Song: Moon Shadow (달그림자 가사)

        “My life is ruined.”

“What?!” The sound of Joy chewing her homemade cookies reverberated through the telephone cordline, almost choking in suspense. “I thought you said all you had was flu! Are you seriously ill or something?”

“No? I am having flu.”

“Then what is this about your life being over?! Irene, you’re scaring me!” Now Joy had stopped munching as her tone grew thick with worry.

Irene breathed out and recalled getting fed-up about the tragic changes in her life. “It’s just— a term of expression.”

Within less than a month, Irene had experienced the best of hell and heaven altogether. It that the nation’s love Sehun was wearing a mask all this while. No, what Irene merely uncovered was the unsullied one; the schemer was the raw and real him, or so she thought.

Irene was just plain unlucky and stupid to have stepped on a landmine. Now she had to live with being at Sehun’s mercy, as crude as that sounded.

“I think I get what you mean. You perfect attendance is spoiled now.” Joy convinced herself with a simplistic theory.

Irene didn’t bother to correct her for she did had a point. “Well. That too.”

“I still can’t believe you took one whole week off schedule! Because you usually wouldn’t even skip work even if the world was crumbling to ashes and dust. Everyone in Riveria was so surprised, even Baekhyun. He even consumed a plate of cucumbers because he mistook them for avocados. And for a fact Baekhyun can smell his hatred for cucumbers even miles away!”

Poor Baekhyun, Irene disputed. Nevertheless, she had been so brave about lashing out at Sehun— where did she even find the courage? Why did she even let her emotions rule over her head? Now she’d regretted her actions and opted to hide away.

“I thought it would be good to take some time off.” Irene let her head sink further into the pillow, embracing the velvety softness, “To rest and things like that. Maybe I’ll visit my parents in Busan too.”

“Woah, coming from you. I thought hulk never had a day of rest.” The background was filled with noises of laughters and Irene recognized the boisterous one belonging to Chanyeol and maybe Chen. Add Suho. “Tell your parents I said hi!”

“Please, hulk is human too okay?” Irene felt her mood being uplifted just a tiny bit with Joy’s humility.

“Fine. I rest my case. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“I will.” Irene muttered softly before moving on, “I’m… I’m also going to visit Hanbi tomorrow.”

Silence on the other line.

“....Ah right.” There were cracks in her statement as if approaching hesitantly, “Tomorrow is already December 8.”

“Yeah… it’s about time I visit her.”

It took a while for Joy to respond and when the surrounding grew quieter, Irene figured she had moved to another place out of consideration. “But will you be okay on your own? The last time—”

“Joy. I can manage.”

“Send her my regards… I’m sorry I can’t be there tomorrow, there’s a lot of work on my side.”

Irene smiled. “It’s fine. She’ll understand.”

“Just take care of yourself okay?”

“Thanks Joy.”

“Oh speaking of which, did you get back your sketchbook? I hope Oh Sehun landed it in the right locker though.”

“Sehun what?” The shift of topic, along with his name, caused Irene to bolt up straight and began to blink repeatedly.

“You left it lying around on the filming set. Geez, sometimes you work so hard that you turn muddle-headed, Irene.” Joy sighed knowingly, “What would you have done if I hadn’t found it?”

Irene was still confused. “Hold on. What is this insertion about Oh Sehun?”

“Right.” Joy revealed cheerily without realising her friend at the other end was in distress, “You see, I found it on the floor last night.”

Irene mentally chided herself.

Joy went on, “I assumed you dropped it and was about to return it to you but Director Hyun called me over for a short meeting so I kind of pass it to Sehun before leaving… I mean you looked kind of upset too after yesterday’s episode. Wait, did he not return it?”

“You did what?!” Irene’s voice unintentionally rose to the highest decibel.

“What’s wrong?” She gasped with a passion, “I knew it— he really did put it in the wrong locker after all!”

“That’s not it— never mind.” Irene pursed her lips and flopped dejectedly onto her soft pink quilts, “Now my life is really over.”

“You know what, Irene? I got to go. Chanyeol wants me to help him with his stupid hair dryer. Talk to you soon!”

It felt like a billion of ice cubes had fallen onto Irene that her face had lost all colours. 

The disconcerted truth had made two things clear to her: she had wronged Oh Sehun and was about to face his wrath when she returned to work though Irene was sure it would be ten-folds harsher. Irene only had herself to blame— once was a mistake but twice? Even she was only able to laugh in absurdity. 

