When Jongdae wakes up, there’s eerily quiet in his mind compared to the chaos he fell asleep in. He can even hear two people talk a few feet away from him to his left.

“Are you his family?” a woman asks the other person. Jongdae can’t quite see them but there’s definitely two of them.

“Uuuuuh,” a man hesitates. “Yes, uhm, yes. He’s my brother.”

Jongdae frowns from where he’s lying in bed. He doesn’t have a brother. He may have spent 10 years in a mental hospital but his memories are not that far away and he knows he doesn’t have a brother.

“What’s his name?” the woman asks and the man hesitates once again. Jongdae turns his head so he can stare at the ceiling and close his eyes. He takes a deep breath before he decides to answer before the stranger that claims to be his brother ruins his own cover.

“Jongdae,” he says. “My name is Jongdae.”

Both the woman and the man turns to look at him. The woman steps closer, a stethoscope hanging around her neck and a clipboard in her hand. The man looks shaken, his hair a disarray in every direction and his eyes projecting concern.

“You’re awake,” the woman says and sends Jongdae a smile. “How are you feeling?”

Jongdae opens his eyes and looks at them. The voices have been reduced to a whisper, faint enough to easily ignore and he no longer hallucinates visually. It’s a relief, when he finally realizes that he’s done it, he’s survived another time.

“Better,” he says. He’s still exhausted, but the doctor nods. She’s satisfied with the answer, happy that the anti-psychotics have worked to reduce his psychosis. She may not know he’s a schizophrenic but Jongdae’s grateful she recognized his symptoms anyway.

When she leaves the room to tend to another patient, the man steps closer to Jongdae’s bed, clutching his jacket in his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he says and takes a deep breath. Jongdae tilts his head and looks at him quizzically. “I... I mean about … about saying that I’m your brother. I … panicked.”

Jongdae snorts a little and the man widens his eyes in surprise at the sound.

“It’s okay. My name’s Kim Jongdae. Thanks for ... you know.”

Jongdae gestures to the hospital bed and sends the stranger a kind smile. The man in front of him loosens up and his shoulders fall from the tense position they have been in for God knows how long. His eyes lighten up, just a little, the concern slowly fading away and a large smile spreads across his face, corners of his lips crawling upwards in genuine relief.

“I’m Park Chanyeol,” he says and sits down on the chair next to the bed. “It looked really scary, what happened to you?”

Jongdae debates for a second whether or not to tell Chanyeol the truth. He could lie and say he’s got a brain tumour and a month to live, but it wouldn’t feel right. He’s also too exhausted to really hide.

“Psychosis. I’m …” Jongdae hesitates before he continues. He goes back to the brain tumour lie, weighing pros and cons of admitting he’s mentally ill, but Chanyeol doesn’t seem like he’s judging. After all, Chanyeol just witnessed Jongdae go crazy and he treated him like an actual human instead of laughing at his struggle.

“I’m schizophrenic. My parents took away my medication and … look where that got me.”

He chuckles, hoping to make light of the situation but Chanyeol seems horrified.

“Why?” he asks in utter disbelief and Jongdae begins to regret telling Chanyeol about his disorder. He can’t avoid Chanyeol’s question, though, so he might as well just answer and get the judgment over with. If all goes wrong, he’ll be admitted again and maybe that won’t be the worst thing that could happen.

“I guess they want a normal family and having a son on meds to prevent him going insane isn’t exactly normal. So yay, I’m the crazy son who can’t do anything right.”

Chanyeol looks absolutely terrified when Jongdae stops talking.

“Are you going back home?” he asks after a brief moment of silence. Jongdae tilts his head and blinks a couple of times. He never really thought of that. He doesn’t want to go back home. His parents are undoubtedly going to fight again and it’ll be the same routine until he gets another psychosis, until he ends up in the hospital again and until he dies or kills someone in his psychosis. He shakes his head, movement restricted by the pillow but Chanyeol notices.

“Nah,” Jongdae says. “I’ll just … roam the streets for a few hours, maybe.”

