been herself since you confirmed that you'd come tonight. I don't know what's happening with her."
Amber looked down and exhaled. Deep inside she wants to talk to Krystal too, but she's afraid that it may break all her defenses, causing her more pain.
"Please, Amber?"
Amber couldn't understand why she can't say no to the woman. Maybe because that's what she really wants to happen. She finally nodded. "I will..."
"Thank you. She's in her room, in her old room. I told her to wait there for me while I you outside. I have a feeling that she doesn't want to see you go, like before."
"It's always as equally as hard for me, ma'am."
Krystal's mom smiled. "She never let Jihoon stay in that room. Whenever they visit here, they stay in the guest room instead. I don't know why. But maybe she's trying to preserve some of your memories there."
Amber felt her confidence building up a bit with what she heard. Even so, that didn't stop her from feeling nervous. "I should say my goodbyes to her now, ma'am. I don't want to keep the others waiting outside."
The older woman nodded. Amber left the room after that.
---
Amber has been staring at that familiar door to Krystal's room for two minutes now, her heart beating louder with each second passing by. She took another deep breath before finally getting the courage to knock three times.
"Come in..." said Krystal from the inside.
Amber's hand on the doorknob is trembling and sweaty. She turned it to open the door, stepped inside, and closed it.
Krystal turned around at the sound. "Mom, did they -- oh."
Amber slightly smiled after seeing Krystal's shocked face. But deep inside she felt sad too. They weren't like this before. Krystal usually run towards her in excitement and jumping onto her for a big hug. Not like this.
"Your mom asked me to say goodbye to you..." said Amber, trying to look calm as much as she could.
"S-she did?" Krystal looked more surprised. "I’m sorry. Dunno what's gotten into her."
"Me neither. Wish she could've been like that years ago."
Krystal folded her arms and looked away, smiling. Amber scratched her neck, smiling as well at their inside joke.
"So, how are you feeling now?" asked Krystal.
"Better. Thanks for the dinner by the way. It was awesome."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by here tonight."
They were both nodding at each other, silence and awkwardness starting to fill the room.
"I... uh... I haven't thanked you yet for what you did, Amber. Umm --"
"No need to thank me, Krys. It is my duty. I am always happy to help people. You… you know that, right?"
"Right," said Krystal, staring intently at Amber, her face unreadable. "Yeah, the same old Amber I knew..."
Amber pressed her lips together, trying her best to avoid Krystal's eyes.
Krystal looked like a lot is going on her mind. Whatever it is, she finally decided to walk towards Amber. She was about to touch Amber's arm but she hesitated. "Can I?" she asked, motioning her hand.
Amber nodded. Krystal held her arm and slightly squeeze it, a thing that she always does before. Amber started wondering now if Krystal does this gesture to Jihoon too.
"I wanted to make sure you're real…" said Krystal. "It's harder now than the last time I touched it…"
"Try running for about 10 kilometers while carrying Katie. I'm sure you'll develop muscles too."
Krystal eyed Amber for a moment and smiled. She let go of Amber's arm and stepped back away. "I don't know what you did to her, but that kid is so fond of you."
Amber smiled, remembering Katrien's sweetness. "You have an adorable daughter."
"Thank you. Yeah, she really is."
That reminded Amber of something. "Hey. I've been meaning to ask..."
"Hmm?"
"Why did you name her Katrien?"
"Oh. That. Umm." Krystal looked down and fiddled with her fingers. "Honestly, I don't know why. I guess I fell in love with the name. You were the one who came up with that, right? That was supposedly for our…" she trailed off.
"Right," said Amber right away, not wanting Krystal to finish her sentence. "Don't worry. I think the name suits Katie well. Thank you. It somehow made me feel special."
"Well, you are always special to me, Am. You know that."
Amber scoffed inside. She shook her head and shrugged.
"You don't believe me, do you?" asked Krystal.
"I used to, until I found out that you were married."
Krystal took a deep breath in and exhaled. "Amber..."
"No need to explain, Krys. I understand."
"No, you don't understand..."
"Krys, please," said Amber, looking at Krystal with sad eyes. "I don't know about you. But this, everything here, it's already hard for me to accept it. So, let's just keep it at that way. I don't know if I could take on another blow."
Getting confused, Krystal squinted her eyes. "Why are you talking like you're the only one in pain here? You don't think this is hard for me?"