Maybe she shouldn’t have thrown a fit. Then again, maybe Sehun shouldn’t have been so unreasonable! What was she supposed to rationally infer after he had been so mean to her for the past few days? Alas, the damage was done… 

For the rest of the day, Irene mopped around like a hopeless loser.
 

        Today was by far one of the coldest day ever.

Irene made sure to transfer her plants from her yard into the warmth of her small sheltered balcony. Some greens could barely survive in this harsh winter so she watered them sufficiently before settling the half-empty pot next to them, just enough to last them for a few more days. It would be better to make the necessary arrangements in case she really planned to leave for Busan. Maybe she could call Joy to stand-in during her week’s absence since the latter knew the passcode to her house.

Hearing lectures from her friend were a norm for Irene. Things like ‘why are you keeping so many plants!’ and ‘cats are a better companion’ played in her mind but there were many things that her heart of steel was afraid of. Living creatures were one of them.

The cuckoo clock on the wall showed 10:30AM— she was in good hands.

Irene ran a hand through her long hair before she wore the wooly beanie over her head, sending a spray of ebony tresses over her shoulder like a waterfall. A thick beige trenchcoat was draped over her body that trailed all the way to her stockings as she smoothed down her lace dress. She took her favourite pair of mittens that hung on the rack before opening the door, letting the light of the day illuminate.

Her Friday morning began with a bus ride to her destination. Irene was required to switch three buses along the way, each time she did so chattered in the prickly weather. 

It was pure relief that the transportations were installed with heaters. She plopped at the backseat and removed the scarf around her neck. The whole journey felt bumpy due to glacial roads. Irene peeked through the window condensed with precipitation that resembled shiny diamonds. The sky looked grayer than before and it looked like it rain was about to glitter soon.

Winter was a bit melancholic. Oh heavenly winds, clear away the gloomy clouds.

When the bus entered the highway, she knew she was close by seeing the mountains and a tall lighthouse, of those indicating the landmarks.

En route, a bouquet of lovely frangipani were clutched in her arms as Irene watched the first sign of drizzle.  One of her fingers instinctively glided against the glass pane following the nice rhythmic momentum of raindrop, staining the reflection with her print. Randomly, she would make shapes on the mist until her view turned transparent.

Outside of her window, there was someone riding his motorcycle. Her finger stopped sliding down the now-tepid glass.

Without realising, Irene kept her gaze on the stranger for a long time. She was captured in some sort of trance, and her heart swelled a bit, perhaps wondering if he felt cold in that thin leather jacket topped off with unexpected shower of downpour.

The stranger probably felt her presence because he spun sideways to face her. Irene knew it was rude to stare, but she didn’t break off the contact. She didn’t even notice how her finger that stuck on the window made the person feel as if she was pointing directly to him. Though she couldn’t make out his face behind the helmet, Irene settled with a foreign sense of…  tranquility in his eyes before he zoomed past her.

       

        Exhaling lightly, Irene checked on the little map she’d lazily scribbled in her phone. She recognized the bicycle rental shop, which was the cue for the bus to turn into a narrow alley.

Irene finally dropped off at a remote bus stop and was welcomed by a gush of breeze. Slowly, she began to trudge towards the place according to the address that was labelled in red.

It wasn’t her first time coming here, but certainly her first seeing the streets embraced by white frost. 

A lump formed in . It had been about two… maybe three years? She felt guilt-ridden for almost losing count.

She reminiscenced walking down this aisle; her stubborn head may have erased fragments of it but the way her steps naturally fell in place as if they had a sense of belonging, leaving footprints in the snow was a way of telling her she wasn’t hallucinating.

Upon weaving her path to the old building, Irene hugged the flowers tightly. She trudged into the columbarium and didn’t let out a complete breath until she reached the urn of her beloved friend, and even then, it took her a full five minutes before she let herself relax. 

But she was greeted with shock when she found out that her friend’s urn was missing and that the slot had been wiped completely empty.

“Excuse me. Where is the urn that used to be here?” Irene approached one of the workers who was dressed in a prim and proper suit.

The worker looked at her quizzically as he came over to examine the spot.

“My friend’s urn. Hanbyul.”  Irene explained urgently, “Son Hanbyul.”

“You didn’t know?” He asked, “The payment on this slot has been overdue for a few years now.”

“That’s impossible. I passed a downpayment to Principal Lee to settle the fees.”  A ball of scepticism grew in the lobe of her chest, which was later followed by betrayal.