Chanyeol stares at Jongdae before he, too, shakes his head.

“No, you’re not. I’m not letting you go back on the streets. You looked so frightened and how would you get your antipsychotics? Nope, I can’t let that happen. You’re coming with me.”

Jongdae stares back at Chanyeol when he finishes. What? the voices whisper in unison, echoing Jongdae’s own thoughts. Everything stands still while the wall clock ticks seconds away, letting everything sink over the two men in the room.

“I can’t go back with you,” he says in a whisper but Chanyeol shakes his head again and waves his hand to wave away Jongdae’s concern.

“Of course, you can. We’ll just tell Kyungsoo and Joonmyun you’re my friend sleeping over. It’ll be fine. And I will pay for your antipsychotics until your parents realize they’re wrong in taking them away from you. Have they even ever seen you psychotic? That was scary man. I’m not letting that happen to you again if I can prevent it.”

Jongdae doesn’t want to cry, he really doesn’t, so he quickly dries the tear that slips from his eye to his cheek in the pillow. When he looks at Chanyeol, he sends him a small, genuine smile.

“Thank you,” he says. Maybe strangers aren’t all horrible people.

Chanyeol is scarily tall. Jongdae didn’t notice when he was lying in bed but now that he stands beside the other man, he realizes that he’s a lot shorter. Jongdae would like to blame it on his disorder, just to make it fair, because Chanyeol being so tall really isn’t fair at all. Chanyeol just sends him a smile and lies to the pharmacist when he pays for the anti-psychotics the doctors have prescribed to Jongdae.

They head out, Jongdae wearing a hospital shirt and his own dirty jeans and Chanyeol guides him to his car. The city is alive even though it’s 4 in the morning and the car radio is quietly playing pop-hit after pop-hit. It’s been a while since Jongdae was able to listen to music like this but right now, in a stranger’s car, he enjoys it.

The apartment complex is mundane and boring and very ordinary but the elevator works and the light in the hallways don’t shimmer every third second. Jongdae tilts his head slightly as he reads the names on the door sign while Chanyeol fumbles with his keys.

Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo & Kim Joonmyun it says. He sends it a small smile when the door swings open and Chanyeol whisper-shouts his welcome. For a man that tries so hard to be quiet, he’s awfully loud. Jongdae apparently isn’t the only one that notices because the light turns on in a room to the left and a guy sticks his head out.

“What the Chanyeol, it’s ing 4 am. Go to … who’s that?” he says. His eyes are tired and he has pillow lines on his cheek.

“Uh, it’s my friend Jongdae. Go to sleep, we’ll talk later,” Chanyeol says and steers Jongdae from the hallway to the living room. The man follows them into the larger living room, though, and soon enough another man emerges too. He yawns and scratches the back of his head before he squints and glares at Chanyeol in the light.

“Why the are we awake right now?” he asks and blinks before his eyes settle back in a squint.

“Just go to bed,” Chanyeol says in a hurry and grabs both his friends on their shoulders and steers them back towards the hallway. Jongdae sits on the couch and watches them disappear before Chanyeol comes back to him with a blanket and a t-shirt that’s way too big. It’s better than nothing, though, and with the voices still silenced by the medicine he got at the hospital, Jongdae falls asleep quickly.

Sleeping on a stranger’s couch isn’t the most uncomfortable thing he’s ever done, but as Jongdae opens his eyes and is met with another pair staring back at him, it shocks him.

“Who are you?” the owner of the eyes asks as Jongdae does his best to lean back and catch his breath.

He sits up and looks at the man he recognizes as being the more irritated stranger Chanyeol ended up consoling to go to sleep when they came home at 4 AM.

Yeah, who are you, you loser. Coming over to someone’s else’s place uninvited. Jongdae shakes his head. He needs his meds.

“I’m, uh,” Jongdae starts, trying to wake up and combat the already bickering voices while under pressure from the annoyed person staring him down as if he robbed and murdered his entire family.

“Kyungsoo, leave him alone,” Chanyeol enters the room, which calms Jongdae slightly.

