Sana fell in love with Mina in the summer, it was easy, warm. She fell out of love in the winter. It was a lot harder to fall out of love with Mina, a lot colder. 

Sana remembered that day in the courtroom. It was snowing that day. She had worn a brand-new pantsuit, it hadn’t been worn since, it now lived in her closet collecting dust along side a framed photo from her wedding. She couldn’t bring herself to look at that stuff anymore.
Mina’s face held no emotion that day. Sana remembers looking over on the verge of tears for the faintest amount of comfort from Mina, but all Sana had seen was the face of a monster who felt nothing at all. It hurt, but Sana did her best to display the same facade. 

The actual courtroom time was limited. They had both seen their divorce coming, they had both prepared before. They both knew who was going to get what. Mina got most of it anyway, the stuff they had to contest in court really was too easy for Sana to give up. Also, Sana had spent the whole time on the verge of tears so it was easy to give Mina whatever she wanted. Sana knew her voice would crack if she spoke too much, and since they were both keeping up a front she didn’t want to be the first one to crack. 

Signing the divorce papers had been too easy really. Sana’s hands had shook, but she just thought of it as another boring legal form. She didn’t read it until afterwards. It didn’t feel real until afterwards. Her changed last name still didn’t feel quite right. 

Even in the courtroom where Sana was trying her best not to be swallowed by the monster of depression and anger she knew exactly why they were doing it. It had to be done really. Mina was more in love with her job than Sana and Sana was just so tired of it. She couldn’t do it anymore, every time they saw each other they fought. It wasn’t healthy. Their marriage had already been ruined. There was no fixing it by that point. 

The kids had been left with Momo for the day. Sana had Mina pick them up, too eager to go to her new home and soak her new pillow in tears. Mina still resented her for having to be the one to explain to the kids what they had just done to their family. 

They switched off who took care of the kids once a week. Sana would keep them for a week then take them to Mina’s on Sunday and Mina’s secretary would bring them back to Sana’s the next Sunday. The two quickly got used to having to constantly move their stuff. They didn’t live in Sana’s apartment or Mina’s house. They lived between it. 

Sana felt like a piece of every time one of the kids left something at Mina’s house and they couldn’t go get it, they would cry and cry and it was heartbreaking. Sana would usually cave and take the subway halfway across town to grab a stuffed dinosaur Saki can’t sleep without or Nico’s blankie. They couldn’t be expected to keep up with that stuff, they were six and four, but it was hard to remember every single detail every single week. 

When Sana was with Mina she didn’t have to work. Mina made more than enough for them to live comfortably so of course Sana had quit her safe job for Mina. It was so hard to find something after. She hadn’t worked in seven years and suddenly needed to make a lot to support herself and two kids, no one really wanted to hire her. Mina paid child support, but Sana never did anything with that money that wasn’t directly related to the kids. She would never even dream of using it for herself. Thankfully she found a job, even if the pay and conditions were at least she had a paycheck. 

Mina sent the kids to a fancy private school, gave them fancy clothes, fancy food, spoiled them so much Sana had to fight to undo everything Mina had done to their kids. When Saki would ask for something posh like caviar Sana would have to explain why caviar was not a normal food and that it was not something she should be asking for. 

When Nico would trow a fit because she wanted something and Sana wouldn’t buy it for her like Mina would, Sana would have to explain to her you can’t always get what you want. It was night and day for the kids, spoiled by Mina, structured by Sana. 

Mina worked more than Sana. They had different priorities, Sana’s number one was the kids and Mina’s was pleasing her parents. Sana could care less what her parents thought, divorcing Mina was the only option she had. All she could do now was work her off to support her daughters and make them feel loved. 

Sana had always been the better parent, Mina was always too focused on her work. They argued about it a lot, never in front of their kids, in their cold bedroom late at night. It was funny how their bedroom used to be a place where Sana would feel so much love for Mina, but as time went on it became a place where Sana felt so much pain from Mina.

Their divorce would never not be awkward. People felt scared to mention Mina to Sana and vice versa which was hard because they had a lot of mutual friends. The divorce was just hard on everyone. Especially the kids. They were young and change was hard. Saki started acting out a bit in class and Nico shut down. Nico became shyer than she had been before they spilt, almost like she was scared of adults. Saki got in trouble bimonthly until Mina pulled her out of class for a day and it stopped. Sana had no idea what Mina had said, but she hoped to god it didn’t teach Saki anything unhealthy. Mina was unhealthy in how she managed stress. Sana wanted to help her but Mina didn’t want her help and well what was Sana supposed to do. Somewhere along the way she just stopped caring. 

Mina was never a bad person. Sana never thought she was. She loved Mina. Mina was sweet, and cute. But her and Sana didn’t work out. It happened. It was all just a part of life. 

xx

“Mommy!” Nico giggled as she ran to Sana, her backpack bouncing as she ran. It had been a long week, every week the kids spent at Mina’s was hard for Sana, she hoped it was the same for Mina. 

“Hi baby!” Sana giggled and picked the child up, putting a kiss on Nico’s cheek. 

“Mama brought us today!” Nico smiled. 

“Oh really? Where is she?” Sana asked looking for her ex wife. Mina never brought the kids to the drop off point. It was always Mina’s secretary. Sana was always secretly thankful, it meant she never had to go through the pain of seeing Mina. 

“There!” Nico pointed when Mina came in with Saki. Saki ran to her and hugged Sana’s waist and Sana leaned down for a quick kiss to Saki’s head before addressing Mina. 

“Mina.” Sana tried to make her voice devoid of emotion. 

“Sana.” Mina greeted. “I just wanted to tell you personally that my parents will be in town at the end of this week and want to see the kids so I’ll pick them up on Friday so they can spend the weekend with their grandparents.” Mina’s tone was so formal. There was no love anymore, feelings were too dangerous a thing for one of them to display. 

“Great I get no say in this I presume?” “They very rarely come in town,” Mina argued. “Friday, here.” Mina practically ran out and Sana knew she was upset too. Mina was afraid of confrontation but she had trained herself to put up a brief front before becoming her cute shy self. Sana sighed and looked at the girls. 

“Do you to want to get some drinks while we are here?” Their meet up place was a coffee shop. They had decided it long ago, the coffee was good and halfway between where Sana and Mina lived. 

“Juice!” Saki looked up at Sana and smile.

“Juice!” Nico repeated with a smile. 

“Juice it is girls,” Sana giggled. Seeing Mina had messed with her a bit, especially when it was unexpected. She usually needed at least two days to prepare herself for the anguish of seeing Mina. It messed with her in ways she couldn’t even bring herself to admit. 

Sana spared one last look at the door before forcing a smile on her face and asking the girls what they wanted for dinner. 

xx

Nico sleeps with Sana frequently. Nico told her it’s because Mina doesn’t come home until super late and Nico wants her cuddles. Sana was almost angry at Mina when she found out a