“We didn’t receive any forms of payment. We tried to contact the guardian too,  but we haven’t been able to get in touch with her since then.” The employee spoke with such affirmation that Irene didn’t want to believe it.

“So… where is it now?” The muteness was briefly suspended, “Did you throw it away?”

“No, we kept it in the storage in the meantime.”

“How could you do that to my friend’s urn? Just because the rent couldn’t be paid, how can you simply evict her like that? Even when she has died you can’t let her rest in peace!” Irene said in so much aggravation and the corner of her eyes were already wet.

“I understand your grief, Miss.” The employee bowed in regret, “But still, we have to adhere to the company’s policy.”

“Okay,” She calmed herself down, “then how much do we owe you?”

“Twelve million won, Miss.”

Irene’s jaw dropped. “T-Twelve million won?”

“You’ll either have to pay or we won’t be able restore your friend’s urn.”

“Principal Lee should have given the money… There must be some sort of mistake, Sir.” 

It had to be. She had given a total of 15 million won and everything was gone overnight.

“No mistakes at all. We haven’t received any payment under the name of Son Hanbyul for the past years.”

Irene was upset and visibly alarmed to hear how much the debt had accumulated. It was beyond her financial means to raise such a huge lump sum within short notice.

The last time Irene felt this desperate was probably when she was in denial over her old friend’s sudden departure and wished for her to come back to life.

So the next thing she did was to get on her knees and lower her head earnestly. Irene clutched the hem of her dress in desperation and held the bouquet in her other hand; eggshell petals swaying each moment they were hit by the tears cascading down her cheek.

“Please, Sir…” She tried to neglect the constrict in her chest as she begged, her voice as broken as a hollow whisper, “can you take my friend out of the storage?”

The employee was taken aback by her sudden gesture and immediately protested, trying to get her up. Though he felt remorseful, he stuck firmly to his stand.

“Miss, please don’t do this. You’re putting me in a spot. As much as I want to help you, we still have to observe the rules.”

        As much as Irene wanted to linger around much longer, it had been hours. 

Disappointed for not being able to deliver her friend’s favourite flowers safely, she let out a small laughter of bitterness and hiccuped, unsure if it came from excessive sobbing or from the misery of not being able to pay her respects.

Irene let her arms flop limply to her sides. Some of the petals were withering and scattered to the ground, so sad to be abandoned by its owner.

Without using an umbrella, Irene let herself be unreservedly drenched from head to toe. Unruly hair smeared over her tinted face thanks to the rain and maybe beads of forsaken tears. Her wet garments made slushing noises and the dampness of the fabric that clung against her small figure attracted more biting cold. It was even worse now that the sun had set, leaving nothing but darkness and no affability.

Irene sat at the same rest stop for the whole night. She was usually exceptional at concealing her feelings, but contained a soft spot for her dear friend. People gave her incredulous stares, some of which were of curiosity and concern, mostly bewildered, but she paid no heed whilst being lost in thoughts. With the bouquet still in her shaky palms, Irene didn’t even realise she was shivering fervently.

“I got you some frangipani flowers, your favourite kind.”

She sniffled and dialed the number to contact the principal of their alma mater. Irene refused to believe that he had absconded with her money. She needed an explanation. 

Sorry, the number you have dialed is unavailable. 

The first time she tried, the line got cut. After that, it got transferred to a voicemail before it went dead.

“What should I do now, Hanbyul?”

As much as Irene wanted to sacrifice her entire allowance to restore her best friend’s urn, she had to brood over her own family too. She would be sinning for not sending her ailing parents some money, even more so when she was in the midst of saving up to bring them over to Seoul.

“I’m sorry, Hanbyul.” Irene gazed upon the sky, but there was nothing to see. “I’m a bad friend, aren’t I? It’s silly, I really wished you were here to tell me what to do.”

It had been a week of trials. First there was the problem with Sehun, now it was Hanbyul.

Dwelling in sadness wasn’t an emotion Irene was unfamiliar with. 

While love could leave a fond memory no one could steal, death left her an enormous heartache that no one could ever heal. Yet they both happened to the same person.

Irene revelled in conviction— she’d made it as a stuntwoman now. She achieved her childhood dream and got to do what she seeked for. Hanbi had always wanted to act. They’d promised to share the same stage one day once both of them achieved their goals. And maybe then exchange proud beams, bashful compliments, and a touching hug that occured in usual high school reunions.

But Hanbyul never got the chance to live her dream. Those monsters stole it from her.

Countless people once shamelessly said, w