The shorter man stands his ground, waiting for an explanation.

“Whose are these?” another man’s voice calls from the kitchen. Chanyeol’s eyes go wide as he rushes into the other room.

Jongdae can overhear their conversation about the box of pills the roommate found on the dining table. The voices continue their berating of him in his mind, but he decides to be a man and stand up for himself by being honest.

“I think they’re mine. Can you bring them to me?” Jongdae commands, unsure if that is polite or not to do in a foreign home with two strangers, but he can’t bear having someone else be judged for his own issues. Even if it is just pills, they are his, and he needs them, because he’s a crazy person.

The young man shakes his head and stands up from the couch, making Kyungsoo take a step back. He starts walking around the living room, Chanyeol meets him halfway. The other roommate follows behind, watching the situation unfold, also looking inquisitive to understand what is going on.

“Thanks,” Jongdae says as he takes the box from his new friend. “I need these so I don’t go insane, is that alright?”

He speaks aloud to no one in particular, since there are so many spectators at this point.

“Psh, you must be crazy to hang out with Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo comments in mild tone, making the air a little less tense.

The three men start to focus less on Jongdae as he opens the box to get out his usual dosage. Chanyeol’s eyes open wider as if he remembers something.

“Oh yeah, Jongdae, these are my roommates. Kyungsoo,” he says, gesturing to the shorter one who is already leaving the room in favour of doing something else. “And Joonmyun,” he finishes, gesturing to the still silent guy who gives him a tense smile.

“I have to leave early today. Kick out your little friend and head on to work so your goofy doesn’t get chewed out again,” Kyungsoo lectures as he emerges from the hall with coffee in his right hand and multiple binders tucked into his left side.

“Nice to meet you Jongdae. But I agree. Chanyeol and I can drop you off, though,” Joonmyun offers politely before taking his turn of leaving and getting ready for work.

“Uh, actually.” Chanyeol starts thinking of how to beg his roommates to let Jongdae stay with them.

“We aren’t running a hostel. Especially not for the kinds of people you might be with,” Kyungsoo says, sipping his coffee while he struggles to leave before resolving this issue.

“Just for a little while, alright. He needs to just get back on his feet. He’s a good guy, right Jongdae, you’re a good guy?”

The voices in his head yell otherwise.

Jongdae wonders what is appropriate to do now after he has swallowed his pills dry. He doesn’t want to go back home, but if he isn’t welcome here, then he doesn’t want to be a burden. He opens his mouth to speak, but a voice from another room beats him to it.

“Chanyeol, you’re too soft. You’re like a kid with a stray puppy,” Joonmyun calls out as he returns, folding his tie through the loop and pulling it. The tallest one turns to meet his eyes, even stepping forward to help straighten it.

Kyungsoo eyes down Jongdae from the doorway. He a brow, waiting for Jongdae to speak up.

“Uh, I-”

“He’s a smart guy, he won’t be hard to live with. You guys will thank me once you realize how cool he is,” Chanyeol says, not exactly telling the truth, but rather saying the best he can to convince his roommates that letting a stranger stay in their apartment isn’t the worst idea in the world.

Kyungsoo lets out a scoff.

“Fine, but, don’t touch my stuff. Don’t go in my room. Don’t even breathe when walking past my room. If you even think about touching the knob on my bedroom door, I’ll blast your to North Korea,” he says while maintaining eye contact with Jongdae. He simply nods in reply.

With that, Kyungsoo leaves and the other two start to follow suit.

“Just relax, take a nap. There’s food in the fridge. We’ll be back in the afternoon. Don’t worry, you’re good dude,” Chanyeol tells Jongdae before leaving for work. Joonmyun has already walked out of the door but the tall man lingers behind to assure his new friend is at ease.

“Alright, thanks man. I really appreciate this,” Jongdae says, making Chanyeol give him a genuine smile. Jongdae does his best to reciprocate it, but struggles with the feeling of not knowing whether or not he truly belongs. Nonetheless, the taller man has a schedule to follow. He gives Jongdae a final goodbye before leaving the apartment.

