“You are both the sun and moon, Kwon Eunbi,” the older girl was drawn into Sian’s eyes. The black orbs were like the night sky; it always had Eunbi’s interest.

“And that means?” Eunbi asked. Every second that passes without Sian’s reply only fuelled Eunbi’s curiosity. Sian answered with silence and a smile—not words. Unsatisfied, Eunbi cleared to ask again, “What do you mean by that?”

Sian stood up and leaned on the wall by the window so she could look at the sky. After admiring the beauty of the night sky, the younger girl turned to Eunbi, “You always consider your self as the moon; cold, alone, and in constant need of warmth. You always wanted to find your sun but have you ever thought that you might be someone else’s sun?” slowly getting Sian’s point, Eunbi nodded and let the younger girl continue,  “You were my sun, Eunbi—always have and always will. I was once a lost comet but on the day we bumped into each other, I got caught by your gravity and that’s when my real journey started. I was always here for you even though sometimes I would reach the farthest point of my orbit. To be honest, I am scared of what lies ahead. I am scared that you will melt all that is left of me until I just become one remnant in space. Maybe it is a good thing that we used to be distant; that way, I had the chance to cool my self down, collect more ice to protect me from your warmth. Now that I have reached my closest proximity to you, I try hard not to get drawn by your strong gravitational pull. I am doing everything in my power to not stray from my destined path. But you know what?” Sian paused and Eunbi gripped the sheets tight as she nervously bit her lower lip, “Sometimes comets just lose their self-control and let itself crash on other heavenly bodies. If I were to face that head on, I would not mind falling for you,” Sian looked at Eunbi and smiled. Her smile was filled with both sadness and happiness. Her eyes glimmered of grief and relief. To Sian, Eunbi was hope—her final chance at keeping her self sane.

Eunbi opened to speak but no words came out. At the same time, Sian turned to face the window and she let herself cry. No matter how many times she says she is okay—that whatever happens, she can manage to handle the pain—her eyes and heart just fails her. Tears keep on streaming down her face as she sobbed silently. 

The comet slowly approaches perihelion—the closest it has ever been to the sun.

The older girl was not good with words when it comes to Sian expressing her unrequited feelings. Eunbi decided to just approach the younger girl and hug her; it is the only thing that felt right as of this moment. As Eunbi’s warmth enveloped her body, Sian only cried more. She was motionless; slowly, she could feel herself falling. Little by little, the sun’s gravity is pulling her closer.

When they met, Sian knew that something has changed. She has bumped into many people before but it was only with Eunbi that she felt like she had to do something. Her body moved out of her will. It was only when the older girl scoffed at her that she realized what she has done. At that moment, Sian knew they were meant to meet. During that time, they were two broken people; Eunbi lost her parents while Sian witnessed her mother struggle with her life. Of all the people that Sian wanted to help, it was Eunbi whom she thought needed it the most and she did not stop until the latter let her.

Since that day, Sian only felt the warmth of having someone beside you other than your direct family. As they got closer, the force of attraction that Sian felt grew stronger. No one knows how hard it was for Sian to supress her feelings. She kept on telling herself that it was not true—that it was just an illusion due to their bond. As she embarked on her new journey, they started drifting away. As she started to travel the path she longed to walk on, the distance between them grew until they could not hear each other’s voices anymore.

As they drifted, the comet knew it was aphelion.

They lost contact. Sian waited and tried to get hold of Eunbi but she would always fail. She always hoped only to be disappointed at the end. She grew tired but like a comet, she believes that one day, she will see the sun again. A day will come where she and the sun would be close again. She continued to travel on her orbit until she finally found the light of her sun. She started to feel the warmth again. 

The comet has reached perihelion—the thick ice that covered her heart slowly melted away.

As much as she wanted to move on, she could not. Eunbi’s gravity kept on pulling her closer and she lets herself get attracted. It was as if it is inevitable. She wanted it—she sought warmth. Her heart was no longer frozen and at that moment, she knew that she found home. Sian knew what was coming if she let gravity get the best of her; but she did not mind.

Sian let herself fall despite of the impending consequences. She risked her life because just like the little firefly, she was attracted to the light. It shone so bright that she got blinded of the dangers that came with it. When she realized that she got too close, it was already too late. There is no turning back. The only thing left to do is for her to close her eyes and let the fire consume her.