"Oh, c'mon, Krys. Don't pretend that you're not happy with your life right now --"
"You're the one who left me, Amber. So, don't talk like you're the only victim here."
That triggered something inside Amber. "I left you because you said you liked him. What chance do I stand against that?"
"You had all the chance!" said Krystal, flailing her arms out. "You just decided to give up right away..."
"I was hurt, Krys! I was hurt!" retorted Amber, pointing at herself. "What do you expect me to react when you admitted you like him? Be happy?"
Krystal bit her lower lip and looked up the ceiling. "If we're just going to argue about this, then we shouldn’t be talking anymore." Krystal turned her back on Amber and walked away.
But it's too late for Amber to turn back now. The fire has already been ignited inside her. "You know that you're the only one that mattered to me. You're my only family. Do you really expect me to stay after what you've admitted?"
Krystal turned to Amber slightly. "Yes, Am. Yes..."
Amber couldn't react. She saw seriousness in Krystal's face.
Krystal sat down the bed, covering her face with her palms. "It was hard for me being far away from you for so long. Even so, I've fought for us. Every year is a battle for me. You just didn't realize it because you were too busy. As for me, I tried my best to understand you because that's how much I love you.
"What happened that night, or should I say a few days before that night, that was my moment of weakness, Amber. You know what happened to my dad. You know how lonely I was. I needed someone to be there for me. He was there and you weren't. Could you blame me for liking him?"
Amber didn't answer, but her eyes are starting to feel warm now. The pain she felt that night is coming back to her all over again.
"Look, I won't deny that it was my fault. I've hurt you, yes. And I regret it up to this day. You didn't deserve to be hurt like that. But after all that had happened, I just wish you were stronger, Am," said Krystal, looking at Amber, sadness evident all over her face. "Maybe you could've been a little stronger for me too, for us, like what I've done. But no, you just decided to give up like nothing mattered anymore… like I didn't matter at all..."
Amber stood on her spot, still speechless and guilty. Krystal is right. She gave up on them right away without a fight. But can anyone blame her? If the only person you have ever loved admitted that she's falling for someone else, would you still hold on? Wouldn't letting go of her be the best option?
"Don't you dare talk to me about pain like I've never felt it," said Krystal, her voice breaking. "You have no idea how much you broke me when I saw in the news that you're enlisted in the new batch of SAU trainees. It felt like you've thrown everything away that easily. Seven years down the drain just like that." Krystal inhaled and exhaled first before turning to Amber again. "Am I really that easy to let go and forget?"
"No. I did not forget you, Krys. Not even once."
"Then why did you leave me...? Why…?"
Amber couldn't control herself anymore when she saw Krystal bursting into tears. She finally took control of her limbs, walked over to Krystal and knelt in front of her.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Amber tried to hold Krystal's hands but the latter fought her, pounding her closed fists into Amber's chest and shoulders.
"Why did you leave me, Amber...? Why did you leave me...?" Krystal repeatedly asked, totally breaking down. All the pain she'd kept all these years inside her just flowed out.
Amber tried hugging Krystal who's fighting her attempt. But since she's stronger than Krystal, she caged the other woman in her arms. Krystal's arms were still pounding at her back but Amber stayed still, hugging Krystal like it's the last time she'll be able to do it.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." Amber kept on whispering.
There was one last weak pound on Amber's back until Krystal finally clutched the shirt with her fist. Amber felt her shoulders getting wet from Krystal's tears. She rubbed Krystal's back to comfort her.
They stayed still hugging each. Amber kept on saying her sorry until Krystal finally calmed down.
Krystal slowly pulled back, sniffing, her eyes puffy. "You know what I realized after our break up? That your love was never mine to keep. I know that you love me truly. But as much as I wanted to keep you beside me, your heart is still sailing away, wanting to save the world. I'm the only one who's holding you back from being SAU, right?"
"Krys..."
"Maybe things are really meant to be this way, Am. For the better. As much as I want us to go back to how we were before, I can't. We can't. You have your obligations. I have a husband and a daughter to take care of now."
Amber wiped the tears from Krystal's eyes with her thumb. "Do you love him?"
"I wouldn't have married him if I don't. Although it's different compared to what I still feel for you, he completes me at some point. And Katrien, she's the best thing that has ever happened to my life."
"That's... comforting to know..." said Amber, feeling hurt and happy at the same time. "Knowing what you feel is already enough for me. What matters to me is your happiness. As long as you're happy with your life, I'm at peace."