Now I’m alone, Jongdae thinks. He blinks, then decides to retire to the couch for a while to think of a game plan.

A few minutes pass and the voices quiet down for a while. This makes him able to hear the subtle noise of cars driving down the road and people talking loudly on the street passing by the apartment block. Jongdae looks outside the window that is revealed once he has pulled back the beige curtains.

The unit he is in is only a few stories above the ground so the noises aren’t distracting, but rather comforting, even a bit refreshing. They are real noises coming from the real world made by real, normal people.

The young man watches outside for a while, taking in the fact that he is in a different stage of his life, whether he consents to it or not. His parents pulled him out of the hospital, and a random guy named Chanyeol pulled him out of a psychosis. He turns away from the window, leaving the curtains drawn to let in more sunlight so he won’t have to waste their electricity on the fluorescents being .

As he examines the room, he notices the coffee table is a bit cluttered.

I can just adjust this real quick, they won’t mind, or even notice, he thinks to himself, his body moving faster than his mind as he starts to pick up the random papers first. He collects them into a stack, making sure not to look at what’s written on them since they could contain personal or private matters. He goes on to collect the empty cups, sitting the papers down in a neat stack on the corner of the table.

Tidying the living room table gives him the idea to look in the kitchen. The dining table isn’t too messy, but someone did leave a cereal box sitting out. He contemplates looking at their cupboards to see where the box goes. Is this snooping? No, it can’t be. It’s just food. And if he does find something weird, he can pretend he never even saw it.

Hours pass and Jongdae has tidied every counter, table, and random mess in the kitchen, living room, bathroom and even contemplated organizing the hallway closet that they seem to toss random junk in. But that’s where he feels a bit intrusive. Touching their personal stuff is a bit much.

Yet, putting things away and seeing the difference it makes in the atmosphere in each room gives him a new sense of peace. Growing up he never really cleaned his own apartment, his mother always shooed him away telling him to study or go relax and at the hospital he barely had anything to clutter his room due to the strictness of what the residents were allowed to have.

But cleaning this apartment, especially when he feels like he is intruding, makes him a bit more relaxed. Like he isn’t freeloading completely. Jongdae doesn’t know how to properly clean much, but he can learn.

Jongdae is exhausted when the front door opens and Kyungsoo steps inside. He’s sitting on the couch again, waiting for the judgment of all the cleaning he has done and Kyungsoo stays eerily quiet.

“Hello?” Kyungsoo calls into the apartment and Jongdae curls up on the couch, socked feet resting at the edge. When their eyes meet, Kyungsoo tilts his head confused and squints a little at Jongdae.

“Did you clean?” he asks and Jongdae nods timidly. He didn’t mean to make them upset, but nobody in their right mind would be upset at someone cleaning, right? Then again, if he isn’t in his right mind, he can’t really expect the three strangers whose apartment he has cleaned to be either.

On the other hand, Jongdae really doesn’t expect them to be bad people. If that was the case, they wouldn’t have let him stay.

“Did you touch our rooms?” Kyungsoo asks with apprehension and Jongdae looks up surprised.

“No!” he says, shocked that the other man would even think that. Jongdae may be crazy and weird and he may need medication but he isn’t disrespectful of other people’s space. Jongdae is so used to not meddling in other people’s affairs that the thought of going through their bedrooms has him a little anxious. Kyungsoo sighs in relief and sends Jongdae a smile.

“Nice. It looks good. Did you clean the entire apartment?”

Jongdae bites his cheek for a few seconds before he lets his feet touch the floor again and he stands from the couch.

“Yeah, mostly. The kitchen, living room and bathroom. I didn’t want to go through the hallway closet. It seemed personal.”

Kyungsoo laughs a little and nods then before he enters his bedroom and puts his binders away. When he exits his bedroom and saunters into the kitchen he’s wearing a pair of glasses.

“Astigmatism,” he says offhandedly as an answer to Jongdae’s silent question and Jongdae snorts. Maybe the other man isn’t that bad.