There was no time. The flares of the sun were too strong. The comet started melting away. Every piece became specks of dust glittering in the galaxy.

Sian closed her eyes and let herself free. Eunbi’s arms kept her in place; for that, she was thankful. For the first time, she felt relieved—just that, no other emotions along with it. Her heavy heart started feeling light. As the ice started to melt, her heart got filled with tears that found their way out of her eyes. 

Starting to feel the warmth of her own heart again, realization struck Sian.

The ice that covered her heart—the shield that she thought was protection—was a wall. It kept her away from the solar system—from the world. The comet wandered off too far without company. She thought that the sun was her only saviour. With that belief, she only looked at the sun as she made her travel; and it was a huge mistake. As the solid ice turned into liquid water, she knew that this was finally it.

For the last time, she loved Eunbi. 

She still loves the other girl but not as much as she did before. Now, it is only the pure love to be given to a friend; not the love you would die for to be requited. Her heart went back to its normal pace. Sian realized that she stopped loving the other girl even before today. What she thought was love turned out to be remnants of her once warm love that went cold. When they were apart, she held on to that feeling like it was a precious promise. She held it dear; failing to see that it was not the same as it was before.

In an instant, Sian was free from the chains of unrequited love. She has escaped the illusion of false love. She can now breathe.

A few minutes have ticked but Eunbi is still hugging Sian and the latter has not moved a joint. Eunbi would be worried but she knows the younger girl needs this right now. After a few more minutes, Sian finally moved. The younger girl faced the older girl and hugged her. Eunbi was reminded of Chaeyeon and what happened last night. The older girl closed her eyes as the Sian’s breathe brushed on her ear as the younger girl tried to speak,
“Thank you for everything. You can let me go now,” Sian whispered and Eunbi noticed the change in her tone.

“What do you mean?”

“You can be happy as much as you want. I am no longer stuck with my hopelessness,” Sian hugged Eunbi tighter before continuing, “I am free, Eunbi. I only see you as a friend now. I was wrong when I thought my feelings still lived on. Apparently, I fell out of love long before I noticed. I was so caught up with the fantasy that I might still love you or if I could still have you. I only felt that way because I wanted to feel something. I can be fully happy for you now,” Eunbi does not know what to feel. She wonders how Sian could resolve her feelings that fast but as her brain slowly processed the younger girl’s words, she unconsciously smiled, “I’m happy for you,” she said as she rubbed the younger girl’s back.

When both of them have recovered, they tucked themselves in the sheets and slept. The following day, Sian felt different; and it was the good type of different. She woke up earlier then Eunbi. Before waking up the older girl, she stared at Eunbi’s features and smiled when she did not feel her heart race. She has finally reached the point where she has come to terms with her feelings.

 
Sian lightly tapped Eunbi’s arm, “Wake up, sunshine,” she said and Eunbi slowly opened her eyes. The older girl smiled, “Don’t stare too long. You might regret it,” Eunbi joked and Sian hit her arm before getting up, “I told you I am already over you and it’s been long overdue,” Sian laughed and Eunbi did the same. They fixed the sheets before going back to Sian’s house to prepare breakfast. When they prepared everything, they sat down to eat.

“You look happier,” Eunbi is proud of Sian. Not only is the younger girl rid of a burden but Eunbi feels lighter, too. Now, she does not have to hide her feelings. Both of them are free from their worries. 

“I do and it’s all thanks to you,” Sian smiled and Eunbi and the latter’s heart warmed up.

“You did that yourself. Don’t thank me,”

“No. If our conversation last night did not happen, I wouldn’t have realized that I am only living with the memory of my feelings for you,” 

“I think yesterday was one hell of a roller coaster ride,”

“You’re right. It was fun, though,”

“I agree,” they both laughed. The two continued to eat until they were full. They did the dishes together and did not miss the chance to play around. They are finally acting like normal best friends. Eunbi does not restrict herself anymore and Sian does not feel any regret nor jealousy. Their friendship was reborn; it became more comfortable and it was easily home.

When they were done, they sat at the living room and talked. They joked around a lot and Eunbi slowly remembered new fragments of her memories. These were the good times. Eunbi could now recall how much she and Sian would tell stories and laugh at silliest things. With her newly found memories, Eunbi started tearing up and the smile on Sian’s face slowly vanished, “What’s wrong?” the younger girl asked as she wiped the tears that escaped the older gi