Krystal forced a smile. "Amber, can you promise me two things?"
"Anything."
"Could you please stop acting recklessly during operations? You're always giving me a heart attack."
Amber chuckled.
"It's not funny, Amber." Krystal looked serious. She ruffled Amber's hair affectionately, making Amber feel like nothing has changed between them. "Even though we are not together, but knowing that you're just somewhere around the globe, and that there's a chance for us to still meet one day, it puts me at ease. But if you keep being reckless in the field and something happened to you..." Krystal paused, swallowing a lump in , "...an Earth without you... that's... that's torture, Am..."
Amber saw the sincerity in Krystal's eyes. She nodded. "Okay. I promise, no more recklessness."
"You've got to keep your word. Otherwise, I'll kill you myself."
"I promise, Honey."
Krystal blushed. "I've to admit I missed hearing that."
Amber just smiled. "And what's the other one?"
It took Krystal few more seconds before she finally said, "Live a life for me, Amber."
Amber felt something inside her kicked in when she remembered what her dad told her before.
"...live a life for me, okay?"
"Jiwon told me a lot of things about you," continued Krystal, not having an idea what's running on Amber's mind. "She said you're working like a robot."
"How should I live my life then, I don't have anyone..."
"Exactly. You need to go out. Get new friends. Maybe a new girlfriend."
"Wow. Did you just ask me to find another girlfriend?"
Krystal sighed. "As much as I don't want the idea of you being in a relationship with another person, I think you need one, Amber. You need someone to take care of you."
"I don't know if that's possible right now, Krys --"
"I know, but at least try, okay?" asked Krystal, cupping Amber's cheek. "You're not a soldier robot. I missed seeing you alive like before. Your eyes are so empty right now."
"Yeah, Jiwon told me the same thing."
"Promise me, Amber."
Amber stared at Krystal's face, memorizing every inch of it. She knows it'll be a long time before she can see this woman again. Maybe never again. But right now, all she wanted to do is to savor this moment while it lasts.
"I promise."
"Thank you." With that, Krystal pulled Amber closer and kissed her forehead. After that, she hugged Amber to her chest. Amber's arms wrapped around Krystal's waist. "Can we stay like this for few more seconds? I missed you so much."
Amber nodded, tightening her hug. "Me too." She closed her eyes and let go of everything.
She knows it's just gonna take few seconds before it ends. Even so, Amber loved the feeling of being lost for a little while in this pure bliss of love and comfort.
Even just for a few seconds, she will cherish this for the rest of her life.
If this moment would mean the end of them, she would love it to end like this. This is a memory worth remembering and looking back to, a memory she can take with her anywhere.
Few more seconds.
Just a few more seconds.
It may not be too much but it'll be enough.
Amber opened her eyes when she heard Krystal sobbing again. She pulled back.
"Promise me you won't forget me, Am..."
Amber melted at that. She held both Krystal's hands. "I won't... I could never. I'm not sure how long I'll keep on feeling like this but I've come to the realization that there are some things that aren't really changing, some things that are untouchable, like you..."
Krystal couldn't say a word anymore. Her frame is shaking hard along with her sobs.
Amber cupped Krystal's face to make the woman look at her. "Hey. Remember this: even if I move on with my life, you'll always have a special place here in my heart. You're just here, untouched, unharmed, safe and sound. And I know that even if I find someone new to love, a part of me will always belong to you."
Krystal stared at Amber adoringly, tears kept on flowing down her face.
"Oh, Krys." Amber hugged Krystal again. She kissed the other woman's head several times. "In another life... maybe another dimension... if ever we meet again... I swear to you, I will never ever let go of you again..."
"I… I missed you... I've missed you so much..." Krystal managed to say in between her sobs.
Amber knew it is time to let go, otherwise she won't be able to hold herself back from kissing Krystal or taking her away from there. She pulled back. "I don't know when we'll be able to see each other again. But I hope fate will find a way for us to meet some time. In the meantime, I wish you a happy life."
Krystal just nodded, unable to speak anymore.
Amber kissed Krystal in the forehead one last time. After that, she stood up and left the room without looking back. She continued walking, her eyes blurry. She aimed for the front door and went out immediately, mentally saying goodbye to all her memories there.
Krystal's mom saw Amber went out. She checked Krystal's room, opening the door slowly. She found her daughter curled up on the bed, crying helplessly, reminding her of how Krystal was after the breakup.
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