They can hear Joonmyun and Chanyeol returning before the door opens. Their banter is loud in the hallway and it travels through the thin walls. It doesn’t seem to surprise Kyungsoo who’s sitting in the living room, snacking on a couple of grapes and Jongdae just watches curiously from his spot on the couch as the TV runs in the background.

“Shut up!” Chanyeol says excited the moment the front door opens and Joonmyun laughs out loud.

“I know! Isn’t that just my lucky day?” Joonmyun says and sheds his jacket. Chanyeol almost falls in his own sneakers and Jongdae fights to stop himself from laughing out loud.

“I don’t know if I would call it lucky to be caught in a food fight. The little ers are cruel when they fight like that and you still have broccoli stuck in your hair.”

Joonmyun reaches up to run a hand through his hair and fish out a piece of green vegetable and toss it to the floor. Kyungsoo coughs judgmentally from his place in the living room.

“Yeah, but Jiyeon was there and I made her laugh,” Joonmyun retorts. Chanyeol doesn’t get to say anything before Kyungsoo butts in.

“You s, Jongdae spent all day cleaning the apartment and you throw vegetables on the floor.”

It’s only then that Chanyeol and Joonmyun break out of their conversation and look towards Jongdae. Jongdae sends them a shrug and Chanyeol throws his bag to the floor, Kyungsoo’s earlier retort forgotten.

“You cleaned?” he asks as he flops onto the couch beside Jongdae. Jongdae nods and sends him a smile.

“I was bored.”

Chanyeol flashes him a bright smile and hugs him. It’s so unexpected it causes Jongdae to jump, but when Chanyeol lets go of him, he turns around to his other two roommates.

“Jongdae is officially a better friend than you two s,” he announces to the apartment and Jongdae falls back on the couch in laughter at the protests that come from the other two men.

The computer screen is showing a blank Google page. Chanyeol is rummaging in the kitchen, trying to find rubber gloves and cleaning products. Jongdae scratches the back of his head and puts his fingers on the keyboard.

“Do you know English?” he shouts towards Chanyeol, whose reply is a dull thump as he hits his head on a cupboard and lets out a few curse words. Jongdae takes that as a no.

Ever since he was found by Chanyeol a couple of weeks ago, he has stayed in their apartment. Taking his daily dose of antipsychotics helps silence the voices to a distant whisper that is easier to ignore and it makes being social easier. Being around Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Joonmyun also means that he’s forced into showering and brushing his teeth and it makes it easier to deal with days when his schizophrenia isn’t fully under his control.

Today Chanyeol has insisted on helping Jongdae clean. It has become Jongdae’s routine to clean while the other three are working and he likes it. He had protested when Chanyeol first told him that he didn’t have to clean. Jongdae likes cleaning. He doesn’t feel like a freeloader and he appreciates being valued. It makes him feel like a human, not a disease.

Jongdae looks up from the computer when a bucket hits the floor next to him and Chanyeol sinks onto the couch.

“So…” he says and looks at the blank Google page. “Found anything?”

Jongdae turns to look at Chanyeol with an eye roll but Chanyeol isn’t fazed at all. They are going to do things correctly today. Jongdae is supposed to look at Google for tips on how to clean, what materials to use and what to avoid. The apartment will shine when they’re done. Or that’s the plan at least. Chanyeol steals the computer from Jongdae and searches ‘cleaning tip’. The Google page fills with hits and Jongdae hums his approval. Chanyeol beams.

Epik High is blasting through the speakers as Jongdae stands on the couch, Chanyeol in front of him.

“Are you sure this is safe?” he asks and Chanyeol nods.

“Of course. Come on, jump on.”

Jongdae frowns sceptically but jumps on the couch a few times to prepare himself. With his hands on Chanyeol’s head he sets off and jumps high enough to wrap a leg over Chanyeol’s shoulder. He’s clutching hard at Chanyeol’s hair, one hand reaching down to grab his shirt. It takes a few seconds before he swings his other leg over Chanyeol’s shoulder and he sits snugly.

“This is the worst idea you’ve ever had. I’m supposed to be the crazy one!” Jongdae protests and clings to Chanyeol’s hair so he doesn’t fall down and hit his head.

“No, no, it’ll be fine!” Chanyeol says and stands, swaying with the added weight of Jongdae on his shoulders. Jongdae screams and almost chokes Chanyeol when he locks his hands in front of Chanyeol’s throat.

“, Jongdae!” Chanyeol sputters and Jongdae apologizes. Chanyeol moves towards the ceiling fan and Jongdae reaches up with the duster. This is going to end in a catastrophe. It’s a good thing Kyungsoo and Joonmyun aren’t at home.

Miraculously, neither of them end up getting hurt and when Chanyeol puts Jongdae down, the smaller man is breathless with laughter.

“That really is the worst idea you've ever gotten!” he says in between fits of laughter and Chanyeol lays down on the floor and agrees with him.

“What’s next?” Chanyeol asks a few minutes later and Jongdae sits up and reaches towards the computer.

“Bathroom duties,” he says and Chanyeol wrinkles his nose and replies with an ‘ew’. It only has Jongdae laughing harder.

Watching Chanyeol dressed in rubber boots and rubber gloves with a mask covering his face has Jongdae laughing again. He’s leaning against the edge of the sink and watching his new friend clean the toilet with a chemical he can’t pronounce. The name doesn’t matter much, though, because it’s Chanyeol that will be poisoned by the toilet fumes. Chanyeol sends him a glare and Jongdae just shrugs and reaches towards Chanyeol’s phone.

“Don’t you dare!” Chanyeol warns with the toilet brush in hand. He raises it and Jongdae dives to safety in front of the door.

“Get away from me. You’re so gross.”

Old toilet water is dripping from the brush to the floor and Chanyeol soon turns it back towards the toilet. He’s staring into the white porcelain bowl, debating whether or not the purple cleaner will stain the toilet and Jongdae stands in front of the door and snaps pictures.

“Who’s Baekhyun?” he asks when he goes through Chanyeol’s contacts to find someone to send the pictures to.

“A co-work… Kim Jongdae, don’t you dare send those photos!” Chanyeol says and turns around, toilet brush now lying in the toilet, resting against the porcelain sides.

“But Chanyeol,” Jongdae begs and widens his eyes so they become puppylike. He lets his lower lip shiver in pretend-sadness. “You have friends and you’re a teacher and your life is just so perfect and I only have you!”

Chanyeol glares at him as he steps closer with every intention of taking the phone back from Jongdae.

“Stop that, you know it doesn’t work on me,” he says but Jongdae continues, stepping away from Chanyeol so he’s always out of reach.

“Just one picture?” he questions. His back hits the closed door and Chanyeol steps closer. His wet hands reach out towards Jongdae and Jongdae ducks before he gets a handful of soapy water in his hair.

“Yah! Park Chanyeol!” he screams and Chanyeol laughs, loud and boisterous. Jongdae doesn’t think it’s that funny.

When Kyungsoo and Joonmyun returns in the afternoon the apartment isn’t shining as much as it was supposed to. Chanyeol and Jongdae, however, aren’t strangers to each other anymore. Jongdae had never imagined he would have a friend after he got his diagnosis but here he is, laughing genuinely beside Chanyeol and doing things he never dreamt of doing.

“You’re still a sore loser,” he tells Chanyeol in the evening when they lie on the living room floor and breaks their necks to root for Kyungsoo and Joonmyun who’s racing against each other on the xbox.

“Pfft, no way.”

Kyungsoo kicks Chanyeol’s side and Chanyeol glares at him.

“Okay, maybe a little bit of a sore loser but not that much.”

He grabs Kyungsoo foot to prevent him from kicking him again, outing his lie, but Jongdae knows. When Joonmyun kicks his thigh instead of Kyungsoo, Chanyeol just gives up and flops onto his stomach, rooting for neither of his friends to win the race.